


Centuries

by viii



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2018-02-26 08:33:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 104,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2645225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viii/pseuds/viii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know that soulmate fics are so overdone. Here's my attempt at it anyway - forgive me.

When Dwalin was forty-nine years old, his left wrist began to itch. 

It started off small, something that he only noticed when something brushed against his bare skin or on an especially hot day when the sweat from the sun would drip droplets down his wrist, pooling in his palm until he shook his hand like a dog. It wasn't a nuisance, it was something he barely acknowledged and for the majority of the year, it passed by uneventful.

By the time Dwalin was only weeks away from turning fifty, his wrist grew red hot and burned with a severity that would wake him in the night, cursing and clenching his wrist tightly against his chest. Refusing to show pain - nay, weakness - Dwalin would grit his teeth and close his eyes, dropping off into another restless fit of sleep.

And when Dwalin woke on the morning of his birthday, his wrist was cool to the touch and burned no more. Instead, in small tiny script that was black against his white skin, read the name of his One. 

_Kili._

Dwalin finally knew his One. 

Following tradition, he climbed from his bed and bound his wrist in black cloth, covering his Mark so not a single soul would have the privilege of knowing the name of his One. That information was his alone to savour. 

However, Dwalin was fifty years old and could not be bothered with the idea of his One. He had never been a dwarf that yearned to know his One, he did not wish years away so he could learn a name. Rather, it was a business that had never even crossed his mind until his wrist had become uncomfortable and it had affected his sparring. 

Dwalin had many years stretching ahead of him, he had plenty of time in the future to learn his One and spend many happy years with them. His time now was devoted to training and combat, and should he be so lucky - battle. 

He descended down the stairs and dutifully showed off his freshly bound wrist to his parents and older brother, Balin. He endured their praise and encouragement as he drank his milk and chewed his warm bread. They could speculate on his One all they pleased - he had a breakfast to finish and, more importantly, a life to lead. 

Anything regarding his One could wait until he was much, much older.

***

"Oh, what is this?" Thorin bellows at him from across the sparring grounds, aiming his sword at Dwalin's left arm - specifically his wrist. "I see your new addition, my friend."

"Leave off," Dwalin says, rolling his eyes. "I'm pretty sure I didn't give you any grief when _your_ Mark appeared."

Thorin laughs and sheaths his sword away. "No, you just tried to rip my binding off so you could read it," he says lightly. "You have always been too curious for your own good, Dwalin."

"It's not being nosey when you're my business," Dwalin protests, although he knows he's grasping at thin air here. 

As Thorin's third cousin, who is of royalty, Dwalin had been placed in his life at a young age. First to befriend him and later to be his confident and guard. They have become more like brothers than friends, and Dwalin knows he treats Thorin with less respect than he should. He does his best to never forget his actual place, though. 

"Well, I hope you meet your One soon," Thorin says, his own wrists bare and unbound. 

Thorin had received his Mark when he had turned fifty and Dwalin had only been twenty-four, hence the improper reaction. He would never behave like that now. It's all for naught though, Thorin's Mark had suddenly faded when he was sixty-three and in two days, it was completely gone, leaving his wrist as naked as it had been the day he was born. 

It is a rarity for a dwarf to lose their Mark. Such things only occurred when your One was lost from this world at a young age, such as a dwarf born still or lost due to sickness or disease. 

Dwalin had tried to be especially kind to Thorin after that, for losing your One is not easy, if he judged by the reactions around them. However, Thorin hadn't seemed overly bothered by it so eventually Dwalin wasn't either and they rarely mentioned it. It was almost like it had never happened, that Thorin had never been promised to One who would be Royal Consort. As if Thorin had been born _Markless_.

"I don't," Dwalin says, and then realizes perhaps he's being callous. Perhaps Thorin is upset after all and is jealous that he has lost his One and Dwalin has found his. "I mean, it can wait. I have much to do before that nonsense."

"I honestly can't fathom you with a One," Thorin says with a grin, his long dark hair tied back and he pulls his sword from its sheath, slicing it through the air and twisting his wrist and bringing it back down to his side. 

"Neither can I," Dwalin says honestly. "However, it's not important. It will be years before I meet him or her. I have other things to focus on currently."

"Your One should compliment your life, not define it," Thorin says quietly and at Dwalin's inquisitive look, he shrugs his shoulders. "My mother told me that once when I was younger. It's on my mind today, for obvious reasons."

"Sorry," Dwalin says, for he hates to make Thorin upset in any way. Thorin never speaks of his mother. "I can wear a long sleeved shirt, if that makes you feel better."

"No, my friend, but thank you," Thorin smiles at him. "I am pleased for you, genuinely so. Don't think you'll be allowed to leave me, though. Where would I be without you?"

"You would be fine," Dwalin says dryly before he adds seriously, "However, I am a King's warrior before anything else."

As much as he will tease Thorin and treat him like a brother, Thorin is his King. And, Mahal willing, he will bless Dwalin for his years of loyalty and service. Dwalin's place is beside Thorin, regardless of who his One is. He can only hope that Kili, whoever they are, is understanding and respects Dwalin's place in life. 

It will make the whole ordeal a lot easier to endure. 

Eventually, the blond cloth around his wrist becomes the same as his skin and Dwalin forgets to dwell on thoughts about his One. The matter is put to the back of his mind and he focuses on living his life. He learns how to fight, he learns how to kill, he learns how to be _strong_. 

They have lost much, but Dwalin knows deep rooted in his heart that victory is not included in that. Victory is yet within their grasp. Their time will come, if they are patient enough. 

For forty-two years, Dwalin forgets about his One until one day, rather unexpectedly, he can no longer.

***

"Mister Dwalin!"

A young voice is squeaking behind him. Normally, Dwalin would do his best to make a quick escape. As much as he is willing to acknowledge that dwarflings are blessings and something to be treasured, Dwalin has never adjusted to holding something so fragile in his hands and therefore, avoids it at all costs. 

Save for one, save for Fili. He is Thorin's sister-son who is barely five and is so tiny in Dwalin's grasp, the only dwarfling that isn't afraid of Dwalin's large, tattooed hands. 

He turns around and bows to the small figure before he grabs him around the waist and throws him up into the air, just to hear him shriek and giggle. Dwalin believes he will never tire of the sound. 

"Hello Fili," he says, lowering him back down to the ground and he raises a bushy eyebrow. "What are you doing, wandering around alone? You know your mum disapproves of that."

"She's busy, and I was bored," Fili says promptly and Dwalin can't stop his smirk for Fili has quite the knack for finding trouble. 

"Busy, you say? Come, young master," Dwalin turns him around and begins to steer him back towards the home of Dis and her husband. "I bet she's looking for you right now."

"She's _birthing_ ," Fili protests. 

Dwalin stops them in their tracks at that for if Dis is truly in the midst of childbirth, that is something that Fili doesn't need to be present for. Dwalin either, for that matter. He scoops Fili up and sets him up on a shoulder, turning back around to the way they had come from. 

"Let us find your Uncle," he says, knowing that Thorin will be deep in the forges, losing himself from reality like he is known to do from time to time. 

Fili chatters in his ear as they walk down the dusty road, telling him how he's excited for the new baby but he hopes he can keep his own bed because he doesn't want to share that. Dwalin smiles to himself and wonders if Balin ever had any apprehensions about Dwalin's own birth. 

Somehow, he doubts it. Balin has never seemed apprehensive regarding anything. He has always known what to do. 

When they enter the forge, the heat envelopes them and Fili squirms uncomfortably in his arms. Dwalin tightens his grip because as much as Fili likes to use his own two feet and explore, Dwalin loathes setting him free in the forge. There's too many possibilities of danger. He winds his way to the back where Thorin is sitting on a stool, chewing on a crust of bread but he smiles when he sees the pair. 

"Hello Fili," Thorin says, reaching for the young one and Dwalin passes him over. "What brings you to visit my forge today?"

"Mama's busy," Fili says, more interested in playing with a bead in one of Thorin's braids than what Dis is currently involved in. Dwalin is thankful for that, for childbirth can have devastating results. He knows the moment Thorin hears his sister is in labour, he will cease his work in the forge and make for her home to pace outside. 

"That does sound like her," Thorin says with a smile, brushing Fili's bright blond hair back. 

"Dis is in childbirth," Dwalin says quietly. "Or so Fili told me earlier."

Thorin shoots him a look before looking back at Fili, who appears quite unconcerned with the discussion over his head. "Is this true, Fili?" He asks gently. "Is your mother having the baby?"

"Yes," Fili says, finally looking up. "There are dams there and so I slipped away. They wanted me to sit on their _laps_."

Dwalin laughs at the disgust in the five year old's voice because he understands the revulsion at having to sit in a woman's lap at such a young age. 

"You can stick close to us," Thorin says, passing Fili back to Dwalin and he begins to close down his work for the day, just like Dwalin knew he would. "We will keep you safe from any dams who desire the cutest little dwarrow on their lap."

They head for Dis' home and Thorin sets up camp outside of it, folding himself down on the wooden porch. He bounces his right leg, revealing his worry. Dwalin chooses to stand, keeping Fili in his arms. 

"She will be fine," he says to Thorin, brushing his hand gently over Thorin's shoulder before he retreats. "She has done this before. And think, shortly you could have a niece."

"Mahal willing it will be a girl," Thorin says fervently. "A second babe at all is a blessing, and everyone knows that often only the firstborn is Marked. Imagine what we could do with a princess, Dwalin."

"Aye," Dwalin says because Thorin is right, there are many things they could do for the kingdom with a princess. "However, another nephew wouldn't be so bad, would it?"

"Of course not," Thorin smiles up at Fili, who has his head pillowed against Dwalin's furs and is sucking his thumb, even though Dis hates it when he does so. "Fili is a delight. We are blessed to have a second child at all. With a male, we can still make a strong Match. Marry him to a princess of the Iron Hills and join our families once more."

"He may be Marked," Dwalin cautions because he knows plenty of siblings who all have Marks. He isn't sure where Thorin has developed this theory of his, perhaps within his own family for only Dis kept her Mark. 

"He may," Thorin concedes before he brightens once more. "Regardless, I have great plans for this little one."

At the shriek that explodes from the house, Dwalin frowns and turns his body slightly, as if he can shield Fili from it. "Won't be long now," he says. 

The sun has gone down by the time the dams file out of the home, beaming wide smiles and they all bow and hug Thorin, congratulating him on the birth of his second heir. Dwalin moves away with a sleeping Fili, not wanting to wake him. 

"I will go in," Thorin says once the dams have left. "Wait a bit and then bring Fili in. He should be one of the firsts to meet his sibling."

"Of course," Dwalin says, nodding his head. 

He watches Thorin disappear inside and remembers the first time a Durin heir was born, how anxious Thorin had been the entire time. It had been a long day and a half of pacing outside, waiting for the news. Dwalin had joined him often, bringing him food and drink. And when Thorin had pulled him inside to meet his heir, a strong prince, Dwalin had never seen him happier. 

He gently shakes Fili awake and explains to him that the baby has arrived and it is time to go inside and meet his sibling. Fili, rubbing the last of sleep from his eyes, immediately lights up and he squirms to be let down. Dwalin lowers him to the ground and follows him inside. 

Fili runs straight to his parents' bedroom and clambers on to the bed beside Dis, throwing his tiny arms around her. Dwalin hovers in the doorway, uncertain of his welcome among Thorin and his family. He has lived his entire life protecting his family but in the end - he is not Thorin's actual brother. 

"Dwalin, come in," Thorin says, reaching for his arm and he pulls him inside the room and beside the bed. "It's a boy! I have another nephew!"

Fili is now sitting calmly beside Dis, holding the tiny bundle in his small arms. Pale sheets wrap around the smallest baby Dwalin has ever seen, a tuft of dark hair on his head and lips pursed in sleep. 

"Congratulations," he says first to Dis, and then to her husband, bowing to them both. "Congratulations, young master," he says, bowing to Fili and the new prince, to Thorin's heirs. 

"Thank you, Dwalin," Dis says, smiling tiredly up at him. "Another Durin for you to keep an eye on. Are you sure you're up to the challenge?"

Dwalin grins at her. "I think I can do it, although if this young one is anything like Fili, I may require assistance."

"Mister Dwalin!" Fili exclaims, squeezing the bundle so tightly the baby whimpers and Thorin hastens to help him loosen his grip. "This is my brother!"

"And a fine brother he is," Dwalin says, smiling down at the pair. 

"This is my baby brother, Kili," Fili says again, happily. 

The blood rushes to Dwalin's head as he continues to stare down at the pair in complete shock. A stone has formed in his gut, dragging it down, down, down until he feels like he is going to be sick. 

_Kili._

Whether it is his mind playing tricks on him, or the genuine truth, Dwalin wouldn't be able to say - all he knows is that his wrist suddenly flares, burning bright and hot as the baby blinks his eyes open and meets Dwalin's dumbfounded stare. 

Kili. 

Dwalin has finally met his One. 

Dwalin steals a look towards Thorin, who is gazing down at the baby with pure joy written all over his face. He glances over at Dis who is smiling contently at her husband. If anyone knew that Kili was Dwalin's One, they would react poorly, and rightly so. 

Nobody trusts Dwalin with anything precious. 

He is a warrior, a killer. His hands seek to maim and destroy. He can't be trusted with Kili, not now when he is so small. And when he is older... he is a prince, he is of the line of Durin. Thorin said himself that this spare heir would be used to the kingdom's advantage. 

Dwalin is certain that none of Thorin's grand plans for Kili would include Dwalin. 

"A fine name, for a fine prince," Dwalin says hoarsely before he bows to Thorin again. "Many congratulations, Thorin. I will leave you to your family."

"Of course," Thorin says, thankfully still distracted by the baby. He is too distracted to notice the fear in Dwalin's eyes and the sorrow twisting his mouth dour. One though, one who is not distracted, sees it all and the smile she gives Dwalin is a kind, but wary one. 

"Dwalin," she begins but Dwalin sees her face and knows she suspect something is not quite right, knows that his behavior is not quite normal. He can't bear for her to address it so he departs as quickly as he can. 

His time being so close to Thorin is over, as are his times with Fili. No longer will he waste hours with Fili, throwing him to the air or lifting him with one hand, just to hear him giggle. No longer will he share meals with Thorin and stay close by his side, as brothers. 

Dwalin must leave now, he must go away because he cannot bear to watch Kili grow up in a world where Dwalin isn't the most important thing to him.

***

"You're leaving?" Thorin raises his eyebrows and stares at Dwalin. Dwalin does his best not to fidget like a child under the accusatory stare. "Why would you leave?"

Dwalin shrugs and forces himself to keep his tone calm. "It's nothing personal. I have business to attend to in the Iron Hills and I've been putting it off. I'll return soon."

"Leaving me with Kili just being born! I have my hands full."

"You don't need me," Dwalin scoffs. "We both know you don't. You have work and your family to occupy your days. I don't do much for you these days, Thorin."

"Not so," Thorin shakes his head. "You are my nearest friend."

"Then trust me when I say I must leave," Dwalin says. "Not because of you, but because I really do have business I should attend to. I won't be long."

"See that you aren't," Thorin says and Dwalin knows the stern order is from his King, not his friend. 

Dwalin bows low and goes before he changes his mind, before he shows Thorin his Mark and swears to be worthy of a Prince. 

Dwalin goes because he knows that he never will be.

***

Dwalin doesn't mean to be gone for years. He had suspected that he would go for one, and return before two was up. However, life seldom goes the way he intends for it is over seven years before Dwalin finds himself back in Ered Luin. He goes first to the forges, knowing that he will have to appease Thorin for his absence but the forges are empty and cold - Thorin has not been there for awhile.

He makes his way to Dis next, reluctantly, and when she answers the door, he bows low to her. The surprised smile she bears does little to comfort his heart at being in such close proximity. 

"Dwalin," she says, stepping back so he may enter the home. "What a joy to finally lay eyes on you! I fear we all believed ill wind had befallen you."

"Nay, I have been just fine," Dwalin says, feeling marginally bad. He really should have written. Dwalin hates writing. "My business extended further than I had intended and in all honesty, I came to love the dwarves of the Iron Hills. Where is our King?"

"Thorin is off hunting," Dis says, moving towards the kitchen and he follows her into it. "Let me prepare a meal for you, you must be hungry."

"That would be good, thank you," Dwalin says, setting his large pack down by the door, leaning his axes up against the wall. He finally lowers his frame into a chair. "Where is Fili? And the younger one... forgive me, his name has escaped my mind."

"That surprises me little, considering you left the day he was born," Dis says, but there's no malice to her tone. "Fili and Kili are outside, most likely causing trouble, I am sure."

Kili.

How many times in the past seven years had he unbound his wrist and traced the letters stained deep in his skin? How often had Kili crossed his mind, how often had Dwalin laid awake thinking of him and the future?

How did he ever think he could return here?

"I'm sure," he says instead, because he remembers an impish Fili who used to be so small and fit on his shoulder. Now Fili will be twelve, half the height he will grow into as an adult. And Kili... what of Kili?

A clatter on the porch distracts him from his thoughts and then the front door is thrown open and two bodies tumble through it - one blond and bright, the other dark and mischievous. It is time then. It is time to pretend he cares little for his dwarfling who means nothing to him, save for the fact he is Thorin's sister-son. 

"Fili, Kili," Dis reprimands gently and they both halt, drawing up to their full heights and Dwalin has to hide a smile at how little they still are. 

Fili is the first to spot the belongings by the door and his little fingers reach out to touch the axes but he reins himself in and drops his hand, turning with an inquisitive look to where Dwalin is sitting. Of course, he will hardly remember Dwalin. Dwalin knows this, but it is still a sharp sting all the same. 

"Boys, this is Dwalin," Dis says. "You remember Dwalin from Uncle Thorin's stories? This is him, he has finally come home."

"Stories?" Dwalin raises an eyebrow and has to laugh at that. "I can only hope he's been doing me justice!"

"Oh, Mister Dwalin!" Fili exclaims excitedly, running over to him and he clambers up on to a chair beside Dwalin. "You're the best dwarf in the stories! You're _always_ killing people!"

Dwalin's heart turns as cold as ice within his chest. To Fili, it is an honour and a delight to know that Dwalin kills people, that Dwalin is a fierce warrior that will not hesitate to strike. To Dwalin, it is simply another reminder that he is not to be trusted, not with an heir of the line of Durin. 

"Aye, that's me," he says gruffly before he hears a clunk and turns to see Kili lying on the floor, one of the axes beside him. The knowledge that Kili could have been severely injured - on his watch, no less - is more than Dwalin can handle and the hot, fiery words spew out of him with no warning as he leaps to his feet. 

"By my beard, watch what you are doing! You could have chopped your head clean off! off with you, then! Get!"

Kili bursts into loud wails, fat tears dripping down his face in an instant and Dwalin huffs, grabbing the axes and he sets them out of reach, backing away from the crying dwarfling. 

"Oh my darling," Dis hurries forward, scooping him up into her arms and she cuddles him closely against her chest. "You're all right, my lad. No harm done."

"Boy should be taught not to touch what isn't his," Dwalin mutters. 

"Yes, thank you, that's enough," Dis says sharply. "I will decided what is right for my son, _your prince_ , to learn."

"Of course," Dwalin says, looking down at his boots. 

"Kili didn't mean to get into trouble," Fili pipes up. "It just happens."

"Isn't that the truth," Dis says, wiping Kili's tears away with the palm of her hand and she smiles down at him before turning a cool gaze to Dwalin. "It seems like my little Kili is destined for trouble."

Dwalin bows his head, unable to meet her eyes any longer. She had once suspected him and if he continues this sort of behaviour, she will know. He can't imagine any kind reaction from her. 

"Do you remember me, Fili?" He says instead, turning to the eldest of the pair and he gives him what he hopes is an encouraging smile. "Do you remember how we used to play together?"

Fili's light brows knit together in concentration before he nods his head. "Of course I do," he says happily. "You used to throw me in the air!"

Dwalin smiles down at him, pleased the small legacy he has with Fili. "That's right," he says, brushing his hand over the blond hair gently. "You were the best dwarfling I knew."

"I'm grown up now," Fili says, as if he has heard this line many times before, and Dwalin suspects he has. "Kili can be the best now!"

"Aye, Kili can be the best now," Dwalin agrees, and isn't that the crux of the problem right there.

***

He finds an apartment and slowly begins to settle in, spending his gold as slow as possible because he is loathed to work here. There is not much here for Dwalin in terms of skills and it signifies that he is here to stay. He won't be, though. He has come to speak with Thorin and once he has done so, he will be free to leave again.

Quiet pounding on his door makes him pause one afternoon, and when he swings the door open, he smiles to see Fili standing there. 

"Hello Fili," he says. 

Fili gives him a low bow, gracefully bounding back up. "Fili, at your service!" He says before nudging something behind him. 

Dwalin's smile dims as Kili steps up and bows so low that he nearly topples over and Fili has to catch him by the arm before he can do so. 

"Kili, at your service," he chirps with a broad smile at Dwalin. 

Dwalin gives him a tight smile in return and bows back at the pair of them. "What can I do for you lads today?"

"We've come to fetch you," Fili explains. "Uncle is home and he wants to see you."

If Thorin has sent his two young nephews to collect him, he can't be that angry, Dwalin reasons. He grabs his cloak and steps out of his home, shutting and locking the door behind himself. "Lead on, little masters," he says. 

He follows behind them, dragging his feet in order to let them stay ahead, trying to build a proper defence as to why he has been so many years. Thorin will be displeased, but perhaps he will also be happy enough to see Dwalin that his initial anger will fade? With these thoughts, he follows the boys inside their home, where Thorin is sitting at the kitchen table with his meal. 

"Uncle," Kili says brightly, clambering up on to Thorin's lap, a knee going in a most unfortunate place but Thorin only grimaces and helps Kili to sit properly, one arm curled around his waist. 

Dwalin bows and says, "Dwalin, at your service, my King."

"So, you've returned," Thorin says shortly and any hopes Dwalin has that Thorin will be glad to see him are gone. "Only five years longer than I had intended."

"Aye," Dwalin says, pulling out a chair and he sits down. "There was a lot of business to be done. I came back as soon as I could."

"I have heard different tales," Thorin says mildly, carving a chunk of meat with his knife and he holds it up to Kili's mouth to nibble at. "I heard you were quite popular over in the Iron Hills."

"I was," Dwalin says, refusing to be intimidated. "However, I have returned now and I will be setting up a forge, I suppose. Unless, of course, you have other plans for me."

Thorin gives him a stern look before he shakes his head. "Not at this precise moment. Don't become too comfortable though. I have grand plans ahead of us."

"Yes, you always have," Dwalin says, dropping his eyes to Kili. He studies the cheerful little face before he looks away. "What of your plans this time?"

"It will be some time but I plan to claim back Erebor," Thorin says fiercely, steadily meeting Dwalin's shocked gaze. "I know what you are thinking, but it can be done. And we are the dwarves to do it. We have much work to do."

Erebor? In hindsight, Dwalin probably should have seen this coming. Thorin suffers from obsession, just like his father and his grandfather before him did. However, Dwalin is the King's Warrior and it is his duty to protect Thorin - and his heirs - above all else. 

"Of course," he says, his gaze dropping to Kili once more and he swallows hard as he looks back up to Thorin. "Your wish is my command."

***

Thorin keeps him busy for the next forty odd years. The plans for Erebor continue to grow until it has consumed Thorin completely and it is all he can discuss. Oh, he still travels to the towns of men and works for them, but each time he returns he has a brighter, better idea for Erebor. His ego swells underneath all his grandeur and his smiles become less and less until soon, he is no longer Thorin Oakenshield, but he has truly become King Under the Mountain.

Dwalin travels as often has he can. He stays in Ered Luin when Thorin commands him to but it is never long until he leaves again. In becomes harder and harder to leave each time though - he is desperate to stay and watch Kili from a distance, watch him grow up into the dwarf Dwalin knows he is capable of being. 

However, it becomes harder and harder to stay - to stay where Kili acknowledges as nothing more than his uncle's friend, when Dwalin's traitorous heart cries out that he is so much more. He cannot run forever though. Kili's fiftieth dawns in the distance and soon, Dwalin knows he won't be able to hide any longer. Kili will look upon his face and know that Dwalin is his One, that Dwalin has been his One all along, and all the secrets will be laid bare. 

He runs while he can then, so for years he comes and goes, comes and goes, his heart never happy, never content.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

“If you don’t lie still, I am going to _thrash_ you.” The threat is whispered low into the air. 

Kili rolls his eyes and shifts on his bed again, unable to get comfortable. His wrist is burning hot, the skin prickly and itchy but no matter how hard he scratches it, there is no relief. Drops of blood drip on his sheets unnoticed.

"It hurts," he whimpers.

“It’s _supposed_ to hurt,” Fili says shortly, rolling over in his bed and he yanks the covers up higher around his shoulders. “It’s the middle of the night and I am tired. Go to sleep!”

"I can't," Kili insists, forgoing any illusion of sleeping. He pushes his covers back and climbs out of bed, padding across the wooden floor to crawl into Fili's bed.

"Absolutely not!" Fili groans, shoving at his shoulder but it’s half-hearted so Kili curls closer. "You're keeping me awake from across the room, do you really think I'm going to let you sleep in my bed?"

"I slept with you when you got your Mark and couldn't sleep," Kili says grouchily. "I didn't even complain, either. I brought you cool water and brushed your hair."

"Yes, well..." Fili pauses heavily for a moment before he nudges Kili off the bed. "Go get some water. That'll help."

Kili huffs out a sigh and leaves the room in just his under-garments, sorely hoping his mother and uncle have both gone to bed. He tip-toes down the staircase, slinking into the kitchen and he freezes when he sees a figure sitting hunched over the table, studying papers and maps.

Kili pauses in the doorway, wondering if it's possible to get close to the sink for a glass of water before his uncle is drawn out of his concentration and notices him. He's still pondering, shifting his weight back and forth, when a creak in the floorboards notifies his uncle that he's no longer alone and he turns in his chair, his frown deepening when his eyes settle on Kili.

"Kili," he says flatly. "What are you doing up?"

"I wanted a glass of water," Kili says, his right hand absently moving to scratch at his wrist again. Mahal, it _burns_.

Thorin, who has always been perceptive, notices the movement and shoves his chair back, striding over to Kili. Kili tries to jump back but Thorin grasps his forearm and drags him further into the light.

"You're bleeding," he says.

"Oh." Kili looks down at his left wrist that is a bright red, droplets of blood smeared on his skin. "It's itchy."

"Your Mark is coming in, then," Thorin says with a frown.

Kili, who never really knows how to handle Thorin and Marks because Thorin lost his years ago, nods his head. "That's what Fili and I think. It's been hurting for awhile."

"Well, it's no wonder," Thorin says, dropping Kili's arm and he nods his head towards the sink. "Your birthday is next week. Count yourself blessed, some dwarves suffer for an entire year."

Kili is momentarily thankful that he’s been spared such an ordeal but then his wrist flares hot again and he cradles it against his chest once more. “Once I turn fifty, it will stop, won’t it?”

"It should," Thorin says. "From what I can remember, it will cool almost immediately once the name appears."

"I wish it would hurry up," Kili grumbles. "It really hurts."

"You're not afraid, are you?" Thorin asks gently and it's more his tone that has Kili responding because Thorin is rarely so openly kind to him.

"A little," he admits honestly. "What if I don't like my One? I mean, I'm sure I will, because they always say there is a certain draw there, but what if they don't like me? I know... I'm not much to look at, and I'm rubbish with a sword - "

"Kili," Thorin says, so cutting that Kili shuts his mouth with a click, his teeth sharply sore.

"Uncle," he says, helplessly, because he's just repeating everything he's been told all his life, some of it even from Thorin.

"You're a prince of Erebor," Thorin says, moving to fetch a glass from the cupboard and he fills it with water, passing it to Kili who accepts it gratefully. "You're a fine dwarf, and there's no shame in your bow. You excel greatly at it."

Kili wants to argue about the fit Thorin had thrown when Kili had first picked up the bow but he wisely remains silent on that. There's no need to interrupt Thorin's sudden kindness.

"Thank you," he says instead, taking another sip of the water before he gives in and dips two fingers in to get them wet and then he smears the cool liquid over his wrist. 

Rather than aid, it burns fiercer, as if angry that Kili is trying to will the coming Mark away. He grits his teeth and drops his glass, shattering it on the floor. He clamps a hand around his wrist and sucks a jagged breath in. "I'm sorry," he grounds out because he is ashamed to display such weakness in front of Thorin. He wishes it was Fili, or even his mother, standing in front of him right now. 

They would be far less judgemental.

Thorin sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"I'll clean it up," Kili says quickly, but Thorin extends an arm and stops him.

"No, I will see to the mess," he says. "Go back to bed, Kili. Recite your lessons in your mind and that should help distract you from the pain. You're doing well."

"Thank you, Uncle," Kili says before he takes the retreat Thorin has offered and hastens back up the stairs to the bedroom he shares with Fili. He crawls right back into Fili's bed and this time, Fili doesn't fight him. He shares his blankets and strokes Kili's wrist until he finally manages to drop off to sleep.

***

It's the dawn of his birthday and for the first time in weeks, Kili has woken up pain free.

He stares up at the thatched ceiling, keeping his wrists firmly tucked under the sheets. He wants to look, he's so curious as to the name (is it male? is it female? is it someone he _knows_?) but he wants to extend the suspense just a little bit longer. He also wants to savour his wrist feeling normal once more.

Fili sits up in his bed and looks across the room to Kili, raising his eyebrows. "You haven't looked yet?"

Kili shakes his head. A part of him is tempted to ask his brother to look for him, but their Marks are the only secret they have between them. Fili has never revealed his Mark to Kili and Kili has never had the courage to ask.

"Okay, take your time," Fili says. He dresses and then reaches into his dresser to pull out a black cloth. He smiles as he lays it beside Kili and says, "I'm going to go down for breakfast, I think I can smell honey cakes."

Honey cakes are a weakness of Kili's.

The moment Fili has shut the door and Kili hears him clatter down the stairs, he pushes the covers back and draws his left arm out. He doesn't look down, instead he skims his fingers over the skin gently. It is still burns warm, but not an uncomfortable degree. It is smooth to the touch, Kili cannot even sense there are letters in his skin.

Growing up, all his life he has seen male and female dwarves with black, bound wrists, hidden smiles tugging at their lips. They are part of a society he is not privy to. He has heard countless stories of Marks and love, of delight and joy. It is not meant to be a thing of fear, and he has never heard anyone else express fear over their Mark - not even Fili, who had received his only five years ago, had.

Marks are something he has heard all his life but now, it finally applies to his own life, and if that isn't a little frightful.

Taking a deep breath to prepare himself, Kili turns his wrist up and looks down at the dark ink that is forever imbedded in his skin, the ink that will bind him to a single dwarf for the rest of his life.

His heart stops in his chest and the blood rushes so quickly from his head, leaving him gasping and dizzy, staring down at a name he was not prepared to see at all.

_Dwalin_.

***

Despite his previous words about Kili taking his time, Fili is eventually sent upstairs by their mother to bring Kili downstairs. When he reaches their room, Kili is curled up on his bed with his back to the door.

Kili doesn't speak as Fili sits gently down on the bed beside him and reaches out to lay a warm hand against Kili's shoulder. Kili flinches at the touch and moves away. 

“Is everything okay?” Fili asks and it’s rather needlessly in Kili’s opinion because surely his older brother can tell that everything is really not okay, not in the slightest. 

"Yes," he says instead, because you don't talk about your Mark, ever. Regardless how devastating it is. "I'm just not hungry."

"Mum made you honey cakes, though," Fili says, as if honey cakes can solve the problem that Dwalin, his uncle’s best friend, is his One.

“You can eat mine,” Kili says, wondering if Dwalin knows how to make honey cakes, or if Kili will be expected to do all the cooking.

Kili will probably have to be the wife, and he doesn't want to be the wife! He wants to go into battle and – he will never have children. He is not fortunate enough for his One to be female. He had known that would always be a possibility, given the small amount of female dwarves, but he had not expected somebody so old, so known to him.

“Is it bad?”

“It's awful,” Kili bursts out, the black cloth bound so tightly around his wrist than his left hand feels a bit numb and he's pretty sure it shouldn't be quite so purple. He knows he shouldn't be talking about his One with Fili, it's private information that is his alone to savour but what if Kili doesn't want to savour it?

The knowledge of his One makes him sick.

“I’m sorry, Keels,” Fili says sympathetically. “It can’t be _that_ bad, though. Mahal would never do that to you.”

“I would not count on it,” Kili says grimly, rolling over on to his back so he can peer up at his brother. “If you knew, you would know just how awful it is.”

Fili frowns, sucking his bottom lip behind his teeth before he says hesitantly, “Is it Uncle?”

Kili’s jaw drops in surprise but he swiftly recovers and scowls at Fili. “What kind of question is that? Try not to disgust me, I already feel ill.”

“If it’s not Uncle, and it’s obviously not me – ” Fili lifts up his own bound wrist. “ – then how bad can it truly be? Anything else can be overcome, in time.”

“Get out,” Kili says because he wants to mourn the loss of a proper One in peace. He doesn't need Fili attempting to make him feel better. “I'll come down later.”

“Fine, but Mum is worried. Don't be surprised if she comes up,” Fili says before adding, “And you can't stay in bed all day. We're supposed to spar with Dwalin today.”

Kili closes his eyes and wishes himself dead.

***

By the time he has dragged himself out of bed, forced himself to eat, and is following Fili towards the training grounds, he is feeling no better about himself or his One.

Kili was not even born when Dwalin received his Mark, so for years he must have wondered who this Kili was. He racks his brain, trying to analyze Dwalin's behaviour with him over his lifetime. Dwalin must know that he is Kili's One – will he say something, now that Kili is of legal age? Or will he go around him and go to Thorin, given than Kili is of royal blood?

How could Dwalin have _never_ said anything?

His head aches from all the information that is racing through it and he's still not prepared to face Dwalin. Now they both know the truth.

Kili stops where he's walking and shakes his head. “Fili, I don't feel well. You go on without me.”

Fili stops and turns, frowning. “It's your birthday though, and you love sparring.”

“I'm just... not well,” Kili says, beginning to back away. “Tell Dwalin that I'm sorry, okay?”

Without waiting for an answer, he turns and runs back home, slamming the front door behind himself and he thunders up the stairs to crawl back into his bed. He is not prepared to deal with this, and he has nobody he can talk to. Kili, who has never had to keep a secret in his life, feels incredibly isolated.

The tears come before he realizes that they do, dampening his pillow but he can't even find it in himself to care. He's fifty years old – he can do what he pleases, even if that means leaving. It's the only choice he has. He can't bear to stay and have the most awkward conversation with Dwalin. How can he tell Dwalin he is not interested in being his One because he is deathly afraid of Dwalin, who is a renowned warrior and killer?

Dwalin would probably kill him.

Perhaps Thorin can send him away, send him on some sort of mission. It will be hard leaving Fili, because he has never slept without Fili before, but it's time he's grown up. Fili knows who his One is, and given that he has never seemed distressed over it, Kili can only assume that his brother will soon be setting up a home with someone else, someone that isn't Kili.

He would probably not even miss him.

“You're being emotional,” he tells himself sternly, pulling the covers higher up over his form and he exhales in a rush. “You're fifty. Crying is for dwarflings.”

There's a sharp rap on his door before it's pushed open and Thorin walks in. Kili wishes his bedding would swallow him whole.

“Uncle,” he says evenly, hoping that his face isn't too red and it isn't completely obvious that he's been crying. “I'm glad it's you. I have something to ask you.”

“Are you all right?” Thorin frowns at him. “You should be with Dwalin.”

The innocent statement startles a laugh out of Kili, and then he just wants to weep again. He doesn't want to be with Dwalin. Why couldn't he have been fortunate and been born Markless? He knows dwarves that are born without a Mark are often pitied but now, in the light of everything, Kili feels a deep envy for them. They don't know how fortunate they truly are.

“I'm fine,” he says quickly, after seeing Thorin's frown deepen. “However, I was wondering if you could send me on a mission.”

Thorin blinks, visibly startled. “I'm sorry, but what?”

“A mission,” Kili repeats. “Nothing too big, I know that is out of my reach but I could start small. Say, a hunting party. We both know my skill with the bow is worthy of such a trip.”

Thorin stares at him in silence for so long that Kili is tempted to squirm, like he did when he was young. However, he is mature now, and refuses to let Thorin intimidate him.

“A hunting party,” Thorin says flatly. “You want to go hunting, when you've cried over a mouse under my boot.”

Kili glares at him. “You stepped on him! It was cruel.”

“It was a mouse!”

“Regardless,” Kili says, refusing to be side-tracked. “I am now fifty and I don't want to remain at home as a child. I want to explore the world, and I will do so – with or without your permission!”

Thorin raises his eyebrows at that and Kili drops his gaze. Okay, the last line had probably been a bit too much.

“You test my patience daily, do you know this?”

Kili nods his head because he imagines it is the truth and Thorin isn't exaggerating. It's also not the first time he has heard such a sentiment.

“You'd think you would readily agree to send me off, then,” he says quietly. “You would no longer be burdened with me.”

“Kili, I will be burdened with you until the end of my days,” Thorin says with a heavy sigh before he comes and sits down on the foot of Kili's bed. “What is this truly about?”

“I just want to leave,” Kili says, refusing to meet his uncle's gaze.

“Does it have something to do with why you are losing circulation to your hand?” Thorin asks, reaching for Kili's arm.

Kili forces himself not to flinch and allows Thorin to take his arm. Thorin unwinds the cloth, although he keeps the Mark covered. He binds his wrist again, gently, and the blood begins to slowly flow back into Kili's hand. He wiggles his fingers and realizes how much more comfortable it is like this. And if he's comfortable, and if Thorin grants him leave, perhaps he can just forget about this One business altogether.

“I'm not ready to be mated off,” Kili says, swallowing hard. “I still have goals I want to accomplish – _alone_."

“Kili, nobody is going to mate you off. You're only fifty!”

“But...” Kili pauses, knowing that he is treading on thin ice and must proceed with caution. “What if I recognize the name of my One? Surely, I should... say something to them.”

Thorin's face narrows in concentration and Kili immediately regrets speaking. Before he can say anything else though, his uncle is already speaking. “Even if your One was your closest friend, you are fifty, Kili. You will not be mated for decades. There is a proper procedure for this, there must be a courtship.”

Kili frowns because he doesn't wish to be courted, at all. “Does this mean I can go hunting?”

“Perhaps, I will think on it,” Thorin says, which is more than Kili expected to have. “However, you should be training today.”

“I'm not well,” Kili says, burrowing further into bed. “I didn't even eat honey cakes.”

“You must be unwell,” Thorin says, a smile twitching his lips. “I will leave you to rest then.”

***

Kili manages to put off the inevitable for another week until suddenly, with no warning, he's following Fili into their home and Thorin and Dwalin are sitting at the table while their mother prepares dinner. Both older dwarves glance up at their arrival and as Kili's gaze meets Dwalin's, his Mark suddenly burns with a fierceness that robs the breath from his lungs.

“Kili, are you okay?” Fili turns to him, concern etched into his features and he draws Kili closer to the table, where the candles burn brightly.

“I'm fine,” Kili says once he has managed to calm himself. He steadfastly ignores Dwalin's presence and gives his brother a small smile, to ease his worry. “It was a growing pain, nothing more.”

“I wish you would stop getting those,” Fili says crossly. “It's not right for you to be taller than me.”

“I'm also more handsome,” Kili says lightly, stepping away from the table, fighting to keep his composure. 

Fili and his mother are both perceptive. If he gives any inkling that his (non-existent) relationship with Dwalin has changed, they will suspect and begin to wonder. And given how clever they both are, Kili knows they would figure it out in no time at all.

That's all he wants – time.

He needs time to figure out how he feels about this, he needs time to reconcile himself to the fact that his life is no longer his own, rather he shares it with Dwalin, whether they're bonded or not. As of now, they are both aware of their bond and there is nothing to change that – not even time.

It's infuriating.

“You are not more handsome,” Fili's protests break through his dreary thoughts. " _You_ don't even have a beard.”

It's a low blow, and Fili knows it. Kili whips around and scowls at his brother, his hand scrabbling on the cupboard beside him to find something to pitch at Fili's fat head. “Take it back!” He demands, fingers finally curling around a stray potato and he lobs it with all his might.

Fili ducks but it hits his shoulder anyway and he muffles a swear. Kili grins brightly as their mother whirls around from the sink.

“Fili!” She says sharply and Fili instantly looks chastised.

Kili smirks and hurries up the stairs to their bedroom before their mother can turn her attention on to him. He washes in their basin, the water warm from sitting in the sun's path. He splashes his face, scrubbing his neck and hairless chin, cleaning under his fingernails before dries his face and changes into clean clothes. He's still shirtless when Fili stomps into the room, giving him a dirty look before he washes himself clean. Kili only grins harder.

“What are you so angry about?” He asks cheerfully, pulling a navy tunic over his head and he brushes his hair out of his eyes absently. Distantly, his heart pounds quietly in his chest, calling for him to return to the kitchen. Kili ignores it.

“Mum wants us both downstairs for dinner,” Fili says, changing into clean clothes of his own.

Kili pauses. He had done well enough before, but he can't sit down and eat a meal with Dwalin. He throws himself down on to his bed and hugs his pillows.

“I'm not well,” he says. “Bring me up food when you're finished?”

Fili frowns and shrugs his shoulders. “If I can,” he says, heading for the door. “I bet Dwalin will eat all of it, though. With no one to cook for him, you know he loves it when Mum lets him stay.”

Kili suddenly does feel truly unwell. Dwalin has no one at home and hearth to care for him, to ensure he is fed and loved. Because Kili is here, sharing a room with his brother, living under the roof of his mother. But soon, Kili will be expected to leave the only home he has ever known and dwell under a new roof with a dwarf that he can't ever possibly hope to not fear, let alone love.

He rolls over and doesn't answer Fili, pulling the covers over his head. He remains silent until he hears the door click shut and it's only then he lets out a shuddering breath and holds himself tightly.

***

Dwalin looks up at the sound of footsteps, but it's Fili and he's alone. He doesn't know whether he's glad for it, or disappointed. The sensible part of him knows he needs to pull Kili aside, privately, and explain that nothing needs to change. Dwalin is not looking for a Bonding ceremony, he will be content with having Kili at arm's length. There is no need to change anything.

The less sensible side of him, the side of his Mark, calls for Kili. It calls for him to press Kili down against a bed and take him again and again until the air is thick with the scent of their deeds and they are drowning in it.

He immediately feels sick at the thought. Kili is still so young, and Dwalin knows that. It is the cursed Mark that is twisting his good senses, over-taking his resolve. He closes the lid on such thoughts and lock them back deep in his mind where they cannot hurt anyone. 

He clenches his fist to stop the trembling and knocks his water goblet over, spilling water over the wooden table and Thorin's lap. Thorin lets out an undignified, startled shout and it's enough of a distraction to pull Dwalin from his dangerous thoughts. He grins and sets the goblet right side up. “It's just a wee bit of water,” he says, chucking his napkin into Thorin's face so he can sop the mess up. “No need to be so afraid.”

Thorin glares at him but doesn't answer. Instead, he wipes at his lap and then the table, ignoring Fili's snickers.

“Why is your brother unwell again?” Dis demands and Fili shrugs his shoulders.

“I don't know,” he says sullenly. “Why should I know? I don't keep track of him.”

“You should, he's your little brother,” Dis reprimands. “It's your responsibility to ensure that he's all right.”

“He's fine, I think,” Fili says and then shrugs his shoulders again. “I don't know, Mum. He's been different since his birthday. I think he's scared of his Mark.”

Dwalin immediately loses his appetite and he has to force himself to swallow the bite that is already in his mouth, rather than spit it out. He remains silent, hoping to draw little attention to himself. Fili shouldn't be discussing Kili and his Mark, but he's young and foolish, and sometimes words are shared that weren't mean to be.

“Fili,” Thorin says, low and warningly, because Thorin always knows when to be proper.

“Sorry, Uncle,” Fili doesn't look nearly as sorry as he should, instead he just looks concerned, which makes Dwalin concerned. “I know I shouldn't but - ”

“But nothing,” Thorin interrupts in the tone that will silence Fili. “This is Kili's business and I doubt he would appreciate you spreading it.”

Dis glances over at Dwalin and Dwalin quickly looks away to avoid her eyes. Dis has always been the most perceptive and he can still feel the heat of her stare on him when Kili had been born and Dwalin had met the gaze of his One for the first time.

His Mark shivers in remembrance and Dwalin closes his eyes.

“Take your brother food,” Dis says firmly, passing Fili a plate and he accepts it, rising from the table and he disappears upstairs without another word. Once the bedroom door clicks shut, Dis turns back to Dwalin, her face drawn and serious. “Well?”

“Good meal,” Dwalin says, stumbling to his feet because he needs to leave, he can't do this in front of _Thorin_ , not when Thorin has heard every careless remark Dwalin has foolishly made regarding his One over years spent close together.

He will take each remark as a slight against his nephew, and so he should.

“I'll walk you out,” Dis says and Dwalin swallows the sigh that threatens to slip out. Instead, he nods his head in a swift jerk and lets her accompany him outside. She shuts the door behind herself and crosses her arms.

“I'm not sure what you're wanting me to say,” Dwalin says, still hoping he can head her off of the topic and leave, unscathed.

“I may be wrong,” Dis says, narrowing her eyes. “But Kili is not the only one who has changed since his birthday. In fact, I can think of a dwarf who changed the moment Kili entered this world.”

Dwalin swallows hard and looks down at his boots, rather than her disapproving gaze. Anything she thinks of him, he knows he already believes of himself. “Dis,” he says softly. “Don't tell Thorin. It would break his heart.”

“He will learn eventually,” Dis says, reaching out to pinch at Dwalin's chin until he raises his head and meets her gaze. “Kili knows and therefore, soon everyone will.”

Yes, Dwalin, who prides himself on privacy and remaining discreet as possible with anything in his life, has been bonded to one who could not keep a secret to save his own skin. Mahal has a wicked sense of humour, in Dwalin's humble opinion.

“He won't seek me out,” Dwalin says confidently because this past week has given him no reason to believe anything else. “He has missed multiple lessons this week to avoid seeing me.”

“He shouldn't be skipping lessons,” Dis frowns. “I had not realized he was doing that.”

“It's fine,” Dwalin says quickly because the last thing he needs is Dis reprimanding Kili on it. “He will not approach me with his Mark and that is fine.”

“You refuse my son?” Dis' eyes grow cold and steely at this, she is a mother provoked and Dwalin is to tread carefully.

“Kili is a Prince of Erebor,” he says softly, glancing over his shoulder to ensure they are still alone. “Thorin has always said he has large plans for Kili. He will wish for him to be an ambassador, or perhaps a princess of the Iron Hill should - ”

“My brother has pinned his hopes on foolish tales that not every sibling receives a Mark,” Dis frowns. “It happens, but it is not the norm, despite what he thinks. I have always known in my heart that both my sons will bear Marks for those Mahal has wisely chosen for them.”

“Sometimes, Mahal makes mistakes,” Dwalin says, looking out into the yard where a pair of chickens fight over the last of the corn sprinkled on the brown grass.

“Dwalin!”

“May we not speak of this? Marks are private for a reason,” Dwalin says, confident in this one thing. “I will handle my Mark how I see fit and I suspect Kili will do the same.”

“Very well,” Dis sighs. “However, you should at least speak to him and let him know you have no intentions of a bonding ceremony. If you will formally reject him, Thorin can still perhaps use him.”

Jealousy burns low in Dwalin's belly, coiled deep within him, ready to strike at a moment's notice. He shoves it down and locks it away where it can no longer distract him.

“Aye,” he says firmly, moving down the steps of the porch. “I'll speak to him.”

_Eventually_ , he thinks to himself, but there's no need to say that out loud, not when he is already so fortunate to escape such an awkward meeting with his One's mother.

***

Two days later, Dwalin is surprised to see Kili trudging after his brother into the sparring grounds, a look of complete despair on his face. Dwalin is reminded of a lamb led to the slaughter and stiffens his spine, forcing a neutral look on his face. Kili is his Prince and he will not make him suffer needlessly. He will speak to him after lessons.

However, they've hardly begun before Dwalin realizes that Kili is far too distracted. He calls for a stop and tells Fili to head to a corner and practice his blades. As Kili begins to lope after his brother, Dwalin grabs him by the collar and halts him. Kili immediately freezes under the touch.

“Fili will practice _alone_ ,” he says firmly, raising an eyebrow and Fili quickly scurries off, shooting Kili a final, sympathetic look.

Dwalin releases Kili and nudges him towards a bench. Kili sits as far away as he can from Dwalin, sitting on the very edge so he almost topples off. Dwalin ignores this.

“Do you have something you need to say to me?” He asks quietly.

Kili shakes his head mutely.

In hindsight, Dwalin should have realized this would be difficult. Kili has never been one to do things easily; if there is a more difficult road to be taken, Kili will be the one to find it and trample down it eagerly.

“We can avoid this for a little while longer, if you please,” Dwalin says quietly. “We don't even have to discuss it.”

“Nothing to discuss,” Kili says, hopping up from his seat and he bounds over to his brother, whacking him across the back of the head with his bow and he ducks when Fili swings a sword angrily.

Dwalin lets him go and is content to watch the brothers tussle, it is a comforting habit to watch them fight (he usually puts his money on Kili because he's not afraid to fight underhandedly). He stops them after awhile though, and begins to instruct again. Kili is less aloof and listens more and foolishly, Dwalin begins to hope that this will all work out.

***

Dwalin keeps his word, much to Kili's surprise. He never mentions the subject again, nor does he treat Kili any differently than he always has. For a moment, it gives Kili pause, because Dwalin has known Kili is his One since he was born. How horrible that must have been. He almost asks Dwalin about it before he decides he really doesn't wish to know and keeps his mouth shut.

He manages to return to as close as normal as he can, and while it's not who he was before his Mark, it's enough to satisfy his mother and Uncle.

Fili, however, is less impressed with Kili's attempt at returning to normalcy and doesn't hesitate in bringing it up. Kili gives him his best glare but it hardly phases Fili, which is unfair considering how long Kili has been working on this glare.

“What?” He finally snaps once they're in their room one evening. 

It's been weeks since his birthday and weeks since he spoke to Dwalin about the subject that must never be mentioned and he finally feels like life is okay again and he will be happy once more. Of course Fili has to ruin it.

“Nothing,” Fili says, despite the fact that he has been staring intently at Kili for the past hour.

“Then stop staring,” Kili says, twirling an arrow between his slim fingertips. He can feel Fili's steady gaze on him and glares once more, throwing the arrow at Fili's face.

His brother ducks in time and the arrow imbeds in the wooden post of Fili's bed. Fili yanks it out and snaps it in half, tossing the pieces at Kili's feet.

Kili's mouth drops open in shock. “What did you do that for? I worked all day on those arrows!”

“Shouldn't have thrown it at me, then!” Fili counters.

“That's no excuse!” Kili says angrily, throwing the rest of the arrows off of his lap and he dives across the room and on to Fili's bed so he can punch Fili right in the face. He misses and only gets Fili's chest, but at the grunt his brother emits, Kili still counts it as a win.

“What is your problem?” Fili demands, wrestling Kili off the bed and landing solidly on top of him.

Kili gasps as the wind is knocked out of him and he scrabbles at Fili's face, clawing the back of his head viciously until Fili rolls off of him. He sits up and sucks in a deep breath of air. “You're the one staring!”

“Because you're still acting odd!” Fili shouts. “You've been different since your stupid birthday!”

“Of course I'm different,” Kili sniffs haughtily. “I'm a grown up.”

Fili barks out sharp laughter and pinches the underside of Kili's arm. “That's rich,” he says. “Considering you still need a bed-time snack!”

“I'm growing,” Kili says, repeating the words they hear nightly and he can mimic their mother's tone perfectly.

"You've changed and I hate it," Fili says and his eyes flash dangerously, the way they do so when Fili is truly displeased. 

"Of course I've changed, I received a Mark," Kili protests because surely he is not the first dwarf in history to be scared of his Mark? Surely his reaction is not so unreasonable?

“I wish you had been born Markless,” Fili says darkly.

Kili blinks, startled at the cruel admission and moves away from Fili. “Well, I wasn't,” he says shortly, unsure of what to say.

Fili immediately looks ashamed of his words but he carries on regardless, saying, “It's true, I do wish that. I managed to stay the same after my Mark. Should have known you would make it a bigger deal than it is.”

“It is a big deal,” Kili protests because Fili doesn't understand, it's not like Fili is meant to bond with somebody who might as well be their uncle, whose claim to fame is the amount of lives he has slaughtered. Fili is the Crown Prince, and Mahal has surely chosen someone worthy of him.

Kili doesn't know what this says about him. Or Mahal either, for that matter.

"Are you going to do anything about it?" Fili asks pointedly. "Or can we ignore it altogether and go back to how things were?"

Kili, who knows that things will never be the same again, no matter how hard he tries, quickly says, "Ignore it, of course."

Fili gives him a bright smile and helplessly, Kili returns it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr @ viiiuniverse


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

_A large, tattooed hand holds the back of his neck, pinning him down against white sheets that are too large for the bed, drowning him. He squirms in an attempt to rise to his knees but the hand simply tightens its hold and he's held down._

_"Stop moving, little one," a voice whispers lowly as a tongue trails along the shell of his ear slowly until there's a sharp burst of pain as teeth nip at his lobe._

_"Let me up," his own voice is shaky, crackling at the end._

_"I'm going to make it feel so good," the voice says, a hand trailing down his side, tickling him briefly before slapping firmly against his bottom. His eyes widen at the unexpected sensation and he renews his efforts to get away._

_"Maybe it's my turn to please you!" He says, although he's breathless with delight and almost involuntary, he spreads his legs further._

_"I'm going to make it feel so good," the voice repeats and he moans at that, tipping his head backwards for a kiss._

_"You always do, Dwalin."_

Kili wakes with a violent shout, the sweat on his forehead dampening his hair and his underclothes suspiciously damp as well. He groans loudly and rolls over on to his back, squeezing his head as he tries to forget the dream.

It's the third dream he's had this week and they've all been similar, growing in length each time. Each dream he's been held down as fingers roam his body, much to his delight, only this time he has realized it's Dwalin.

"What are you doing," Fili's voice comes from across the room and he sounds angry. "I swear, if you're waking me up because you can't control yourself - "

"It's not my fault," Kili says defensively. "I can't control what I dream!"

"You obviously need to get bonded," Fili huffs out. There's noise scratching from his corner of the room and then suddenly he's bathed in light, holding a candle up as he squints at Kili. "Did you make another mess?"

"Stay out of it!" Kili demands, rolling over in embarrassment. He'd rather sleep in his own mess than admit it to Fili and change in front of him. He's sixty-three; he doesn't need a reminder as to his sex life. "You don't understand."

"I understand perfectly, I just take care of my business before I go to sleep," Fili says grumpily. "And my dreams are obviously a lot tamer than yours."

"Yes, well, I can't help my One," Kili says without realizing and he only catches what he's said when he looks over and sees Fili's stricken face. "What? Why are you staring at me like - oh, yes. My One. I acknowledged him, big deal."

"Considering this is the longest secret you've ever kept, and how you _never_ mention him, it _is_ a big deal!" Fili immediately sits up in bed and he grins at Kili. "And now I know it's a him! So you know who it is, then?"

"I'm not going to tell you," Kili says, absently moving his hand to his wrist and he plays with the black cloth, sliding his finger underneath it to rub against the name.

He's as surprised as anybody else that he has managed to keep the name of his One private, especially since Dwalin is so influential in their lives. However, it had helped that three months after Kili's birthday, Dwalin had left for the Iron Hills again. He had returned briefly when Kili was fifty-eight and after a brief shake of Kili's head, he had left again and had not returned since.

It's a lot easier to keep quiet about his One when he's not around to distract him.

Fili is silent for a bit before he grabs the candle and climbs out of bed, moving over to sit on Kili's bed and he sets the candle down on the wooden stand. Kili glares at him and scrambles off the bed because if Fili wants to talk, then Kili needs to at least change his clothes so he doesn't feel so dirty.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" He says grumpily, stripping naked and he kicks his clothes into a ball on the floor and into the corner. He dresses in clean clothes and flops down beside Fili, stealing his pillow back from his brother who has already tried to claim it. "No, mine."

Fili relinquishes his hold on the pillow and settles his back against the wall. “Tell me about him, just a little,” he says.

“I'm not supposed to,” Kili says with a frown.

This is the biggest, and only, secret between them but as the years progress and they grow up, it's become harder and harder to keep quiet. For all he knows, Fili could be gone by this time next year – bonded off and living happily with his One.

“I've heard of mine,” Fili offers quietly. “I've never met him though.”

“Yours is a male as well?” Kili frowns even harder because their uncle isn't going to appreciate that at all. He will probably suspect it, since there are so few female dwarves, but with Fili being the Crown Prince, he will be expected to provide an heir.

“I think so, I'm fairly certain, at any rate,” Fili says. “I know a pair of brothers. I know they have another brother, but no sister. This brother hasn't been around these parts in many years, though. However, I could be entirely wrong. I'm just guessing.”

“Have you spoken to them about him? Casually, I mean,” he adds quickly after seeing the look on Fili's face. “Just enquired about him.”

“No, I don't want to draw any attention to it.” Fili shakes his head and sighs. “It will happen eventually, I'm still young.”

Kili tries to imagine speaking to Balin about his brother and the thought causes him to blush. That would be an awkward conversation. He thinks back to when Fili had wished him Markless and he can't help but agree. Life would surely be so much easier if he didn't have to worry about a One.

“We shouldn't be talking about this,” he finally says.

“Hey! I talked about mine so you'd talk about yours,” Fili glares at him. “Spill some details, then you can go back to being proper. And it's not like I'm going to tell anyone.”

“I can't,” Kili says and Fili must hear the desperation in his voice because he doesn't push him again. Kili curls up on his bed and lays his head against Fili's thigh, feeling young and foolish once more. “I can't. It scares me.”

“It will be okay,” Fili says, beginning to play with his hair gently. “If your One is truly horrible, you can always live with me. I won't let you be unhappy, Keels.”

Kili sighs in relief and nods his head before he closes his eyes and lets the feel of Fili's fingers in his hair draw him under and back to sleep.

***

The dream must have been some sort of warning, an indication of the trouble that was to follow because less than a week later, Kili arrives home to find Dwalin standing alone in his kitchen. He drops his bow in complete surprise and takes a step backwards.

"What are you doing here?" He means to ask politely like his mum taught him but it comes out aggressive and scared sounding. He hates himself for it. 

"Peace, Kili," Dwalin says, his voice a deep rumble that sounds like the start of summer. "I've come to see Thorin."

"He's not here," Kili replies because Thorin has been gone for over two years. "He never said when he would be back."

"I'm to meet him here," Dwalin explains, glancing at the bow that is still on the floor. 

Kili knows him well enough to know that Dwalin detests weapons littering the floor, even if it is a bow. He quickly bends to grab it and hangs it up on the wall where it belongs. He shucks off his braces and armour, side stepping around Dwalin to fetch himself a glass of water. 

"Why is Thorin coming back?" He asks, leaning against the counter so the wood presses against his spine and when he arches, his back makes a satisfying popping sound. 

Dwalin, whose eyes are trained on Kili, sounds strangled when he speaks. "He never said, but I presume it has to do with Erebor. Grand plans, your uncle has."

"I know," Kili says, resuming a normal position so Dwalin will stop staring. Mahal, where is Thorin? Or even Fili or Dis? Surely somebody should interrupt them. They really shouldn't be alone together, not unless they have formally renounced a Bonding ceremony. 

Dwalin, to his relief, looks away. "How old are you now?"

Panic skids down his spine and Kili fumbles with his glass, catching it at the last moment and sparing himself another lecture from his mother. "Sixty-three," he says and it comes out a lot smaller than he had intended. 

"Sixty-three," Dwalin repeats, nodding his head. "Did you know when I was sixty-three, I was going into battle?"

"I would fight if Thorin would let me," Kili says defensively because even though he has no desire to bond with Dwalin, he doesn't want the older dwarf to believe that he is a coward. 

"I know," Dwalin says with a small, private smile that Kili does not feel privy to look at. "I would never doubt your courage."

It sounds a lot like he is mocking him since Kili knows he hasn't had the courage to really speak to Dwalin in thirteen years. Kili scowls at the comment. He is only sixty-three, it's not cowardly to ignore his Mark. He's young, and Thorin has to give his blessing anyway, since Kili is a prince. And Thorin himself said that Kili would have years before he would have to face a future with Dwalin. 

"Right," he says, because he doesn't wish to fight with Dwalin. In fact, he would rather have absolutely nothing to do with Dwalin. He sets his water down on the table and makes for his bedroom.

"Kili - " 

He can hear Dwalin calling for him but he stubbornly shuts the door, perhaps harder than he ought to, and throws himself down on the bed. When will this become easier? Why does this always have to be so difficult? And when will he stop dreaming of Dwalin?

***

_They rise and fall together, Dwalin's chest and shoulders glistening with sweat, raw from where Kili has dragged his nails over the skin. Dwalin has one arm wrapped firmly around Kili's waist to anchor him close as they lift again together, Kili's legs burning from being spread so far apart._

_It's the good kind of burn though, the same burn he experiences when Dwalin has only used two fingers to work him open and then mounts him when he's not quite stretched. The burn that makes him throw his head back and cry out, Dwalin attaching his lips to the beating pulse in Kili's neck and sucking_ **hard** _._

_"Mahal, Dwalin," he pants out as the tide lifts him higher and higher until he's spilling over between them, sobbing out his pleasure as Dwalin refuses to cease. "Dwalin!"_

The dreams have become a sort of warning because a couple of weeks later, Thorin shows up with no warning ahead of time. Fili is working at the forge and Dis is out hunting, so Kili is the only one home when Thorin and Dwalin come stomping through the front door, dropping their packs on to the floor.

Last time Kili had seen Thorin, he had been sixty-seven, which had been ten whole years ago. He would have charged his uncle for a boisterous hug but he is now seventy-seven, considered legal and almost a mature dwarf. He rises from the chair he has been sitting in and nods his head, swallowing his panic.

He should have washed his hair this morning.

"Uncle," he says, giving Thorin a brief bow before he nods his head to the other dwarf who he is desperately trying to ignore. "Mister Dwalin," he says stiffly.

"Kili, come here," Thorin instructs, narrowing his eyes. "Let me look at you."

Kili hurries over to Thorin and stands still for the inspection, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He must pass inspection because Thorin ruffles his hair and moves away, heading over to the kitchen to prepare food.

"You've grown," Dwalin says, doing an inspection of his own and Kili forces himself not to blush under the gaze.

"I am seventy-seven," he says, meeting Dwalin's eyes and he roams his own eyes over Dwalin's frame. He can detect a new scar on the curve of Dwalin's neck that hadn't been there last time, and he also sees a new tattoo.

Without thinking, he reaches for Dwalin's fist and gently runs his fingers over the dark ink that is covering the older man's knuckles. At the touch, Dwalin stiffens and Kili feels something deep in his heart begin to yearn.

He drops the hand like it's burning hot and retreats to the opposite side of the room, closer to where Thorin is. Thorin, oblivious to the exchange, turns and raises an eyebrow at his new found shadow.

"Yes?"

"Let me make you something, Uncle," Kili says, because he would rather keep busy than stop and examine this sudden flutter in his heart that he just doesn't understand (nor does he want to). "You must be tired."

"Prepare us something simple," Thorin nods and moves to sit down at the table, Dwalin joining him.

Kili begins to slice a loaf of bread and glances at the marks on Dwalin's skin out of the corner of his eye. He wants to enquire about them, learn their meaning and ask what was the inspiration. He opens his mouth to do so but Thorin's next words causes him to freeze and the words fade away on his tongue.

"We will leave next month," he says to Dwalin, pulling a map out of his pocket and he unrolls it, laying it flat on the table.

Kili brings over the plate of bread and sets it down, leaning against his uncle as he studies the map. He immediately recognizes the Lonely Mountain and feels emotions he can't describe well up inside of him. He lays his finger against the outline of the mountain and looks down at Thorin.

"So you're leaving for Erebor then?" He asks, because he has grown up on tales of Erebor and has heard for countless years of how Thorin plans to reclaim it.

"Yes, next month," Thorin says, nudging his finger off the map.

Kili heads over to the fire where a pail of thick stew is bubbling away. He spoons stew into two bowls and sets it down on the table to go with the bread. Then he sits down beside Thorin and looks hopefully at him.

"Do you have many going?" He asks.

"Aye, we have some," Thorin says, taking a spoon and he stirs his stew. "I'm going to be asking Fili to join us. As my heir, he is crucial to this quest."

Kili feels like he has been doused in cold water and before he can stop himself, he looks to Dwalin for help. Dwalin is already frowning at Thorin but the words he utters don't reassure Kili at all, if anything, they make him feel _worse_.

"But Fili is so young," Dwalin says. "It is a dangerous quest you have chosen, Thorin."

"I have not chosen anything," Thorin says tightly. "By my grandfather, and my father, this mission has fallen to me. I will see it done."

"Uncle, I want to come," Kili says quickly because Fili cannot go and leave him behind. Kili won't stand for it, his place is with his brother and with his Uncle. It's as much his homeland as it is Fili's!

"Absolutely not!" Thorin laughs and turns to Kili with a fond smile on his face. "Kili, I know you are eager to prove yourself, but you have many years to do that. You belong here with your Ma."

"I belong with you!" Kili argues, just as the door opens and Fili walks in.

Thorin doesn't even bother responding to him, he has already stood and crossed the room to greet Fili. They touch foreheads gently before Thorin is murmuring something to Fili, whose face furrows in seriousness and he nods his head.

Kili turns to look at Dwalin helplessly. "I have to come," he says.

"Kili, lad, you are young," Dwalin says, frowning. "Your uncle will never allow it."

"He must," Kili mutters, any joy from the day gone.

Thorin returns to his chair and Fili follows, sitting down and he looks at Kili with a hopeful look on his face. Kili rolls his eyes and pushes himself out of his chair and moves to dish Fili a bowl of stew. He clatters it down carelessly in front of him, ignoring the way the brown liquid splashes over the side and seeps into the sleeve of Fili's tunic.

"Here. Enjoy it, traitor," he hisses, stomping across the room to stoke the fire.

"Trait - Kili, wait - "

"Leave him to his childish ways," Thorin says and Kili wants to hit himself for acting so rashly. No wonder Thorin doesn't want to bring him. "Fili, we are leaving next month to reclaim Erebor."

"So soon?" Fili glances over at Kili before he turns back to Thorin. "That's wonderful to hear, Uncle," he says sincerely. "I'll finish up my remaining orders at the forge. Kili, you should make sure your arrow supply is high."

"I'm not allowed to go," Kili bites out, glaring at Thorin. "It's not fair, Uncle. You raised me on the same stories you told Fili!"

"Uncle, you have to bring him," Fili says quickly, standing up and he goes to Kili, resting his hand against Kili's arm and Kili doesn't miss the warning press of his fingers. "You can't leave him behind."

"I'll be the only archer among the company, Uncle," Kili says, desperately attempting to play to his strengths, even when they're viewed as weaknesses. "You may have need of one."

"Your mother would cause me severe bodily harm if I took both of you," Thorin says with a frown. "Kili, you are _young_."

"I am young," Kili says, because he can't deny it. "However, I belong on this quest, Uncle."

"Let him come," Dwalin finally says and Kili turns to look at him but Dwalin won't meet his eyes. Rather, he keeps his gaze focused on Thorin. "He's right."

"He's my nephew," Thorin says sharply.

"I said, let him come," Dwalin suddenly shoves his chair back and rises to his full height, looming over Thorin. "This may be the last quest we ever embark on and I want him there."

Thorin stares wordlessly at Dwalin before he turns to look at Kili, who is doing his best to keep the blush out of his face. He sighs and rubs his forehead. "Kili, if you come on this quest, you must follow my every order. If you disobey me once and it doesn't lead to your death, know that I will send you home."

"Of course, Uncle," Kili says, holding his breath, not daring to hope.

Thorin studies him for a moment before he points towards the staircase. "Go, both of you. We'll discuss this later."

Kili, who is smart enough to know when to leave, hurries up the stairs with Fili right behind him. Fili is silent until they shut their bedroom door and then he whirls around to face Kili, awe and shock written all over his features.

"What was _that_?" He demands.

"I have no idea," Kili says, having already decided to play foolish because otherwise Fili will figure it out and Kili still hasn't processed his own feelings on Dwalin's insistence that he come.

"Still, Uncle will let you come now, I bet," Fili says happily and Kili grins with him, allowing the hope to spill over until it is all he can think about and Dwalin's fight for him is hidden far back in his mind.

***

Dwalin resumes his seat and keeps himself busy with his meal, sopping up the last of his stew with a heel of bread. He can feel Thorin's eyes on him but he resolutely ignores it - he has no defense for his outburst. Not one that he can properly give, at any rate. It won't stop Thorin though, he will push and dig until he is satisfied that he has the answers he has been seeking.

“You would wish harm on my nephew?”

“Of course not!” Dwalin lifts his head to glare at Thorin. “I have seen these boys since birth. I would never ill wish either of them.”

“Then you must have a good defense as to why you rebel against your King,” Thorin says and his voice is hard as stone. “I would like to hear it.”

“I didn't rebel,” Dwalin scoffs. “I just think you should let him come. Fili is hardly older than him, the pair are like twins. Leaving him behind would destroy him and I know you love your nephew too much for that to happen. He _is_ almost eighty.”

“You undermined my authority in front of them!”

Dwalin sighs and pushes himself back from the table. “Look, you're the oldest, you don't get it. I understand Kili. I remember being the young one, the one left behind. I don't want to see Kili respond to that the way I did.”

Thorin frowns in thought, leaning against the table. “You truly meant no disrespect? And you will watch out for Kili on this quest?”

“Aye, as if he were my own,” Dwalin says and something deep and secret inside of him says _oh, yes, yes, but he is._

“Mahal help us, I must be mad to be even considering such a thing,” Thorin mutters. “If anything should happen to me and Fili - ”

“Then Kili will be King,” Dwalin says. "Mahal help us, indeed."

Thorin meets his gaze for a beat before they both dissolve into unexpected laughter. Dwalin, content that he has relieved Thorin's suspicions, sits back down in his chair and he passes his bowl cheekily to Thorin.

“Fill it up,” he says.

Thorin rolls his eyes and cuffs the back of his head lightly for his trouble, but he does so anyway and they finish the remainder of their meal in peace.

It's the calm before the storm, Dwalin knows. The silence before a battle, the hitch of breath before spilling over. Once Kili is formally accepted on to this quest, Dwalin will no longer be able to ignore Kili's existence. He will be forced to acknowledge his One, spend his time in close quarters with him, perhaps even sleep next to him. Dwalin will be forced to keep an eye out of his Prince, for his precious One that he is not allowed to touch.

And above keeping them alive, he has to keep Thorin, Fili, and Balin from suspecting the truth.

Mahal help him.

***

"Absolutely not!"

"Dis, I know you're concerned, but - "

"Absolutely not, Thorin, and that is my final say. No, I don't want to hear another word about this. Now, go fetch the boys from outside," Dis says and turns back to the fire she is stoking.

Dwalin glances over at Thorin and his suspicions are confirmed - Thorin hasn't accepted Dis' words, nor has he taken them well.

"You dare presume your say is more final than my own? I am your brother, Dis, but I am also your King," he says, his brows furrowed in a heavy glare.

"I am your sister and your subject but _I am their mother_ ," she hisses, slamming her metal poker down on the floor and she stalks over to Thorin, her features marred by her anger. "You are fortunate enough that I am allowing you to lead Fili to his death, but Kili as well? No Thorin, I will not lose both my sons for your foolish quest."

"Foolish?" Thorin exclaims in outrage and Dwalin feels the beginnings of a headache start. "You know as well as I do that Erebor is our home!"

" _Was_ our home," she corrects him, and her tone is more gentle this time. "Thorin, please. We have lived a happy enough life. Let us not borrow trouble when there is no need for it."

"I cannot believe you," Thorin says stoutly, shaking his head. "Erebor is our home and it is my right to reclaim it."

"I know I can't talk you out of this so I wish you well, brother, I truly do," Dis says. "But don't think for a moment that I will allow you to take both my sons because I truly won't."

"I didn't want Kili to come either," Thorin says. "However, we may have need of him. He's the only archer among us and as much as it pains me, we may need such a set of skills. Besides, Dwalin is the one who argued to bring him. Take your wrath up with him."

Dwalin glares over at Thorin as Dis immediately turns in his direction. He meets her gaze the best he can, although it's tempting to busy himself with his pack and avoid her attention altogether.

"You wish for my son to die?"

"Kili will not die," Dwalin says because he will die first before that happens. "He deserves to accompany us. Leaving him behind would break his spirit."

"I'd rather his spirit broken than the breath leave his lungs," Dis says, stepping closer to him and she frowns. "Surely you can understand this?"

"I do, but no harm will befall Kili, I will make sure of it," Dwalin says, his right hand subconsciously drifting over to rub at the black cloth that binds his left wrist. Dis' eyes track his movements and Dwalin forces himself to drop his right hand to his side. "He must come."

Dis gives him a look that Dwalin cannot decipher before she sighs and sits down at the table, her eyes suspiciously bright. "I am going to be childless," she says. "It has been hard enough that I have lost my father and brother, and then my husband. Now I am bound to lose my remaining brother and my sons, too. I shall be completely void of family."

Dwalin looks over at Thorin but Thorin quickly looks away and Dwalin knows that he is on his own to comfort Dis. He sighs and sits down beside her and distantly, he can hear Thorin leave the room, his footsteps growing faint.

"I am sorry to take Kili from you," he whispers. "However, I don't wish to see his spirit broken from being left behind while his uncle takes his brother to the homeland he has heard of all his life."

"I don't want him _dead_ ," Dis counters, rubbing at her eyes. "This quest, it is madness, Dwalin. Surely you must see this. I cannot reason with Thorin, for years and years I have tried but he will not be content until he tries."

"Aye, Thorin must do this for his own peace of heart," Dwalin agrees because Thorin has been talking about reclaiming Erebor for decades now.

"And he insists on taking my sons to his grave."

"To be fair to Thorin, he did not want to take Kili," Dwalin says. "I will admit, I am the one that insisted he comes. I do think leaving him behind would be a mistake. He is not that much younger than Fili and he deserves to be next to me."

"You've rejected him," Dis says, turning to look at him. "Why does it matter to you?"

"My mind has rejected him, yes, but my heart is not so easily swayed," Dwalin admits, unable to meet her gaze.

She sucks in a sharp breath and yet he still cannot meet her eyes. “So you plan to seduce my son on a _quest_? He is a Prince, in case you have forgotten. There is a courtship, and - ”

“I haven't forgotten,” Dwalin says sharply because every day he knows that Kili is a Prince, that Kili is of royal blood and deserves far more than Dwalin could ever hope to offer him. A fine prince such as Kili deserves better than an old warrior. “I'm not going to make advances on him. I would just prefer to have him close. I will protect him with my life. And I am... very good at protecting.”

“Frerin would beg to differ,” she says and Dwalin reels back in his seat like he has been slapped.

It is a cold, cruel blow that she has delivered, for Dwalin is more aware than anyone that he failed Thorin and Dis both, that because of him, their brother Frerin fell. Thorin had begged him to watch his brother at the Battle of Azanulbizar and Dwalin had tried, he had tried his very best but he could not be everywhere at the same time and Frerin had been struck down in a moment of Dwalin's weakness.

He breathes in slowly, his lungs burning and his eyes stinging. She is absolutely correct and he is so undeserving of Kili. If he was a brighter dwarf, he would insist that Kili stay home. He would do right by his One, by his beloved.

“Aye, he would,” he says, his voice strangled tightly in his throat and he can't breathe, Mahal he is going to fade away, sitting at this cursed table.

“Oh, Dwalin, I'm sorry,” she says immediately and he can feel her gaze on him. “I should not have spoken so cruelly like that.”

“You only spoke truth, no harm in that,” he says, pushing himself up from the table because he needs to retreat now, he needs to return to his home where he is safe to lick his wounds private and rage against Mahal in peace for twisting Dwalin's life painfully so.

“Please don't leave, not like this.”

“I must finish my business so I am prepared to go when Thorin calls,” he says, gathering his packs as quickly as he can, his hands trembling. She remains silent and he gives her a quick bow before he leaves the house.

He travels quickly and doesn't stop until he has bolted his own door behind him. It is only then that he allows himself to release a shuddering breath and reach for a tankard of hard ale. It is only in the safety and quietness of his own home that Dwalin drinks himself into a stupor, that Dwalin drinks to forget his counting failures.

How many more failures will Mahal permit him to commit before he blessedly takes Dwalin from this life?

***

Kili swallows hard and takes a seat, remaining silent at the table. Thorin and Fili are already in their spots and his mother joins them, adding a basket of bread on to the table before she takes a seat of her own. The air is thick with anticipation and Thorin keeps glancing at him.

Kili does his best to look mature but it is hard when Fili keeps kicking his shins.

“We leave in seven days time,” Thorin says as he takes bread and passes the basket to Fili. “I hope you're both prepared.”

“Both?” Fili yelps.

“Prepared?” Kili says because he isn't prepared at all, he has _so much to do_! And in seven days, no less!

Thorin fixes them with a steady eye. “Is that a problem, Kili? If seven days isn't sufficient, you're welcome to stay back with your mother.”

“I could leave tomorrow, Uncle,” Kili says before he turns to Fili and grins so wide he is sure his face is going to split open. “We're both going!”

“What brought this on?” Fili demands, looking at Thorin earnestly. “I thought you said he was too young.”

“He may provide to be useful,” Thorin says, turning his gaze solely on to Kili, who shifts under the attention. “You will be under Dwalin's direction and save myself, you will listen to him above all others, including Fili. If you cannot agree to such terms, you will be left here or sent home.”

Kili stares at his uncle in horror. Of course it couldn't be that easy, of course his uncle would make it as insufferable as possible. He really should have seen this coming.

“But Dwalin hates me,” he argues. “Make it Balin, or even cousin Gloin. Anyone besides _Dwalin_."

“Dwalin doesn't hate you, not even close,” his mother says and there is an edge to her tone that has Kili raising shocked eyes to her face. She meets his gaze before looks away and suddenly, he realizes, somehow – she knows.

He immediately looks to his uncle but Thorin is ripping a hunk of bread off with his teeth. Fili is frowning as he wipes stew from his braids and neither of them have noticed the transaction between Dis and himself. He lets his body loosen with relief. 

“It's either Dwalin or you stay home,” Thorin says around a mouthful of bread and at Fili's insistent kick, Kili sighs and nods his head.

“Okay,” he says, feeling like he has damned himself to a fate he can't control. “I'll listen to Dwalin.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

The day that they leave, the sun rises with warmth and promise. Pale light streaks across the sky until all of the world is alive, the wind blowing their sighs through the trees and the animals calling lowly to each other. Kili wakes with the dawn, knowing that today is the day that his life will change once more. 

Just how nothing had been the same after his fiftieth birthday, this too shall mark the start of something new. 

He checks his pack twice and shoves another few apples in where there is room. He has lived a life of luxury all his life and he is aware that the road will be quite different. He is not used to being without his comforts and he isn't looking forward to that. If it means he is not left behind though, he will gladly sacrifice it all. 

"How's Mum?" He asks Fili, sparing their room a final look to make sure he hasn't missed anything vital. It tugs at his heart to know that he will never see this room again for once they reclaim Erebor, they will send for the dwarves of Ered Luin and Kili will have a new place to call home. This tiny room shall become dusty and neglected and never again will it hear his laughs and secrets. 

"She's already crying," Fili says as he stands by the door. Unlike Kili, he is content to check his pack once and then never again, confident in his abilities to get everything right the first time. 

"Wonderful," Kili groans, debating one last time if he can stuff his pillow into his pack. He decides against it and pats it lovingly. He will miss the comforts of home sorely, just as he will miss his mother. 

"It's not her fault," Fili says reasonably. "She's going to miss us, you know. For all she lectures, she does care, in her own way."

"We might as well get it over with," Kili says, strapping his pack on to his back and he bounces on the balls of his feet, trying to imagine just how heavy this pack will feel after days of carrying it. "Is Uncle ready to go?"

"Uncle has been ready to go for years," Fili says dryly, securing his own pack on to his back. "But yes, he's ready to go. He's just waiting for Dwalin and Balin. They will be escorting us to the Shire."

Kili makes a face at that because while he has agreed with Thorin that he will obey Dwalin's word, he's still not keen to spend ample time in the company of the older dwarf.

They thunder down the stairs together, the last time they will ever do that, and it must be on Dis' mind the same as Kili's for her face crumples once more and she hurries to wrap her arms around them. 

"My brave sons," she whispers to them, pressing her lips against Fili's cheek, and then Kili's. "My wonderful sons."

"You shouldn't coddle them," Thorin says sourly but at the look he receives from Dis, he says no more. 

"We'll be fine, Mum," Fili says, untangling himself from her embrace and he straightens his spine, smiling over to Thorin. "You'll see us soon and you'll come home."

Kili wants to say that they are home, but he knows that he must also believe Erebor is home if they are to be successful. He stays still in his mother's arms for a moment more before he regretfully pulls back as Dwalin walks through the open front door, his axes strapped to his back. 

"You won't even miss us," he says, trying on a smile but he knows it doesn't ring true. 

"I already do," she says thickly, laying the warm palm of her hand against his cheek.  
"Stay safe, my young one. You are far too spontaneous and while that has treated you well here, in the wild it will not be so."

"Mum," he protests, daring a glance Dwalin's way because Dwalin already views him as a child and he doesn't wish to give him any further inclination that it is so. 

"Promise me that you will be good and you will listen to your uncle," Dis says firmly, curving Kili in against her and he goes willingly for when will he receive such affection from his mother again? "Promise me that you will think before you act and above all, Kili, my young one - promise me that you will return to me."

"Of course I will," he says readily because she's right - he will have to be far more careful in his journeys than he has been here. "I promise."

"Here, I have something for you," she says in a lowered whisper. She pulls him away from the others and reaches her hand into her pocket and pulls out a talisman, tucking it into his hand. "Anytime you are in a situation where you may act recklessly, I want you to touch this and think and remember your promise to me."

He curls his hand around it, hiding the sudden trembling. Why did he want to ever leave his home, leave his mother? What if he dies on this quest and she is left all alone? Who will keep her safe while they are gone?

"Mum - " he says, a bit desperately and his eyes are wet when he hugs her again. 

"Don't be sad, my young one," Dis croons, smoothing his hair back. "We shall be together again soon, you'll see. And the stories you will have to tell!"

She is trying to encourage him to not be afraid, she is encouraging her him to go, even if it breaks her heart. Regardless of Fili, and of Dwalin and Thorin, his mother is the strongest dwarf Kili knows. 

"Come, Kili," Thorin commands, sheathing his sword. "We are ready to leave."

Kili steps back to gather the rest of his belongings, allowing Dis to say goodbye to Fili and to Thorin before she gives him another hug and squeezes his hand that is still clenching the talisman. 

"Return to me," she whispers with a loving kiss on his brow before he is stepping out of the only home he has ever known, embarking on a journey that he does not know he will survive. 

"I promise," he says, even when they are gone and she cannot hear him anymore, even though he can't be sure he will keep it.

***

They travel for a day together, the five of them, camping in a cluster of trees for the first evening. The next morning, Thorin goes in the opposite direction, citing that he has gone to speak to more of their kin. Fili and Kili are sent to the Shire with Dwalin and Balin, although Balin warns that he will leave them mid-journey as he also has a delay. Kili is so pleased to finally be leaving that he doesn't even mind travelling alone with his brother and Dwalin.

They are close to Bree when Kili stumbles upon a thatch of saplings that will make for excellent arrows, should he have the time to stop and fletch them. Dwalin is dubious of this but when he watches Kili begin to work, he agrees to go ahead for the Shire is very near and he is very hungry. 

"You will be safe, won't you?" He says for the third time and Kili can't help but roll his eyes. 

"We will be fine," he says, reaching in his pack for a different knife. "We won't be long either, we will come before it's dark."

"Very well," Dwalin says doubtfully, looking at the pair of them before he sets off and is soon gone from view. 

"I'm surprised he left us," Fili says, stretched out on the grass and he pulls an apple out of Kili's pack, biting into it leisurely. 

"Oi," Kili says sharply, feeling protective of the food he has. "If you're going to steal my food, you're going to share it."

Fili tosses him the apple for a bite before he catches it in return. "Mum would be furious if she knew that Dwalin and Balin have both left us."

"Mum's not here," Kili says, a pang in his chest at the words. "Besides, we're in Bree. The Shire is so close; how much trouble can we get into?"

Lots, Kili decides unhappily as they walk away from a tavern. Fili's nose is still bleeding, his golden beard now a rusty brown and Kili's back will bear the impressive imprints of chair legs for days to come. 

"Ach, my back hurts," he says, kicking a stone down the dirt path in front of him as the houses fall away and they're out in the country fields once more. 

Fili gives him a quelling look. “Don't speak,” he says, dabbing at his left nostril. “I blame this entire thing on you and so will Uncle. You were the one who was just so thirsty.”

Kili makes a face and ignores his brother's wish for silence. “We're not going to tell him,” he says because that should have been obvious enough. “Once we clean up, he'll never know.”

"You're walking like an ancient dam," Fili points out. "He's going to suspect something."

“Nonsense,” Kili says dismissively, attempting to straighten up. “We'll just ask him about Erebor and that will distract him easily enough. Stop worrying, it'll be fine. Trust me.”

“That never leads to anything good,” Fili says darkly.

Kili glares at him and shoves him hard, watching Fili stumble in the dirt before he lunges and tackles him to the ground. They spend the next little while fighting until Kili finally admits defeat, his back on fire.

Fili hops up, smirking victoriously and sets off again. “Come on, this little hole in the ground shouldn't be too difficult to find.”

Scowling, Kili sets off after him.

It's completely dark by the time they find the green dark with the glowing mark. They fight to see who gets to knock and Kili finally wins, simply because he kicks the door while Fili is distracted.

The moment the hobbit has allowed them (reluctant) entrance to his home, Dwalin is appearing in the doorway and Kili can't held the rush of terror that skids down his spine at the look on Dwalin's face. 

"Mister Dwalin," he says in what he hopes is a cheerful and innocent tone for if he can distract Dwalin with pleasantry, perhaps Dwalin won't inquire as to why they're late and he won't find out that they went drinking at a tavern. 

"Fili, Kili, come help move the tables," Dwalin barks, reaching out and his grasp on Kili is so shocking, so unexpected that Kili helplessly follows him into the dining room.

Dwalin immediately releases him once they're in the presence of Balin and Kili grabs the first table he sees to help distract himself from the violation that has just been committed on him. They are not yet bonded, they have not even entered (or discussed!) a courtship. Dwalin has no right to lay his hands on Kili's body.

He can still feel Dwalin's heavy gaze on him and he turns with a frown, feeling rather bold as he demands, "What?"

"If you ever fail to listen to me again, or lie, I will send you home," Dwalin says, lowering his voice and leaning close so their conversation is private. "Your uncle has put you in my charge, lad, and I will not disappoint him."

 _What of me_ , Kili thinks desperately as he digs his thumbnail into the wood of the table, refusing to meet Dwalin's gaze any longer. "I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself," he says quietly. "We went to a tavern for one drink. We're legal enough to do that. You can't order me around, you're not my Bonded."

“ _Yet_.”

Kili's frown deepens at that and he nods his head, swallowing hard because even he is not stupid enough to think that he can run away from Dwalin forever. Eventually, he will be forced to claim what is his. “Yet,” he agrees sullenly. “But until then, you have no say over my actions.”

“Tell your uncle that then, and he will see you home,” Dwalin promises threateningly. “It's either me, or you mother's skirts, lad.”

“You, it's always going to be you,” Kili says without even thinking and once the words have left his mouth, his cheeks turn a crimson red. Dwalin's eyes immediately darken with heat and he runs away, convincing Fili to help him break into the wine because he needs it – he needs it desperately.

***

All his life, Nori has heard of the Golden Prince.

He had seen him once as a child, before he had realized that Thorin's heir, that the firstborn prince was named Fili. He had left Ered Luin shortly after that and had scarcely returned, coming back only to make sure Dori and young Ori were all right. He would press them for information about the princes, including the younger because if they were to be marriage-brothers, it was important to know what he was like as well. 

Through his brothers and various other sources, Nori learned that the crown prince was a mischievous sort, always in trouble with his brother. He was also known to be kind, and caring. The older he became, the more known his compassion came to be. Fili was a good dwarf, and that was when Nori realized that they would never be together. 

Fili fought for justice and peace in the world, he cared for love and joy. He looked down on dishonesty and had no patience for thievery and lies. He was the complete opposite of Nori in every way, and Nori knew he would not yield. 

So, he did his best to forget Fili. 

He travelled far and wide, opening his bed to whomever would have him. He made friends and he made enemies, he learned lovers and he learned how to fear. He always kept on the move, never stopping, never feeling safe for the only place he knew he belonged was in Fili's arms. 

And then Dori sent for him. Dori wrote and told him about the quest for Erebor, that Thorin was finally going to take back the mountain or die trying. Thorin and his sister-sons were leaving in a month for the quest and Ori had already signed up as Scribe, determined that it would earn him his mastery. Dori had joined as well for Ori was too young and too delicate to be left alone to the wilds of the world. Also, Thorin's been asking of Nori, he desires someone with a dubious set of skills and has turned to the Ri family. 

Would Nori come?

How could Nori not go? How could Nori sit idly by while his One attempted an impossible quest and would most likely die? He would go, yes. Not to seduce Fili to his bed, but to do whatever Nori had in his powers to keep him safe. And afterwards, if they had lived, he would let Fili go. 

It was the least he could do for him. 

But now, he sits in the kitchen of Bag End at the table and watches the Golden Prince laugh with his brother and drink ale heartily, without sparing Nori a second glance. Does he even know who Nori is? How would he respond if Nori was to corner him, press him against the wall and swallow the sighs from his mouth? 

"Eat up, little one," Dori says to his right, nudging him. "We won't feast like this for a while!"

"Don't call me little one," Nori says automatically, even as he forces himself to take another bite of food and tear his eyes away from Fili. 

"Well, eat up all the same," Dori says, following his gaze over to Fili. His brother purses his lips but he doesn't push the issue. 

Dori has never been fond of Thorin or his nephews, for reasons he will never divulge to Nori. 

Nori takes another two bites to satisfy him before he returns to his ale. It will make him feel ill in the morn but it is the only way he is capable of getting through tonight. After they have ate to their fill and tidied up the place, there is a solid knock on the door and the tension in the room thickens. Nori wipes the moisture of his drink from his beard and stands from his chair. 

"He is here," Gandalf, the most suspicious sort of wizards, says. 

Thorin has arrived. 

Nori swallows hard. He had come back to Ered Luin and signed on to the quest but even then he had only briefly seen the King, enough for Thorin to grant him a pardon for all his outstanding debts if Nori would join their quest. He has hardly spoken to Thorin, let alone be introduced to his heirs. 

Will Fili acknowledge him? Surely by now he is aware that he is Nori and that Mahal crafted him solely for Fili's pleasure. Why has he not approached Nori yet?

After Thorin is situated at the table with his stew, he formally thanks each and every dwarf for joining his quest. Beside him, Nori can feel Dori vibrating in his excitement. Ori is twitching to his left and he reaches out to rest his hand on Ori's arm. 

"Peace, Ori," he murmurs. "Thorin specifically asked for you. He is pleased with you."

"For now," Ori frets. "I hope I can keep up to the task. I have never had such a tall order before."

"I'll help, in any way that I can," Nori promises. 

Ori isn't given a chance to reply because Oin is moving away from the table and suddenly they are standing in front of Thorin. He is flanked by his sister-sons but Nori spares no one but Fili a glance. Fili's face is expressionless, he almost looks bored, and he is certainly not looking at Nori. 

"Dori, I am so pleased you joined the quest," Thorin says and his voice is a warm rumble, like thick caramel that you would pour over a sweet apple slice. "You are one of the strongest dwarves I know of."

"I would not sit back and watch others claim my homeland." Dori, out of the three of them, was the only one born in Erebor and the only one to have any sort of allegiance to it. Ori has allegiance to Thorin and Nori - what of Nori?

Nori has allegiance only to himself - and to Fili. 

"A noble endeavour," Thorin says, bowing his head in Dori's direction. "You will be richly rewarded, my friend. And yes, you must be Nori, the mysterious second Ri brother."

Nori feels a deep rush of pleasure at the way Fili's neck snaps up and his expression is no longer bored. However, it is also not pleased. He looks terrified and like he is about to be sick and it makes Nori want to hurt something. His One should never look like that. 

"I am Nori," he says, nodding his head to Thorin and what a relief that he can openly admit who he is without fear that a guard, or worse - Dwalin, will hunt him down for it. He is free to be seen with his brothers and he will never have to hide again. 

"Nori?" Fili says sharply, his brows furrowed and the look he gives Nori is oh so cold. "You are Nori, and you are a thief and a criminal?"

"I am he," Nori says, and something in his gut sinks. "Pleasure to meet you, princeling."

"You will treat my sister-sons with respect," Thorin says, glancing between Nori and Fili with a frown on his face. "You will treat every dwarf on this quest with respect and you will be honorable or I will see you gone."

"I am here to serve you," Nori says quietly and he wishes to retire for the evening so he may drink in peace. "And to guard Ori, of course. He is so young."

"I am not that young," Ori protests, hurrying forward. He's playing with the yarn of his sleeves as he speaks to the King and Nori reaches out to still him once more. 

"You are the same age as Kili, are you not?" Thorin leans forward in his seat and studies Ori carefully. It makes Nori suspicious but most things do. 

"I am two years older than him," Ori says, apologetically as he smiles over at Kili, who returns it with ease. He's easy going, this young prince, and it makes Nori all the more suspicious. "I was born between them."

"You must be extra careful then," Thorin says seriously. "I would not see a single dwarf harmed on this quest, especially not someone with so much promise."

The tips of Ori's ears turn red and he nods his head rapidly. "I will do my best!"

"I will watch out for him," Nori says, unable to help himself and he cannot stop looking at Fili. "I am very good at guarding what is mine."

Is it Nori's imagination or does Fili flinch?

"We will have use of you then," Thorin says with finality in his voice and Nori knows that their audience with him is over. 

He moves away with his brothers, watching as Bofur and Bombur step forward with their mad cousin in their wake. He trusts little as it is but he trusts someone with an axe imbedded in their forehead even less. 

"That went well," Ori says anxiously, although he glances over at Fili and then back at Nori. "You must be kind to the princes, though, Nori. I don't want to see you in trouble."

"I am never in trouble, little gem," Nori says and he doesn't miss the way Dori's mouth tightens at that. "I have no intentions to be nothing but kind to your princes, fear not."

"They are your princes as well," Dori says quietly, and he looks displeased with Nori once more. "Behave or I will dismiss you before Thorin ever does."

Nori knows that Dori is serious. Dori is particularly fastidious when it comes to propriety and if he even senses that Nori is not behaving, he will wield the power he has as patriarch in the family and send Nori from this place. And Nori will go. 

Or will he? 

Yesterday, Nori would have been confident that he would listen to Dori above all for he loves Dori above all, save for Ori. However, today has completely changed all of that and there is now a new dwarf in Nori's heart that demands priority. He owes it to himself, and to Fili, to respect that part of his heart. 

His eyes slide across the room to where they meet Fili's and once more, Nori is struck down at the beauty of the Golden Prince. Despite the candlelight, Nori can see the flush on Fili's cheek as he quickly looks away from Nori. He is achingly beautiful and Nori forces himself to stay where he is, lest he end up on his knees, begging for his chance. 

And what would Nori ever have to offer the Crown Prince of Erebor?

***

Thorin had secured the one spare bedroom for himself and had told them in no certain terms that they would also be bunking in with him. Kili had rolled his eyes but all Fili could feel was relief. The spare room beckons to him, offering him the privacy he so sorely needs, the privacy he craves when facing the realization that all of his hopes and all of his dreams have dried up as dust.

There will be no happy marriage for him. 

He will never meet his One and speak shyly but eagerly, offering a Courtship. He will never braid engagement promises into the hair of his One, nor will he stand for a Bonding Ceremony and declare to all dwarves that this single dwarf bears the love of Fili, heir to Thorin Oakenshield. 

He will do none of these things for his One is Nori, a criminal and a thief and never a Consort for Erebor, for Fili. 

He sits in the spare room, tucked warmly under his blanket as he tries to think clearly about the predicament he is in. The alcohol has muddled his brain and not for the first time, he curses his brother for encouraging him to drink so much. He is on this quest with Nori for months now, and he is no fool; Nori will know exactly who Fili is. He already has, he's sure, it's why Nori's eyes follow him where ever he goes. 

"Oh, Mahal," he mutters, slopping the rest of his wine down his tunic and he sets his goblet aside. If he can no longer hold it upright, he doesn't deserve to be drinking it. 

The door opens as he’s wiping at himself and the look Thorin gives him is one of being deeply unimpressed. Given that Thorin is generally displeased with Fili, he doesn’t take it to heart but he does sit up straighter and attempts to appear sober. 

“What are you doing?”

Fili leans back against the bed and looks up at Thorin. The selfish side to Fili prompts him to just curl up on the bed and pass out, but he had set up his bedroll with Kili’s on the floor. Thorin had tried giving them the bed, citing that he was fine to sleep where ever, but Fili had refused for the pair of them (since he knew Kili wouldn’t hesitate to say yes). 

Fili thought it was a safe bet that Thorin was a lot more stressed than the pair of them, although now he’s not so certain. 

“I was setting up our rolls,” he says carefully, trying not to trip over his tongue or admit that he’s feeling sorry for himself. “I can join the rest.”

“See that you do,” Thorin says and then he frowns. “You’ve spilled all over yourself.”

“I tripped,” Fili lies and touches the wet spot on his shirt once more. “I can change.”

“The road won’t be easy, Fili,” Thorin shuts the door and takes a step closer to Fili. He’s still frowning and Fili knows that he’s in for one of Thorin’s infamous lectures. He wishes Kili was here to help take some of the heat. “The road will be filthy, and tiring, and many times you will want to let your hair tangle and your clothes remain dirty. But you must remember that you are my heir, Fili. Our people, our company, looks to you.”

Fili knows nobody has ever looked to him but he bows his head in submission. “Yes Uncle,” he says softly. “I won’t disappoint you.”

“You rarely do,” Thorin says dryly and his frown has lessened, lightening Fili’s heart. “Now come as you are and join the rest. Being a part of the company means that you must learn these dwarves and allow them to learn you. It will aid you, especially in battle.”

Fili, who believes that no one, not even himself, knows Thorin, simply nods his head. 

He stands up and credits himself for remaining sturdy, despite the amount of alcohol he has consumed and follows Thorin out down the hallway and back into the large open space that must be a living room. 

It is there that Thorin begins to sing and his deep, morose voice rubs Fili’s heart raw. This is their chance to take back Erebor, this is Thorin’s glorious moment as King and Fili knows that nothing can come in the way of that – not even his One, not even Nori.

***

Kili is a little more than tipsy by the time they’ve finished singing and everyone has begun to lay out their bedding and stake their claims within various parts of the house. They’re in the spare room with Thorin but for now, they’re curled up by the fire, warming themselves by the cheery blazes.

He’s distracted enough by getting comfortable and the alcohol is making him fuzzy and pliant that it takes him awhile before he notices just how rattled Fili is. 

Fili’s leaning back against the curved wall, twisting trembling hands together and his braids are messy and half fallen out, which is very unlike Fili. His gaze is a little unfocused but even Kili can see he’s staring intently at Dori and his brothers. Kili can understand why Fili is unhappy with Dori, Kili has imagined so far ten different ways to kill him as well. 

“You okay?” He whispers, nudging Fili in the side. “Dori bothering you?”

“What?” Fili finally tears his eyes away from the Ri brothers and he looks at Kili. “What does Dori have to do with this?”

“Aren’t you staring at him?” Kili doesn’t think he’s sober enough to try and have a serious conversation with Fili. “Anyway, let’s go to bed before Thorin gets upset.”

"That's their brother, you know," Fili says, looking back over and this time, Kili follows his gaze. "He's a criminal. He's been away for years, stealing and whatnot. Guess he couldn't resist the idea of Erebor's gold."

"He'll get his share and not a drop more!" Kili says sharply. "He can keep his twitchy paws out of our inheritance."

"Maybe he's trying to become a better person, and he thinks the quest will help him with that," Fili suggests and he blushes when Kili raises an eyebrow at him. "It's just a guess! I don't know his reasons for joining Thorin's company."

"What's his name, anyway?"

"Nori," Fili says, the name rolling off his tongue smoothly. "Nori."

"Nori," Kili repeats suspiciously, looking over at Nori again. "We'll keep our eyes on him, Fee."

"Yes, I imagine we will," Fili says in a tone that drunk Kili can't hope to decipher.

"Sleep now," he grumbles, pulling Fili up so they can stumble their way to the spare room. He’s pretty sure that Nori watches them leave, but they have been staring at him for a while so Kili can’t fault him for being relieved to see them go. "This will probably be the last good sleep we have."

Fili drops off to sleep almost immediately but Kili is too restless, too drunk to sleep. He can hear Dwalin snoring from right outside the room, he had set up his roll to guard the door and while Thorin had rolled his eyes, Dwalin hadn’t budged in position. 

The sound should be irritating, but instead it soothes the grumbles in Kili’s chest until he just wants to go lay his head on Dwalin’s chest and have the vibrations slip him gently into sleep. 

He rolls over in his bedroll and forces himself to close his eyes. An early morning will be unfortunate enough since they will both be hung over. He doesn’t need to wake up curled around Dwalin and have no answers to what would be impossible questions.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

The sun is shining brightly when they quietly leave the little house in the ground, something that some of the older dwarves are still grumbling about. Dori helps Ori with his pack, all the while glancing around and muttering about how unnatural it is. 

Kili, who has only ever lived under the open sky, doesn't see much difference between soil and stone but it is apparently there. 

He climbs upon his horse and immediately steers himself towards the back of the group, away from Thorin's heavy gaze and Dwalin's suspicious eye. Fili glances at him but keeps his horse by Thorin's and Kili rolls his eyes. If Fili wants to spend his time listening to Thorin and Balin bicker, that's his business. Kili would much rather stay back and listen to Nori tell Bofur about the time he avoided being arrested by dressing as a dam. 

"So rather than arrest me, the guard invited me back to his cabin for a tumble!" Nori finishes with a roar of laughter. 

Kili snorts so loudly his horse side-steps and he hastens to rein her back in. He's beginning to see why Dori keeps urging Ori to ride ahead and why he keeps scowling at Nori. 

Nori glances over at him and Kili forces himself to meet his eyes. There’s something unnerving about Nori and Kili knows this is not a dwarf to provoke. However, he feels marginally safe in his lineage so he raises a questioning eyebrow in Nori’s direction. 

“My story amuses you?” Nori says with a twitch of a smile. “I can’t imagine your Uncle would be pleased to hear my tales.”

“You shouldn’t be saying them, then,” Dori mutters from in front of Kili. 

“I like them very much,” Kili says, slowing his horse down even more so he can be closer to Nori and Bofur. “They’re very interesting.”

“I’m sure you have your own tales,” Nori says with ease and Kili begins to feel even more comfortable in his presence. “You’re Thorin’s heir, I’m sure he’s taken you all over Middle Earth.”

“This is the first time I’ve properly left Ered Luin,” Kili explains, lowering his voice on the off chance that Thorin is within hearing distance. “I’ve gone on the odd hunting trip but Thorin never took me anywhere.”

“That surprises me,” Nori says thoughtfully. “I would have thought he would. I imagine that he at least took Fili then. Fili is his heir after all.”

“No, Fili never went anywhere either,” Kili shrugs his shoulders. He’s rarely able to explain to anyone else why Thorin does the things he does. “He’s protective of us, I suppose. We are the last of his heirs.”

“And yet he brings you on such a dangerous quest,” Nori says and Kili can hear the criticism of Thorin in his voice. It makes something defensive clench in Kili’s heart. 

“Thorin is good to us,” he says sharply. “He did not want to bring me on this quest at all, for fear that I would find harm.”

“And yet here you are!” Bofur says cheerfully. “Hard time saying no to that face of yours, I’m sure!”

Kili laughs at that because it seems like for his entire childhood, all Thorin has ever said to him is no. “Not quite,” he says with a grin to Bofur. “It was actually Dwalin that forced Uncle’s hand at bringing me. He said if Fili was able to come, I deserved to as well.”

“That was kind of him,” Nori says suspiciously. 

Kili grips his reins as tightly as he can, so tight that his knuckles begin to turn white because otherwise he will reach for the Mark inside his wrist and give way to all around him just who his One is. Kili has no desire for that to happen, especially not on this quest. 

“More like he knew I would find a way to come along regardless, and thought it best if we spared everyone the dramatics,” he says with a forced smile. Bofur and Nori both laugh at that and Kili slowly begins to relax in his saddle once more. 

By the time the hobbit has joined them, Fili has fallen back beside Kili and Nori has moved ahead to ride beside his brothers. Fili is quiet, but that doesn’t alarm Kili for Fili is usually quiet when surrounded by dwarves he is not familiar with. 

“I like Bilbo,” Kili says, just to break the silence a little. It gets awfully tiresome riding in quiet, save for the sound of Oin clearing his throat every two minutes. 

“He’s an odd creature,” Fili says, glancing over his shoulder to where Bilbo’s pony plods along beside Bofur’s. Bilbo himself looks a bit put out, but he has looked a bit disconcerted this entire time so it’s safe to assume that’s just how hobbits look, in Kili’s opinion. 

“He is odd,” Kili agrees, because Bilbo has proven just how odd he is. But he is also nice, and seems mildly curious in Kili especially. “But he’s funny.”

"I wouldn't say that too loudly, at least not in front of Uncle," Fili says with a grin. "He doesn't seem quite as keen on our burglar as you are."

"Thorin will come around to him," Kili says confidently. Bilbo isn't an offensive creature, although he is a bit bold. He also might be right useful around camp, judging from the food they sampled from him last night. Kili is already dreaming of more smoked ham. 

"And if he doesn't?"

Kili shrugs his shoulders in reply because he's not sure what will happen. They've brought him on now, and it's not like they can just dismiss him for being unlikeable. If that was the case, Dori would be long gone by now.

***

The following evening, they camp with their backs to an outskirt of rocks, right on the edge of a steep valley. The wind is cool on their faces, but as the moon rises, the wind dies down until it is quiet and peaceful with only the nightlife around them stirring. Gloin builds a roaring fire that warms Kili through his leathers and they finally have a small bite to eat.

He sets up his bedroll close to Thorin’s, with Fili behind him, always a buffer between him and Dwalin. He has not spoken to Dwalin since they departed Bilbo’s home and he has no intentions of changing that anytime soon. He remembers Dwalin laying his hands on Kili’s body like it was his right and he feels hot all over again. He hasn’t been able to meet the warrior’s gaze since then. 

If Dwalin notices the distance and the silence, he doesn’t say anything. 

They spread out and some dwarves immediately go to sleep but Kili sits by the cheerful fire and fletches arrows diligently, ignoring Dwalin who sits only a stone's throw away. Bilbo wanders past them, his worried face pinched once more and it causes Kili to smirk, nudging Fili. 

"He's worried," he mutters to only Fili's ears. 

"He's always worried," Fili replies with a twitch of his brow. It's a look that Kili recognizes for it is one he sees often - Fili is in a teasing mood. 

There's a noise in the night and Kili twitches slightly at it. It's distant though, and he is surrounded by his kin to protect him. Bilbo, however, jerks around to stare out over the valley. 

"What was that?"

"Orcs," Kili says, digging his elbow into Fili's side and they both school their features to appear as serious as possible.

"Orcs?" Bilbo repeats, his voice rising and cracking on the word. 

Thorin jerks awake and Dwalin's head whips towards them and Kili knows that he should laugh it off but when has Kili ever listened to his good sense? Besides, they've been travelling in nothing but quiet lately, the tension rising the further they get from the Shire. 

A bit of laughter will do them all well. 

"Throat cutters," Fili says, nodding his head and his mouth pulled down into a frown. "There'd be dozens of them out there, the low lands are crawling with them."

"They strike, in the wee small hours when everyone's asleep," Kili joins in, not daring to spare Dwalin or Thorin a look. Instead, he focuses on the panic on Bilbo's face and stamps down the urge he has to laugh. "Quick and quiet, no screams. Just lots of blood."

He sneaks a glance beside him to where Fili sits and they both smirk as Bilbo whips his head to look out into the darkness once more. He's a worried creature by nature, Nori told him that it's a common theme among hobbits. Of course, then Nori had continued on to say just how he knew how scared hobbits could become and Kili had laughed so hard he was nearly sick in his saddle. 

"You think that's funny? You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?" Thorin's voice is low and hard, and when Kili meets his gaze, Kili flinches. 

"We didn't mean anything by it," he offers, hoping that it will appease Thorin before he really gets going and yells at them in front of the entire company. 

"No, you didn't," Thorin sneers. "You know nothing of the world."

Kili turns his gaze to the fire as Balin tries to reassure them not to worry and does his best to tune the older dwarf out. He can see feel piercing eyes on him and he knows, he just knows that if he were to lift his eyes, he would see Dwalin staring in return at him. He has no desire to see Dwalin after being so chastised by Thorin, not when his cheeks still burn in embarrassment. 

Once Balin has nearly put the remainder of those awake with his bedtime story, Thorin returns closer to the fire and puts his hand on Fili's shoulder, squeezing gently. Kili tilts his own head slightly to the side so his shoulder is accessible but Thorin just brushes past him and moves to speak to Gloin. 

Once more, he feels a pang of jealousy and hurt at the treatment that Fili receives from Thorin but it has been like this for seventy-seven years and Kili doubts it will ever change. Fili is his heir and therefore, his favourite. He leans over to his brother and whispers that he needs to relieve himself before he stands and disappears into the thicket of trees. 

Truthfully, he has no business to attend to but he needs to quiet his mind. He has been in direct contact with Dwalin for too long, his heart is beginning to stir and no matter how much Kili can try to convince it that they are terrified of Dwalin, his traitorous heart will not listen. Huffing out a breath, he sits on the ground and leans his back against the wooden trunk of a tree, the ground mossy and damp underneath. If he listens hard, he can still hear the comforting voices of the company so he's not really alone.

“What do you think you're doing?”

He startles hard, slamming the back of his head against the tree and he muffles the curse that threatens to slip out. He turns to glare at Dwalin, who is looking down at him with his arms crossed over his chest. From this angle, he looks even more intimidating than usual.

“Warn me next time, will you?” Kili snaps, unimpressed that not only has his solitude been ruined, but he now appears as skittish as the ponies. He rubs the back of his head that has begun to ache.

“An enemy would give you no such warning,” Dwalin snaps, reaching down and he curls his fingers into the collar of Kili's jerkin and pulls him to his feet. Kili stumbles but Dwalin has such a tight grip on him that he cannot fall.

Fear blossoms in his heart and he begins to struggle.

Dwalin finally releases him and shoves him back with an angry look. “What is the matter with ye?” He shouts. “I am merely trying to see if you're bleeding!”

Kili stumbles away, hating that regardless of what he does, he is shouted at. Perhaps he should have stayed home. “I'm fine,” he says lowly, forcing his hand down from the back of his head where he is tempted to nurse the growing bump. “I apologize.”

Dwalin huffs out a sigh and throws his hands up in the air. “You're impossible to reason with,” he says before he reaches for Kili again, grabbing his arm before Kili can dart away.

“Let go!” Kili demands because he is quite capable of walking on his own.

Dwalin does release him, but it's with a shove, right past the trees and into the clearing. He stumbles into the midst of the company and conversation ceases as all attention is drawn to him.

“Wander off again and I'll skin ye,” Dwalin says loudly, his voice sharp and heavy, before he stomps away, over to Thorin and they begin to exchange words so quietly that Kili can't hear.

He swallows hard and hurries clear across the camp, collapsing down by Fili, who is staring at him with a mixture of concern and pity on his face.

“Why is he so angry with you?” Fili whispers, looking across the glowing fire to where Dwalin sits.

Kili just shrugs and lays down with his back to the company, most who have chosen to resume their conversations and leave him alone. Mahal has gotten all of this wrong, he believes it without a doubt. There is no feasible way that Dwalin is his One because Kili should not have such a deep-rooted fear of his bonded. He should feel excited and nervous and _pleased_ but he doesn't feel any of those.

“Are you okay?” Fili asks, looking down at him and he brushes Kili's hair out of his eyes.

“He hates me,” Kili chokes out. “I should have stayed home, rather than have to be under his care.”

“Dwalin would never hurt you, Keels,” Fili says dismissively. “He's like Thorin, his bark is worse than his bite.”

Kili, who is not sure about that, remains silent. He has already drawn enough attention towards his relationship with Dwalin and he is not interested in more. He will sleep here, far away from Dwalin, and perhaps in the morning, everything will feel a little brighter.

***

"Dare I even enquire what that was about?" Thorin remarks dryly once Dwalin has taken a seat next to him on a long bough by the fire. Dwalin remains silent for a moment, taking his time to answer. He shifts to get comfortable and tosses another log on to the fire, the flames crackling in the still, night air.

"Your nephew seeks out unnecessary trouble," He finally says in return. He can still see Kili sitting alone and vulnerable by the tree - open to the orcs that are certainly wandering these lands. He thinks of Kili bleeding, of Kili hurt and something deep within his chest seizes so it's difficult to breathe. "He went wandering off alone when we know there are orcs roaming these hills. The boy is foolish."

"He has some maturing to do, but he's still young," Thorin says.

Dwalin snorts laughter out through his nose so hard that it burns. "If you had been the one to catch him wandering off, you would have been cuffing him over the back of the head!"

"Of course I would," Thorin says and he gives Dwalin a slow smirk. "He's my nephew, I can do that."

"Aye," Dwalin says quietly, his eyes drifting over to where Kili is staring dejectedly at the ground. He feels guilt coursing through his veins, suffocating his lungs until all he wants to do is press Kili up against the rock formations and draw kisses from his mouth until Kili is panting for more.

He is Thorin's nephew, though, and Mark or not - he is not Dwalin's to have.

"I will take first watch," he says, because if he sleeps now, his dreams will consist of dark hair and bright eyes and a smile that's more blinding than the sun.

***

The next morning, Fili wakes stiff from sleeping on the ground and cold from the morning dew. He's quiet as he rolls his blanket up and accepts the bread and cheese he's given for their morning meal. It's a far cry from the breakfasts they used to have back in Ered Luin, but his stomach growls eagerly so he makes no complaints. He eats the cheese and tucks the bread into a pocket for later.

They set off before the sun is fully in the sky and he doesn't miss the way his brother avoids both Thorin and Dwalin like a disease. He feels a sympathy for Kili, it's hard enough to have one of them irritated with you but to be in the path of their wrath combined is not a position Fili is eager to experience. 

Kili clears his throat and Fili glances over at him. When he meets his brother's gaze, Kili nods his head to the side and Fili nudges his pony closer so they are riding side by side. He raises an eyebrow and ducks his head closer for privacy, even though they're trailing the majority of the company, with only Nori and Bombur behind them. 

"What is it?"

"I think Uncle has... an attraction," Kili says lowly. 

Fili promptly chokes on the hunk of bread that he's been eating and coughs out a chunk of dough, spitting it to the side. "What?"

Kili leans over and pats his back reassuringly, but he just makes it worse so Fili pulls his pony to the side. "I caught him _mooning_ ," Kili continues blithely. 

"You're daft," Fili says once he's recovered his breath. "Thorin isn't capable of having feelings for someone. That would require emotions."

"Thorin has emotions," Kili says stubbornly. "I mean, they are normally quite doom and gloom, but he still has them. Is it really such a stretch of the imagination to think that he could be _happier_ these days?

Fili arches an eyebrow. "If you think Thorin is happier these days, then I'm worried for your mental health. Have you bumped your head recently? Have you forgotten the..." he grins and lowers his voice conspiratorially. "Orcs?"

Kili scowls and leans over in his saddle to shove at Fili's shoulder. "You have to admit, he has his moments where he's almost pleasant! And they almost always occur when he is around this certain someone!"

Fili sighs with exasperation and rolls his eyes heavenwards. There's no dissuading Kili, not when he believes something to be fact and they both know it. Fili pats his pony's neck soothingly and resigns himself to a further uncomfortable conversation. "And who, pray tell, is the object of his supposed affections?"

"Why, Bilbo of course," Kili says, like it is the most obvious thing in the world that Fili should have noticed ages ago. 

Fili promptly chokes on his bread again. "The _hobbit_? Thorin would never."

Kili shrugs his shoulders and Fili glances around quickly to ensure that they are still alone. Thorin, who must surely feel his ears burning, turns from the front to glare at them but he refrains from chastisement. Fili raises his hand in acknowledgement but Kili remains silent beside him, eyes on his saddle horn. 

"He will forgive you, in time," Fili says quietly. "I am sure he already has."

"Back to what we were saying," Kili says and Fili knows his brother well enough to let him change the subject. "I think Thorin would. I mean, how often does he yell at him? Quite a bit!"

"Normally if you desire someone, you don't yell at them," Fili says, rolling his eyes again. It's no wonder that his brother hasn't bonded with whatever dwarf Mahal blessed him with; his views on love are clearly skewed. "I think he irritates Thorin, and rightly so. He's a fussy little creature, isn't he?"

"Everything irritates Thorin," Kili says dismissively, ignoring the slight against Bilbo and returning to his original point. "He yells at him almost as often as he yells at us, and we know he loves us. Or, at least, I think he does."

"Of course Thorin loves us," Fili says readily because he has never doubted his uncle's love for them. He has too many fond memories of Thorin caring for them, training them, teaching them, loving them to be able to do that. "Although, he does shout at us quite a bit."

"Much like with Bilbo," Kili says smugly. 

Fili rolls his eyes for a third time and leaves it. Once Kili is convinced of something, nothing can sway his mind and Fili can't even be bothered to try. He is sure his brother will realize soon enough that Thorin feels nothing of the romantic sort for Bilbo. The thought of _Thorin_ , of all dwarves, in love, is one that just doesn't settle well with him. 

The idea of love in general is one that doesn't sit comfortably well with him and he can feel the back of his neck burn. He is being watched, he can feel the eyes tracking his every movement and it takes every fibre of his being to remain forward facing.

***

He watches him, day and night. Whenever there is a moment of peace, the golden glow will catch his gaze and he won't be able to look away. He looks at him now, and how easily he is smiling with his brother. Would he smile like that for Nori? Would he be able to coax such laughter from his mouth? What other noises would Nori be able to coax out of his One?

"Nori," Bombur says, startling him out of his reverie. "Do you think once we reach Erebor, Bilbo will be to make some of those sweet honey biscuits we had?"

Nori grins, finding Bombur incredibly endearing with his love for food and his natural need to please. He's also a wealth of information that Nori doesn't hesitate to dip into. He's one of the more easy going and kind dwarves on this quest, one that has accepted Nori for who he is and doesn't pry much. 

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask him, if you were nice about it," he says, settling back in his saddle as the light glints off the yellow mane once more, catching and holding his attention. 

"It might be a secret family recipe, given the way he was so upset about sharing them," Bombur says mournfully. "I was only able to eat four."

Nori, who remembers the days when the inside of his stomach cleaved stubbornly to his backbone , only gives a polite smile as a reply. He has little sympathy for Bombur in that regard. In front of them, the little princelings laugh and Bombur gives them an indulgent smile. 

"They're fine lads, are they not?" He says, glancing over at Nori. "I grew up hearing of them, but rarely did I get to meet them. They're fine boys, the both of them. Thorin has done well for his heirs."

"Not sure about the younger one," Nori says, a bit too honestly for his liking. He isn't fond of something that keeps the attention of his One longer than Nori can. He smiles quickly though, sharp with teeth. "I'm sure he's just as fine as his brother."

_He's not, he's not at all_ , his mind says darkly and his fingers gripping his reins twitch, wanting to stretch out and touch the One that should love him the most. 

He watches and he watches and wishes, not for the first time, that his Prince was small enough to fit into his pocket and keep safe until Nori can steal away.

***

When they ride out that morning, Kili sticks to the back of the group where he is out of Thorin's direct line of view, and Dwalin's as well. It appears that no matter where he turns, Dwalin is there to watch him and it's beginning to drive him mad. He just wants privacy, is that so much to ask for?

Fili falls in line with him, sticking closer than usual. They climb down from their horses and lead them along, taking the time to stretch their legs and they don't want to overburden the ponies as it is. Thorin glances back at them but he remains silent so Kili looks away. 

Fili, who is usually attentive to their surroundings and has a good sense of balance, seems unable to stay on his feet. The smallest tree root will catch his boot and Kili will have to grab his arm to catch him before he can fall on his face. The first time it makes Kili laugh so hard that Nori and Bofur turn to see the amusement, the second time he sniggers loudly and by the third time, he's sighing in exasperation. 

"What is the matter with you?" He finally hisses after Fili has nearly fallen over for the fifth time, this time over a blade of grass, Kili's sure. 

"I can't tell you," Fili says lowly, although he glances around them and shuffles closer. "I'm sorry."

"You can tell me anything," Kili says honestly because they have no secrets between the pair of them, save for one. And Kili would be surprised if that was causing Fili to act so foolish since he has always been so positive in his thinking regarding that aspect. 

"I really can't, Kili," Fili says and Kili doesn't push him because he knows his brother well enough. The more you insist on Fili speaking to you, the more he will clam up. Fili will come to him when he's ready. 

"Kili, Fili!" Thorin's voice rings sharply over the rest of the company and Kili shrinks back. "Get back on your ponies and keep up. We have a ways to go."

They climb back on to their ponies and remain silent for the next little while until Bilbo falls back to ride beside them. He is full of questions once more and although they keep his attention occupied with their answers, Kili doesn't miss the way that his eyes keep drifting ahead to where Thorin rides. 

He smiles privately to himself. 

It turns out that he's ready by that evening for when they break for camp, Thorin immediately instructs the pair of them to look after the ponies. Kili gets half of them tethered to the trees while Fili does the rest and then they find a rotten tree that has fallen over and sit down together. 

"I have a problem, and it's rather large," Fili says slowly. "And I know that I am not supposed to be discussing this for it's not proper but... I feel so alone. I feel like I am drowning."

"Fee, whatever it is, you know you can speak to me," Kili says, wounded that his brother has held in his pain all this time but he's more alarmed by his brother's seriousness so he lets it slide. "We have no secrets."

"Bar one," Fili says with a meaningful look and oh - so it is about that, after all. 

Kili immediately feels uncomfortable but he forges on ahead because it is his duty to be a good brother, propriety aside. "You can speak to me about anything," he says again.   
"Even about that."

Fili must feel like he trusts him then because in a whispered rush, he says, "My One is on this quest," and at Kili's awed expression, he nods his head. "I know! I did not expect this at all when I agreed to come. I don't know how to react or what to do."

"Court him, of course!" Kili says and even in the excitement, he feels a spike of jealousy in his belly. Fili will be able to court his One openly, he will be able to Bond with him and be free to love a dwarf who doesn't instill such fear in his heart. "Is it Bombur? I bet it's Bifur," he says gleefully. 

"It's neither of them!" Fili snaps angrily and from a distance, like Kili's mind has been sucked into a tunnel, Fili's previous spoken words that he had said so long ago come back to Kili. 

"Pair of brothers..." he says slowly, his mind racing to figure it out. "Had a third but he was always unseen... oh Mahal! Your One is _Nori_!"

"Be quiet!" Fili demands, his eyes darting around wildly. He sucks in a deep rattling breath and Kili inches away from him on the log, feeling slightly concerned at how worked up Fili is. He's never seen his brother like this. "Yes, my one is Nori and I don't know what to _do_."

"Court him," Kili repeats because it is the most obvious thing in the world, how can Fili be confused? His older brother used to be so smart. 

Fili is lucky to have found his One so early in life. And on such an honourable quest as this! Perhaps since they are on the quest, Thorin will allow them to be a little more lax with the courtship and Fili will be Bonded. Balin knows how to do the ceremony, Kili has seen him do it countless times. It could happen before they even reach Erebor. 

"I cannot court him," Fili says, looking down at the damp grass. He looks so miserable that Kili reaches out to squeeze his hand briefly. 

"Nori, a royal consort! Imagine, going from being a simple 'Ri brother to being a part of the House of Durin." Kili shakes his head, unable to believe Nori's stroke of luck. "Has he said anything to you? He must know that you are his One."

"Kili, he is a well known criminal," Fili says, his jaw clenching tightly. "Thorin only permitted him on this quest because he could not afford to turn a single dwarf away. He doesn't trust him, though. There is a reason that Dwalin is usually two steps behind him - Thorin is suspicious of him and rightly so. Nori is a thief and a liar and he cannot be trusted!"

"Fili - "

"Did you not hear him? He can't be trusted, let alone become a Royal Consort!"

"But he is your One," Kili says, frowning. There are few dwarves that reject their Ones. Even Kili is not so foolish to believe that he can run from Dwalin forever. "Will you formally reject him and live a life of solitude? That's not like you, Fee."

"I cannot be with him," Fili says desperately, pushing himself off of the log and he glares at Kili. "You're supposed to understand that. You're supposed to support me!"

"I do support you," Kili protests, Fili's words cutting him quick and shallow. "You're my brother and I'll support you in everything, even when I don't understand it."

"Then understand this, little brother," Fili says in the stubborn tone that he uses when he's made up his mind and nothing will sway it. "Nori is a renowned criminal and the people of Erebor - _my people_ \- deserve better for a Consort. I will not bond with him."

"I understand," Kili says, and he does - a little at least. "Has he tried speaking to you? If he's truly after what you have to offer, then he will seek you out."

"He hasn't yet, but the quest has only just begun," Fili says darkly, furrowing his eyebrows. "He will yet, I am sure of it."

"Well, when he does, I will be there," Kili says, grinning up at his brother. "He will not get past the princes of Erebor so easily."

Fili gives him a grateful smile and Kili stands so he can give him an impulsive hug. Despite Fili's misgivings, Kili knows that everything will work out. Fili could even find a way to break his bond and marry a princess from the Iron Hills. Thorin would be pleased with such a turn of events. 

"Are you going to tell me the name of your One?" Fili asks curiously, reaching for his wrist and Kili quickly takes a step back away from his brother. His right hand moves to protectively wrap around his left wrist, even though it is already safely bound tight.

"No," he says because that name is his alone to savour, his name alone to fear and desire. To share it with Fili would make it frighteningly real and right now, on a dangerous quest such as this, that is not something he can afford. 

He is already distracted enough. 

"That is hardly fair! This is just like you - " Fili breaks off and scans across the way to where the ponies are, his brows furrowing once more although this time it's in confusion. "Hey, didn't we have sixteen ponies?"

"Yes," Kili says and counts them himself. He frowns when he is finished and counts them again, just to make sure, before he says, "So why do we only have fourteen then?"

***

Kili barely has time to savour the fact that he is _alive_ when he is pulled away from the rest of the company, through the group of trees and shoved against a rock. He reaches out, the rough texture of the rock nearly skinning his palms but he catches his balance and is able to turn around with a glare.

"You really need to stop handling me like this," he snaps, adrenaline still coursing through his veins at dangerous speeds. "I am your Prince and you will treat me with respect."

"You're my One before you're my Prince and I shall do as I please," Dwalin says, glaring down at him. "What were you thinking, rushing in like that? You really think a wee dwarfling like yourself would be able to take on three grown trolls? You're a stupid, foolish boy!"

Kili blinks, the words hurt more than they should. He narrows his eyes and pushes himself away from the rock, grabbing Dwalin by his beard and he jerks him down as hard as he can, staring into Dwalin's eyes with a gaze like flint. "We are not bonded," he hisses, shoving Dwalin away. "Until then, I am your Prince _before_ your One and you will respect me or I will see you gone from this quest."

Dwalin stares at him in silence for a moment before he starts laughing, deep roaring laughter that sends birds from the trees and the stillness from the air. Kili takes a step back, feeling sick. This is why he can't bond with Dwalin. The older dwarf will never respect Kili. He not only fails to see him as a Prince, but as a proper dwarf in general. 

To Dwalin, Kili will always be the dwarfling he knew that doesn't know any better. 

"It is admirable you think you could order that," Dwalin says cheerfully. "Your Uncle would never agree to it."

"Leave me alone," Kili says, turning away from him and he tries to leave the clearing. However, Dwalin steps in front of him, blocking his exit. "You've made your point on how stupid you find me. There's little else to say so why can't you just leave me alone?"

"I'm in charge of you, lad," Dwalin says seriously, a frown tugging at his lips. "That's not a responsibility I take lightly."

"Yes, I'm such a responsibility, such a burden to you," Kili sneers. The blood roars in his ears, drowning out every other noise save Dwalin's voice. "Just leave it, why don't you? I don't need a minder and I don't need a bonded. More importantly, I will never, ever, need _you_."

A flicker of hurt registers over Dwalin's face before it's gone and replaced with his typical scowl. He growls low in his throat and takes a step forward and Kili can't help it, he instinctively ducks away from him because he has seen Dwalin cuffing plenty of young dwarves around and he knows from experience just how much it can hurt. 

And Dwalin hadn't even been truly angry then. 

"I'm not going to hit you," Dwalin says incredulously and the scowl is gone from his face, replaced with a look that Kili would almost identify as sadness. "Kili... lad..."

Kili looks away from him because the look of betrayal is too much to bear. "Forgive me for thinking so," he says stiffly. "However, you have no difficulty assaulting me with your words. I assumed that fists would soon follow."

"Mahal," Dwalin curses low, reaching for him and out of surprise, Kili allows himself to be pulled close. It is the first time that Dwalin has touched him without frustration, it is the first time that Dwalin has touched him with intent. Foolishly, Kili enjoys it, Kili _allows_ it. "I would never lay a hand on you like that."

Dwalin is right on one account - he _is_ stupid. 

"Just leave me alone, _please_ ," he says, his voice muffled against the thick hide of fur that Dwalin wears. For a moment there, when he had been helpless on the ground and Dwalin had been slowly turning over the spit, he had been filled with such deep regret; how much time they have wasted and how much time they could have. 

Now, in the light of day, Kili does his best to forget those memories.

"I don't know what to do with you," Dwalin says, releasing him and he gently slides a finger under Kili's chin, lifting it so he can meet his eyes. His skin is warm where it touches his own and Kili fights the urge to shudder. 

He blinks at the brightness of the sun and takes a step back, breaking their physical contact lest he ask for more. "Few do," he says before he turns and walks away and this time, Dwalin doesn't stop him. 

Who would have thought that this would be so hard?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr @ viiiuniverse


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize profusely for the delay of updates. Writer's block is a bitch, y'all.

Fili sits down on hard ground and leans back against his brother's legs. Kili sighs from his position on the rock and begins to run his fingers gently through Fili's hair, untangling it the best he can before he begins to braid the intricate braids again. It's an intimate process, to have your hair braided, so they have stepped a little way from the Company. While they can't have full disclosure, they will take what privacy they can get.

Fili closes his eyes and soaks up the sun that is shining down through a break in the trees. It's warm against his face, and if he focuses hard enough, it almost feels like they're home. Home - back where everything made sense and Fili didn't have the faintest idea to who this elusive Nori was. 

He cannot claim such innocence now.

"Do you think Mahal makes mistakes?" He asks softly, finding it easier to talk about their Marks when he can't see Kili's face directly.

"Yes," Kili's response is swift, much to Fili's surprise. Gauging by Kili's automatic response of how Fili should court Nori, he hadn't expected his younger brother to have a cynical view on the bonded.

"I think Mahal made a mistake with me," Fili says, because Nori is the exact opposite of what a Consort should be. He is not noble in the least, nor is he even in good standing. He is a petty thief and a dangerous criminal that belongs behind bars, rather than on the royal throne of Erebor.

Kili's hands pause in his hair for a brief moment before he continues his work. "I don't think Mahal would curse our family thrice," he says quietly.

"Thrice?" Fili frowns.

"Well, Uncle Thorin lost his One when he was quite young, I would consider that cursed. You have strong reasons to doubt the validity of your One, so there is the second curse. As for the third..."

Fili twists his head so he can see his brother's face. "Are you displeased with your One?"

"Very," Kili says quietly, firmly, his mouth turned down in a frown. It looks misplaced on Kili’s face, his brother who is usually smiling. "Mahal has cursed me, indeed."

"Perhaps Thorin's is a blessing," Fili suggests because perhaps Thorin had been destined for an unfavourable One and Mahal had spared him such a fate. "Perhaps we are the only cursed ones."

"How comforting," Kili says before Fili can feel him stiffen and he turns back around to see what has Kili so spooked.

It is Nori walking over to them, striding with purpose and Fili can't begin to decipher the look on his face. He has hardly spoken two words to Nori and frankly, has little desire to change that. Not to mention, he is being braided!

"You're very presumptuous," Kili snaps and Fili wants to hug his brother for always understanding what it is that Fili needs. "I am braiding my brother's hair, leave off."

"I don't give a damn about his braids," Nori drawls, looking down at Fili and Fili can't help but return the gaze, drowning in Nori's light eyes. He quickly looks away once Kili has nudged his side. "Dwalin sent me."

Kili stiffens even more and his tone takes on a low, dangerous quality that Fili has rarely heard before. "You can also tell Dwalin to leave off," he says coldly. "I won't say it again."

"You can unwind your small-cloths from the knot they're in," Nori says, his voice less lazy this time and a little more angry. "This is none of your concern anyway, so if anyone should be leaving off, it's _you_."

Kili surges to his feet and Fili scrambles to follow him because he knows his brother and he knows Kili is moments away from getting into a fight he can't hope to win. As much as he would favour his brother, he can't deny that Nori has lived a harder life than either of them, and his fighting tactics will reflect that.

"What did you say to me?" Kili shouts, clenching a fist. "You may be part of this company, _thief_ , but I am your Prince and you will give me respect!"

Fili blinks, because Kili has never been one to lord his station over anyone. If anything, he usually forgets that he is royal at all, taking to the outdoors and leaving Fili behind to study with Balin and learn all the details of what it means to be Thorin's heir.

"Kili," he says, trying to intervene, because Thorin will be furious if he finds them fighting. This is the exact business he had warned he would send them home for and they’ve hardly seen anything yet. 

Nori sneers at him and draws a dagger from his side, spinning the hilt on his finger, tossing it up in the air before he catches it in one hand and points it at Kili. "You're a spoiled brat and I should spare this Company your presence and spill your blood now."

Kili nocks an arrow so quick that Fili barely catches it but he doesn't even blame Kili because nobody threatens his brother and lives. Fili immediately draws both of his swords and advances towards Nori, fury written all over his face.

"I don't care if you are the One Mahal has carved for me," he hisses, low and furious, circling around Nori who has taken a step back. From the corner of his eye, he can see Kili still has his arrow drawn. "Threaten my brother again and _I will end you_."

Nori immediately freezes and raises his eyebrows, lowering the hand that holds the dagger. "You acknowledge you are my One, then?"

Fili glares but nods shortly, keeping his swords drawn. The fact that Nori had even mentioned spilling Kili's blood is still reverberating inside his mind and he is furious to think that he is supposed to bond with this dwarf, that he is supposed to love and trust him enough to make him Consort.

"What is going on here?" Balin says sharply, hurrying between them and he looks at all three dwarves in turn. Fili refuses to be shamed and lower his blades, even when Dori storms over furiously.

"You threaten my brother so?" He demands, pushing himself against Fili and it takes all the self-control Fili has not to lash out. He finally lowers his swords to his sides, mostly so he doesn’t end up cutting Dori because he won’t be able to fully say it was an accident. 

"He threatened mine first," he says, keeping his eyes on Nori and he bares his teeth. "Kili is your Prince and you will do well to remember that or we will release you from your contract and be thankful to see you go."

"You cannot do that!" Dori snaps, hurrying over to Nori and he tugs on his arm. "Brother, put your dagger away. Come, let us go back to the cave."

"He has every right to do that," Balin says sternly, narrowing his eyes at Nori and Fili is relieved to see it. Balin loves him, and Kili too. He will protect them both. "Fili is the Crown Prince and Thorin's heir. If he wants your brother gone, Dori, he only need to say the word. I would advise you to heed his words, Nori."

Kili returns his arrow to his quiver and walks straight up to Nori, his eyes stormy. "My brother's words echo my own sentiments," he says lowly. "Don't give us another reason."

Nori stares at Kili before he turns his attention back to Fili, who has lowered both swords by this point. "Gloin sent me," he says calmly, as if nothing has happened. "He requests your shovel."

Fili grabs the shovel from his back and throws it at Nori, smirking in satisfaction when it hits the thief on the softness of his upper arm. Nori flinches but he wraps his hand around the wooden staff of the shovel and nods his head.

“I thought Dwalin sent you,” Kili says suspiciously.

Nori grins at that, sharp and quick. “It's just fun to watch you squirm over your _minder_.”

Fili quickly turns to Kili and grabs his arm, dragging him away from Nori before they can get into another fight. He tilts his head to the side, where the forest is more private and, more importantly, completely void of Nori. "Come brother, let us finish my braids in private," he says, beginning to walk away and thankfully, Kili falls in step with him.

Fili can hear Nori as he walks away and it takes everything he has to continue moving further away, putting space between them. He wants to draw his sword against Nori's throat, just to see his blood seep down his throat, he wants to smear that blood down his chest and hips - paint him with it. He wants to take Nori violently, marking him as clearly on the inside as he would on the outside.

He wants it all, Mahal help him.

It's silent as Kili finds a log to sit on and he beckons for Fili to sit down in front him. Fili folds himself down and leans his back against Kili's legs, the comforting feel of Kili's fingers gently winding his hair soothing him slowly. Fili is still trembling from his anger but with each deep breath he inhales and exhales, he can feel himself calming. 

"Now do you see why I cannot bond with him?" Fili bites out once Kili has finished braiding his hair. He's still angry. 

"He's a prat," Kili says, wiping his hands off on his thighs and standing up from the log. "He would make a terrible Consort."

"I know," Fili groans, scrubbing at his face. His skin feels hot and too tight, stretched thin across his features. "And yet what am I to do? Break the bond?"

"I wouldn't do anything too hasty right now," Kili cautions and Fili knows it's a sad day indeed with Kili is being the smarter of the pair. "We should just get through this quest and reclaim Erebor. Once we're home, Thorin will be in a better mood and perhaps you'll be able to talk to him."

"Yes, maybe," Fili says and he already feels exhausted, despite the fact that it is only early morning. "Come on, let's rejoin the company. I can only imagine what Balin has told Thorin."

"Or Dwalin," Kili says darkly. 

"Your babysitter isn't that bad," Fili aims for teasing but it fails to bring a smile to Kili's face. "It's really not so terrible. He leaves you alone for the most part."

"Let's go," is all Kili says, gathering up his weapons and he begins to stride off through the trees, heading back towards the faint noise of conversation that they can hear. 

Fili hesitates, taking that moment to school his features into the ones of Thorin's heir, and not the dwarf that lusts for love and bloodshed. He allows himself one more burning moment of deep anger and arousal before he tamps it down and locks it firmly where he cannot access it. 

He breaks through the clearing with an easy smile on his lips.

***

Nori’s still trembling from the encounter but he’s learned to keep it on the inside so nobody asks questions. He hates questions, he really does. It’s bad when it’s from the law, but it’s worse when they’re from Dori. Dori has a knack for asking the insensitive questions that make him want to talk.

“What’s the matter with you?” Dori fusses once they’re back with the rest of the company, although they’re still off to the side so they’re able to speak openly with each other without Gloin or Bofur listening in. 

“No idea what you mean,” he drawls lazily, tucking his blade back away into his furs and it’s gone, just like that. “Got any water left in your skin? Mine’s empty.”

“You shouldn’t be picking fights, not with them,” Dori says, almost pleadingly, and he passes his waterskin over to Nori without a complaint. Despite all of his flaws, he’s been a good big brother to Nori and Ori both, kept them safe when their mother couldn’t. 

“They started it,” Nori says, and immediately feels like a young dwarfling for it. He hasn’t uttered those words since he was at least fifteen. “They’re just so arrogant. And that younger one has such a punchable face.”

“Nori!” Dori hisses, yanking him further away from the group, probably so nobody overhears Nori saying what they’re all thinking. The princes are brats. “They’re Thorin’s heirs and you’re here on his mercy. Don’t mistake it for desperation.”

“He won’t dismiss me unless I do them serious harm, and I won’t.” The thought of Fili wounded, of Fili bleeding is one that Nori won’t tolerate. It makes his chest clench angrily and he forces himself to breath slowly, rolling the tension out of his neck. “Even if it’s tempting, I won’t, Dori. He can’t afford to lose three dwarves.”

“He’ll only lose one, should you misbehave,” Dori says sharply and then immediately softens. “Ori and I won’t follow you, Nori. Ori has signed on to this quest and he will see it through. And we both know Ori needs me more than you ever have. So keep your nose in line or you’ll be out on your own and I don’t want that for you.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Nori shrugs his shoulders. The thought of being alone doesn’t bother him. Majority of dwarves are keen for company, even if they’re unwed. They tend to sleep grouped together and it’s rare for any dwarf to have a room of his own. Nori, however, has always been content to live and sleep alone. 

It’s something he adjusted to when he was young and his sire had no business with him and his mother couldn’t be bothered. Dori could only do so much while trying to work and Nori had learned at a young age how to entertain himself.

He supposes Dori regrets it something fierce now. 

“Nori,” Dori says warningly. “I want your word that you’ll behave.”

“I’m not going to give up my share of gold just so I can punch a bratty prince,” Nori says, because he’s always been more pragmatic, even if he does have a temper. His good sense is what has kept him alive all this time. His temper would have seen him dead years ago. 

“And he’s not a brat, he’s actually quite nice once you get to know him,” Ori, the sneaky eavesdropper, says from behind his shoulder. “If you had been around more, you would know this.”

Nori stiffens at the implied insult. He knows it had been hard on Ori to have Nori constantly gone and Dori constantly working but together they had done their best to raise Ori right. Dori had provided him with stability and love and Nori had provided him with all the money he nicked so Ori could learn how to become a scribe. 

“Sod off, Ori,” Dori says sharply and they’re all surprised into silence because Dori is never hard on Ori. If anything, he coddles him to the point where Ori isn't capable of anything. 

"Be nice," Nori finally says, not wanting to fight with both of his brothers on this quest. They'll need each other more than ever. "It's not Ori's fault. However, I doubt I'll change my mind on what Fili is like."

He knows what Fili is like - that's the problem. He has heard enough accounts from other dwarves exactly how Fili is and that's why Nori can't do anything but admire him from afar. Nori loves him too much, loves the idea of Fili too much, to come close and taint all of that. 

"He's a good dwarf," Ori says stubbornly. "I was picked on a lot and Fili was always there to defend me, even though he didn't have to."

"Who was picking on you?" Nori immediately hones in and Ori huffs out a breath of impatient laughter. 

"It doesn't really matter, does it?" He says with a smile. "Those dwarves will be envious of me once we reclaim Erebor. Their words can't hurt me now."

"Well, I'm glad he defended you but he's still a knob to me," Nori settles on saying. "And don't get me started on the younger one."

"Aw, Kili isn't so bad either," Ori says, nicking Dori's waterskin and he finishes what Nori hasn't. 

“He’s an idiot,” Nori says darkly, his hand twitching at his side. He has no reason to dislike Kili as strongly as he does, no reason except he’s the apple of Fili’s eye and it drives Nori absolutely mad. 

“He’s not book smart,” Ori says and then shrugs his shoulders. “But then again, neither are you, and nobody would dare call _you_ an idiot, would they?”

“Hey, it’s not that I’m not book smart. I didn’t have the opportunity for it.”

Ori falls silent at that and he gets that little pinched look on his face that he always gets whenever he feels guilty over things he can’t control. He still blames himself for Dori and Nori working so hard but it’s not his fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. It was just their lot of luck. Nori feels bad for saying that so he reaches out and tugs on one of Ori's braids gently. 

"Don't you worry about it, little gem," he says. "I've gotten by just fine in life. I wouldn't change a thing."

Ori loosens at that but that's because he doesn't know what a lie it is. Nori would change so much if he could. How different would his life be if he had been respectable? He doesn't wish for a different family, but if they had been a little richer, then perhaps he would have grown up all his life with Fili. He wouldn't be uncomfortable to be his One, they would have been head over heels pleased when it all came to light, instead of the dirty, shameful secret that it is. 

Nori would change so much if he could. 

There's noise from the clearing and then both the princes break through. Fili's smiling although once their eyes meet, the smile disappears and Nori can't break his gaze. He wants him, he's wanted him more than he's ever wanted any jewel. 

What sort of thief is he if he can't even steal a heart? 

He tears his gaze away, staring down at the ground and does not react as Fili walks past him, he does not even speak as Fili's shoulder roughly brushes against his. Instead, he savors the touch because it is from his One and it is all he has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr @ viiiuniverse


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

Kili has always considered himself to be fit, and has never doubted his abilities in hiking, hunting, or running. He had always been able to outlast his peers, who didn’t have his height nor were they lithe like he was. How foolish he has been to think that his easy years with Fili in Ered Luin had prepared himself for this quest. He is not prepared to be running for so long while being chased by orcs that seek his blood. 

He is not prepared for this quest at all. 

And yet, he runs. He moves as quick as he can, honing his instincts. He blocks the rest of the world out until all he can feel is the steady thump of the ground beneath his feet, the pumping of his heart and the sound of Thorin’s voice. 

They run to no avail though for they are greatly outnumbered by orcs and beasts alike. Kili turns desperately in the grass, his mind racing because he is not yet ready to die. 

Despite the uncertainty of his future, Kili is not yet willing to let it go. 

“Kili!” Thorin roars to his left. “Shoot them! Shoot them down!”

He shoots and he shoots, ashamed at his aim and his accuracy, ashamed at his own desperation. But he is successful in some, he has taken some lives and to Kili, who has never harmed a life save for hunting, this is new indeed. He feels queasy, the cold porridge they had for breakfast that morning sloshes uneasily in his stomach as his fingers grow number and number as he continues to slay them. 

“Hold your ground!”

He continues to empty his quiver, forcing himself with all he has to stay focused on the orcs and wargs that cross the invisible line he has drawn. The insistent buzzing in his ears grow until it is a dull roaring and he shudders, shaking out his shoulders and resisting the urge to turn and look for his One. Dwalin is a seasoned warrior, far more than Kili himself, what use would he ever have for Kili in battle?

The best thing Kili can do is focusing on saving his own skin so there is something for Dwalin yet to claim – 

No! 

Such dangerous thoughts he is prone to. 

“Kili!”

It is Thorin bellowing his name once more and when Kili whips his head around, he is surprised to see that he is alone in the field with the orcs approaching. Thorin is standing by a rock and motioning wildly. Kili turns and begins to run once more, ignoring the stitch in his side and he recklessly throws himself down the gaping hole that Thorin directs him to. 

He rolls to a stop against Dwalin’s boot and for a moment when they touch, everything fades. 

Kili pulls himself sharply away and stands, weaving his way towards the back where Fili is resting and he leans against him, breathing heavily. Sounds of war are above them, Kili can detect the whistle of an arrow slicing through the air. 

They press towards the back of the cave and then follow the path that is before them. They wind through rock and stone and Kili can see some of the older dwarves visibly relax the longer they’re underground. Dwalin’s shoulders especially loosen and his brows are not quite so furrowed. 

Kili misses the sunshine. 

They pause in another small clearing to regroup and have a drink and that’s when Dwalin approaches him. Kili eyes him warily because he has nothing to say to the seasoned warrior that must still think him such a dwarfling. 

“What,” he says lowly, petulance already heavy in his tone. He doesn’t need Dwalin reprimanding him in front of the company again, not when he has nowhere to retreat to. 

“You shot well,” Dwalin says so softly like his rare praise is for Kili’s ears alone. “You looked… formidable.” 

Kili blinks in surprise and he forgets to keep the frown on his face. “I’m sorry, what?” He says, looking around him before looking back at Dwalin. “Are you referring to me?”

Dwalin immediately scowls and cuffs the back of Kili’s head lightly. “Who else would I be talking to?” He snaps gruffly. “You don’t seen anyone else here being a weed-eater, shooting a bow and arrow.”

"Hey!" Kili glares at him at indignation before the words process and he looks at Dwalin a little more seriously. “You meant what you said?” He asks, swallowing hard. He doesn’t miss the way Dwalin’s eyes track of the movement of his throat. “You thought I shot well?”

“Aye,” Dwalin says, stepping closer and Kili can see the light flecks of color in his eyes. There’s a flush on Dwalin’s cheeks, a droplet of sweat curving its way down his forehead before it drips off on to his furs. “You looked good.”

Kili’s cheeks bloom with heat and Dwalin has his hand on a heated cheek before Kili can even process what’s happening. He’s too stunned to fight him for once and Dwalin’s other hand goes to Kili’s waist, hitching him closer. 

“We need to talk about this,” Dwalin murmurs. “If you’re changing your mind – ”

Kili blinks through the haze until it clears and he realizes just how close they are. He’s even _nuzzling_ Dwalin’s hand that cups his face. He jumps back, ashamed at how his own body betrayed him. “No! I mean, no, I didn’t mean – ”

A stone passes over Dwalin’s face until his expression is hard and solemn and he takes two step backs. “I just wanted to tell you that you did well.”

“Thank you,” Kili stutters, meeting Dwalin’s gaze but at the unflinching look he receives, he quickly tears his eyes away until they land on Fili, who is watching them with sharp curiosity. He spins around and hurries over to his brother, forcing a smile on to his face even though his heart aches and burns fiercely. He is aroused and he is ashamed for it. 

It was never supposed to happen like this. It can never happen again.

***

Fili is moving down a long hallway, his arms full of cheese and bread that he’s nicked from the elvish kitchen when an arm suddenly reaches out from a dark alcove and yanks him in to it. Fili drops the food and reaches for the sword on his back but his arm is twisted violently behind his back and he’s slammed up against the unforgiving marble wall.

“Don’t even try it, princeling,” a voice snarls directly in his ear. “I have more knives on my body than you can count and I am not afraid to use any of them on you.”

“ _Nori_ ,” Fili spits out, wrenching his shoulder in an attempt to free himself. Panic is beginning to settle low in his belly, tensing all his muscles. He has never handled being helpless well. “Release me, thief.”

Nori tuts quietly and tightens his grip. It’s then that Fili feels the tip of a sharp blade pressed against his ribcages and he stills. “I’m your One before I am a thief,” Nori says lightly. “You’d do well to remember that.”

“And I am your Prince before your One,” Fili replies quietly. “I think we both ought to remember that.”

The hand and the knife vanish and Fili is able to spin around. He knows he should grab his sword while he has the chance but in the dim light, he is able to see the frown on Nori’s face. He almost looks… pained. 

“You’re ashamed,” Nori says.

“Of course I am ashamed!” Fili explodes without meaning no. He hates how angry Nori makes him, hates how he confuses rage and lust. “How did you possibly think I _wouldn't_ be ashamed? You’re a petty thief and a common criminal, Nori!”

Nori blinks in the fading light and takes a step breath. Fili immediately misses the closeness and curses himself softly for it. 

“I don’t steal anymore, not since this quest began,” Nori says carefully. “Your uncle agreed that this quest would rid me of my debts.”

“That’s your agreement with Thorin, then,” Fili says tightly. “You and I have made no such promise and I will hold you to your previous deeds for it is all you are known for. You are hardly the material of Prince Consort for a kingdom as great as Erebor. I will not bond with you.”

“I will not sit here and beg you,” Nori hisses and oh how Fili wishes he would. He would stake all his gold on Nori sounding so pretty begging and writing underneath him. “You are not so mighty yourself. Before you look down on me, perhaps you ought to examine your own family history.”

“What are you implying, _thief_ ,” Fili demands, sliding a hand into one of his side pockets where he keeps a small dagger. He has no… current intentions of using it, of course, but he feels distinctly more comfortable with his fingers wrapped around the sturdy, ivory handle. “I am a Prince of Erebor.”

“Your great-grandfather shamed Erebor far more than I would _ever_ be capable of,” Nori says with a lilt in his tone. Fili recognizes it as smugness. “Even your own grandfather was a coward and a disgrace. And let us not get started on Thorin for while he has been decent to me, he is still an exiled prince with a foolish dream.”

“A foolish dream?” Fili repeats incredulously. “If you believe this quest to be so foolish, whatever forced you to come along?”

“You,” Nori says before his face loses the little color it possessed and he scowls. “And I have to protect Ori, he’s too young for this. And while Dori is mighty, he can’t do it all. This is a doomed quest but I would not fail my brothers while I still have breath left in my chest.”

Something flips in Fili’s stomach and he suddenly feels dizzy and weak. He wants to press Nori against the wall, he wants to slide down to his knees and take Nori in his mouth, reward him for such an admission – 

He wrenches his mind away from such dangerous thoughts and focuses instead on Nori’s earlier words. He feels a flood of anger wash over him and it’s a relief. “You dare speak ill of Thorin, and of my family, in front of me?” Fili retorts sharply. “First you threaten my brother and now your poisonous tongue turns to the rest of my kin? You really believe your actions will give me cause to change my mind?”

“Who says I want you to change your mind?” Nori shrugs his shoulders and they are far too lean for Fili’s liking. His… the thief needs to eat more. “I have no desire to rule Erebor, it is a cursed mountain. I only agreed to this quest to clear my past misdeeds and keep an eye on my kin. I care not for your damned mountain. I only desire the riches inside of it – which I will be rightfully entitled to. I won’t have to thieve anything.”

Fili curses lowly because he’s right. “So you will take your money and you will leave,” he says. “You will live out the rest of your miserable existence as if you’ve never heard of me.”

Nori bares his teeth and Fili doesn’t miss the way that his hand twitches at his side, a flash of blade in the light. 

“I have had enough of you,” Fili finally says once Nori has remained silent. He cannot believe the gall of Nori to handle him so roughly and then to speak so traitorously of Thorin and of Erebor. He will never bond with Nori. 

He owes Erebor more. 

“I am not finished with you,” Nori says, interrupting his thoughts. “I presume that your brother knows your wrist bears my name?”

“Yes, Kili knows,” Fili says slowly. “We have no secrets, save one. He will not tell anyone, if that is what you fear.”

“I fear nothing,” Nori says, jutting his chin out and Fili fights the urge to smile. His thief is a brave one, and Fili honestly doesn’t know when he began to consider Nori his. “I have told neither of my brothers and I would like it to remain that way.”

“Gladly,” Fili huffs out a breath of laughter. “You don’t have to convince me, thief. I have no desire to speak of this to _anyone_.”

Nori’s upper lip curls at that and Fili feels a flare of desire. “We are of one accord then.”

“We are _nothing_ of the sort,” Fili says, pushing himself away from the wall and he stalks out of the alcove. Deep in his heart, in the secret place that he guards so fiercely, he is disappointed that Nori lets him go.

***

They are granted rooms, as well as freedom of a large outdoor patio and majority of the dwarves set up camp underneath the sky. The hobbit glances wistfully towards the doors but at the look on Thorin’s face, he sets up his bedroll in the corner and Fili doesn’t miss the way he mournfully sighs. It makes him frown to see his uncle deny the hobbit such a simple pleasure.

Thorin’s paranoia is overwhelming. 

The elves have proven themselves to be hospitable. Fili will never appreciate their company, but he is not too stubborn to deny himself their food and their beds. However, he is Thorin’s heir, and therefore he sets up his own bedroll beside his brother, ignoring the way Nori’s gaze lingers on him. After the events that transpired between them today, Fili needs space from Nori and what better way than to sleep in his own private bedroom, away from Bombur’s rumbling snores and Bifur’s nonsensical mutterings?

Fili weaves his way through the dwarves until he comes to a stop at Thorin’s elbow. “Uncle,” he says, mustering as much respect as he can into his tone. “Is it not possible that we take advantage of the comforts the elves have offered us? We are weary and have a ways to go yet.”

“We stick together,” Thorin says predictably. Fili fights the urge to roll his eyes. 

“The rooms are grouped together, and it would give us time for some privacy,” he presses. “I mean, have you seen Kili’s hair? I’d like to braid it but in this open space…”

“I don’t know why you bother with that boy’s hair,” Thorin says, and he follows Fili’s gaze to where Kili is curled up on a chaise, chewing on a pipe stick. “Fili, we need to stay together. I have no certainty what the night will bring.”

“Then allow me to take Kili into one of the rooms so we can attend to our hair and then we will return,” Fili gives it one last effort. Thorin is silent before he gives a slow dip of his head and it’s good enough. 

Fili darts away from him, hurrying over to Kili and he yanks him by the elbow, dragging him through the dwarves and into one of the rooms, closing the door with glee. He releases his hold on Kili and heads towards a bed that is so large it could almost fit the entire company on it. He surveys it in awe before he climbs on and throws himself down on the pillows with a long, satisfied sigh. 

“What are you doing?” Kili asks, his brow furrowed in confusion. “Uncle said we couldn’t sleep in here.”

“And we can’t, not really. However, I don’t want to sleep on a marble floor. If Thorin and his back want to be sore in the morning, that’s on him. I want to sleep here.”

“But Uncle said – ”

“Thorin thinks we are braiding our hair, so at least comb your hair and make it look like I’ve tried,” Fili says patiently, closing his eyes. He can hear rustling and he knows that Kili is grudgingly obeying him, because there are few things Kili hates more than combing his hair. 

Time passes and Fili drifts in and out of sleep. He feels the bed dip as Kili crawls in beside him and he sleeps with his face pressed between Kili’s shoulder blades for a bit. He knows that Thorin will become suspicious eventually, but he is too comfortable to move. The world is thick and hazy around him, and his limbs are sluggish and slow. Fatigue is catching up to him and he is grateful to exploit this moment for as long as he can. 

Eventually, Kili stirs beside him and crawls out of the bed, murmuring that he’s going to take another bath and he’ll distract Thorin from Fili’s whereabouts if Fili wants to continue sleeping. Fili waves him off and sinks back into sleep. 

When he wakes again, it is past dusk and the last of the light shines into the window. Soon, he will have to leave the comforts of this room and emerge back to the discomfort of Nori’s presence and Thorin’s demands. Ah, Nori’s presence. How it pains him to be so close to somebody to insufferable. 

How Nori thought Fili would ever bond with him is a mystery. Thorin would be furious, he might even deny the bond for he cannot see his uncle allowing Fili to Bond with a common criminal. There is nothing more important to Thorin than Erebor, not even soul mates. It is most likely a blessing that Thorin is Markless for that would be a choice that Fili would not see his uncle make. 

If he closes his eyes, he can still Nori’s hands on his body, pressing him up against the wall, a thigh wedged between his own. Fili shivers in the sheets as he feels a twitch of pleasure. It is wrong to think about Nori, it is wrong to dream about laying his hands on Nori in a way that is not altogether violent. He should force himself to rise from the bed and join the rest. 

Instead, he rolls over on the bed and presses his hips down against the blankets, the movement tightening his pants. He swallows the moan that wants to slip out and presses his hips harder against the bed, rolling them while he pictures Nori bent over a golden throne, dripping in gems. 

He would open so easily for Fili. He would be so willing and if he wasn't, well... Fili had never strayed from a challenge. 

He rolls on to his back and fumbles with his lacings, pulling himself out in a moment of pure desperation. As his hand wraps around himself, he doesn't even care that the door is unlocked and anybody could walk in. Instead, he tightens his grip and begins to stroke himself in earnest. 

He pictures Nori the entire time, mounting him while Fili reclines on a pile of furs. He pictures Nori spread open on the bed, his hips raised invitingly. He would speak so prettily and he would call Fili his, he would claim him as his own and together they would rule Erebor, they would rule all of Middle Earth. 

His breath hitches in his throat as he imagines Nori draped in riches, as he imagines parading Nori out in front of the company, in front of Erebor. Nori would stand tall above them all, wearing a crown that Fili forged especially for him, an act of love - 

No!

He curses at the thought just as he spills his release. 

He pants on the bed for a moment before he finds the energy to tuck himself away and climb off the bed. The sheets are soiled but they are not Fili's concern. Instead, it's these damning thoughts he can't chase out of his mind that concern him. 

He cannot bond with Nori, no matter how tempting he finds him. To do so would ruin Erebor. 

To do so would ruin Fili himself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

Kili has always been free with his emotions but even he knows there are some opinions you just don’t voice, especially not within the company and certainly not within earshot of Thorin. That doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t mind the elves. He knows everyone would be horrified at such an admission, but the elves have supplied satisfying food (despite the picky eaters that exist within the company) and they had tried to provide comfortable lodgings for everyone. Thorin had nipped that in the bud almost immediately. 

Kili is fascinated by their forms, so tall and slender like his own. Growing up, he was often remarked as a weed-eater for his shape and for his love of the bow. He had ignored the cruel taunts the best he could until they eventually drove himself crying in his mother’s arms. Fili had made the bullies suffer but even Fili couldn’t erase the words from Kili’s young mind. However, the elves he sees before him are nothing to be ashamed of. They are reserved, and he has yet to see one genuinely smile, but there’s still an attraction there. They wield a bow and arrow with a sharpness and ease that Kili has never seen before. 

He wonders briefly if elves have soulmates, how they bond and mate. They must, for he has seen young elves out in the gardens but it’s such a mystery how they come to be. Would any of the elves have a Mark, binding them to another? Would any of the elves be displeased with their One? 

For the first time in his life, Kili wonders what his life might have been like if he had been born an elf. 

After his nap with Fili, he tells Thorin that Fili is in the gardens and waits until Thorin disappears before stealing off into the night. While he had had a magnificent time in the baths with Fili when they had first arrived (they had practically drowned Ori!), he hadn’t been able to just soak in the hot water and let his mind empty and his body relax. 

The large fountain is filled with clean water once more, and when he dips his fingers in to test the temperature, he moans at the warmth. He doesn’t hesitate in shedding his clothes and climbing in, submerging himself completely so he can scrub his hair until it gleams. After he’s emerged for breath and his skin is a healthy shade of pink, he hears the clearing of a throat. 

Kili whirls around, the water sloshing over the lip of the fountain, and he comes face to face with Dwalin, who has probably been watching him this entire time. Shame courses through him and he ducks lower in the water to preserve the little modesty he has left. While he would normally not flinch at someone in the company seeing his bare skin, the fact that it is Dwalin and they are alone is making the situation a lot headier than it should be. 

“Dwalin,” he says breathlessly. “What are you doing here?”

“Do you really think I’d let you wander off alone with all of these elves around?” Dwalin says, casting suspicious looks around the clearing. 

Kili follows his gaze but sees nothing, they’re absolutely alone. He doesn’t know if it’s the darkness or the touching fact that Dwalin seeks to protect him that makes him feel bolder than he should be. Perhaps it’s the way Dwalin’s gaze heats up every time he looks at Kili’s naked chest. Whatever it is, it emboldens him to swim up to the edge of the stone baths. 

“You can join me, if you want.”

He wants to snatch the words back the moment they are uttered because how can he have a bath with Dwalin when they are alone? It is beyond inappropriate and if Thorin was to ever find out, if anyone was to see… Dwalin stares at him briefly though before he nods and begins to divest himself of his clothing. 

Kili watches for the most part because he’s curious about what Dwalin looks like underneath all of the furs and armours he wears. He has seen almost every member of the company naked but because he has the knowledge that Dwalin is his One, he’s always been a little more careful in that aspect. Fair is fair though, and if Dwalin is able to gaze upon him, Kili sees no reason why he can’t return the favor. 

The baths are high for a dwarf and while Kili had sensibly used the small ladder provided, Dwalin’s pride obviously will not allow him to use it. He hoists himself up on the ledge and struggles for a moment before he tumbles into the water rather ungracefully. A wave washes over Kili, soaking his hair once more and he sputters in laughter. 

Dwalin emerges from the water, his beard dripping wet and he glares at Kili. “Not a single word,” he warns. “It’s a fountain, nobody can just step in.”

“I’m sure the elves can,” Kili says, mostly to rile Dwalin up once more. He finds Dwalin’s mistrust of elves to be amusing, especially given how gracious their hosts have been.

“Quiet, you,” Dwalin says gruffly, but it’s lacking the malice his tone normally carries when he’s upset. He leans back against the stone wall and closes his eyes. 

Kili runs his gaze down the hairy, scarred chest and feels a sudden heat bloom between his legs. Blushing, he looks away quickly, out to the stars and wishes he was anywhere but here. What has he gotten himself into? Why he thought inviting Dwalin into the baths would be a good idea is beyond him. Thorin has always said that Kili is foolish and reckless at heart and it would seem he’s not altogether wrong. 

He doesn’t have very many reasons to argue against the bond, besides the fact that Dwalin is an intimidating warrior and his uncle’s oldest friend. It seems far more complicated than it probably is but at the end of the day, Kili knows that Dwalin will never respect him as a grown dwarf who is capable of making his own decisions. 

“You look deep in thought,” Dwalin says, shifting closer in the water. “What’s on your mind?”

“Our bond,” Kili is startled enough by the movement to answer honestly. He edges away because they are both naked and he just knows that getting closer won’t solve any of his problems. It will only intensify them.

"You have known for almost thirty years that we are to be bonded and yet we have never had a true conversation about it," Dwalin says, settling in one place thankfully and he leans his back against the warm stone. "Why do you think that is?"

"I don't want to be bonded to you?" Kili suggests, shrugging his shoulders. "I grew up considering you to be an uncle figure to me. You don't even like me. It sounds like it would be an awful bond. Being Markless would be better than this."

Dwalin makes a soft noise but when Kili turns to look at him, his face is impassive. "You don't have to fear me," he says. "I'd never hurt you. You're Thorin's nephew."

"Exactly," Kili says bitterly because that's the problem right there. "I'm Thorin's nephew and you will never view me differently. You will never see me as an equal."

"You haven't even let me try," Dwalin mutters before raising his tone to a regular volume. "Do you think your Uncle would be pleased at this union? For years I have listened to him discuss the plans he has for you. I don't feature in any of them, lad, and that won't change now."

"If I acknowledged you as my One, so would Uncle," Kili says defensively because he wants to think well of Thorin. He would be pleased for him after he had processed the whole matter. "He might not be pleased with the idea, but he wouldn't deny me happiness."

"He'll deny Fili his," Dwalin says sagely. 

"How did you find out about Fili's One?" Kili hisses, looking around to ensure that they're still alone. "We have not yet told anyone about him!"

Dwalin raises a bushy eyebrow. "I don't know who bears Fili's Mark," he says slowly. "However, I know Thorin will probably deny him the chance to bond for as long as he can. He will want to make sure that Fili will have learned everything there is to being his heir without distractions."

"Oh," Kili says before he brightens. "Well, that's good! Well, not good for Fili, I suppose, although he doesn't seem too keen on the whole idea of bonding anyway, so perhaps it is good for him."

"How do you know who Fili's One is?" Dwalin demands, sitting forward in the water and it sloshes up Kili's chest once more. "Marks are private. You mean to tell me that you and your brother have talked about this? He knows you bear my name?"

Kili scowls at him. "For your information, he knows nothing about us. There's nothing to even know. However, if I did want to tell him, that would be my right. It's my body and he's my brother, I can show him my wrist if I please."

"Not unless you want to answer to me," Dwalin says loudly. 

"You're always angry with me," Kili snaps, shoving himself away and he stands in the water, thankful it comes to his waist. "This is why I want nothing to do with you! You can't even treat me kindly, how do you ever expect to love me?"

Dwalin closes his mouth with a click of his jaws and he stares at Kili, his eyes wide. Kili breathes out roughly and moves to turn away, to climb out of this bath and get far away from Dwalin because that is how they operate best - _with distance_. Dwalin reaches out and snags his wrist before he's able to escape and holds him still. 

"I mean to be kind," Dwalin says faintly and his touch _burns_ on Kili's skin. "Only, I'm not very good at it. I've never been responsible for something so beautiful before."

Kili can feel himself turn scarlet and makes a low noise in his throat, shaking his head in protest. "I'm not beautiful, I'm reckless and troublesome. Everyone says it, even you."

"You're also bright and good," Dwalin says, his hand sliding up Kili's arm until it curls around his bicep and he tugs. Kili helplessly goes. "You're clever and too good for an old dwarf like myself."

"You're not old," Kili says, even though it's the opposite of what he's been saying for years. Being this close to Dwalin though, seeing how bright his eyes are, makes him think differently though. "You're... weathered."

Dwalin barks out sudden, sharp laughter and Kili has no defense as to why he closes the distance between them and clumsily covers Dwalin's mouth with his own. Dwalin jerks against him, making a muffled noise but Kili just holds on desperately. He has absolutely no idea what he's doing. Why he thought this would be a good idea is beyond him, he doesn't even know why people consider kissing to be something of value because it's just awkward - 

Dwalin shifts his mouth and suddenly he's devouring Kili like a last meal, his tongue sweeping inside and it's all Kili can do to hold on. This is why everyone talks about kissing and Marks and bonding. This is why everyone stresses how important it is to find your One. 

It's _amazing_. 

"Kili?" He can hear a voice calling for him and he stumbles back with a wet, obscene noise. His cheeks flood with heat once more and he turns away from Dwalin, just in time because Fili comes around the corner, frowning. 

"Hi," he says breathlessly, licking his lips. He can still taste Dwalin. He wonders if Fili will be able to tell that he's just been kissed. "Did you need me?"

"I was wondering where you were," Fili says before blinking up at Dwalin in surprise. "Oh, hi Dwalin. I didn't see you."

"Hi Fili," Dwalin says, remaining seated in the water. 

Kili glances under the ripple of the water to where he can just make out a pale smear of skin and he jerks his gaze away, back over to Fili and he knows his face is red once more. "I'll be in shortly," he says because he owes it to himself to see this through, whatever it is. "We can talk then."

"Sure," Fili says despondently. 

Kili doesn't miss the sadness in his brother's voice. He forces himself to smile reassuringly at Fili, he can comfort him in a little bit. He waits until Fili has disappeared from view before he turns back to Dwalin, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Sorry, I don't know why he interrupted us."

"He seems down," Dwalin says, his eyes still trained to where Fili had stood. "Do you think he's all right?"

"Fili? Oh, he's fine," Kili says with false confidence because he's not entirely certain of that fact. Fili had definitely seemed a lot more down that he's seen him more but it's understandable. He's under a lot of stress right now with having to handle Nori and the awful fact that he'll have to break his bond or mate with a criminal. "Where were we?"

Dwalin starts laughing and he shakes his head, much to Kili's chagrin. "We can't, we're supposed to be having a conversation," he says, his beard damp from the water. 

"We obviously don't get along well when we talk," Kili says aggressively, feeling his entire body break out in heat. It's true, every time so far they have tried to discuss their Marks, it always ends up uncomfortable or with heated words. Kissing Dwalin though had felt right, the knot in his chest had loosened and his mind had calmed. 

"Shhh," Dwalin says soothingly, reaching for him and Kili goes. He can feel Dwalin's thighs on either side of him, bracketing him, and it makes him want to press closer. He wants to seek out the heat that's surely between Dwalin's legs like it is his own but he can't. That's too forward, even for him. 

"You need to be sure about this," Dwalin murmurs. "I have a lot of doubts, and I know there will be obstacles. I don't want to have to deal with you as well."

Kili rears back with a scowl, feeling like he's been doused in cold water. "What is that supposed to mean?" He demands, clenching his hands into fists. 

"It means that I don't want you suddenly saying I forced you into anything," Dwalin says, tightening his grip on Kili's arm so he's unable to get away. Instead, Dwalin pulls him even closer and Kili can feel Dwalin's heel brush the back of his leg. 

Immediately, his knees weaken. 

"I would never say that," he protests because it's true. He would never pin a false accusation against Dwalin. That's cowardly, that's something _Nori_ of all dwarves would do, not a prince of Erebor. 

"I know, I just... need to know," Dwalin says and he's so close to Kili. He could just dip his head down, just a little, and he would be able to brush their lips together once more. He would have that glorious tongue back in his mouth, coaxing out noises he never knew he was capable of making. 

"Well, know this. I don't know what I'm doing," he confesses before he covers that distance between them once more. 

It's better this time, if that was even possible. He has a better idea of where to place his lips and how to move them hesitantly against the older dwarf's. Dwalin groans faintly and pulls him closer, a hand sliding up to cup his jaw. He tilts Kili's head to the side, just a little bit, before he deepens the kiss even more and it's all Kili can do to hold on. 

The heat between his legs blooms once more and he has the sudden urge to press himself closer, rub himself up against Dwalin like an animal. The idea horrifies and tempts him all at once. He stumbles from the sheer thought of it and reaches out to balance himself, his hand resting against Dwalin's naked thigh. The skin is soft underneath his fingertips and he can't stop himself from exploring. He slides his hand down to the inside of the thigh and Dwalin makes the most peculiar noise in the back of his throat. 

"Kili? What are you doing?"

Kili curses and pushes himself back, tumbling under the water and he surfaces sputtering with Dwalin's hand clenched tightly around his bicep once more. He pulls away from Dwalin who has actually turned an interesting shade of red and moves to glare at his brother. 

"Fili!"

"You said you were coming right back and you didn't! I was worried!"

"I said I would in a bit!" Kili realizes he's shouting but he can't help himself. This is new and private, this is something for just him to discover. He doesn't want to share this with anyone yet, especially not Fili who will have so many questions for him. Questions that Kili can't even begin to answer. 

"You have no right to kiss him," Fili says in a low tone, turning his glare on to Dwalin and Kili feels a wave of protection wash over him. He puts his hand on Dwalin's knee to steady them both. 

"It's not your concern, Fili," he says gently because if his tone is sharp, Fili will overreact and go straight to Thorin. "Can we please discuss this later?"

"I'll wait," Fili says and his tone is unyielding. 

Kili can't bear to look at Dwalin so he simply moves to the edge of the stone basin and clambers out on to the small ladder. He scurries down, hunched over to cover his nakedness because this isn't how he wants Dwalin to see him for the first, proper time. When he glances back around, though, the older dwarf is pointedly looking away; although Kili doesn't know if it's out of respect for him or so he doesn't rile Fili up even more. 

He dresses as quick as he can in the awkward silence and follows Fili away from the baths. Fili leads him not to their makeshift camp, but instead to a private alcove and it's only there that he sits down and stares hard at Kili. 

"You have a lot of explaining to do," he says quietly. 

"I don't have to explain _anything_ ," Kili says immediately because it's true. His bond is his own business and nobody else's, not even his brother's. Or Thorin's. "Nothing even happened."

"You were kissing! You were kissing Dwalin!" Fili says incredulously before he lowers his tone. "How can you be so calm about all of this? It's Dwalin!"

"I'm well aware that it's Dwalin," Kili mutters, his hand twitching because he wants to rub his wrist. It's burning bright and hot, reminding him that eventually he will have to satisfy this itch inside. He forces his hand to stay at his side. "It was just a bit of fun."

"What if someone saw you? What if _Thorin_ saw you?" Fili demands, his brows furrowed heavily and despite the golden hair, he looks so much like their uncle that Kili finds himself taking a step back. "Do you understand how angry he would be?"

"I don't know why he would be angry, it's not like he has to kiss Dwalin," Kili says flippantly. He forces himself to keep his tone light. He can't lose his temper, he can't reveal his secret to Fili. He's guarded it so fiercely for so many years that he can't imagine spilling it now. 

"Kili!" Fili snaps, lunging forward and he grabs the collar of Kili's tunic, jerking him close. "Just because you aren't satisfied with your One doesn't mean that you can just go off and get into mischief with anyone else! It's disrespectful to your One, and to yourself! Not to mention Dwalin! He doesn't need to be dragged into your mess, he has his own life."

"You know Dwalin as well as I do, he's never been one to shy away from some trouble," Kili says nonchalantly. 

"You can't treat this so lightly! This is serious!"

"So is this!" Kili snaps, wrestling the black cloth of his wrist before he's even aware that he's doing it. He holds his wrist up into the light, the black script just as dark as it had been the day it first appeared. 

Fili sucks in a deep breath and his pale eyes widen as he looks at Kili wordlessly. He releases his hold on Kili's clothing, turning his attention on grabbing Kili's arm and pulling his wrist closer for a better look. 

" _Dwalin_?" He finally whispers in awe. 

"Yeah, Dwalin," Kili says, swallowing hard and he pulls his arm back, binding his wrist once more. It feels vulnerable and exposed when it's bare, leaving him unsettled. He's come to rely on the black cloth that feels like his own skin. "It's... something else."

"I understand what you mean about being cursed," Fili says. "He's so old and angry. Thorin will be unhappy."

"I don't care, he's mine," Kili blurts out before he snaps his mouth shut and shakes his head. "Sorry, that was odd. I know it's not ideal. I would have never asked for this, I don't even want him."

"You just said that he's yours."

"You don't ever feel protective over Nori, even when you hate him?" Kili hisses, knowing that it's a sore point. "It's a horrible feeling to have your heart take over your good sense. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I don't want Dwalin."

"Then why were you kissing him?"

"Because my body betrays my good sense as well," Kili says, collapsing down on to the ground and he buries his face into his hands. "This is a horrible burden to carry for years and it weighs on me daily. I am drawn to him like a moth to a flame. He will burn me, Fili. He will destroy me and I will have no one to blame but my traitorous self."

"That seems a little melodramatic," Fili says, raising an eyebrow. "Have you ever just considered bonding with him? Uncle would get over it eventually."

Kili shakes his head fiercely. He can't think of doing such a thing right now, not when they're on the quest and there is so much at stake. Not to mention, he truly doesn't want to bond with Dwalin. The warrior is angry at the best of times. Kili is not so delusional to think that a few kisses would change Dwalin's core. He cannot fathom a future where he is chained to Dwalin for eternity. 

"I want a simple life," he says quietly, unable to look at his brother. "I want to hunt and provide for my family and create beautiful works of art. I want to lead a quiet, happy life. I don't wish for war on my doorstep, nor a dwarf who cannot stand the sight of me."

There's rustling as Fili sits down beside him and then finally quiet snickering. "He was standing the sight of you pretty well tonight."

Kili glares at him and retorts the best way he knows how. "I couldn't expect you to understand," he says. "Your One is at least not so hardened that he doesn't even know kindness!"

Fili blanches and then returns the glare. "That was a low blow. Leave Nori out of this, if you know what's good for you."

"Why should I? You have no more reason not to bond with Nori than I do with Dwalin!" Even as the words leave his mouth, Kili is aware just how wrong he is and he flinches, knowing that his brother will be swift in his retribution. 

"You can't even begin to compare them!" Fili shouts, cuffing the back of Kili's head. "Dwalin may be an old warrior that you're scared of, but your Bond with him wouldn't be scandalous. _You_ will never be king."

"I could be king, if you died," Kili points out. 

Fili's glare intensifies. "I should die, just so you can understand how awful it is. I don't know how Thorin stands it, it's terrible business. It really is."

"It's your business, not mine," Kili says before sighing and rubbing his wrist. "Look, I'm sorry I brought Nori into this. You can't bond with him. He'll steal our entire inheritance and because he's your One, there will be little you can do about it."

"He would steal everything," Fili agrees darkly. "Anyway, let's leave that dirty scoundrel out of this. Let's focus on Dwalin because this is huge, Keels. Kind of like Dwalin. Hey, how huge do you think his - "

"That's quite enough!" Kili shouts, scrambling to clap his hand over his brother's mouth. He really can't be thinking about Dwalin's anything right now, not when the heat is still dangerously low in his belly. "Don't be like that. It's strange."

"Well, it was strange seeing you kiss him!"

"It was strange kissing him," Kili confirms before he makes a face and stands, brushing any dirt off of the seat of his pants. "It felt really nice, though. For the first time, I was able to think really clearly and my chest didn't feel so tight. Do you think it's related?"

"I hope not because my head always feels a bit cloudy. If kissing Nori is the way to cure it, I'll stay cloudy until the day I die," Fili says gloomily. 

"You never know," Kili says quietly, his mind already drifting back towards Dwalin. He can't help but wonder where he is right now and what he's thinking. He should have said goodbye. "Maybe you'd like kissing Nori. Maybe it would make you like him a little bit better in general."

"One kiss from Dwalin and you're ready to begin courting?" Fili snorts hard. Kili hopes it burned. "Have fun telling Uncle."

Kili scowls at that. He has no desire to inform Thorin that he has found his One. Not only would it be awkward, but he doubts Thorin would understand. Dwalin has been his best friend since Kili was born. Thorin has always been over-protective of them. He would never understand, let alone agree to it. 

"What Uncle doesn't know won't hurt him," he says instead. 

"What won't hurt me?" Thorin suddenly asks suspiciously from behind them. 

Kili jumps so hard he nearly topples over and it takes Fili grabbing his arm to steady him. "I had no idea you were there," he says breathlessly because what has Thorin heard?

"I was patrolling and I happened to just pass by," Thorin says, frowning at them. "If you lads are keeping secrets from me..."

"No secrets," Fili says smoothly, shaking his head. "It's just brotherly stuff. Nothing to be concerned about."

"Nothing that would interfere with the quest!" Kili adds helpfully. 

Thorin gives them both a long, doubtful look but he simply shakes his head. "On second thought, I don't want to know. Both of you are to head back and go to sleep. I want you well rested come morn."

"Of course, Uncle," Kili says, darting off quickly. If he's lucky, perhaps Dwalin will already be back by the fire and he will be able to... he actually doesn't know what he wants to do, besides explore this further. Talking leads to trouble, but kissing had led to something a lot more fun. Clearly kissing was the most sensible route for them to take. 

However, when he returns to their makeshift camp, Dwalin is nowhere to be found and even though he lays awake for as long as he can, sleep claims him before Dwalin ever does.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

The next two days in Rivendell are spent without an issue. As much as Kili desires to seek out Dwalin's company once more, Fili is either hovering over his shoulder or Dwalin is nowhere to be found. Kili refuses to be disheartened though because it's a small step and he's not certain he can even handle more. 

On the fourth day, Thorin finds them in the afternoon and his face is drawn in seriousness. "We are leaving shortly after the last meal," he says softly. "I want you both packed and prepared. Try to pack as much food as you can."

Kili blinks up in surprise from where he's been sitting in his bedroom. He surges to his feet, Fili following. Thorin isn't fond of the elves but the rest has been good for the company and Kili sees no reason why they should move on so quickly. He had even hoped to practice his archery against some of the elves tomorrow and see how his skills hold up. 

"Of course," Fili says. 

"But Uncle," Kili hesitates before protesting. "Why do we have to leave so early? It's only been three nights."

"Because I said so," Thorin snaps. 

"Let us leave tomorrow during the day then," he suggests hopefully. "I had hoped to shoot with their archers in the morning. Their skill is renowned and I had hoped to glean some knowledge - "

"Shoot with the elves?" Thorin interrupts and his voice is dripping with derision. "Kili, don't be so foolish. Now pack your bags."

"I don't think it is right to steal away in the night," Kili says stubbornly. "It doesn't reflect well on us. We'll look like common criminals!"

"What is the matter with you?" Thorin huffs out an impatient breath. "Pack your bags and shut your mouth, Kili. I will not hear another word from you."

Kili knows that it's a direct order from his king and not his uncle and he really should abide it by staying silent. Judging from the way Fili shifts beside him, he can tell his brother agrees with the sentiment of Kili remaining quiet. But Kili has never been one to stay quiet when there are questions he doesn't understand. 

"They have been nothing but gracious, Uncle - " 

The stinging slap finally silences him and while his face burns fiercely and his eye has unwittingly welled up, it is the pain of his uncle slapping him in front of the entire company that hurts the most. Every eye is trained on him, everyone frozen in disbelief for no matter how angry Thorin has gotten with Kili over the years, he has never laid a hand on him before. 

Thorin's face is drained of color but he speaks harshly. "Pack your bags. If you wish to remain behind with the elves you love so dearly, that is your decision but the rest of us will be leaving tonight. Am I clear?"

Kili nods silently, lowering his gaze from Thorin's because he cannot bear for Thorin to see the hurt and betrayal he knows is shining clear in his gaze. Thorin has never raised a hand against him in anger before, he has always associated his uncle's hands with words like comfort, help, and guidance. 

The moment Thorin has moved away from them to speak to Balin, Fili turns to face him, his face furrowed with irritation. "What is the matter with you?" He demands. "He told you to be silent, why didn't you listen? Why can't you just ever do what you're told?"

"Leave it," Kili whispers, shaking his head. He doesn't need a lecture from Fili right now, not when he can still feel pitying gazes on him. "I'm going to try and find some food to pack," he says loudly before he walks away from camp, slowly at first but the moment he is around the corner, he breaks into a run. 

He runs down the hallway and up the staircase, taking them two at a time. He stops once he reaches an empty balcony and he sags against the stone, catching his breath. He looks out over the lush valley with the wide river, the brightness of the moon reflecting off the water. It is peaceful and calm, it is everything he is not. 

A throat is quietly cleared behind him to alert him of a presence. He whirls around with hot words on his lips, confident that it is Fili who has followed him to lecture him some more but the words die away when he sees it is Dwalin standing on the top step, his face drawn in concern. 

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Kili says, pressing closer to the edge of the balcony, resisting the childish urge to go to Dwalin for comfort. His face burns with embarrassment and he is ashamed that Dwalin not only witnessed Thorin's anger, but the last time they had been alone, they had kissed. 

"He has no right to touch you," Dwalin says, and Kili doesn't miss the spark of anger in his voice. "He has... _no right_ to touch you like that."

"Thorin has never hit me before," Kili says softly, looking back out over the valley. "Not even when I have been at my worst."

"It's the damned elves," Dwalin growls, moving closer until he's leaning on the ledge as well. "I know you don't mind them, but there are those of us that remember them for what they truly are, lad. They're affecting Thorin, being here is affecting him. He would have never treated you so carelessly otherwise."

"He has never laid a hand on me before," Kili repeats because he needs to stress this point, he needs Dwalin to acknowledge the deep betrayal he is experiencing. "And then to do so in front of the company, in front of _you_?"

"Don't feel shame on my behalf," Dwalin says gruffly. "I've slapped you once or twice myself."

"Never on my face, never in anger like that," Kili counters. "You have never disrespected me like that. I've never been so ashamed."

"I would never do that," Dwalin says, reaching out before he aborts the motion and drops his hand to his side. "I reckon that your uncle is feeling pretty sorry for his actions right about now. If you return to camp with me, I am sure he'll come speak with you."

"I have nothing to say to him," Kili says bitterly. "He has abused our friendship and completely dismissed my counsel."

"It's not that easy, lad," Dwalin sighs heavily and shifts slightly. "Come back to camp. We really shouldn't be alone."

Kili looks away from Dwalin's mouth and touches the spot on his face that is still burning bright. "I don't think we should treat the elves so disrespectfully after they have been nothing but gracious towards us."

"Elves are not gracious!" Dwalin growls, his large hands clenching into sudden fists. "They're sneaky bastards that can't be trusted! You'd do well to remember that."

"They have been nothing but kind to me," Kili retorts stubbornly. "Slap me as well if you please but I won't change my mind."

"No, I reckon you won't," Dwalin says ruefully, relaxing out his hands and planting them flat against the stone. "You never do."

"It's not a flaw, you know," Kili says as he swallows hard. His heartbeat is beginning to pick up in pace due to Dwalin's close proximity. He wants to press closer to the older warrior, feel Dwalin's beard brush against his cheeks as they kiss again. 

He wants so much. 

"I would not change a single thing about you," Dwalin says with a sudden smirk. "You keep me on my toes."

Kili feels a deep curl of satisfaction thrum through his chest and his cheeks immediately darken under the compliment. He looks up at Dwalin with a shy smile in return and sets his mind aside, letting his heart dictate his actions once more. It prompt him to reach out and wrap a hand in Dwalin's furs and tug him down for a hungry kiss. 

The effect is almost instantaneous. The fog within his head lifts and he immediately begins to feel cleverer, braver. He presses closer, his free hand that isn't tangled in clothing moves to rest against Dwalin's hips. 

Too soon, Dwalin pulls back with a frown on his face. "We have to talk about this eventually," he says, finality heavy in his voice. "For years I have allowed it to be ignored but I cannot let this sort of behaviour continue in good conscience."

Kili scowls at him, feeling a wave of irritation wash over him. It doesn't seem fair for Dwalin to be distancing himself now that Kili feels slightly ready for things to advance. "There's nothing to discuss. It's just a bit of fun! I had no idea you were such a prude, Dwalin."

A thunderous look appears on Dwalin's face and he shoves himself back, away from Kili and out of reach. "Don't you dare belittle me like that," he bellows. "The moment I became of age and your name appeared on my wrist, I said goodbye to a life of sexual exploration and desires! I knew the name of my One and to engage in such... carnal behaviour was disrespectful!"

"I had my fun, regardless of your name."

The lie is out before he can even consider if it's worth saying. It's not true in the slightest, Kili hasn't had any fun. He has never even been kissed before. For all purposes, the only dwarf that he has been intimate with is Dwalin. However, he hadn't wanted to admit that. Majority of dwarves have their fun before they turn fifty - Kili had just never really had the opportunity. 

He hadn't wanted Dwalin to realize how young and inexperienced Kili is. It would only dampen Dwalin's attraction to him even further. He's beginning to realize that perhaps he's wrong, perhaps he's made a very large mistake. 

Dwalin's face goes absolutely blank and he nods his head sharply. "That is your business, and you're entitled to it. Considering it doesn't bother you, you might as well continue it with someone else."

Kili blinks in surprise and feels a surge of regret within his chest. "Dwalin, no," he protests, needing to repair the damage he has caused. "I didn't mean it, I haven't with anyone. It's only been you."

"There's no need to lie," Dwalin says stiffly and Kili has the horrible sinking feeling that he has hurt Dwalin, he has hurt his pride deeply. "Like you said, Kili, you will never need me."

Dwalin's turning away, Dwalin is leaving and helplessly, Kili silently watches him go. He doesn't know how to fix this. He had expected Dwalin to grow possessive and pull Kili close, biting his bottom lip while murmuring that Kili belonged to him only, that Kili was his. Dwalin hadn't done any of that, though. Dwalin hadn't responded at all how Kili imagined he would and that's when it hits him. 

Kili doesn't really know Dwalin at all.

***

Dwalin is intercepted by Thorin right before he enters their makeshift camp. Thorin draws him to the side for privacy and his brows are heavily furrowed. There is regret evident on his face but Dwalin does not wish to discuss Kili, not when his heart is still so sore.

"You've spoken to Kili, then?" Thorin says lowly. 

"Aye," Dwalin replies shortly, folding his arms over his chest to restrain himself so he doesn't punch Thorin in the face. He is angry with Kili, but he is furious even more with Thorin. 

The sight of Thorin backhanding Kili across the face had resonated hard within his soul and something primitive had reared up, screaming _**mine**_. It had taken all of his self-control to not draw blades to Thorin's throat right then and there. 

"How is he?" Thorin's chewing on his bottom lip absently, the only childhood habit he's held on to despite all of the changes he had been forced to endure over the years. "Is he angry with me?"

"I think he's more hurt and embarrassed than angry," Dwalin shrugs his shoulders. He's only guessing. Despite the recent changes throughout his relationship with Kili, he still has little idea as to what the younger dwarf is thinking. 

This evening has shown why he cannot bond with Kili. He is Thorin's nephew and Thorin will always discipline Kili when he is disobedient. Thorin is Dwalin's King that he has sworn fealty to and has sworn to protect with his life. He can hardly be the one that is wrapping his bare hands around Thorin's throat and strangling him for laying a hand against Kili. 

There's also the small matter that Kili has been liberal with his love, something that causes an ache deep within Dwalin's heart. He did not think he would care the way he does. 

Sighing, he turns away from Thorin. He wants to lay down on his bedroll and sleep, pretend that today has not happened. He wants to live in a world where he does not feel the incredible high of Kili pressed tight against him, only to suffer the devastating low of Kili admitting so carelessly that other hands have touched his body. He cannot even think of another dwarf touching what is his without seeing red in his vision. 

"Dwalin!" Thorin's voice breaks him sharply from his thoughts. "What is the matter?"

"Nothing," Dwalin says because there are yet some secrets that he keeps from his king. 

"I don't believe you, friend," Thorin says with a frown. "You were practically growling."

Dwalin swallows hard and hesitates for a moment before he lifts his chin resolutely. "I don't want you to treat Kili in such a manner again."

Thorin's brows shoot up and he immediately stiffens, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword. "You dare presume you can dictate how I discipline my own nephew?"

"I ask it of you respectfully," Dwalin grits out because he is walking on thin ice and he is quite the burden. It is a dangerous line and he fears that he will sink and drown. "He was humiliated, Thorin. Shout at him all you please, Mahal knows he needs to hear it sometimes, but raising a hand against him will solve nothing."

"He is _my_ nephew," Thorin mutters darkly. "You act too familiar."

"You put him under _my_ care for this quest," Dwalin argues, his fingers twitching idly at his side. "If you did not want me to act familiar with him, you shouldn't have allowed him to come underneath those stipulations!"

"I told him to obey you above all others... save myself!" Thorin roars and Dwalin instinctively takes a step back. 

They are treading very dangerous grounds here. 

He wants to stand before all and swear the Bonding oath with Kili, braid the house of Fundin protection into his hair. He wants to murmur his love and his promise into Kili’s mouth. He wants to shut them behind doors for days and strip him bare, taking him furiously and tenderly. 

He wants Thorin to praise their union, to bless their Bond and declare that Dwalin is a member of his family. He wants _so much_ , and yet, he will achieve none of it because Thorin will never, ever, bless them. 

And even more, Kili will not bond with him, not when he has apparently experienced so much more than Dwalin has to offer. 

The anger, embarrassment, hurt and fury coil deep within his belly, taking root inside of him until it's all that he is. "Of course," he murmurs, bowing his head. "My apologies, my King."

"Do not forget this," Thorin hisses. "I will not repeat myself, Dwalin. Kili may be under your eye but he is my nephew and I will discipline him how I see fit."

"Of course," Dwalin says tightly, giving a quick, jerky bow before he wheels around and stalks into camp. 

He is furious, he is absolutely furious with Thorin and with Kili and even with himself. Vibrating with rage, he stomps through their camp until he reaches Dori by the arm, pulling him to his feet and he shoves him towards where Dori's weaponry lays.

"Get your sword," he demands, already pulling Grasper from his back. "I want to spar and none can handle it, save you."

Dori, who had been turning purple with indignation, immediately hurries to grab his weapon and he spins to face Dwalin. "Spar here, or shall we find somewhere else?"

"This will do," Dwalin says before he lunges forward and attacks.

***

For the remainder of the evening, Kili does not speak to Dwalin and when they creep out at night, Dwalin follows in the front and Kili lags in the middle, putting space between them. The rest of the dwarves around him are relieved to be going and none of them make a secret of it but Kili feels a stone of regret in his stomach. It feels dishonest, considering how pleasant and gracious the elves had been.

It’s unseemly and for the first time in his life, Kili is ashamed of Thorin.

They travel hard every day, Thorin pushing them further and further each day. Kili knows that it's because of the elves and Thorin wants to put as much distance as he can between them but it gets tiring. They climb steep paths to cross mountain tops and weave their way through hooded forests.

Kili still does not speak to Dwalin and doesn't know if he is relieved or not that Dwalin respects his distance. 

One night upon the mountains, the black night opens and Kili is soaked through his leathers and tunic almost immediately. He pushes his damp hair back, the strands clinging stubbornly to his face. He is wet and cold and all he can envision is the warm bed with silk sheets and the heated bricks for their feet that the elves had offered. 

It is during his mind wanderings that everything falls apart. One moment he is shuffling along beside Fili, dreaming of toasty feet and hot cider, and the next Fili is torn away like a scrap of parchment, tossed to the wind. 

The entire mountain moves and shifts – stone giants battling! – and the company is divided in half with Fili and Dwalin on the _wrong side_. 

Kili’s throat seizes and he’s not even able to produce a scream. He scrabbles desperately at the empty air, trying to reach his brother and One. His hand closes around nothing and he reaches behind himself with his free hand to grab the dwarf closest to him. 

It is Nori, whose face has turned ashen. 

“Fili!” Nori screams, drawing up tightly against Kili’s back, his own hand held out to where Fili once stood. In this moment, they are bonded together and it doesn’t matter that Nori had once threatened to spill Kili’s blood. They are both at risk at losing something most precious. 

Kili is still unable to make a noise, he can see Fili and Dwalin swing by, clinging to stone, and he reaches for them once more. Rain and tears drip down his face, salty on his lips. Deep in his stomach, he aches fiercely. He holds on to Nori with his free hand, his body beginning to shudder as the anxiety overwhelms him and distantly, he can feel Nori soothing his hair back from his face. 

Dwalin is right on one account – they need to talk to about this. If – no, when – Dwalin comes back to Kili, they will do nothing but talk. They will spend years talking because this can’t be the end, Kili can’t be losing his One, not when he still has so much to learn. 

And yet when the stone carrying half of the company crashes into the mountain side with a horrific boom, it takes Kili a moment to realize the pained, keening sound is coming from his own throat and Nori is the only thing holding him up. Faintly, he can hear Thorin screaming to him, he is saying something but the roar in Kili’s ear drowns out everything else save for Nori’s voice. 

“They’re safe, Kili,” Nori says directly in his ear, giving him a rough shake. “They live!”

“Dwalin,” Kili pants, feeling as if he has run up and down the mountain multiple times, his breath wheezing in his chest. “Fee.”

“Fili’s alive, they’re safe and sound,” Nori says and Kili looks at his face properly for the first time since this all began. Nori is smiling in a way that Kili has never seen before. In fact, Kili doesn’t even know if he’s ever seen Nori smile. He gives Kili another shake, although this one is gentler. “All is well, Fili is alive.”

“And Dwalin,” Kili says without thinking before he realizes he has shown his deepest secret to a dwarf that can’t be trusted at all. “And all of them, I mean. They’re all safe. I’m glad to hear of it.”

“Dwalin is safe,” Nori reassures, giving the back of Kili’s neck a squeeze. “Rest easy, princeling. Your secret is safe with me.”

“Nori,” Kili says helplessly because he is not ready for this to become common knowledge just yet. He doesn’t fully understand it himself, how can anyone else know? Nori gives him one last smile before he releases Kili and forages past him on the mountain, disappearing around the corner. Distantly, Kili can hear his pleased laughter and then the sounding response of his brother’s voice who sounds uncertain.

Kili hurries after Nori, his heart still frozen in his chest and it doesn’t begin to thaw until he is around the rocky bend and he is able to see for himself that everyone is safe. Dwalin is pushing himself to his feet, brushing dust and rubble from his clothing. Their eyes meet and the look Dwalin gives him is so unbelievably tender, so intimate, that Kili’s heart kick starts in his chest. He rubs at the phantom ache in his chest and reaches for Dwalin. 

He wants to go to him, he wants to wrap himself around the older dwarf and murmur promises into his skin. 

And yet Fili is reaching for him – Fili is reaching for him while Nori hurts in the background and so Kili faithfully goes to his brother’s side.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i turn 30 today. yay. i feel entirely too old to be writing fic. lol.

They find refuge inside of a cave and once they've inspected it and it passes Thorin's approval, they set up a small, temporary camp. Fili and Kili both set up their bedrolls as close to Thorin as possible, but he doesn't remain there long. Instead, he moves around the cave slowly, taking time to speak with each dwarf. 

Kili yawns and pushes his wet hair that is slicked against his face back, squeezing the last of the droplets out. He pats his pockets until he finds a crust of bread that is still dry and takes a thoughtful bite as his eyes skid over to Dwalin once more. He's leaning against the cave wall, whetting the blade of his axe against a black stone as Balin speaks lowly to him. 

He doesn't glance up at Kili. 

"I have to confess, I believe you are right," Fili says quietly beside him, distracting him from his thoughts and he pulls his gaze away from Dwalin to focus on his brother. 

"You're finally acknowledging that I am right?" He says suspiciously, inching closer to Fili because he refuses to let there be distance between them. He will not be caught unaware again. "Is this an effect of your near death experience?"

Fili huffs out a laugh and gives him a push but he doesn't fight it when Kili curls back in against his side. "I'm speaking about Uncle," he says, dropping his voice to an even lower whisper. "I believe you may have been right regarding his... affections."

Kili perks up and looks over to where the hobbit has set up his bedroll, tucked away alone. He's attempting to smooth out his damp blankets, his curls still dripping moisture down his chubby cheeks. He looks frustrated and tired but yet, with one glance in Thorin's direction, he clearly looks appealing because Thorin hasn't stopped staring at him yet. Kili cannot fathom how his uncle could be attracted to Bilbo, as nice as he is, but there's no accounting for taste, he supposes. 

"I told you," he says smugly, folding his arms over his chest and he burrows in further, attempting to leech the last of Fili's body heat from him. "This is why you should listen to me more often."

“There's limits,” Fili says, but he suddenly sounds distracted.

Kili pulls his face up from where it's been pressed against Fili's arm and follows his brother's gaze. He's not surprised when it lands on Nori, who is staring at them with a look of pure want on his face. 

Kili pinches the skin on the back of Fili's hand. "Stop staring," he mutters. "What happened to he's a dirty criminal that can't be trusted?"

"That still stands," Fili says sourly. "Shut it."

"Well, stop staring longingly at him, it's so embarrassing to watch," Kili says, relieved to know that he's far too mature and respectable to do such a thing. In fact, since they've taken shelter in the cave, he's only looked at Dwalin seven and a half times. 

“ _Shut it_ ," Fili whispers, jerking away from Kili. 

Kili frowns and presses in close again. " _Anyway_ ," he says forcefully. "I think Uncle is looking at Bilbo differently. I told you so! Perhaps Uncle _will_ find love. How fortunate that he's been born Markless after all!"

"That's kind of you," Fili says dryly. 

"I wonder if Bilbo would ever love him in return?" Kili speculates, looking between Thorin and Bilbo once more. Thorin's still staring at him. 

“I think Bilbo would be wiser than that,” Fili says. “All Thorin does is yell at him. That’s not exactly endearing.”

Kili, who can completely relate to that considering all Dwalin ever did was shout at him, nods his head. “I suppose you have a point. However, perhaps we could speak to Uncle and he could work on that!”

“I have an even better point. Maybe we can keep our noses out of it,” Fili suggests with a small smirk. “We have enough problems going on with our own lives. We hardly need to invite anymore trouble.”

“It wouldn’t be inviting trouble,” Kili protests quietly because the last thing they need is Thorin sneaking up on them unaware. “We could be orchestrating a romance!”

“I think we should just stay out of it and mind our own,” Fili says forcefully. “Bilbo isn’t even a dwarf. He doesn’t understand us and what if Thorin did fall in love and Bilbo broke his heart?”

“Or perhaps Bilbo would be so agreeable to it that he would become one of us,” Kili counters. “Uncle would be so happy and in turn, leave us alone more. I think it’s worth a conversation with Bilbo, at any rate.”

“You know, I think you’re right. And to show my faith in you, I’ll even let you handle it,” Fili says, pulling away from Kili and laying down in his bedroll. “Good luck with that.”

“Thank you,” Kili says smugly before his smile fades away and he narrows his eyes at his older brother. “Are you letting me do this because you think it will be a complete disaster and you don’t want any of the attention?”

“No,” Fili says sleepily, pressing his face against Kili’s thigh. “Would I do that to you?”

“Yes,” Kili says emphatically, pushing at Fili’s shoulder. “You absolutely would.”

“Get some sleep, both of you,” Thorin suddenly barks at them. “We’re going to be up at first light and I doubt the rest of the company appreciates hearing the pair of you natter like a couple of dams.”

Kili scowls because the back of his neck is heating up – which means Dwalin is looking at him. It’s always his luck that whenever Thorin chooses to unnecessarily berate him, Dwalin is always within listening distance. It’s hard to appear like a mature, responsible dwarf when Thorin won’t stop reprimanding him like a dwarfling. 

“Goodnight, Uncle,” Fili says politely like the traitor he is. 

Kili throws himself down on his hard bedroll with a grunt and curls up behind Fili to steal his heat once more, choosing to ignore Thorin and Dwalin alike. He presses his face between Fili’s shoulder blades and closes his eyes, forcing the noises from the company fade away until he fades into sleep.

He dreams of big, gentle hands that touch him carefully, like he’s as precious as gold. He dreams of pale eyes and a coarse beard that brushes against his cheeks until they redden. He dreams the beard brushes lower and lower, the hands carrying him higher and higher until – 

He wakes with a gasp and that’s when he realizes they’re falling.

***

When everything has stilled once more and they have gathered together outside of the mountain, Nori sews himself to Ori's side so he isn't foolish and does something he will regret later - such as pressing Fili against the nearest tree and touching every inch of him to ensure he's unharmed. Instead, Nori settles for shooting Fili what he hopes are subtle looks, his eyes running over the blonde's frame, trying to catalogue any injuries.

Fili, however, pays him no mind. He does not speak to Nori and he does not even give Nori a single look. Instead, he focuses on the half-wit he calls his brother and Nori's blood _burns_. It's hard being so close to Fili without touching him, he denies himself every single day. To see Fili draped so casually over another dwarf, even one he calls kin, it is almost more than he can handle and Nori can't stop twitching. 

"You're safe," Ori soothes, mistaking his jealousy for fear. He gently rubs his hand between Nori's shoulders, something Nori used to do when Ori was small. "Nori, we're all right. No one is hurt."

"This time," Nori spits out, dragging his gaze away from Fili to look at his baby brother who had almost been tortured by the Goblin King. "Thank Mahal you are safe, Ori. The thought of you hurt... I cannot even speak of it."

Ori shrugs his shoulders, his hand going to hitch his satchel bag higher until he remembers it is gone - taken from him by the goblins - and it drops to his side. "It wouldn't have been so bad," he says softly. "Someone else might have had to do the scribing for Thorin, but I would hope that I would be remembered in history for being brave and wonderful."

"You are already brave and wonderful, little gem," Nori says, squeezing Ori a bit tighter. "Don't let Dori hear you talk of any such nonsense, though. He'll fuss even more than he normally does."

"I don't think it's physically possible for Dori to fuss more," Ori says ruefully, leaning his head against Nori's shoulder as Gandalf shouts for the hobbit. "I think he's reached his capacity."

"Don't test him," Nori advises, his gaze involuntary going once more to Fili. He's predictably still with his brother, who is beaming at him, and something inside of Nori burns brightly once more. 

It is illogical and unlike him for while he is a thief and a criminal, he has never harmed besides self-defense but how quickly that has fled him. He wants to wipe the smile from Kili's face, steal the light from his eyes. As long as Kili lives, he will be the most important dwarf in Fili's eyes. Nori cannot even begin to compete with him. 

But if Kili was returned to the stone? Fili would mourn desperately and hard, turning to Nori for comfort. Who else could soothe such pain inside of him besides his One? And then, only then, would Nori be able to wrap his arms around the lion-hearted dwarf and kiss him until they're both sated. 

Nori will never be sated when it comes to Fili. 

"Nori!" Ori's shrill voice breaks into his thoughts and Nori jerks, horrified to realize that his hand has pulled a knife out of his pocket. 

The entire company have turned to look at him and Nori can feel a specific set of eyes staring intently at him. When their gazes meet, Fili's face hardens and Nori quickly tucks the knife away into a small pocket, sliding his gaze over to Thorin. 

"I thought I heard a warg," he says smoothly, stepping away from Ori and pretending to peer around with renewed interest. 

Majority of the company looks away as Bilbo suddenly appears and begins another verbal battle with Thorin so Nori uses that opportunity to sidle closer to the two princes that are huddled by a tree. From this new vantage point, he can hear them whispering furiously, their heads bent close together and the blood in Nori's veins begin to sing. 

_Kill, kill, kill. Claim, claim, claim._

"He watches you too closely," Kili hisses, digging an elbow into Fili's side.

"No more than he looks at you," Fili says, an edge to his voice and it arouses Nori more than it should. "Why do you suppose he watches you so often?"

"How should I know?" Kili demands before he lowers his voice so Nori has to crane his ears to hear. "He's _your_ One."

Nori forces himself to unclench his hands that have tightened into fists. He doesn't want to cause another scene again, he hates the attention on him. Kili is right in one aspect though - he _does_ belong to Fili and nothing will ever change that, not even Kili himself. Nori bears Fili's name on his body, Mahal created Fili solely for him and he will not be denied much longer. 

No, once they have reclaimed Erebor, Nori will claim what is rightfully his. Kili will no longer matter, Nori will prove to his prince, to his One, how worthy he is of his affections. Once they are home, Nori draped in gold is all that Fili will see. 

Nori swears to it. 

"You're right, I am his One," Nori murmurs, loud enough that Fili and Kili both whip their heads around to face him and he gives Kili a particularly nasty smile. "Don't forget that. You can dislike me all you please, but Fili was made for _me_."

"Fili is not a trophy to be won," Kili snaps, shouldering roughly past his brother and Nori's hand flies to his pocket to wrap around the handle of his knife. "You disrespect him so."

"Kili, leave it," Fili says softly, shaking his head. "Don't be taken in for any of Nori's lies. He spews nothing but filth from that dangerous mouth of his."

It cuts deeper than any blade and Nori turns away, unable to rise to the challenge. His chest has been split open, he is leaking all over the place, and the only one who notices it is the one who has caused him such pain. He returns to Ori's side, selfishly pressing close against him and soaking up the natural kindness that Ori exudes. 

It fails to aid him but there is little he can do about it. The wargs have returned and they are running for their very lives once more.

***

Time slows down until it is standing still altogether. Thorin has been struck down, he is lying motionless on the ground and there is absolutely nothing they can do to save him. They are too far away, trapped in this precarious tree. Nori's own brothers hang by nothing but Dori's slackening grip. He cannot save Thorin but he still has a chance to save his brothers.

"Dori!" He screams, beginning to carefully move on his branch. He's nimble and quick, always one that is able to escape on the thinnest shale. He needs to be fast enough to save the only two people in the world who love him. "Hang on - I'm coming - "

"Thorin."

It's not a shout, nor is it a cry but it is Fili all the same and Nori whips his head to find his One. He's secure in the tree but he's fighting desperately to leave it, to get to Thorin's side to save his uncle. He's caught up on a branch though, his laces tangled around the wood and he's struggling furiously. 

Their eyes meet and Nori is changing direction before he even realizes it. He sidles from branch to branch, winding his way through the tree until he's able to reach Fili. His fingers tremble as he unknots him and reaches out a hand. Fili's face is pale but he grasps Nori's hand tightly and at the contact, Nori's entire body shudders. 

"Thorin," Fili repeats, moving down the tree towards the ground. 

Nori can hear Dori shriek in fear but helplessly, like a moth drawn to a flame, he follows Fili down and out of the tree, charging towards their enemy. It is foolish and a risk to himself. He has always prided himself that save two dwarves, he has always placed himself first in every situation. 

He is no use to Dori and Ori if he is dead, so Nori has learned creative ways to stay alive. He has escaped many situations that he should not have and yet, now he is risking it all to save a dwarf who cannot stand the very thought of him. 

Nori bares his teeth to a warg that snaps its jaws too close and swings his quarter staff with all his might, connecting so solidly with the warg's head that teeth and bits of brain matter splatter on the Orc rider. Nori huffs in brief amusement and sinks his blade into the Orc's belly as it tries to dismount. 

The mount of respite allows him the chance to look to Fili, who is swinging both blades furiously. Orcs and wargs alike fall in front of him and Nori drinks the moment in. The other half of his soul is brilliant, Fili is good and pure, balancing out all of Nori's own terrible flaws. 

He's pulled from his thoughts by movement from his periphal view, a warg slinking up behind Fili with its teeth bared. Nori's moving because he can even think of the consequences. He's too far for his staff so he launches himself off a stone and lands directly on the warg, clinging to the neck as he is pitched to the side. The noise is enough to alert Fili, who spins and drives his sword deep into the belly. Nori tumbles to his feet and finishes the warg off with an almighty strike to the head. 

Together, like now, they're unstoppable. 

Distantly, Nori can hear Dori yell and he whirls back around to the trees, his heart stopping in his chest as he sees two figures fall from the branch. He makes a wounded noise in his throat and Fili's warm palm is suddenly cupped around his face. 

"Nori, you must fight," Fili says, his blue eyes boring intently into Nori's. "Fight with me!"

A year ago, Nori would have chosen his brothers above all, even the elusive dwarf whose name he bore upon his wrist. However, now that he has met Fili, now that he has heard his bright laughter and seen the good he does, Nori is suddenly fighting an uneven battle. He's not so sure anymore on who would win the battle of his heart and loyalty. 

Not even Nori himself would win it, it would seem. 

"I will fight," he says helplessly, his chest aching at the loss of Dori and Ori, but his heart so alive at the acknowledgement from his One. "For you, I would do anything."

Fili smiles grimly and drops his palm away, spinning around to knife another Orc that has wandered too close. Blindly, Nori follows him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for the long break, i hit a major block. here's hoping it doesn't happen again.

Once they have reached the bottom of the Carrock, Gandalf declares that they will camp there for the evening to give Thorin time to rest. Their enemy has a fair bit of distance to cover before they've caught up so Gandalf instructs Bofur and Nori to collect firewood and has Bombur, Bifur, and Ori combing around the land to find something edible. 

Kili sets up Thorin's bedroll while Fili helps Thorin remove his heavy armour and then without a fuss, Thorin climbs in and settles on his back, wincing at the movement. Anxiety claws itself up Kili's throat and he leans over Thorin, brushing his hair back. 

He wishes they were better friends. 

"Uncle," he whispers, skimming his fingers down Thorin's cheek. "It's me, Kili," he says, a bit uselessly since Thorin is blinking up at him. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Thorin says, his hand shifting around on the blanket until he is able to catch Kili's and he clasps their hands together. "My sweet boy."

Kili's eyes burn brightly but he quickly blinks it away. "You're safe now, Uncle. Gandalf said we are to rest here tonight."

"Resting... we should be moving," Thorin grumbles and a snort of laughter nearby startles them both. 

"You can hardly walk, I don't think you need to be moving," Bilbo says, sitting down on the other side of Thorin's bedroll and he absently smoothes over the material of his pocket. "I daresay a night of rest will do you good, Thorin."

"I could move, if I needed to," Thorin says, affronted, and he drops Kili's hand as he turns his focus solely on Bilbo. 

Kili bites back the smile that wants to slip out and stands up quietly, retreating from them. The camp is mostly empty, with the majority of the dwarves gathering wood and food and yet there is one dwarf still there, leaning against the side of the Carrock. Kili walks forward with purpose and grabs Dwalin by his collar and pulls him towards the forest. He releases him once Dwalin has begun to follow and they steal through the trees until Kili is comfortable enough with the distance between them and the camp. 

He turns, sliding his hand into Dwalin's beard and he jerks him down so he is able to kiss him. Dwalin makes a noise of protest but Kili just holds on as desperately as he can, craving the closeness. Already, the fear in his chest is beginning to recede and his pulse is calming to a normal, steady rate.

Dwalin wrenches away, his fingers gripping Kili's shoulders and he sets him back. "No," he says firmly. "I will not be an outlet of boredom for you."

"You're not," Kili says, surprised by the denial. "I meant what I said in Rivendell. I don't know what I'm doing."

"I think you should have been able to figure it out by now with all the amount of fun you've been having," Dwalin says bitterly and he pulls away from Kili completely. 

"You've got it all wrong," Kili says thickly, regret tasting sour on his tongue. "I lied, back then. I haven't done anything with anyone. I didn't want to appear even younger to you."

"You don't have to lie, Kili," Dwalin says, shaking his head. "You're still my One, regardless of anything that has happened. We should return to camp, though."

"No, please listen to me," Kili says, reaching out to grab Dwalin's arm and stop him in his tracks. "I'm not lying, not now. I was lying before."

"Kili..."

"You almost died," Kili blurts out, suddenly not caring that he's showing his most vulnerable side to someone he has spent years hiding from. "I suddenly had to think of a life without you."

"You would be fine," Dwalin says callously, although there is a look on his face that Kili can't pinpoint. 

"I wouldn't be fine." Kili shakes his head and curls his fingers tighter in the material of Dwalin's sleeve, tugging him close once more. "Please understand that."

Everything inside of him is so muddled and confused. He has been afraid of the idea of Dwalin for twenty-seven years and yet, when Dwalin had been on that moving cliff, when the goblins had surrounded them, when they had been trapped in the tree with their enemies at their feet, Kili had been filled with so much regret of what could have been. 

They still have weeks to go before they reach Erebor and yet already this quest has been showing him so much. 

"We should return to camp," Dwalin finally says with a heavy sigh.

"Dwalin, please," he whispers desperately, his chest aching. He feels lost, drowning in emotions that he doesn't understand. He knows a large portion of them are due to the quest, and even more to the bond between them but they're making him feel insane. "Don't deny me. Don't go."

"I'm here," Dwalin says, sliding both of his arms around Kili's waist and he tucks him into an embrace. "Everyone lives, Kili. We're all safe, even Thorin."

"I cannot lose you," Kili says, tipping his face up so he can kiss him. "I was... scared, Dwalin. I'm terrified to lose you. We have barely begun, it cannot end now."

"No, it cannot," Dwalin agrees and this time it is him that is leaning down to kiss Kili hungrily, his tongue running along Kili's bottom lip, stroking the fire inside of his belly. 

Kili whimpers and allows Dwalin to back him up against a tree, crowding in close against his body. Their kisses are dizzying, he feels like he can't breathe and yet, he's never felt so alive. He reaches between their bodies to rest his hand on Dwalin's hip, guiding him even closer until they're pressed together completely in length. Dwalin is trembling against him, and when Kili pulls away from the kiss, he's surprised to the naked look of want on Dwalin's face. 

It scares him as much as it arouses him. 

"We've got to do this properly," Dwalin groans into his ear, shifting his hips even closer and that's when Kili feels something hard pressing against his stomach. "I need to talk to Thorin."

"I really don't think you should be discussing Thorin right now," Kili says, torn between being shocked and curious. He settles for arching his lower back so his belly rubs against Dwalin even more. 

The older warrior sighs and rolls his hips again, this time dropping his head to mouth kisses along Kili's neck, biting down once he's reached his pulse. Kili shouts at the sharp sensation as Dwalin sucks greedily, grinding his hips even harder against him. 

"For fuck's sake!" 

Dwalin rips away from him before Kili can even process what's happening and he blinks hazily through the trees to where Fili is standing with a pile of firewood in his arms. He's also fuming mad.

"Oh, Fili," Kili says, stepping away from the tree and he tries to smooth out his clothes, pushing his hair that is tangled from Dwalin's fists behind him. "We didn't see you there."

"Shut it, Kili," Fili snaps, stalking over to them and he dumps the wood from his arms. His hand darts down to his side and he has a small blade in the blink of an eye, aiming it at Dwalin. 

"Fili, listen," Dwalin starts but is interrupted before he can continue. 

"Do not tell me to listen," Fili growls, stepping closer. "This is your turn to listen so turn out your mangled ear and do it well, Dwalin, for I won't repeat myself. I don't care if you are my brother's One, and neither will Thorin, should he find out what you have been up to. There is a procedure! There is a proper way to do this and that wasn't it!"

"We're on a quest," Kili interjects angrily, stepping in front of Dwalin. "We could die at any moment. We're not courting."

"Why don't we ask Uncle, then?" Fili demands, shoving at Kili's shoulder roughly, pushing him aside.

Kili stumbles to the side, reaching out to grab a tree for balance and when he's regained his feet, he's horrified to see that Dwalin has lifted Fili clean off the ground by the collar of his jerkin and has shoved him against a tree. 

"You dare touch him?" He bellows, drawing Fili away before shoving him back again, this time Fili's head cracking against the wooden trunk. "You dare to lay a hand upon my One?"

"Dwalin, leave him," Kili says in alarm, hurrying over and he grabs at one of Dwalin's arms, pulling as hard as he can until the warrior finally drops Fili to the ground. "Don't touch him like that ever again! He didn't hurt me - he's my brother. He's allowed to push me around."

"Not in anger," Dwalin rumbles, glaring down at Fili who has climbed to his feet. "You hear me?"

"I really don't think you're in any place to making threats," Fili says coolly. "I don't dislike you, Dwalin, and I don't want to see you dismissed from this quest. But if you are inappropriate with my brother again, I will report you to Thorin. Kili is a Prince of Erebor."

"You think I don't know that?" Dwalin says incredulously and the look on his face makes Kili feel distinctly uncomfortable. He takes a step backwards, uncertain he's going to enjoy hearing whatever Dwalin says next. "I have known since Kili's birth that he is a prince and therefore far too good for the likes of myself! Why do you think I stayed away for so many years?"

"Kili is a Prince of Erebor," Fili repeats, ignoring everything else that Dwalin has said. "We are on a quest to reclaim Erebor right now. Thorin's standards for us will be even higher. Do not put my brother in a position of failure, Dwalin. Not if you love him."

"That's enough," Kili says, embarrassed by both their words. "This is my decision. This is my life and the pair of you will not decide it for me, nor will Thorin."

"Thorin has allowed you to run amuck for years," Fili whirls to face him and Kili honestly can't remember a time where he has seen his brother so angry before. "That will change - that is already changing. Have you not noticed how he is stricter with you on this quest? Thorin will demand more from you, Kili, because you are to be an example to our people."

"Our people are not here," Kili shouts, clenching his hands into fists. "This is _my_ life! I will answer to no one!"

"How do you expect Dwalin to bond with you when you insist on acting like such a dwarfling," Fili sneers. 

"I regret you ever finding out," Kili says bitterly. "You are tainting this."

A look of hurt flits over Fili's face before it's replaced with a scowl. "How can I taint something you don't even understand?"

"That's enough," Dwalin finally interrupts. "I don't like your method, and I certainly don't appreciate your attitude but I will respect that you may have a point. Kili and I have not handled this correctly, we should have a courtship in place before anything happened."

"I have not agreed to a courtship," Kili snaps, having enough of both of them. "And at this rate, it seems like it's pointless to begin with. You all believe that Thorin will never approve of this so why are we even bothering?"

"Always one step forward and two steps back with you," Dwalin mutters before he raises his voice to a normal tone once more. "Believe it or not, we don't need Thorin's approval. Do we want his blessing if we want to proceed with a courtship? Yes, of course, but if he was to deny us, that would change nothing, Kili. You would still be my One."

"There you boys are," Balin suddenly says, clearing his throat and he looks at all of the firewood that is strewn over the forest floor. "Having a lively discussion?"

"Apparently," Dwalin says and Kili can't meet his eyes. 

"We're coming right now," he says, bending to gather a stack of the wood and he hurries back to camp, ignoring Dwalin and Fili alike. 

"This isn't over, Kili," Fili calls after him and Kili quickens his step until he is practically running to get away from the pair of them. Resentment burns brightly in his heart and he wishes for the first time that he had not been brought upon this quest.

***

Nori has never been one to believe in miracles or even believe in luck - he has gotten through life by making his own. Nor does he believe that some great Maker cares for his little life. However, that evening, Gandalf looks around the company after they have finished eating stewed roots and mushrooms and says serenely, "I propose Fili and Nori will take first watch. Gloin, you and Bofur will relieve them at midnight. I believe it to be wise to pair up tonight."

Nori nods shortly before he ducks his head to the side so he doesn't have to meet Fili's gaze. He wants to appear disinterested, even though his heart is pounding furiously inside of his chest, desperate to get out. He unfolds his bedroll and sets it up beside Ori's so it's prepared for him when he is ready to crawl in. 

"Sleep tight, little gem," he says, brushing his hand over the top of Ori's head and smoothing his hair down. "I will protect you from any dangers in the night."

"I'm more worried about you protecting yourself from Fili," Ori hisses lowly, glancing around the fire to ensure that none of the dwarves preparing for sleep have heard him. "Can you be nice to him tonight?"

"I am always nice to your little princeling," Nori says and oh how he wishes he could show Fili just how nice he's capable of being. "Rest easy, little gem. Fili and I will guard the company, we aren't so foolish enough to fight."

"I hope not," Ori says darkly. "There's something about him that rattles you, I can tell."

"Leave it," Dori commands, setting his bedroll up on the other side of Ori's and he immediately settles in, pillowing his head with his arm. "Nori knows better."

"He's had everything handed to him his entire life," Nori says, ignoring Dori completely. "Of course that rattles me, when we had to scrape by with everything we had to get you trained."

“That’s not his fault, any more than it’s yours for being born poor,” Ori retorts sharply. “He’s a good dwarf, Nori.”

“I know,” Nori says softly because he knows exactly what kind of dwarf Fili is. “I promise I will be nice tonight. Everyone needs to rest, they don’t need to be disturbed by petty squabbling.”

“See, Nori has sense when he tries,” Dori grumbles as he burrows further under his thin blanket. 

“I always have sense,” Nori says with a smile before he stands up and heads back over to the fire. 

He sits down on a rock and folds his legs up into his lap, leaning his elbow on to his thigh and he studies the flickering fire. While he appreciates that the eagles essentially saved their lives, he’s sorry that none of their weapons had been enough of a priority to come with them. Right now, on watch with orcs surely on their tail, he misses his quarter staff greatly. 

The rest of the dwarves slowly disappear into their bedrolls until eventually Fili rises from where he has been sitting by Thorin and makes his way over to the fire, leaning against the rock that Nori is sitting on. 

There’s a stretch of uncomfortable silence before Nori silently curses his baby brother and forces himself to be polite, saying, “How’s Thorin?”

Fili startles, just enough for Nori to catch, before he stills and his voice is even when he says, “He’ll be all right, just sore. I’m sure his ribs are bruised.”

“I’d imagine so,” Nori agrees softly, glancing over to where Thorin lays sleeping. “Being in the mouth of a warg cannot be good for one’s health.”

Fili makes a low noise in his throat and shakes his head. “No, I would imagine not,” he says, his voice catching. “I thought we had lost him.”

Nori, who has suffered loss in his life, doesn't know how to respond to this. The admission from Fili feels like guilt and the sooner he speaks, the sooner Fili will regret saying anything. He has made it explicitly clear how much he despises Nori. 

"I am glad you didn't," he finally settles on because it is the closest thing to the truth.  
Nori doesn't really have any issue with Thorin; he's a little bullheaded and suspicious of other races but he has proven to be a kind leader, forgiving Nori when no one else would. 

The truth, though - the truth is that Nori would torch anyone in his path, including Thorin, if it meant keeping Fili.

The corner of Fili's mouth tips up into a brief smile and Nori studies it carefully, committing it to memory because he cannot recall a single instance where Fili smiled because of _him_. It's a beautiful sight and Nori has to scrap his blunt nails against the rocks until they bleed to remind himself that he has no right to lean up and kiss it. 

"You're staring again," Fili mutters and the familiar disdain in his voice is back. It hurts more than Nori is acknowledging to admit. 

"Sorry," he says, sliding his gaze away from Fili and towards the fire, watching the flames crackle merrily. He's suddenly hungry, he cannot recall the last time he properly ate, and he shifts his gaze away from the fire as well. 

No where he looks is safe. 

They sit in silence, Nori looks out past the barren rocks to the tall forest and does not point out that he can feel Fili's eyes on him the entire time. It's not a fully comfortable silence, but it's not the worst they've had either. Considering neither of them have drawn blades yet, Nori thinks this could almost be considered pleasant. 

Still, he remembers his words to Ori, and how he would be nice to Fili, and so he digs through his brain, attempting to find a subject they would both be comfortable discussing. The first thing he thinks of is Erebor, since when he compares their lives, on paper they have very little in common. The few items that are important to them will only remind Fili of the Bond and Nori has learned from past experience what a mistake that is. 

"Are you excited to see Erebor?" He finally says quietly after he's stolen a final glance at Thorin to ensure the king is sleeping. "It's your homeland, I am sure you have been raised on countless tales of it."

"I have been raised since birth knowing that I am Thorin's heir," Fili replies after a pause. "It's difficult to feel like a prince in Ered Luin, though. It's always been more low-key and I know we did not have the royal training Thorin did as a child."

"Dori spoke of Erebor often," Nori says, shifting his body slightly so he can see Fili out of the corner. "I know he wanted more for Ori, we both did." Except now he's treading dangerous territory, grounds that will just remind Fili that Nori is a criminal. "I will be excited to see it, I think."

"As will I," Fili says. "It's hard to imagine yourself as heir to a kingdom you've never seen. I should like to see the halls of my kin and know what I have fought for."

"You will have fought for Thorin, that is honorable enough," Nori says carefully, and he moves enough that the sleeve of his shirt brushes against Fili's. "And you will settle into Erebor, nicely. It was made for nobles like yourself."

Fili squints at him in the darkness. "That sounds like an insult."

"It's not," Nori says because he doesn't mean it to be one. It's a fact of life - Erebor was made to shown the wealth and the riches of the dwarves. For Nori's family, who never had either, Erebor doesn't hold much temptation. 

They both fall silent after that as Ori stumbles from his bedding and disappears into the small clearing. Nori, purely by instinct, unwinds himself from his position and slides off the rock, poised at any moment to run. It's for naught though because Ori returns in a few minutes and crawls back into his bedding, burrowing against Dori once more. Nori releases a breath he didn't realize he had been holding and slumps against the rocks. 

"You're protective of him," Fili says softly with a raised eyebrow. "I thought you two wouldn't be so close."

Nori bristles at that bur he forces himself to remain calm. They will never love each other with tempers. "I visited a lot more than the guards realized," he says ruefully. "I had a hard time staying away from Ori but if we had any hope of getting him a future..."

Fili's mouth tightens at that but he doesn't drag Nori across the coals for it like he used to. Instead, he says, "I know what you mean about sacrifices for brothers."

Nori's illogical side flares at that but he tamps it down and forces himself to smile. "Your younger brother is quite the character."

"He's a bloody nightmare, half the time," Fili says but Nori doesn't miss the fondness in his voice. "You're lucky, you've got Ori who is probably the nicest dwarf around."

Nori swallows the bite of laughter that wants to escape. "Oh, trust me," he says slyly. "Ori has perfected his image, thanks to Dori and his fussing. But the Ori that I know can be a right brat sometimes. Very bossy, of course. I think he picked that up from Dori in the years I was gone."

"What did make you come to Ered Luin and sign on for the quest?" Fili suddenly demands, turning to face Nori completely and his eyes are so pale and blue. They're like the very heavens itself. "You said it was because of Ori, but was that the only thing?"

"You're fishing," Nori calls him out on his baiting because Fili hasn't earned the right yet to Nori's secrets, not when he still mistreats him the way he does. 

"Maybe I just want you to be honest when there's no one here," Fili retorts, brushing his golden hair back. Nori wants to follow it with his fingers and braid his love into every single strand. "Maybe I'm just tired and we almost died, Nori. We almost died and there's so much hate between us."

There's not, at least not for Nori. "Why do you think I came back?" He finally says, tearing his gaze away and he looks down at the dust, digging the toe of his boot into it. He's overcome by a rare bout of shyness and the back of his neck feels hot but he's sure it's just from the warmth of the flames. 

"Me," Fili says and there's satisfaction in his voice. "You came back for me."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

The home of the skin-changer is larger than anything Kili has seen. He has seen grand palaces but never before has he seen anything built for something - someone - so large. Instead of being ashamed like Dori or indignant like Gloin, it amuses Kili greatly to see all the dwarves struggle with a simple task like sitting on a chair. He plants his palms on the wooden bench and hoists himself up, his legs scrambling for purchase before he's able to sit properly, although he has to stretch his spine in order to rest his elbows on the table. 

"Elbows off the table," Thorin mutters sharply and Kili swallows the irritated sigh that threatens to slip out. Instead, he drops his hands into his lap obediently. 

"We should rest, I think," Gandalf says, looking around at them. "If you follow me, there's a stable back here and there should be enough hay for everyone to sleep comfortably."

"We have come a long way when hay is considered a luxury," Balin says with a tired smile. 

"We are grateful for any refuge," Bofur says cheerfully and he does not hesitate in heading towards the back of the large house with his kin trailing behind him. 

"Not quite," Fili whispers in Kili's ear with a mischievous smirk. "Remember the elves?"

"Of course I remember," he says, pulling away from Fili and sliding off the bench. After exchanging cross words with Fili in the forest after the eagles, he has done his best to keep his distance from his brother. 

"When will he return?" Thorin is growling at Gandalf and Kili slows down so he is able to hear Gandalf's reply. 

"He will change back for dawn, I am sure," Gandalf says but his voice is tight. "He will be more reasonable by then, provided you give him no cause to be anything else."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Thorin says lowly. "If I didn't know better, I would think that you are insulting me, wizard."

"I am merely pointing out a fact," Gandalf huffs out an impatient breath. "Beorn is not somebody to test, not even I would do so. I pray that all of the Company has the good sense to tread carefully."

Kili hurries past them, his cheek burning in remembrance of his shame. He moves towards the back of the house and selects a pile of hay in the back corner to set up his bedroll. It's cosy and secluded, tucked back behind a large barrel that contains wine, from the smell of it. There's only room for one which means it's perfect for him - Fili can't come nosing around where he isn't welcome. 

"You've made yourself quite the little nook," a voice says from above him and he tips his head back to see Dwalin peering down at him. "Not sleeping near your brother or Thorin?"

"Fili and I are at odds," Kili admits softly and he doesn't have the courage to meet Dwalin's eyes. He may still have his innocence but he's never been deaf and has heard plenty of stories at the taverns. He's almost positive that he felt Dwalin's... arousal in the forest. 

"Your brother means well," Dwalin says, glancing over his shoulder before he hunkers down, resting his forearms on the top of his thighs and like a moth to a flame, Kili's gaze lands directly on the span of muscle. He doesn't miss the bulge between Dwalin's legs either and his face heats up once more. 

"He needs to learn how to mind his own," Kili says and for some reason that he can't fathom, his mouth is suddenly dry. 

"We should discuss this," Dwalin says, moving to sit properly and he stretches his feet out in front of him. The tip of his boot knocks against Kili's leg and he forces himself not to jump. 

"What do you want to discuss?" Kili asks, leaning his back against the wall and he meets Dwalin's gaze. The look on the older warrior's face is one so tender that it wrenches his chest tightly but even then he doesn't look away. He owes it to himself, and to Dwalin, to see this through finally. 

"You are attracted to me," Dwalin says, and it's not a question.

"I am," Kili says after a moment of silence. "I'm not sure when it began but yes, as of now, I am deeply attracted to you."

"There are a couple of things that could contribute, such as you maturing plus the bond deepening due our constant, close proximity," Dwalin suggests and he shuffles closer across the floor. "I don't know if I have to say it, but I'm attracted to you. I have been for quite a time now."

Heat blooms in Kili's belly and he tries to hide the smile on his face. "It pleases me to hear you say that," he says. "I often feel... young around you."

"You are young," Dwalin acknowledges and he reaches up with one hand to slowly stroke his beard. "However, you are the one Mahal has crafted solely for my pleasure. I daresay that none will ever find you more beautiful than I will."

"I believe I am ready for more than friendship," Kili blurts out and he isn't even embarrassed by the clear want in his voice. Instead, he rises to his knees and leans over, bracing himself against Dwalin's thighs as he presses his lips against the curve of Dwalin's jagged ear. "I'm ready for you."

The lines of Dwalin that Kili can feel through their clothing goes tense but his voice is even when he speaks, saying, "Are you sure about that?"

"Very sure," Kili replies, leaning back slightly so he is able to meet Dwalin's gaze. The warrior looks wary and unsure, as if Kili will snatch away this gift. "I want more than what we've shared. We're supposed to be discovering each other - learning each other."

"I will speak to Thorin in the morning then," Dwalin says, and Kili tracks the movement of his throat as he swallows hard. "I'm not sure how the conversation will go but he cannot deny us."

"Don't speak to him," Kili says quickly because he knows exactly how the conversation will go. "We don't need to court, we don't need to proceed with anything quite so formal. We can just learn to be friends right now."

"If we are to just be friends, then we are not starting anything," Dwalin says and there's confusion written all over his face that Kili wants to kiss away. 

"Friends can kiss," Kili says, leaning forward to prove his point. Dwalin indulges him for a moment before he pulls away and his brow is still furrowed. 

"It doesn't feel right," he finally says, glancing over his shoulder. "It feels disrespectful to you, to your uncle."

"Don't speak of Thorin," Kili says, a bitter taste on his tongue. "He has no respect for me so why should I show him any of the same?"

"Because he is your king and kin," Dwalin says as if it's the most obvious thing. And to Dwalin, it probably is. He has blindly followed Thorin all of Kili's life. But Kili isn't Dwalin and he cannot accept such faulty instructions. It's not how he's been carved and he's tired of pretending otherwise. 

"Listen, I'm saying that I finally want to get to know you. I no longer want to feel fear when I am around you. I don't want to upset Thorin any sooner than we have to, can you not just work with me on this?"

"Aye, I will work with you," Dwalin finally says after a long stretch of silence. "Your uncle will not be pleased at our bond and I don't think we should upset him, not yet."

"I'm glad you're finally seeing sense," Kili says, unable to stop the smile that's taking over his face. 

"It happens from time to time, as rare as it can be," Dwalin says and it takes Kili a brief moment to realize that he's joking. Dwalin, who has always seemed so intimidating, is capable of mirth and mischievous and perhaps Mahal knew what He was doing all along. 

"Dwalin!"

It's Thorin calling and Kili's heart sinks in his chest. It seems like each special moment that he has with Dwalin is destined to be ruined by one of his family members. He reaches out and grabs Dwalin's hand, raising it to his mouth and he brushes his lips gently across the scarred, tattooed knuckles. 

"I need to go," Dwalin says. 

"Tomorrow morning then, will you meet me outside?" Kili asks and his stomach flips at the question. He knows that tomorrow morning they will kiss, possibly more if Dwalin allows it. If Dwalin comes tomorrow morning, Kili will finally satisfy this itch he has inside of himself. 

"Yes," Dwalin says and it makes Kili want to sing. "Yes, I will meet you."

***

He's hiding deep in the bushes near the skin changer's home when Nori finds him. Whether he's stalked him out or has accidently stumbled upon him, Fili wouldn't be able to say for certain. All he knows is that one moment he's alone and the next, Nori is leaning against a tree, carving a chunk out of an apple.

"What do you want?" Fili demands, scrambling up from his splayed out position which feels entirely too vulnerable.

"Nothing," Nori says, holding out the knife. "Apple?"

"No, I ate earlier," Fili says, rubbing his hand on his trousers. His palm has suddenly turned damp. 

"You shouldn't be out here on your own," Nori says, taking a step closer. 

Fili knows he should take a step back then but he doesn't, he remains right where he is and juts his chin out defensively. "I'm capable of taking care of myself."

"Not if a hoard came," Nori disagrees, his brow pinching in a way that should be irritating but strangely enough, it isn't. "You wouldn't be able to fight them all off."

"You have no idea what I can do," Fili mutters, his eyes dropping to the ground and he kicks his foot against a rock. He belatedly realizes the action gives him the appearance of a dwarfling. 

"I'm beginning to," Nori says lowly and he's suddenly right beside Fili, breathing in the same space. When did that happen?

"Why are you concerned about where I am anyway," Fili says and it comes out in a whisper. He hadn't meant for that to happen. "If you think I shouldn't be alone, I'll go get Kili."

There's a growling noise from Nori and Fili is suddenly thrown up against the tree, the wood bark digging painfully into his shoulder. Nori is staring him directly in the eyes, steam practically streaming from his nostrils. His hand is wound tightly in the front of Fili's shirt, with the other hand resting gently on Fili's right hip. 

His touch is burning a hole through Fili's clothes. 

"Don't mention him," Nori finally grits out, pressing even closer for reasons that Fili can't fathom. They've never been this close, why are they now? Surely Nori knows how wrong this all is. 

"He's my brother, I can mention him if I please," Fili says, finally lifting a hand and he pushes feebly at Nori's shoulder. Nori doesn't move an inch. "Get off of me."

"You don't like me this close?" Nori whispers and that's the crux of the problem right there. Fili is beginning to like him that close. 

"Why would I? You're probably picking my pockets as I speak," he snaps, shoving again at Nori's shoulder, harder this time although it's his words that makes Nori sag back. 

"You don't have anything that I want," Nori finally says, taking another step back and away from Fili, rubbing his shoulder where Fili had touched him absently. "Suit yourself and stay out here unaided."

"I was just leaving," Fili says, pushing away from the tree and he's relieved to see that Nori moves back even further. "I need to see my brother about something."

Nori's upper lip curls but he remains silent, breathing heavily as his hair shines brightly in the sun. He's a beautiful picture, he looks completely edible and Fili is hungry, he is so hungry. He clenches his jaw and pushes past Nori, shoving his shoulder against Nori's own and disappears away from the clearing. 

Each footstep away feels wrong. 

When he's free from the trees, Dori is waiting for him, leaning against the house with his arms crossed over his chest. He looks absolutely furious and Fili doesn't blame him, he can't imagine having Nori for a brother. The amount of shame Dori has had to endure because of him...

"He's in there," Fili says, jerking his head in the direction he came from. "Tell your brother to stay away from me."

"Don't tell me what to do," Dori says and he's always treated Fili with the utmost respect so to hear the venom dripping from his voice startles him into a stop. 

"Sorry?" Fili says.

"Leave my brother alone," Dori says as he straightens up from his position. "I don't need you messing with his head."

"Your brother is the one who seeks me out, simply to cause trouble!" Fili says defensively because _it's true_. His eyes may linger on Nori longer than they should, but he is _never_ the one to make the first move. "I have no quarrel with him, Dori."

"I find that very hard to believe," Dori says, and his eyes drop down to Fili's wrist. 

The blood drains from his face and he feels dizzy and light-headed. He needs to sit down but he can't give it all away, not when he's worked so hard these past months to keep this secret contained. He lifts his chin up and drawls out, "Then you're as daft as he is. Keep your brother away from me, Dori. That's not a request."

"Of course, prince," Dori finally says once the silence has stretched too thin and Fili almost believes that Dori no longer respects his given word. 

He turns and walks away from Dori, forcing himself to remain in a walk because he can't give the slightest thing away, not when Dori is as perceptive as he is. He pushes the door of the house open and makes a straight path for Thorin, who is huddled in a corner with Dwalin. 

"I need to speak with you," Fili demands, interrupting their conversation and he doesn't care. Disrespecting Dwalin is a satisfaction to him. "This moment."

"Can't it wait?" Thorin says irritably because he hates it when Fili interrupts him like a dwarfling. "I'm in the middle of something."

"I'm sorry but it cannot wait," Fili says and turns his attention to Dwalin, mustering all of the (little) authority he has into his voice. "Dwalin, leave us."

Dwalin pauses but when there is nothing but silence from Thorin, he huffs out a breath and wheels around sharply, stomping away. Fili doesn't even watch him go, instead he turns his gaze to Thorin and lowers his voice. 

"I need your counsel. I find Nori to be unpleasant and dangerous."

Thorin's brows knit together in confusion. "Dangerous? I understand that his nefarious past troubles you but I personally cleared Nori of his misdeeds. He has been a proper member of this company and has shown his sacrifice time and time again."

"He is _dangerous_ ," Fili says again because he is dangerous, he is oh so dangerous to Fili's traitorous heart. "I want him to leave me alone."

"I am not your babysitter," Thorin says tetchily. "You and Nori ought to be able to work out any differences like the mature dwarves you're supposed to be. Neither of you should be a risk to this Company and yet I have the sense you are. Don't make me regret bringing you along, Fili."

"Can't you speak to him?" Fili wheedles. "He does it just to frustrate me and I don't like it."

"Nori has proven himself to be useful to the Company, I will not dismiss him," Thorin says and there is finality in his voice. "I don't want to discuss this matter again. If you really need to fuss about it, speak to your brother. No, on second thought, don't encourage him. Keep it to yourself like I do, that's what a true king does, Fili."

This conversation has taken a turn that Fili should have seen coming. Thorin will find any excuse to tell him what a terrible heir he is. "You don't keep it to yourself, though," he argues, knowing that it will only rile his uncle up even more. "You tell Balin, or Dwalin, or even anyone who is listening how annoyed you are!"

"This company believes that I value each and every one of them, that I would give my life for theirs. That is how company's work, Fili. It doesn't matter whether or not it's true, it matters if there is _belief_."

"You wouldn't die for Nori so why would you expect me to," Fili says defensively and he casts his eyes desperately around the room, looking for any sort of distraction. "You expect too much of me."

"I expect everything from you because you are my heir," Thorin says and he glares harshly. "Have I made a mistake in that?"

"You have no other alternative," Fili says with a dry laugh. "Dismiss me and you're left with Kili to become King of Erebor. You really think that's any better than me? Kili and his One would do more damage to Erebor than I ever would, ruling it alone."

"What do you know of Kili's One?" Thorin asks suspiciously. "And don't be so certain that you will rule alone. You will find your One, Fili. You are to be King, Mahal has certainly carved someone exceptional for you."

"Like he did for you?" Fili spits out and he is treading such dangerous grounds now but he doesn't care anymore. Everything that was once important to him no longer seems so, his entire world has dimmed and all he can see is the bright hue of Nori's hair and the curve of his smirk. It's absolutely maddening. 

"I don't know what has gotten into you," Thorin says, and his hand twitches at his side. 

"Are you going to hit me like you did Kili?" Fili says, nodding his head towards Thorin's clenched fist. "Is that how you treat members of your company? Your very kin? You now raise your fist against us in anger?"

"I am... _sorry_ for what happened with Kili," Thorin says and his hand slowly relaxes, trembling against his leg. "I would never hit you, Fili."

"Kili once believed that as well," Fili says before he falls silent. He's not sure why he's brought that up because to be frank, he doesn't particularly care that Thorin slapped Kili. He gave him ample opportunity to shut up and do what he was told but Kili had stubbornly refused. It was his own bloody fault and no business of Fili's, really. "I'm sorry, Uncle. This is what I mean about Nori being dangerous. He... changes me."

"Don't blame your childish behaviour on Nori," Thorin says lowly. "We will speak tomorrow and in the meantime, I want you to think long and hard if you want to remain my heir or not. I am not cruel, Fili. If you truly believe yourself to be unfit after all these years as my heir, then tomorrow we will have that discussion."

"I wasn't saying that, I was simply saying that Nori - "

"We will speak tomorrow," Thorin interrupts firmly and there is a look on his face that Fili has not seen directed at him in decades. It's disappointment and it burns tightly in Fili's chest. 

"Tomorrow then," he says thickly, pushing away from Thorin and he heads back outside. He ignores Dori and Nori who are by the house, whispering wicked plots surely, and disappears once more into the thicket of the trees. 

If a hoard of Orcs find him and slay him on the spot, then so be it. Surely the only relief he has to look forward to anymore is death itself.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said... I'm baaaaaack!! I apologize for the huge ass delay between chapters - it shouldn't be like that again! The next chapter is already finished and I'm working on Chapter 15! Roughly 6 chapters to go!

Sleep evades him for what feels like the majority of the night. Eventually, the dawn rises bright and golden, erasing the cobwebs from Dwalin's mind. He gratefully gathers his bedroll and stores it inside his pack, tucking it away into a corner for safe keeping. He had agreed to meet Kili this morning, but they had never specified when and Dwalin's stomach is rumbling for substance. He looks around the stable where they have slept and smiles when he sees a pair of boots poking out from behind a barrel; Kili still slumbers. 

Balin and Gandalf are both awake when Dwalin finds the kitchen, sitting up at the ridiculously high table. Dwalin scrambles into his chair, ignoring the way his brother chuckles at him and gratefully accepts the wooden cup of milk Gandalf offers him. 

"Good morning," Balin says, a smirk still playing around the corners of his mouth. 

"I am sure you looked just as humorous," Dwalin retorts, reaching forward to snag a loaf of bread and he rips off a hunk to dip into honey. The bread isn't warm, but it's still better than anything they've eaten in awhile and so he's quiet as he eats his fill. 

The sun is just breaking over the horizon by the time he's licking his fingers clean and excusing himself from the table. There's stirring coming from the stables, he hears the rise and falls of voices and knows that several of the other dwarves are awake. He does not want to be roped into a conversation that will delay him so he makes his way outside. He stands a bit away from the house, leaning against a tree and closing his eyes. He tips his head upwards to feel the warmth of the morning sun against his face and it's enough to make him feel drowsy once more. He lowers his frame to the ground and rests his head against the grass, drifting off into a light doze. 

When he opens his eyes once more, Kili is sitting beside him. His hair is gleaming and there's braids that haven't had a chance to fall out yet. There's still a bit of honey in the corner of his mouth and Dwalin carefully leans forward to wipe it away with his thumb. He keeps his eyes trained on Kili as he sucks his thumb into his mouth and licks it clean. 

"Come with me," Kili says, grabbing Dwalin by the hand, pulling him to his feet, and leading him deeper into the woods until they're completely hidden by the trees and in a small clearing. 

"Is this where we become friends?" Dwalin asks slyly, because he is not stupid. He knows why Kili has brought him to a secluded place. He is a young dwarf who is finally comfortable with the identity of his One. He is surely seeking physical pleasure. "Is this where you want to learn each other?"

"Yes, I want to learn you," Kili replies before he leans up on his tip toes and kisses Dwalin. It's sloppy and not centered, Kili's lips land on the corner of his mouth, but Dwalin is able to cup the back of his head and guide him easily enough. He deepens the kiss immediately, his tongue seeking the warmth Kili's mouth has to offer and he swallows the moan that Kili lets out. 

They kiss for what seems like hours. Dwalin finally backs Kili up against a tree and holds him there with his hips, digging his thumb into Kili's hipbone as they kiss. Dwalin sits down on a fallen tree and lets Kili lean over him as they kiss before Kili straddles his lap and kisses him some more. They eventually wind up on the forest floor, Dwalin holding himself up with his arms so he doesn't crush Kili underneath him, his mouth thoroughly memorized. 

"How did I ever go without this?" Kili pants as Dwalin finally pulls back from him. His mouth is numb and swollen, his face red from the scratching of Dwalin's beard. "We could have been doing this for _years_."

"You were afraid and I respected that," Dwalin says, lifting a hand and his thumb catches over the swell of Kili's bottom lip. "You wouldn't have been ready."

"How could I have ever been afraid?" Kili wonders, his tongue snaking out to wind around Dwalin's thumb and Dwalin's mind immediately goes to places it shouldn't. 

"I was scared too," Dwalin admits, setting Kili back from him because it's important that they _talk_ , that they don't base this entire relationship off of physical satisfaction. Kili has already expressed once that they communicate better with their bodies and Dwalin doesn't want that for their future. 

Kili's always been so talkative, and Dwalin is such a good listener. 

"You were scared?" Kili wiggles on the grass until he's spread out on his back and he blinks up at the sky, squinting at the sun that hangs low in the morning sky. "You're one of the most renowned warriors. What could you possibly be scared of?"

"You," Dwalin says honestly and he grins when Kili scowls over at him. "I'm not lying," he says, rolling on to his side and he props his head up with his arm, his chin warm where it rests against his palm. "In the beginning, I was terrified of anyone finding out, especially Thorin. I don't know how he'll react now, but when you were first born, I was especially worried about him finding out."

"My mum knows," Kili says quietly and lowers his gaze. "I didn't tell her, though, before you get upset with me."

"I'm aware that she knows," Dwalin says, reaching over and he brushes a knuckle against the soft skin of Kili's cheek. "She's known for years, lad. She figured it out quite quickly because your mum is a clever dwarf and I'm a terrible liar."

"You fooled me well enough," Kili retorts. "I didn't think you liked me at all. You were always harder on me than you were on Fili."

"I didn't want anyone accusing me of favouring you and then finding out the truth," Dwalin says, and he regrets the way he was hard on Kili as a young dwarfling. "I did my best to keep my distance from you."

"Well, it certainly worked - " Kili breaks off and rises into a sitting position. He pauses before he scoots back from Dwalin and begins to play with a blade of grass, just as Bilbo and Thorin break past the trees into the clearing. 

Thorin immediately frowns at them and takes a step forward, saying, "Kili, what are you doing out here?"

"I wanted to explore for a bit," Kili says, ripping the blade of grass to shreds and he raises his palm up, blowing them into the slight breeze that's in the air. "Dwalin offered to come with me since we didn't think it was wise for anyone to be wandering off alone."

"That was smart," Bilbo says, smiling over at him. 

"What are _you_ doing out here, Uncle?" Kili drawls, leaning back on his forearms and he cocks an eyebrow. He looks like such a proper princeling brat that Dwalin ducks his head down to hide the smile that threatens to overtake his expression. 

"That's none of your concern," Thorin snaps. "See yourself back to camp, Kili. Bilbo, accompany him. I need to speak with Dwalin privately."

The smile fades from Bilbo's face, but he nods his head, waiting patiently as Kili rolls his eyes and stands. Kili sneaks a look at Dwalin, who is staring down at the grass with a small smile on his face. It's enough for Kili to smile himself and follow Bilbo back to the house, whistling the entire way.

***

Fili's just finished eating, shoving the last of the bread into his mouth when a hand clamps down on his shoulder. He startles and then curses himself for it when he realizes it's Thorin behind him. Thorin's always told him he should be more aware of his surroundings and there's never an excuse for being startled. He finishes chewing as quickly as he can, swallowing more than he should before he opens his mouth and says, "Yes?"

"Come, I wish to speak with you," Thorin instructs, removing his hand and he walks away from Fili. He walks out the back door and reluctantly, Fili trails after him, down the wooden steps and over to where a bench sits by the edge of the forest. Thorin sits down and motions for Fili to do the same. 

"I apologize for yesterday," Fili says, because the sooner he can get out of this conversation, the better. He had been so angry and frustrated with Nori yesterday but going to Thorin about it had been stupid of him. "Everything is fine, Uncle."

"You were extremely disrespectful," Thorin says, his brows furrowed. "We're worried for you."

"There's nothing to be - wait, whose worried?" Fili asks, because he had demanded privacy yesterday when he had spoken to Thorin. No one should have heard their conversation and Thorin is not the type to _confide_ in someone. 

Thorin looks distinctly uncomfortable at the question, but after a moment of hesitation, he finally grudgingly replies with, "Bilbo and myself."

For once his stupid brother is right, Fili realizes. He had written Thorin and the chance at a love life off years ago, ever since he fully understood the definition of love. Thorin was Markless, he was destined to live and die alone. It was how Mahal had intended it. For him to actually find... companionship, if nothing else, with a hobbit?

"Bilbo has no say on my life," Fili says, forcing himself to be polite. "I'm fine. Nori had just unnerved me."

"You can't let him get to you," Thorin admonishes. "You need to trust him. You're part of the Company, Fili. Trusting Nori might be the difference between life and death. Although according to you from last night, it would seem death is a more preferable option than being my heir."

Fili swallows the irritated snort he wants to let out. Thorin's always had a knack for the dramatics, no matter what he says, and of course he would go to extremes with Fili. He won't play into it, though, not today. "I am fine with being your heir, Uncle. It's something I've been raised my all life believing in. I will learn to handle Nori a different way."

_Like with a blade_ , he thinks with satisfaction. 

"I will not have you quarreling with members of the company," Thorin says sternly. "We all need to rely on each other in order to make it through this quest alive. This sort of behaviour is what makes me think perhaps I was wrong and you are too young for this. I have no trouble sending you and your brother home."

"I will not fight with Nori again," Fili says tightly, because he's not going home, he's not going anywhere. "I want to be your heir, truly."

There's a small part of him that realizes if he's _not_ Thorin's heir, then he will have nothing stopping him from Bonding with Nori. He could truly have his fiery one all to himself and they could travel the world. Nori would show Fili everywhere he has been in his travels and in return, Fili would provide so handsomely for him that Nori would never have to steal again. 

They'd have a chance to be happy. 

However, for as long as he's been able to remember, he's been Thorin's heir. It is all he knows and there is security in the knowledge his future has been decided for him. He is not like Kili; rebellious and adventurous. His mother has called him her steady stone since he was small. He is Fili, heir to Thorin Oakenshield. It is an identity he wears well, it is the only one he knows. 

"I am relieved to hear you say that," Thorin admits and he lays his hand on Fili's shoulder. "I do not wish to argue with you again, Fili. I did not sleep much last night because of it."

Fili immediately feels guilty because Thorin is already under so much stress. They're staying extra days at Beorn's so Thorin will rest and recover from the warg attack. He needs as much sleep as he is able to get, he doesn't need to be staying up and needlessly worrying over Fili. 

"I apologize, Uncle," he says, leaning forward so he can press his forehead against Thorin's. "I do not want to cause you anymore grief, I promise. I will conduct myself like a true Prince of Erebor from this moment forward. I will not disappoint you yet again."

"I don't want to have this conversation again," Thorin says, but there's kindness in the way he squeezes Fili's shoulder gently. 

"We won't," Fili promises and gratefully goes back inside to see what he can yet scavenge from the breakfast table.

***

Later in the day, Bilbo proclaims that every single one of them stink beyond belief and can they _please_ take advantage of the stream that babbles gently by Beorn’s house? Fili lifts his arms and takes a quick sniff of himself before he decides that yes, Bilbo is certainly accurate. Fili can’t recall the last time he smelled so foul, he’s covered in dirt and dried blood and most likely some Orc matter as well.

Thorin decides that they’ll all bathe together, safety in numbers even though Bilbo huffs impatiently and says that they’re perfectly safe. Regardless, Thorin hustles them all out to the stream and they begin to strip in groups of families. Dwarves are not shy by any means, especially not when they’re on a quest and kept in close quarters. You can’t afford to be modest then, even though Bilbo is huddled to the side and doing his best to keep himself covered. 

Fili strips off with ease because he’s always been comfortable in his own skin and he is used to bathing with company, specifically his brother. He looks for Kili, because he was just nearby, but instead has wandered closer to where Balin and Dwalin have removed their layers. 

"Kili!" Fili snaps, because if his foolish brother doesn't want their uncle or anyone else to catch on to the painfully obvious identity of his One, he ought to keep his eyes on the ground. 

Kili hurries back to his side, two pink spots on his cheeks and Dwalin sports a matching pair. However, Dwalin dutifully follows Balin into the water and they set up camp in a river bend where there's an outcrop of rocks. Fili rolls his eyes at the way his brother's gaze _still_ continues to linger and smacks the back of Kili's head lightly. 

"You're not discreet," he mutters. 

"You only notice because you know," Kili says, rubbing the spot on his head like it's sore, but Fili knows there was no heat in his swing. "If I hadn't told you, you would be completely oblivious - just like everybody else."

"You better hope that Uncle remains oblivious," Fili says as he lowers himself into the water and idly scrubs at the dirt that is imbedded in his forearms. "If he found out..."

"Oh, be quiet already," Kili grumbles, diving under the water and he resurfaces with his dark hair plastered against his face. "If you're going to talk about being discreet, you should probably give that lecture to Nori. Seems he needs it more than I do."

Fili turns his head to follow his brother's gaze and he finds Nori perched on a rock, still wearing his clothes. He's scrubbing Ori's shirt between two small rocks, but his attention is clearly on Fili. He looks away the moment their eyes meet, but Fili still flushes, feeing the phantom gaze on his One. 

"You're daft," he finally mutters, sinking lower in the water. He's not modest, not by any stretch of the imagination. However, he doesn't want one of their first more intimate moments to be shared in front of the entire Company, his kin included. 

"You know I'm not," Kili says, before he begins to slowly swim away. "Nori smells the most, perhaps you should go encourage him to get in the water."

Fili only splashes at his brother in retaliation but Kili dodges the water easily and paddles over to where Ori is swimming with Dori. They immediately strike up a conversation, leaving Dori to float peacefully on his back and Fili knows that this is probably one of his only opportunities to speak to Nori. He moves through the water, dipping his head under so he can scrub hard on his hair until it gleams. Once he resurfaces and makes sure his moustache braids are clean, he makes his way closer to Nori. 

He can feel eyes tracking him as he moves, but whether or not they belong to Nori, Kili, or even Thorin, he couldn't tell. 

Instead, he forces a neutral expression on his face and stops close to the outcrops of rocks that Nori is currently sitting on. He makes sure to stay well in the water, lest he reveal anything too intimate. He knows that it's a foolish notion, considering that Nori is his One and if there is anyone he should be comfortable around, it's Nori. 

"Aren't you going to bathe?" He finally asks, brushing his hair off his shoulder. 

Nori tracks the movement before their eyes meet and then he shakes his head. "Not at the present," he says, his voice as ragged as the rocks he sits upon. "I'll wait until everyone else is finished."

"I wouldn't peg a thief to be modest," Fili says. The moment the words are out of his mouth he wishes he could retract them, he doesn't know why he's always so quick to be nasty to Nori. His mother had certainly raised him better than this and he knows that Dis wouldn't hesitate to knock him around the head if she ever heard him. 

Nori doesn't rise to the bait, though. Instead, he simply gazes back down to the material he holds and begins to scrub at it once more, shrugging one shoulder. He's quiet today, there's something off about him. Fili doesn't know if he's noticing because they're on a quest together, or because the bond is strengthening. Either way, worry coils low in his belly and he frowns as he assesses Nori quickly. The stubborn dwarf looks just fine, but Fili knows just how deceiving appearances can be. 

"You seem upset," he finally says, moving a bit closer. He can feel a heated gaze on his back, and knows if he was to turn around, Dori would be watching them. He doesn't want to bring Dori into this, though, so he refuses to turn around and focuses all of his attention on to Nori. 

"What would I have to be upset about?" Nori raises one eyebrow, pausing his work and he chucks Ori's sodden shirt down on the rocks. "What could possibly have me upset?"

"There's no need to be rude about it," Fili bristles. "I don't have to be concerned over you, you know. I don't have to care."

"So you're admitting that you do care," Nori moves slowly from where he's perched, making his way down the rocks until he's balanced on his knees against the last rock before the water. "You finally acknowledge what I have known in my heart for awhile now."

Fili scowls at the implication and resists the urge to splash Nori in the face with water. "Why are you upset?" He says instead because he's not going to waste one of their few precious moments alone. 

"You shouldn't even be over here," Nori says, carefully evading the question which only makes Fili even more sure that something is wrong. "I was told to steer clear of you, hence why I will bathe later. Instead you seek me out, probably to cause trouble for me later."

"Who would dare to - " Fili pauses when he realizes that it's him that so firmly instructed Dori to keep Nori away. "So, Dori had a chat with you, then."

"You could call it that," Nori says with a slow nod of his head. "I didn't think he was so serious, though. Apparently neither do you."

"I was serious... in the moment," Fili admits. The back of his neck feels hot but whether it's from the sun or from Dori's stare, he wouldn't be able to say. He lowers himself further under the water until it brushes against his ears. "I don't want to quarrel with you, Nori."

"You have an odd way of showing it," Nori responds with more bite than is warranted, in Fili's opinion.

"Thorin told me I need to trust every single member of this Company, that my life could hang in the balance of it. I don't trust you, Nori."

"Nor I you," he says, trailing the tip of his fingers in the water. He's so close to Fili, he could just reach out and tangle their fingers together, pulling Nori into the clear blue. 

"You once told me that you had not told either of your brothers the identity of your One and that you had no intentions of doing so," Fili says quietly, raising his gaze to meet Nori's. "Dori seems completely aware of the situation, so I will have to presume that is another lie you have told me. This is why I cannot trust you."

"I have never lied to you," Nori hisses, retreating backwards and he's moving away from Fili, the complete opposite of what he wants to happen. "I have never spoken to either of my brothers about you, that was not a lie. You are presuming wrong."

"He knows!" Fili argues, pushing closer, his voice rising with his frustration. "There are precisely four people that are aware of the situation. I know that I didn't tell him and I'm pretty certain that Kili didn't either!"

"You're beautiful, but daft," Nori snaps, folding his arms over his clothed chest. "In all your presuming, did you ever stop to consider the fact that Dori is just bloody brilliant?"

"I - no," Fili flounders for an answer that won't make him appear stupid but there isn't one. "I mean... we have been discreet. All these years, we have done so well."

"That's because you didn't know who I was," Nori says dryly with a roll of his eyes. "It's not exactly being subtle if you were unaware of my existence."

"I knew of you, I just didn't know some of the... finer details. And I don't mean finer in a complimentary way, so don't take it as one."

"Meanwhile, I knew exactly who you were," Nori says quietly and his hands tremble against each other. "I knew you were the Crown Prince and destined for anything greater than I could provide. Why do you think I stayed away?"

Hot, burning shame fills his lungs and chest and he swallows hard. He had never stopped to ask Nori why he stayed away so often, why he had resorted to a life of crime. He had never stopped to ask Nori anything, really. With Nori, all he has ever done is presume, and usually the worst. 

"Nori - "

"Now that we are equally aware of each other," Nori barrels on, his hands clenched into fists now, but they're at his sides, so he's clearly not readying himself to take a swing at Fili. Even if it would be deserved. "We are less subtle, and we are certainly less discreet. This very conversation proves it to be true. My brother is a genius, in a way that you and I will never be. So the fact that he has figured it out, as you assume he has, does not surprise me. Worry, yes, but surprise - no."

"Why does it make you worry?" 

"What cause is there for worry on a beautiful day like today?" A firm voice says from behind them and Fili turns in the water to see Dori cocking his head at him. "What brings you over here, when you so firmly told me to keep my brother away from you?"

"A simple question," Fili mutters, his gaze going once more to Nori. However, Nori is gazing steadfastly away from Fili and frustration burns through him once more. 

"I trust it has been answered?" Dori says calmly, lifting himself out of the water to sit beside his brother. He may be completely naked, but he has no shame in his form and nor should he. Fili doesn't think he has ever seen so many muscles, not even on Dwalin. It's a warning sign and Fili prides himself that he's not completely stupid. 

"Absolutely," he says tightly before he turns and swims away in long strokes, diving his head underneath the water so he doesn't have to hear the murmur of his One's voice grow fainter and fainter until he cannot hear it at all.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

They have one more day of rest at Beorn's before they're to continue on to Erebor and Kili plans to make the most of the day. He sneaks into the kitchens while everyone else is still sleeping and swipes what he can easily find - bread still warm from the oven, thick slabs of sharp cheese, a bowl of butter, crispy fried meat that is left over from last night's meal. He grabs a jug of milk at the last moment, remembering just how much Dwalin had enjoyed it. He tucks it all away into a basket that he finds on a low shelf and then steals outside. 

They've already formed a plan, the pair of them. Kili is to leave first and make his way down to the river where they had bathed. He's to wait there for Dwalin to arrive and then they will move further downstream for privacy before they eat breakfast together. He leans his back against the curve of rock, the stone still cool from the moon's light. He's looking forward to their meal together, away from the prying eyes and listening ears of the Company. 

Thorin had interrupted them before, but this time Kili is hopeful that they'll have a few hours together without disturbance. There's so much he wants to ask Dwalin, such as what he did all those years he stayed away or if he ever missed him. There's other things he wants to do away from the Company as well, but he's pretty sure that Dwalin won't be so easily distracted. 

He's a lot more keen on communication than Kili would have ever imagined. It's a blessing though, really, considering how much Kili likes to speak. He's never been like the rest of his family, content to stew in his hurt and anger, bottling it away for another day. He's always had it spilling out before he's even recognized the emotion for what it is.   
His mother had always said he was like his father in that way. 

That's another thing Kili wants to speak to Dwalin about - his father. Dwalin would have known Vili. Kili has never really been able to speak about his father to anyone. The times he did try, when he was younger, his mother would curl away from him and became quiet and withdrawn. So he would go to Thorin, who would smile sadly and tell him to focus on other things. 

There's a missing link in Kili's history and Dwalin is someone who will be able to hopefully help Kili piece it together for once and for all. 

"You look deep in thought," a voice suddenly says from beside him and Kili forces himself not to jump right out of his skin. 

"I am," he says, tipping his head back to look up at Dwalin and he smiles at just how handsome Dwalin is. How was Kili ever so fortunate to receive such a One? For years he thought Mahal had cursed their family thrice but this... this is a _blessing_. He wants to laugh at just how far he has come. 

"Come, walk with me somewhere private so we can talk," Dwalin says, leaning down and he snags the basket from Kili's grip. 

They make their way downstream, climbing over the rocks and winding around the trees until they've reached a stretch of grass that overlooks the water. Dwalin removes his fur vest and hope mixed with fear and desire swells in Kili's chest. It fades though once Dwalin stretches it out over the grass and motions for Kili to sit down. It's just another form of Dwalin caring for him. 

Kili unpacks the basket and takes a long drink of the milk before he passes it over to Dwalin. They feast quietly, smearing the butter over the slices of bread with their fingers, the hot dough causing the butter to melt slightly. The meat is salty against Kili's lips and he polishes his portion off in mere moments, licking his lips at the end. He doesn't even have to ask before Dwalin is feeding him a strip right from his hand and Dwalin's skin is almost as tasty. 

"You did well," Dwalin finally says once they have eaten and the basket is empty of food. "I'm sure our comrades are probably missing some of this right now."

"They all shouldn't have slept late then," Kili says smugly, feeling very proud of himself for rising early. With everything they've been through so far on the quest, sleep has become a treasure. However, these stolen moments with Dwalin have become a treasure as well, just in a different form. 

"I'm grateful for their exhaustion, since it made this whole process easier," Dwalin admits, leaning back on the stump of a fallen tree. "I thought we could use this time to learn each other on a different level than we did yesterday. I thought perhaps we could take turns questioning each other, whatever we want to know. Unless you're uncomfortable with answering, then by all means say no."

"I do have a question," Kili says, because it's been one weighing on his mind all morning. "You knew my father."

"Aye, I knew Vili," Dwalin confirms and he hesitates before he continues speaking, "Are you sure you want to discuss him, lad?"

"Yes," Kili says stubbornly. "I have no one to speak to regarding him. I don't even feel like he exists to me."

"He'd be sad to hear that, truly," Dwalin says, sighing heavily and he runs a hand down his beard. "Vili never got the opportunity to see you grow up. He died when you were just ten years old, still a wee little dwarfling."

"A hunting accident," Kili says softly because he doesn't remember much of the day. The snatches he can recall is more due to Fili's memory than his own, he's sure. As for his father, he only has one recollection of a wide, smiling face that would beam down at him. 

"Aye, a hunting party that was caught unaware by Orcs," Dwalin affirms, nodding his head. "Don't think of him as weak, though, lad. We lost a few good dwarves that day."

"I would never think him weak," Kili says, because although his father is many things to him - unknown, elusive, mysterious – he has always been considered a true warrior and hero in Kili’s young eyes. 

"He'd be so proud of the dwarf you have become," Dwalin continues, reaching out to gently trace his fingertips down Kili's hairless jaw . "He thought the world of you boys."

"But what was he _like_?" Kili insists. 

"Vili? He was calm and constant... he was like a babbling brook, really. He was the opposite of your mother in so many ways, I suppose that's why they worked the way they did. Mahal certainly knew what He was doing when He paired them together. He was a quiet dwarf, he preferred to be out in the woods alone with his thoughts. He had a rougher path than most carved for him, marrying into the Durin line. Your mum, she was a bit renowned at this point. It had been awhile since there was a Durin princess, and she captivated the attention of many who sought to win her."

"They couldn't, though," Kili argues, his own hand unconsciously going to his wrist. "She's Marked."

"Aye, she was Marked, and happily so. I still remember the day Thorin telling me that Dis had met her Mark and although he seemed like a quiet fellow, Thorin approved of him overall."

"I wish I could remember him," Kili admits and he shifts closer towards Dwalin so he's able to press their sides together, drawing comfort from the physical contact. 

"I was there when he died," Dwalin says, and he swallows hard. "I will never forget the look on your face. You were this wee thing, clinging to your mum's skirts still. Fili was trying so hard to be brave, even as tears dripped down his face. You were emotionless, though. I think that's what startled us all because between the pair of you, you've always been your mother's lad."

"I've heard that before," Kili says before falling silent.   
"I wanted to sweep you up into my arms until you laughed again," Dwalin says, wrapping one arm around Kili's shoulder. "I had never seen you look so miserable and it pained me to my core. To this day, I never want to see you so sad again."

"With you by my side, I don't think I will be," Kili murmurs, tilting his face away from Dwalin's gaze. He had wanted to know everything he could about his father. However, instead of bringing him comfort, remorse washes over him at the knowledge that he will never know his father, a great dwarf, except through the tales of others.

“Don’t be sad, lad,” Dwalin finally says. “You will have the chance to see your father again. Years and years away, when you are old and grey, you will pass into Mahal’s Halls and your father will be there to welcome you home.”

It’s a pleasant thought and it does boost his spirits. Wisely, though, the conversation turns to lighter topics for the remaining time they have. Eventually they pack everything up and Dwalin gives him a final kiss, stealing the very breath from his lungs. He clings to him closer, not wanting to give up the privacy that they have, wants to take advantage of every stolen moment they have before they’re forced to return to the Company and to Thorin. A promise of more gets him moving though, and he can’t erase the smile from his face. 

It’s the best morning Kili’s had in years.

***

He goes to the forest clearing he had been in yesterday because Nori's been tracking him with his eyes all day. Fili knows that if he leaves, Nori will follow him . The thief is not as nearly as sneaky as he believes himself to be, he's no different than an animal and Fili is more than ready to flush the animal out. He will corner Nori, hit him where he is vulnerable, and end this for once and for all.

He leans against the bark of a tree and pulls out one of his small blades, this one had been tucked behind his collar. He uses it to clean underneath his nails, flicking the dirt on to the grass and he hums a childhood song that Dis used to sing to them. In fact, if Fili really thinks, he knows it was their father that sang it to them, but Fili has such few memories of him. The few he does he never knows if they are actual memories or just stories he has heard repeated enough times from Dis or Thorin. 

"It's like you really want to die," comes a drawl from his left and he turns his head to see Nori standing in the clear, his head cocked and confusion written on his narrow face. "I don't understand."

"I'm not surprised," Fili says, pushing himself away from the tree and he walks towards Nori, keeping the blade in his hand. "Or perhaps I just knew that if I wandered off, you would follow."

"Now you seek my company?" Nori swallows hard and Fili tracks the movement of his throat. "You're a complex creature, Fili."

"I'm really simple, actually," Fili says, because it's _true_. He's not that difficult to understand, not if you're a decent dwarf. "If you had ever been around in Ered Luin, you'd know this. If you had spent less time thieving, we could have possibly even been friends."

"You'd never be friends with me," Nori scoffs, shaking his head. He doesn't have his elaborate braids done up today, he's clearly taken Gandalf's instruction to rest to heart. Instead, his hair is flowing free, brushed straight until it's gleaming. Fili wants to wind his hands up in it, fist knots into it as he forces Nori to submit. 

"Well, we'll never know, will we?" Fili says, heavier than he intends. He's supposed to be keeping the upper hand here, but now he suddenly feels a pang of regret in how everything between him and Nori has worked out so far. 

"You must be feeling more alert," Nori says quietly and his eyes glance down towards the blade. Nori’s upper ling curls at the sight of it, but Fili’s not surprised when he doesn’t back down. It would’ve disappointed Fili if he had. 

"I suppose I am, the rest has been doing me well," Fili says, although it's an odd statement for Nori to make and so he narrows his eyes. "What do you mean by it, though? We should all be more alert, even if we are to believe that we are safe. We won’t be truly safe until we are home in Erebor."

"You're kinder to me when you're tired," Nori blurts out and then immediately looks like he regrets speaking so honestly. He stiffens his shoulders, though, and forges ahead. "When you and I stood watch together, you were kind."

"I nearly saw Thorin die, I would have been kind to anyone," Fili says dismissively, but his heart rate begins to increase, just enough to quicken his breath. "You shouldn't take such things so personally."

"You said there was so much hate between us," Nori says and his eyes flash with something Fili doesn't recognize. He's also walking closer until he stops and their chests are almost touching. He's far too close for comfort, but Fili is frozen in the clearing, watching this dwarf who clearly holds such sway over him. "You’re wrong."

"How am I wrong?" Fili asks, his voice a whisper and the blade is loose in his hand, dragging at his side. It's a loose enough grip that when Nori carefully reaches out and grips his wrist, he drops the blade altogether, leaving it to lay in the grass. "Nori, tell me."

"There's not always hate," Nori says, and his touch against Fili's wrist is fiery hot. His fingers are brushing against the black cloth that covers Fili's Mark and he is far, far too close. 

"What else is there?" Fili pleads, finally reaching down with the intent of stilling Nori's fingers, but now their hands are just tangled together, bringing them even closer. 

"There's us, Fili," Nori says fiercely, tightening his grip on Fili's hand and he hauls him in the rest of the way. "There's _us_."

And then they're kissing. 

Fili isn't sure how it's happening, all he knows is that Nori's pressed his mouth against his own. Rather than push him away, Fili has somehow wound his free arm around Nori's waist to hitch him closer. Nori's lips are moving insistently against his own and helplessly, Fili responds. The blood in his veins begin to sing and he would swear on his life later that his Mark burned bright at the acknowledgement of his One. 

Fili tilts his head to the side and opens his mouth, Nori's tongue immediately exploring. He groans, low in the back of his throat, at the sensation and pushes Nori's tunic up so he's able to slide his hand along his bare skin. Nori hisses into his mouth, but he doesn't stop Fili, instead he raises his hands over his head and Fili breaks the kiss in order to pull his shirt off completely. 

He stares hard at Nori, eyes roaming over the pale skin that has suddenly been revealed to him. He should take a step back, he should really turn and walk away. There's a look of uncertainly on Nori's face and he begins to turn away and Fili can't handle the thought of Nori finding himself unattractive. He's a lot of things, but he will never be undesirable in Fili's eyes. 

Fili reaches for him, sliding his hand up his chest and Nori's eyes flutter shut. It gives Fili the freedom to explore in privacy, touching as much pale skin as he can. He strokes his hand around Nori's ribs, they stick out far too much for his liking. This quest has been a bit of a shock to the system regarding food, but he suspects Nori is used to going hungry. 

"Fili," Nori whispers, his body shuddering and goosebumps break out underneath the pads of Fili's fingers. 

Fili doesn't have an excuse as to why he is prolonging this awkward encounter, he really ought to toss Nori his shirt and walk away, pretending it never happened. Instead, he draws Nori closer and slides a hand around his throat. Nori swallows hard but tips his head backwards and there's a thrill in the way that he submits himself so sweetly. 

"I could slice you open right here," Fili whispers, pressing his lips against the hollow of Nori's throat. 

"You won't," Nori says, more confident than he should be. Despite his awkward position, he manages to get an arm around Fili and tug at his own shirt. "Come on, take it off."

Fili releases him abruptly, so quickly that Nori almost falls over before he catches his balance. Fili stares at him, his heartbeat thudding so loudly in his own ears that it drowns out all other sounds. He means to walk away, truly he does. Instead his arms are drawing his shirt up over his head, the sun basking over his tanned skin, tossing the material aside. He grabs Nori, backing him up against a tree and they’re kissing again. 

They kiss for what feels like hours and Fili knows if he was to pull away, that would be the end of whatever this is. However, he's not pulling away, not when Nori is making the sweetest sounds in his ears. Instead, he's the one reaching for Nori's pants and he unbuttons them so he can slide them down his hips, pulling his small-clothes with him. Now Nori is completely bare against him and he has absolutely no shame. 

Rather, he arches against the tree and sighs out Fili's name like a prayer. 

"Mahal, Nori," Fili whispers, dropping to his knees. He's pressing his hands against the curve of Nori's hips, holding him there against the tree and he doesn't even care that the bark of the tree is going to mark up Nori's back something fiercely. If anything, he's proud that Nori will carry marks of their encounter with him long after they leave Beorn's. 

"Bring my pants back," Nori suddenly demands, reaching his hand outwards for them. 

"Sorry," Fili mutters, because he's clearly gone too far. He doesn't understand this game they're playing, it's no wonder he's messing the rules up. He grabs the pants and hands them off to Nori quickly, turning away to give him privacy, but Nori just pulls something out of a pocket and tosses them aside. 

"Here," Nori says, pushing a small tin into his hands. "I nicked this from Bilbo's house, back in the Shire." 

Sneaky thief.

Fili sits back on his haunches as he digs his thumbnail under the lid and forces it open with a pop. Inside is a thin cream and it's slick when he dips his fingers into it. He's confused for a moment before realization suddenly hits him and his eyebrows shoot skyward. "You want me to fuck you!" He exclaims before lowering his voice, the skin on his face surely red. 

"Do you want to?" Nori asks, and he looks uncharacteristically shy. "You don't have to."

"I've never fucked anyone before," Fili admits. It's difficult to be this honest when he's on his knees in front of Nori who is naked and hard. He leans forward and presses a kiss against Nori's bare hip. Nori sucks in a shuddery breath and Fili's never heard him make that sound before so he does it again, this time trailing his lips down to the inside of Nori's thigh. 

Nori spreads his legs and one hand slides into Fili's hair, gripping the strands tightly. "You're doing a good job so far," he says encouragingly and Fili doesn’t miss the way the praise causes his chest to purr. 

He licks his lips and braces himself before he takes Nori hesitantly in his hand. His cock is hot to the touch, but Fili leans forward and slides his lips around it anyway. Nori lets out a low groan and falls back against the tree. It's relatively simple from there - Fili is completely unsure of what he is doing, or even _why_ he's doing it - but he follows Nori's cues and learns what he likes and what he most certainly doesn't. 

"Mahal, teeth!" Nori says, yanking Fili's hair with a sharp tug. "Mind your teeth, Fili, or I swear I'll punch them all loose."

The threat only spurs Fili on further and he relaxes his throat so he's able to swallow Nori almost completely the whole way. He has saliva and other fluids dripping down his chin and he's never felt less like a prince. In fact, he's never felt like this at all. When did he suddenly start to care what Nori thinks of him, and when under earth and stone did he ever begin to consider a future with Nori? 

When did this other dwarf, this troublesome One, turn into Nori and not just a thief?

Nori suddenly pushes him away, his pupils blown wide. "I'm going to come if you don't stop," he says, and he hauls Fili to his feet for a filthy kiss. Fili doesn't understand it, because surely Nori can taste himself on Fili's tongue, bu t it doesn't seem to stop him. Nori wrenches away to growl, “Get the slick.”

Fili grabs the tin from where he had dropped in and digs two fingers in, coating them liberally. It’s still not too late to walk away and when he rises to his feet, he’s intent on leaving. But then Nori is turning and wrapping his arms around the base of the tree to brace himself, offering himself up so sweetly to Fili. 

How is Fili supposed to resist such temptation?

“Nori,” he murmurs, stepping closer and he slowly presses one finger inside of him. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing, but he has a vague idea of how it should all work. He wonders if this is Nori’s first time, if Nori has been saving himself for Fili. 

“You can add a second,” Nori says, his hips twitching. The skin on his back is red, a thin trickle of blood from his shoulder from where a particular sharp piece of bark must have cut him up. 

“It might hurt,” Fili warns, but he does as he’s asked and pushes a second finger inside. 

Nori clenches tightly around him but he doesn’t make a noise so Fili continues to pump them in and out, scissoring them gently. It’s not until he crooks his wrist to get a different angle that Nori’s breath suddenly hitches. Fili has never felt more in tune with his One; he’s not sure whether it’s the bond that is drawing them so close or the fact that it’s just an intimate partner. Either way, Fili understands that means _good, keep going, more_ , and so he hastens to obey. 

He’s finally three fingers deep before Nori is squirming against the tree and panting for more. Who is Fili to deny his One in this moment? He backs away, giving himself space as he unties his laces and pulls himself out. The knowledge that they’re in the clearing of the forest where anybody could hear them, could see them, is not lost on him, but he’s too far gone in his lust to do anything about it now. Instead, he slicks his cock up and steadies himself, one hand wrapped around himself and the other braced against the tree over Nori’s shoulder. 

He exhales slowly before he begins to push inside. There’s resistance, the tightest resistance he’s ever felt and it’s nothing like a hand around his cock. It’s _more_ , it’s absolutely everything and Fili feels like he’s about to fall apart already. He grips the base of his cock tighter to stave off his orgasm and works his way completely in. Nori is silent underneath him, save the hitching of his breath with every slight thrust forward. When Fili is finally, blessedly, fully inside, he swallows thickly and smooths his hand down Nori’s back. 

“You all right?” He asks, leaning forward so he can press his lips against a scratch. It tastes like blood and Fili licks it slowly, relishing the metallic taste in his mouth.

“I’m fine,” Nori says, twitching his hips and he groans at the movement. “I feel so full.”

“You’re so tight,” Fili marvels, sliding his hand down to rest on Nori’s hip, digging his fingers into the skin as he rocks out and then thrusts back in. “Nori!”

“Just like that,” Nori moans, tipping his head backwards and Fili is able to tug his hair until Nori turns his head for a kiss. 

They move in unison, Fili’s movements getting more desperate and quick. He knows he’s not going to last long, he’s never experienced such pleasure as this. He drops his hand from Nori’s hip to around his waist and to his cock, jerking it off in unsteady strokes.   
When he finally does come, he swallows the scream that threatens to spill out and instead bites Nori’s shoulder, his teeth indenting in the skin until it breaks underneath and blood sluggishly oozes across his bottom lip. Nori yelps at the sensation, but it must be enough for him because he’s pulsing wetly in Fili’s hand, marking the tree with their deed. 

There is nothing but silence afterwards in the air, save for a lonely chirp from a bird. Fili eases his way out, a hand braced against Nori’s hip. They’ve been fortunate enough as it is to get by without any intrusion, Fili doesn’t want to see them pushing their luck so they dress immediately. 

The moment Nori is fully clothed, though, he curls against Fili’s side and leans up for a kiss. “You’re not going to tell your brother, are you?”

The realization of what he has done hits Fili, and it douses him like mountain water, cold from the spring. He pulls away, fiddling with the laces on his pants and he ties them up securely. How could he have been so weak? He should have better self control than that – his One should not have been bedded roughly against the bark of a tree, but instead laid out in gems and the unspeakable wealth of Erebor. 

“We speak of this to no one,” he finally bites out, hating himself more and more. 

He was to resist Nori! It would have been better to never have him at all than to treat him as if he's nothing more than a casual whore. He is the One of Thorin’s heir – he deserves so much better than Fili has just given him. 

“Why are you so angry?” Nori questions, his own brows furrowing as he stares at Fili. “You genuinely are complex, I was accurate in my first assumption.”

“Don’t presume you know me,” Fili says, self-loathing coiling deep in his belly and washing the remnants of his orgasm away. “We should not have done this.”

“Why?” Nori challenges, pushing himself closer, his chin jutting out. “Tell me you do not feel better, tell me that you don’t see so clearly. I will know that you are lying.”

“I am not a liar,” Fili says, even though that in itself is a lie. He has soiled his One, he has ruined what should have been a triumphant moment for them, something to savour, something _valuable_. He took something from Nori that they can never recover and Nori should hate him right now. 

Mahal knows that Fili hates himself enough. 

“You are a strange creature,” Nori finally says, narrowing his gaze. “One that I am determined to learn.”

“Save your time, for you will learn _nothing_ ,” Fili says, his voice wavering. He spins around and stalks away, the pounding sound of his heartbeat and the harsh panting of his breath ringing in his ears. Nori’s silent behind him and Fili hates him, just a little bit more, for letting him go.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

The trees loom before them and Fili eyes Mirkwood Forest with a distrustful eye. Beorn had warned them off of this place, had told them they would not survive it. Foolishly, in Fili’s opinion, the Company is pressing forwards regardless. Sometimes the quickest route doesn’t always seem the wisest, but there’s no getting through to Thorin. Another dragged out sigh escapes him as he leans against his horse and watch Nori dismount from his own, rubbing a hand over the velvety nose. 

They haven’t spoken since their last encounter. Fili doesn’t know what to say. He needs to apologize to Nori for defiling him, for treating him like he was worthless. It was a mistake to bed Nori against the rough bark of a tree in a stranger's forest. His One deserves much more than that. Every time Fili has tried to speak to Nori, though, he either loses his courage and slinks away or Dori appears out of thin air with a suspicious glare on his heavy brow. 

"What's the matter with you? You seem different." A voice asks from beside him and he turns to see Kili. 

He hasn't spoken to his brother recently, as every time they do, there is an edge to their banter. It becomes almost quarrelsome, tipping over the edge into nasty territory. While bickering is nothing new for the pair of them, it seems there is a gulf growing slowly between them, and he can no longer read Kili like the back of his hand. Fili has changed, that much is true, but so has Kili. 

This quest is forging them anew. It is as if they have been thrown into the heat of the smelter, melted down to the core before emerging as something that rings true and yet feels brand new. 

"I am wary of the forest," Fili says, because he cannot in good conscience tell Kili about his encounter with Nori. Nori has made it clear that he desires no one to hear of what transpired between them, Kili especially. Fili owes his One at least that much respect to keep quiet. 

"I wish we could go around," Kili agrees, handing the reins of his horse over to Bofur who is gathering all the horses up so they can be released altogether back to Beorn. He waits until Bofur has moved on to the next dwarf before he says, "D'you think Uncle would listen to us if we tried to reason with him?" 

"It's not about reason, since the most logical choice _is_ to go through the forest," Fili says reluctantly and he turns his gaze to his brother, inspecting him carefully. Kili looks older, a sight Fili never thought he would see. He's growing up, right in front of his eyes, and soon Fili will just have a brother, rather a baby one. 

"He would not listen to us anyway," Kili mutters, a hand pushing his tangled hair back and Fili reaches out to help him, pinning a loose braid in place, securing it firmly. 

"You're a mess," he says, but there is no heat in his voice, only fondness. 

This is the first time they have really spoken since Fili caught Kili and Dwalin in the trees together and had threatened Dwalin so. His stomach clenches uncomfortable and he has to swallow hard, for Kili had been indignant enough. If he knew the truth, if he was aware of how much Fili had failed at following procedures himself, he would be livid. At any rate, Fili can no longer blame his brother for seeking Dwalin out - he is intimate with the relief it can bring. 

"Surely that is nothing new," Kili says and he sounds uncertain. "Are you all right? Truly?"

"No," Fili says shortly, because although he won't tell Kili of his indiscretions, he also won't play as if everything is fine. 

"Is there something I can aid you with?" Kili asks, and he's worrying that damn talisman between his fingers. It's a sure sign that Kili is feeling anxious. Fili should be doing a better job of protecting his brother from the dangers of the world like his mother had instructed him to. They shouldn't fight as often as they do. 

"It's Nori," he finally says, following into step as Thorin begins to lead them into the cursed forest, instructing them over and over to stick to the path. 

"What's happened now?" Kili asks, before he glances around and falls silent. 

The company is walking close together, too close for a proper conversation about such private, intimate thoughts. Sharing even a vague confidence will have to wait so Fili simply links their hands together and squeezes tightly. After a moment, Kili squeezes back. 

"We cannot fight any longer," Fili says instead, distracting Kili from tales he cannot tell. He tightens his grip on his brother. In such a perilous forest as this one, it feels good to keep his brother close. 

"You and Nori?"

"No, you and I," Fili says with a roll of his eyes. "This quest... it is more difficult than I imagined it would be. We have narrowly escaped death many times. I would not see us part this world at odds with one another." 

Unwittingly, at the thought of death, his eyes stray to the back of Nori's form. 

"We're not going to die," Kili says confidently, pushing a large branch out of their way. "We are going to reclaim our homeland and rule Erebor like we were meant to."

"If only I could have your optimism," Fili says lowly, the ache in his chest growing larger and larger with every step they take. 

"Then I will have enough for the both of us." 

It takes a few days until they lose the path. Fili isn't surprised, for it was difficult to see to begin with and they are dwarves. They belong underground in the stone and darkness. They cannot compete with these hooded trees. They stumble around, straying further and further, growing angrier and angrier. 

"It's the forest," Kili says with narrowed eyes, glaring at Thorin's back . "The forest is changing us."

"I feel so angry," Fili mutters, hating the way that the worst of his qualities have come so quickly to the surface, have overtaken every good sense he has. "I don't want to be so angry."

"Tell me why you're angry," Kili presses, pausing to lean against a tree that Fili would swear they have passed twice already.

"I bedded him," Fili admits , not able to withhold the ugly truth anymore. In this accursed forest, ugliness is all that remains. "I fucked him at the skinchanger's and he should hate me for it."

"Oh, Fili," Kili says and there's a sympathetic arm draped around him. "You should not have done that."

"I couldn't help myself," Fili says petulantly, but he still leans into the comfort that is offered. "You recall how you told me that kissing Dwalin lifted the fog from your mind? It was like that... except so much _more_. I've never experienced anything like it. It's addicting, I understand now why we are marked."

"What a mess we have made of ourselves," Kili says with a sigh. 

"I am reconsidering everything in my life," Fili says, before he's thought about even admitting it. Once it has been said out loud, though, he realizes how true it is. Everything is different now and he owes it to himself to follow this new path he's been subjected to. 

"Like what?" Kili asks curiously. 

In this distance, Fili can hear Bofur yell that he's found the path before he yells once more saying he was wrong. Dori grumbles with curses and frustration and there's the sound of Dwalin hitting a tree. Everyone is pushed to their limit, they're all on edge and Fili is surprised that nobody has actually snapped yet. 

"If I wasn't Thorin's heir, I would be able to bond with Nori," Fili whispers, unable to meet his brother's gaze. Committing such an act would affect not only Fili, but the repercussions of such a decision would affect Kili as well, who would suddenly become the next available heir. Kili, who has never wanted to be king. 

Kili sucks in a breath. "You would abdicate the throne for Nori?"

"It's this forest," Fili says, the back of his neck hot in embarrassment. "It's giving me all sorts of foolish ideas."

"It's not the... worst idea you've ever had," Kili says slowly. "I mean, if you weren't heir, you would be able to be with your One. I know the throne is important but..."

"He's my One," Fili whispers and his heart leaps at the words, at the bare acknowledgement. "I can't imagine a life without him anymore."

"You've come a long way from how you previously felt about him," Kili says with a sudden grin. His smile is a little more dimmer than usual, but whether that's due to the forest or the prospect of the throne, Fili couldn't say. 

"I know," Fili has to smile himself because even with the anger and the paranoia and everything hateful inside of him, there's still something beautiful in feeling love towards Nori. 

"Don't make any hasty decisions like speaking to Thorin," Kili warns. "You might think differently once we have emerged from this forest."

"Gather round!" It's Thorin bellowing and so they make their way back over to the rest of the Company, who are milling around, each with a panicked look on their face. 

"We're lost for good," Bofur says dejectedly, pulling his hat from his head and he lays it against his chest. "They will find our bones years from now."

"Oh, now, that can't be true," Bilbo says worryingly, taking a step closer towards Thorin. "Thorin?"

"This forest never ends," Thorin mourns, leaning briefly against the hobbit and Fili tracks the way that Bilbo flushes under the touch. 

"I will not die an honorable warrior's death," Dwalin bemoans, collapsing against a rock. "We will suffocate within these very trees!" 

"It's unnatural!" Dori says, his own voice unnaturally shrill. "There's no escape!"

"Calm down, calm down!" Bilbo suddenly shouts. "I will climb the trees. I am small and nimble enough, surely the branches will hold me. I will find the way out."

"Bless Mahal for you," Thorin murmurs, leaning his forehand against the hobbit's. Fili's gaze meets his brother's and despite the worry and fear in his chest, they're both able to smile. 

With slight rustling, Bilbo disappears up the tree and Fili sits down on a mossy rock while he bides his time. There's movement behind him and in his peripheral view, he sees a flash of red as Nori settles down beside him. 

"We will not die here," Nori murmurs, giving off the pretense that he is doing up the laces of his boots. "There is no jail cell that can hold me, you really think it will be a forest that will bring my demise?"

"It is not a natural forest," Fili says uncertainly, because Nori certainly seems confident enough. "Perhaps it has even you fooled."

"No, my treasure, we will not die here," Nori says before his face pales, and he looks away. 

"You shouldn't call me such names," Fili says quietly, even if it causes his heart to leap within the cavity of his chest. They are forging something new here. 

"No, I should not," Nori agrees. "No matter how true it is."

"Nori," Fili says helplessly before there's a sudden, stinging pain in his side. He opens his mouth to shout - to warn Thorin, to warn _Nori_ , but the fear in his own gaze is suddenly reflected in Nori's and then there's nothing but the dark.

***

Under any other circumstance, Nori would consider it a curse to be confined in a small place with Kili. He has made it clear that he cannot stand the very sight of the younger prince and yet, in this moment, Nori is grateful for his company. For they are imprisoned deep within Thranduil's securities and while Nori would not trust an Elf, he knows that no Elf would be so foolish to harm a royal head. Sharing a cell with Kili will be the safest option for Nori, especially since he has nicked many a thing from Elves before and they would have no love in their hearts for him if they were to know the truth.

Of course, it would be better if he could be imprisoned with Fili, but Nori knows only madness lies that way. He has hardly spoken to Fili since their time spent together in Beorn's forest. Fili had made his regret clear and it does not surprise Nori for he had been shocked that the prince had been so vulnerable with him at all. Fili may have been born and raised in humble Ered Luin, but he will die in Erebor, glory and wealth beyond Nori's comprehension at his disposal. 

Fili is no longer just the boy from Ered Luin, he is a prince, _the_ Prince of Erebor; Thorin's heir. A future with Fili was never going to be in the realm of possibility and he should be thankful for the moments they did share. 

"Let us out!"

Kili is shouting at the door again, attempting to rattle the iron bars loose. Nori's content enough to leave him to it, instead he has chosen his bed and is hunkered down on the thick curve of wood. They were picked clean of all their weapons, Nori had every single blade, even the one down the back of his pants, taken from him. It will be a lot harder to escape, but Nori hasn't encountered a cell yet that could hold him. He just needs to think it through and not be hasty. Kili can distract them with all of his shouting while Nori _plots_.

He eventually tires of his shouting, as Nori knew he would. Instead, he throws himself down on the opposite bed and huffs out a frustrated breath, his dark hair tangled around his face. He is the complete opposite of Fili, they are like day and night and Nori has always preferred to be under the sun's warmth. 

"They won't come," he says, the nail on his thumb ripped and jagged so he worries it over the pad of his index finger. "You might as well save your breath."

"I thought perhaps one might come yet," Kili says, glaring balefully at the door. 

"The She-Elf that you spoke to earlier?" Nori asks curiously. There hadn't exactly been flirtation between Kili and the She-Elf, but it had been a conversation that Nori had not expected of him. A touch too friendly, for Nori's liking. 

"She seemed curious enough, I thought perhaps I could ruse her into setting us free." 

"A worthy attempt, but she is Captain of the Guard, from what I can tell," Nori has to smile at Kili's innocence, at his belief that if he shouts loud and long enough, someone will come to his rescue. 

No one ever came to Nori's and he learned to keep his mouth shut on the road. 

"They will let us out," Kili says stubbornly. "They will not hold Thorin, nor his kin, captive for long. It's not decent."

"These are Elves, there isn't much decent about them," Nori scowls. "You would do yourself well to realize that now."

"Don't tell me what to do," Kili retorts and there it is - Nori has been waiting for Kili to remember just how much he detests Nori and to treat him with the usual air of disdain that he typically does. 

"Just trying to keep every tangled hair on your head safe ," Nori says, leaning his back against the wall and he closes his eyes. 

"So you've come around to it, then," Kili says and there's a smugness in his voice that has Nori narrowly opening his eyes. 

"Come around to what?"

"Being hard on me won't endear you to Fili," he says, and that's a definite smirk on his face. "Fili and I may bicker as brothers, but if you want to have any kind of chance with Fili, you'd do well to be kind to me. "

"You're not as stupid as they say you are," Nori says appraisingly. 

Kili scowls at the insult but doesn't refute it, which is interesting enough. "I don't know why you don't like me. You seemed nice enough in the beginning of the quest."

Nori _had_ been slightly entertained by the younger prince at the beginning of the quest, that much was true. That was before Nori realized just how much Fili loved his brother, how he valued him above all, above Nori. That was before deep jealousy sunk into Nori's bones, erasing everything kind. 

"He hates me and cares for you," Nori finally says honestly, because there is little point in lying to Kili anymore. "It burns me to know that."

"Fili doesn't hate you," Kili shakes his head, his hair falling into his eyes and he   
impatiently brushes it back. "He might act mean towards you, but that's only because you've got him scared."

"He has nothing to be scared of," Nori says quietly. "I would not harm him nor dishonor him."

"You're a thief, that is automatically a dishonor," Kili says, but his tone is tempered and gentle. "Why would you choose such a lifestyle if you knew of Fili?"

"Do you really think I chose such a life because I enjoyed it?" Nori has to laugh at that, he really does. "I didn't choose to be a thief out of convenience or pleasure. I happened upon it because it's something I'm unfortunately good at, better than any of my other skills. It put food on the table so Dori and Ori would not starve. It put coin in our purse so Ori would have a chance at a future so he would not end up anything like me. I sacrificed everything, even my One, to ensure that my brother would have chances that I was denied."

"You're a good brother," Kili says softly and he gives Nori a small smile. "Ori should be thankful."

"Ori doesn't know the majority of my life, nor will he ever," Nori warns. "I won't have him miserable and guilty over something that I willingly chose."

"I won't tell him," Kili reassures, leaning back against the wall. "And I wouldn't say that you've had to give up your One. I mean, you two slept together."

"You know of that then," Nori says flatly . 

"Of course I know about that, Fili and I share everything," Kili says, drawing his knees up and he leans his chin against them. "We don't have secrets."

"Not even Dwalin?" Nori needles. 

"Not even Dwalin," Kili confirms, remaining calm and he gives Nori an infuriating smirk. "You won't be able to successfully drive Fili and I apart, not even death could do that. If you want Fili's love, then you best start tolerating me."

"I believe I already am," Nori says dryly, because even though he has lost his weapons, he could kill Kili with his bare hands if he was forced to. 

"I don't wish ill on you," Kili says, sobering up. "I want to see my brother happy. If you're able to do that, then we will get along just fine."

"Your brother will never bond with me," Nori says, resigned to the fact. "I have come to accept that. I will take whatever he gives me, but he will never give me the one thing I desire the most, a bond."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Kili says before he looks away. "I can't say much, since it's Fili's to tell, but if I were you, I'd have hope."

It might not be true. After all, it _is_ the word of Kili , but in this moment, it's enough for the void in Nori's chest to settle and he's able to plot their escape once more. 

He wakes in the darkness from the sound of murmuring voices. Kili is pressed against the door, sitting on the cold floor, speaking to someone outside the door. Hope flares brightly in Nori's chest. He swings himself upwards but pauses when he realizes that Kili isn't speaking to anyone else from the company, instead he's speaking to that She-Elf once more. 

"My mother gave it to me as a way to remember my promise," Kili is saying softly, his voice catching on the mention of Dis. 

"What promise?" Tauriel asks, and from his sliver of moonlight view, Nori can see she's leaning against the bars, a look of caution and yet something else on her face. 

Nori sighs and brushes his hair out of his eyes. His hair is falling out of their peaks, he's in desperate need of a good bath and braid, but he's not about to trust Kili with any of that. So he sits there silently, listening to them converse as he runs his hands through his hair until it's untangled completely and then tries to braid it up as simply as he can. 

"I have seen the world fall away and the white light forever fill the air," Tauriel says, her voice warm like honey and spun sugar. 

It's uncomfortable to watch for while Nori believed that Kili had been inappropriate slightly before, this is a new realm of it. There is a deepness to this conversation, there is a connection and Nori hopes for the sake of Dwalin's old heart, he cannot hear his One murmuring romanticisms with an Elf. 

"Kili," he finally interrupts sharply, pushing himself off his bed and he swaggers up to the door. The She-Elf immediately takes a step back and schools her features into something more neutral, confirming the doubt in Nori's mind. There is an attraction here. 

"Nori," there's embarrassment colouring Kili's voice and he scrambles to his feet. 

"Unless the She-Elf is discussing how she's going to be releasing us, I don't believe you have anything to speak to her about," he says firmly. 

"I don't think you should speak for Kili," she says, raising her chin slightly. "He's able to speak for himself, dwarf."

Nori shoots her a smile, one full of teeth. "What say you, She-Elf? Will you release us from this prison?"

"Nay," she says, and her upper lip curls slightly. "I would see you rot in here. Don't think I don't know who you are."

Kili glances between them, his brow wrinkled. "You know who we are," he says, for Thorin has already been hauled in front of Thranduil for an audience and, unsurprisingly, had accomplished absolutely nothing. 

"I know of _this_ one," she sneers. "He is the one we call _Dae_ , which means shadow. He slips through our kingdom like a shadow, stealing what he pleases."

It is a very good thing that Nori has been placed in a cell with royalty, even if there is reluctance to free them. At least he is ensured safety, especially now that they know who he is. Normally, he would feel pleased that his reputation precedes him, but with Fili so close, all he feels is the heavy weight of regret. 

"Thorin has forgiven me for my misdeeds," he says tightly, keeping his spine straight. He will not be shamed by this She-Elf. 

"Thorin can forgive you for misdeeds you've committed against him, that is all. His authority does not stretch this far. No, you have yet to earn our forgiveness and I assure you, you will not. Once King Thranduil learns he holds Dae in his prison cells, he most definitely will never set you free. Any company that is travelling with such a despicable individual cannot be trusted."

"That's not fair," Kili protests, looking between them. "Nori has proven himself loyal to this company over and over. He almost died for Thorin. He can be trusted."

"You are young, and sweet, and full of naivety," she says quietly . "You have not seen the horrors of the world like this one. You have not created those horrors."

"Filching from those who can afford so those who cannot don't go hungry isn't a horror," Nori says, his voice rising in indignation. "You speak of horror like I have tortured and killed innocents. I haven't done anything of the sort! I have petty hands and that is it, She-Elf!"

"I'm sure she didn't mean anything like that," Kili says awkwardly. 

"Unless you have come to negotiate a deal, which in that case, I suggest you see Thorin Oakenshield , you really ought to walk away. You have no business flirting with prisoners, no matter how tempting you find them," Nori hisses.

"You think I would flirt with you?" She barks out a sharp, incredulous laugh. 

"You flirt with Kili, who is a Prince of Erebor and is far above your station as a lowly orphan," Nori says cruelly. "You are an Elf, a despicable one, and I promise you that you will never earn the love of a dwarf, you frantic quim ."

There's banging of the bars all around them as the other dwarves listen in, growing louder and louder until it is deafening and the She-Elf finally stalks away from their cell.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

The moonlight pours through the bars of the cell doors, illuminating Thorin’s face as he sleeps. He had paced for hours after he had been returned to his cell, and Dwalin had watched him, feeling ill with nerves. Thorin never responded well to the Elves since Erebor fell, and now being imprisoned by Thranduil himself will do nothing helpful for Thorin’s mental state. He finally slumbers though, his face drawn in worry, and Dwalin wishes he could ease his burdens for at least a moment. 

It would do him well to take another’s burden, so he would not have to focus so heavily on his own. He had heard the She-Elf's conversation with Kili, just the odd phrase here and there, enough to know that it was a pleasant enough conversation. He had not known the dwarf she was conversing with until Nori had shouted out such cruel words against her. She had dared to flirt with his One, to speak so intimately with the dwarf that belongs solely to Dwalin. 

Worse, Kili had _let_ her. 

He sits down heavily on the ledge of his bed and stares down at the floor. The past little while has been so different, they have grown so much and Kili had finally been interested with a relationship with Dwalin. Correction - friendship. He had not wanted anything too serious, probably because he knew he would be tempted in the future by someone who was more beautiful than Dwalin could ever hope to be. 

Thorin shifts on his bed before he sits straight up, breathing hard through his nose and he narrows his eyes at Dwalin. "You let me sleep," he accuses. 

"You needed the rest," Dwalin replies tetchily, and there must be an expression on his face for Thorin doesn't press the issue. 

"What have I missed?" he asks instead, swinging his legs over the bed, but they dangle in the air. These beds, and cells altogether, were made for creatures larger than a mere dwarf. He hops down from the bed and moves to the door, peering out into the darkness. "Any more foolishness from Kili?" 

"No," Dwalin replies shortly. 

"That damn fool," Thorin swears, kicking the metal bars with a clang. "What the blazes is he thinking?"

"Perhaps it's a ruse," Dwalin says bleakly, because the idea of Kili sneaking their way out of here is a lot better than the alternative. 

"He's not clever enough for a ruse," Thorin says dismissively, leaning against the door and he exhales loudly. "I do not know what to do, my friend. Thranduil won't let us out."

"He thinks we are foolish," Dwalin assumes. 

"Aye, he does, and perhaps he is right," Thorin whispers, his head hanging low. "I feel it deep in my gut that what we are doing is right. I cannot deny Erebor any longer. But today I am feeling defeated."

Thorin is not the only one feeling defeated, Dwalin thinks as he leans back against his bunk. He had thought that he had made his intentions clear towards Kili and that Kili had made his in return. If it had just been conversation for conversation's sake, Dwalin would have been able to forgive that. Nori had been furious though, furious with the She-Elf who had presumed she could flirt with a dwarf that had a One. 

"I have no words of encouragement," Dwalin says and to his absolute horror, his eyes begin to sting. He blinks furiously, trying to retain the tears. 

"We have sunken most low today," Thorin says, glancing over at him. "Are you all right?"

"We're so close," Dwalin finally says, his chest tightening underneath his fur and it feels like a vice, sucking his oxygen from him. "We were so close and yet, I don't think we will ever get there."

"Erebor ," Thorin says knowingly, nodding his head. 

_Not so_ , Dwalin thinks, his mind going once more to Kili and the She-Elf. Now that he's had time to think, his mind is taking him back to the forest when they had been battling the spiders and Kili had bantered with her then too. Had it been love at first sight for Kili? It had taken them almost seventy-seven years to get where she had accomplished in a single day. 

"Yes, of course I mean Erebor," Dwalin says dully. "Whatever else could I possibly mean?"

"What is the matter with you?" Thorin asks, his voice low and sharp. "I know we are surrounded by elves, but that is no reason to lose our wits about us."

"Elves have always affected you more negatively than they have me," Dwalin says irritably. "Don't bother giving me a speech about keeping my damned wits about me when you are the one that loses all sense and control at the mere mention of an elf."

Thorin stares at him in surprise before he turns away, silent. Dwalin would apologize for being so cruel, for speaking in such a way against his king, but he can't bring it in his heart to do so. Not when Kili has proven himself to be so deceptive, and not when Dwalin's heart hurts the way it does. 

They sit in silence for hours on end until there is a sudden rattling of the door. If Dwalin had known just how Bilbo intended for them to escape, he might have remained in his cell and tried to think of other ways for them to escape from the elves' grip. There was risk, and then there was certain death and this most definitely seemed like the latter. Scowling, he scrubs a hand over the back of his neck as he surveys Bilbo's proposed plan. 

"Trust me," Bilbo pleads, nudging him forward. 

"Do as he says," Thorin snaps. 

"I must be mad," Dwalin mutters as he crawls backwards into a barrel, gripping the edges with his fingers. He has no idea what the hobbit has planned and he's not entirely sure he wants to find out. Kili crawls into the barrel beside him but he can't bring himself to offer his One any words of comfort, not when he feels as betrayed as he does. 

Kili had confessed that he had lied about experimenting and having fun with other dwarves and Dwalin had believed him. However, now he has reconsider everything because he had heard with his own ears just how easy Kili had found it to flirt with the She-Elf. 

_"I could have anything down my trousers."_

He can still hear that smug voice, lilting upwards towards the end, shyly. It's how he knows Kili wasn't simply trying to flirt with her to get out of prison and to somehow improve their situation. He had gone shy and curious, a sure sign that he was actually interested in her. And the most frustrating part is that Dwalin can't blame him. She might be an Elf and Kili a Dwarf, but they are still alike in more ways than Dwalin could ever hope to match. 

The world suddenly drops out from underneath him and they are falling further and further into darkness until Dwalin hears a splash of water and his barrel jerks around before stabilizing. Dwalin grips the edges of the barrel so tightly that he can feel splinters breaking into his skin, but he can't release his grip on it. He doesn't like water, not when it is deep and rushes so easily over his head, drowning him. 

Dwarves belong under mountain stone, not water. 

He wipes the liquid from his eyes and looks around to see all the other dwarves look as panicked as he feels. 

"Dwalin - " Kili gasps, floundering in his barrel before he heaves himself to his feet and is stable. 

Dwalin meets his gaze and in that moment, he sees a look of guilt flit across Kili's face. It's just momentarily, but it's enough for Dwalin to look away and he doesn't speak to him. 

After all, what is there left to say?

They're so close to escaping when the horn sounds and the gates in front of them begin to close. Dwalin lets out a frustrated cry and slams his fist down on the edge of his barrel. Pain radiates up his wrist, but he pays it no mind. They must be cursed, because they had been _so close_ \- and yet, just when he believes that their situation couldn't grow any worse, Orcs appear, leaping over the bridge wall and slaying the elves. Their escape has become a battle, but Dwalin knows they won't escape at all unless they can get the damned gate open. They are trapped in their barrels, ripe for the picking, and the Orcs will not show mercy. There will be no wizard to save them, not this time. 

An Orc falls into the water, struggling as he grabs Dwalin's barrel and Dwalin doesn't hesitate. He punches him in the face, wrestling the sword out of his grip and he stabs him straight through the heart. He turns, using the weapon on an Orc that had dared to stray too near to Ori. A fallen Elf falls into the water, the blood turning red around his head, and Dwalin feels no remorse as he grabs the Elf's sword before it sinks and tosses it to Fili. 

His barrel jostles violently and he turns to see that Kili has leapt over his head, landing safely on the stone, but not for long, not when there are three Orcs headed his way and he is defenceless with no weapon. Kili swings with his fist and while Dwalin has to admire his bravery, he will not let his One fight empty handed. 

"Kili!" He shouts and despite all the noise around them, Kili's head whips to the direction of his voice. He throws him the sword and Kili catches it with one hand, turning to plunge it deep in the belly of an Orc. He draws it out and spins around, slicing the head off of another. 

He has to focus, then, on surviving himself and trusting Kili and his abilities. He turns, fighting with all his might and he plucks up another weapon from a fallen Elf, able to help the company. He fights and he fights, the smell of blood and wine and water all around him, until he hears Fili's panicked voice, screaming for his brother and Dwalin's blood runs cold. He turns in time to see Kili sink to the ground, the arrow still pierced in his thigh. 

"No," he says, intending to shout, but it comes out as a whisper. 

Kili rallies to his feet, though, struggling to open the gates. The barrels flush out at the movement and Dwalin grips a rock, unwilling to move. He will not leave Kili behind, regardless of how long he has to wait. Fili holds a rock with one hand and a spare barrel with his other, his eyes meeting Dwalin's. 

"I won't leave him," he says. 

"Nor I," Dwalin returns evenly. He hates this chasm that has opened between him and Fili, for he had always adored the young dwarf. However, no one expected for Kili to bare Dwalin's name on his wrist, and he understands why things have changed so drastically between them. 

Kili tumbles off the rocks above them, landing in the barrel and the arrow snaps in half. He cries out in pain, his hands dropping to clutch his wound so Dwalin releases his grip on the stone and transfers it to Kili's barrel, aiding him out the gate and down the river. 

When they're finally on the shore, Dwalin moves to check his leg, but Kili shies away from him, leaning against his brother. There's guilt written over his face and despite the pain that Kili is in, Dwalin remembers his own pain and turns away from him. It's just an arrow wound, he's in no danger of death, and Dwalin feels no remorse at leaving him to fend for himself. 

_Perhaps the She-Elf can come along and save him once more , he's sure to like that,_ he thinks with a scowl. 

He moves down to the water to wash the grime and blood from his hands, just before everything goes wrong once more.

***

Fili's quiet as they settle into Bard's house. It's an odd setup, and he looks around curiously. He will never understand how men live comfortably in these unstable wooden abodes. They are given two bedrooms, as well as the common living area in Bard's house, to split between the Company. The only room that is off limits is Bard's bedroom, and he has chosen to hole up in there with his children the first night, not trusting the dwarves alone with them. Fili doesn't blame him. Even a few short weeks ago such a fact would have infuriated him, but he has seen the dangers of the world and how you can't trust anyone.

Thorin takes one of the rooms and insists that Kili and Fili stay with him, especially with Kili's leg still healing. Fili knows that his brother is in dire straits indeed because he does not even argue. Instead, he weakly nods his head and limps into the bedroom, falling on to the first bed he sees and he curls up, falling asleep immediately. Fili glances around at the rest of the company, his eyes landing on Nori before he flushes and follows his brother into the room, sitting by Kili's side to brush his hair back while he sleeps. 

By early morning, Fili slips down to the wooden bathroom they had snuck up in, simply for the sake of privacy. It doesn't smell too awful, for the most part, it simply smells like seawater, salty and crisp in the cool morning air. Blowing on his hands, Fili slides down to sit on the floor and he thumps his head backwards, closing his eyes. 

Being in such close proximity of Nori is intoxicating, especially now that he knows how wonderful Nori sounds underneath him, how responsive he is. Now that Fili is aware just how good he feels when he is with Nori, he can't fathom a future _without_ him now. He has sworn that he will never bond with Nori, that Erebor deserves a Royal Consort better than he. 

However, perhaps Erebor deserves a King that will never resent the throne for what it's cost him. 

"I'm not Thorin," Fili says softly to himself, his throat tight. "I cannot make such sacrifices for a kingdom I have never laid eyes on."

"Speaking to yourself is the first sign that you're going insane," a voice murmurs from a crack in the door. 

Fili surges to his feet and pulls the door sharply open, sucking in a breath when he sees Nori standing there. It's more for the sake of not getting caught, he tells himself, as he winds his fist into the thick tangles of Nori's hair and pulls him roughly inside, shoving the door shut behind him. 

"Did you follow me down here?" He demands, ramming Nori up against the door. "You just can't leave me alone, can you?"

"No, I can't," Nori admits, and there's no fight in his smile. He looks vulnerable and nervous, a slight tremor to his shoulders that he can't quite hide. 

"What do you want from me?" Fili asks, his grip lessening until his hands are just pressed against the breadth of Nori's shoulders, and he's able to feel just how thin Nori is. This quest has been hard on all of them, but Nori was at a disadvantage before they ever met in Bag End. 

"Kili told me I should have hope," Nori whispers, licking his lips. "When we were imprisoned by the elves, we spoke of you. He told me I should have hope when it comes to you and I."

_Dammit, Kili_ , Fili thinks bitterly. His brother has always had a big mouth, and been unable to keep a secret. However, Fili had thought for sure that when it came to Nori and Dwalin, when it came down to something as serious and important as their Ones, that Kili wouldn't breathe a word. 

"He should not have said that," Fili mutters, looking away from Nori, because now he can recognize the lightness in Nori's gaze, the brightness that hasn't been there before. It's hope, and it's hurtful to see, because it shouldn't be there, not yet. 

"He did though, and I believe him," Nori says, reaching out and he cups a hand against Fili's jaw, directing his head back towards him. "I've seen the way you look at me, Fili. I see the way you can't resist me, the way you seek me out. You may speak of Erebor, and of your duties, and of honor, but you can't deny me any more than I can deny you."

"Nori," Fili breathes, because he hates how clever his One is, he hates how easily Nori draws the right conclusion. He hates that Nori knows Fili better than Fili knows himself. 

"Please Fili," Nori murmurs, tugging Fili even closer until they're pressed together from shoulder to thigh, and his hands are so gentle against Fili's body. 

Fili leans in, breathing the same air as Nori, and it seems like everything has slotted into place, like everything is right with the world once more. It doesn't matter that they're on a seemingly doomed quest, or that they're hiding for the lives. Standing here with Nori, pressed so close to him, and Fili feels completely whole. He leans in the rest of the way and slots their mouths carefully together, kissing Nori as if he's precious, as if he's something to treasure. 

It seems like a natural progression for them to kiss until they're breathless, to rock their hips together. Fili keeps his grip in Nori's hair, although it's gentle and guiding him slowly, until Nori trails kisses down Fili's jaw and then ever lower still until Fili is guiding him down on to his knees. 

"You don't have to," Fili says, because he hasn't bathed in days, and he's never had anyone lay their mouths on him before. What if he doesn't taste right, or what if he does the wrong thing?

"Don't over think it, my treasure," Nori says, tipping his head back to meet Fili's gaze, his spread knees on the floor. "Let me, please."

Fili can't think of any arguments, so he gives a shaky nod of his head. Nori deftly unties the laces on Fili's trousers and tugs them down mid thigh, his small clothes following. He's completely bare in front of his One, grit and grime still caking his skin, but it doesn't deter Nori any. 

Instead, he gives Fili a smile that's more reminiscent of his familiar look, a smirk that's more promise than anything. He drags his tongue over Fili's hip, swirling it down the inside crease of his thigh, and then moving back up to his navel. He reaches up with one hand and forms a loose fist around Fili's cock, stroking him just light enough for it to be an irritation. 

" _Nori_." Fili tightens his fist in Nori's hair and jerks his head back so he's able to scowl down at him. "Don't tease."

" _Fili_ ," Nori imitates back at him, and while that used to set his blood on fire, to hear such mocking words fall from Nori's lips, now they simply cause him to smirk. 

"Get to it before we're missed," Fili says, glancing upwards. It's silent, he can't hear anything, but with that many dwarves, and with Thorin's growing paranoia, Fili's absence is soon to be noticed. 

"Such romance," Nori mutters, rolling his eyes. 

"We've never been romantic, that's not who we - " Fili cuts off with a sharp gasp as Nori unceremoniously sucks Fili completely into his mouth, swallowing him down to the root. He can feel the head of his cock hit the back of Nori's throat, and he groans, thumping his head back against the wood. 

Nori is relentless, he doesn't draw it out or tease, instead he buries his nose against the thatch of hair in Fili's groin, and sucks his brains out . It doesn't last long, it seems only moments before Fili is hunched over, panting as he comes down Nori's throat. Nori's pulled his own cock out of his trousers and is stroking himself furiously as his throat works around Fili's cock, swallowing seamlessly. 

"Too much," Fili finally says as he squirms away. 

Nori looks up at him, licking the last drop from his bottom lip, giving Fili a smirk. His breath hitches, and his eyelashes flutter as he splatters his release against the floor of the loo. It's dirty, and filthy, and it's absolutely so right for them that it makes Fili want to laugh. 

He pulls Nori to his feet and helps tuck him away, smoothing out his clothes until Nori looks almost as respectable as he did before he came down here. This shouldn't change anything, he should still hate Nori out of principle, but he can't deny his heart any longer. 

"You should go back first, you've been gone longer," Nori says, pressing another kiss against the corner of Fili's mouth. 

"Don't linger too long," Fili murmurs, unable to think of Nori being discovered. He has seen what elves will do to dwarves, he can only imagine what treatment they would receive at the hands of men. 

He has his hand on the handle of the door when Nori speaks, his voice uncharacteristically shy and vulnerable in a way that Fili has never heard before. "So was Kili wrong then? Was he wrong to tell me to have hope?"

Fili turns and surveys Nori, the burnt auburn hair that hangs in messy braids around his face, the brightness of his eyes, and the curve of his smile. He pauses, before he opens the door and slips out. Just before he closes the door behind himself, though, he sticks his head back inside and gives Nori another quick kiss, something chaste to taste later. 

"No, there's hope," he murmurs before he disappears out the door completely.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I can't believe it's been over six months since I have updated. I'm crazy sorry about that. I also come with good news! I will be leaving this weekend for a writer's retreat, where I will spend three days holed up in a room writing. Rather than working on my actual novel, I've set my goal as to finish this fic. So by the end of the week, this fic WILL be finished. Then I will send it off to my beta and post it, because y'all have been crazy patient with me. Thanks for sticking with me, for those who have. I appreciate you!!

Kili is still feverish in the morning, and it gives Dwalin concern. He hovers over him while Kili sleeps, smoothing his tangled hair back as Oin checks his leg repeatedly. The skin has blackened around the arrow hole, a sure sign of infection, and they're far from home without the necessary herbs to guide them. He's still furious at Kili, but when his One seems so unwell, it pains him for there to be distance between them.

"He will be fine," Thorin says irritably as he studies a map on the table. He's been poring over the document all morning, plotting the easiest way to the mountain.

"His wound is infected," Dwalin retorts, glancing over his shoulder to where Kili sits in the bed, sullen and ashen faced. He had just snapped at Dwalin for mother-henning him, and so Dwalin has retreated reluctantly.

"Oin will tend to him," Thorin finally snaps. "I need your attention on the quest, not on Kili."

"If we ever want to get into the mountain, we need weapons," Dwalin says, pushing away his resentment for Thorin's casual dismissal of his concern. If he knew the reason behind it, he would certainly feel different about instructing Dwalin to ignore Kili. However, Thorin doesn't know that he is Kili's One, he may die before Thorin ever knows, all because his One is a brat that wants their bond to remain a secret.

He huffs out a breath of irritation and yanks another map towards them. This one is of Laketown, Bard had dug up a partial layout of the town, and had added his own details to it until they had a comprehensive view of the town. He runs his finger along the parchment, tracing his finger from Bard's house, down to where the weapons are held.

"Are you planning on stealing weapons?" Fili asks, stopping by the table and watching the movement of Dwalin's finger.

"Do we have a choice?" Dwalin shrugs his shoulders. He's been a soldier long enough to know that a defenceless soldier is a dead soldier. If they have any hope of escaping from Laketown and getting into that mountain, they need to be able to defend themselves. And right now, Bard's makeshift weapons won't do.

"Aye, we do not," Fili agrees, before he turns and calls out, " Nori! Come here for a moment."

The thief sidles up to the table, his hip brushing against Fili as he does so, and Dwalin furrows his brow as he watches them. They had been at odds majority of the quest, and this newfound closeness is concerning. He hopes that Fili hasn't fallen for any ridiculous promises, for the thief isn't to be trusted at all. Not with words, and not with actions. Dwalin believes that he’s more suited to being behind bars than being on this quest, but Thorin had prevailed and so far, Nori has not disappointed. 

Dwalin shifts so he's able to knock his shoulder against Nori, causing him to stumble and step to the side to catch his balance. While he's doing so, Dwalin moves in next to Fili and leans over the table once more. From the corner of his eye he can see Fili scowl, but he doesn't say anything.

"We could sneak in one of these windows," Fili says, tapping a spot on the map. "Nori can break into any vault, so it shouldn't be a problem."

"That's not exactly something to brag about," Dwalin mutters.

"And yet it's the truth, so accept it for what it is, and leave it," Fili says sharply. "We would have never gotten this far without Nori."

There's a distinct flush on Nori's face, but he simply nods his head towards the map. "We can form a line, and one of us can jump to the top and sneak in. Once we have a handful of dwarves inside, we'll be able to slip out the bottom way. It'll be easier to unlock from the inside, and it'll be easier to pick a window lock than a door one. The world of men is not a very secure one."

"You think we will be able to do this silently?" Thorin asks, his brows furrowed as he follows Nori's motions against the map.

"Of course we can," Nori huffs out a breath of laughter. "We're dwarves, and they are men."

Dwalin melts away from the table as Thorin begins to interrogate Nori about his past experiences and how they can benefit the company now. Dwalin is not interested in standing around and listening to how many times Nori outsmarted him, how Nori evaded him at every turn. Nori had been nothing but a source of frustration in Dwalin's career as a soldier, and now it would appear that he is the one that will solve everything.

Scowling, he heads over to where Kili reclines on a chair, idly tamping down a pipe, Kili’s brows furrowed into a heavy set scowl. Dwalin hesitates before he moves to take the seat beside Kili, carefully lowering his frame down to the chair that doesn't appear to be that sturdy.

"How are you feeling?"

"You've already asked me that this morning," Kili snaps, shifting against the chair, and his face pulls back in a grimace as he gently moves his injured leg. 

"Should I apologize for my concern?" Dwalin huffs out, wishing that the majority of the company wasn't milling around, all within listening distance if they put their minds to it.

"You didn't seem that concerned when we were escaping," Kili says quietly, twisting his head so he's looking out the window and not at Dwalin.

"That's not fair, and you know it," Dwalin swallows heavily. "You didn't seem to need my comfort then, not when you had hers."

Kili flushes a dark red and he scowls. "You shouldn't be jealous."

"How could I not be?" Dwalin hisses. "Taunting her with whatever is down your trousers? You're shameful."

"It was harmless fun, an attempt to free ourselves," Kili retorts, and a look of bitterness twists his lips. "I'm chained to you for eternity. It's not like I will ever have any other options."

Blocks of ice settle low in Dwalin's gut, and he forces himself not to run away. "I thought you had resigned yourself to our union."

"I shouldn't have to _resign_ myself," Kili says, a breath of incredulous laughter escaping. "Dwalin, we have formed something special, we have worked hard for it. There are times, though, when I wish that we had met somewhere else. I wish we had been able to flirt, and to slowly get to know each other..."

"If we had met somewhere else, you would have never paid me any mind," Dwalin says bleakly, because he knows that Kili was not originally attracted to him. The only reason they developed any sort of relationship was because of their Marks. Without that tying them together, Kili would have never given him a second look.

"That's not true," Kili protests, but it sounds weak.

"You disrespected me," Dwalin whispers, feeling the shame and anger twist in his gut once more. "Everyone heard you attempting to flirt with her, and how do you think that made me feel?"

"It was harmless," Kili says stubbornly, and he pushes himself to his feet. "If you're unable to accept that, it's your problem. I'll never see her again, so there's no point in fighting about it."

"Very well," Dwalin says, shaking his head. He doesn't feel any better about the entire situation. If anything, he feels even worse.

Kili walks away from him, limping slightly. Dwalin reaches out to help him, but lets his hand drop back down to his side. Kili has made it explicitly clear that he doesn't need Dwalin's help.

"Dwalin," Thorin calls to him from the table where he's still huddled there with Fili and Nori. "Come, we're planning to break into the armoury. I require your assistance."

At least _someone_ needs him, he thinks bitterly. How did this all go so wrong so quickly? Shaking his head, he steels himself and strides over to where Thorin is waiting for him.

***

It had all momentarily gone to shit, but then Thorin had worked his magic, and they were somehow revelled as heroes. Nori is as drunk as the rest of them, but he still finds it slightly unfair how easily things come to Thorin. He knows that the dwarf would disagree if Nori ever voiced his opinion, but for someone who has spent the majority of his life on the run, he knows just how easy things are for Thorin. Nori would have never been able to talk himself out of such a situation, let alone be given heaps of gifts and a spectacular banquet.

"Don't question it," a low voice whispers in his ear, and he turns his head to see Fili smirking at him. "You're over-thinking it."

"That's your job," Nori teases, brushing his lips against the curve of Fili's jaw. Fili shudders against him, his eyes darkening with lust, and Nori has to wonder how they ever managed to deny themselves this.

"Anyone could see," Fili warns, but he makes no effort to move away.

"Does that even matter anymore?" Nori asks, his lips brushing against his skin again. It feels hot to the touch, like Fili is burning with arousal for him, for Nori.

"I will claim you yet," Fili sighs, his breath sweet with the smell of wine. "I will tell Thorin."

"You would tell Thorin about me?"

"I would tell all of Erebor. I would sacrifice the throne for you.”

“Fili - ” Nori sucks in a sharp breath. He is drunk, he doesn't know what he's saying. “You're drunk.”

“I would,” Fili insists, wavering on his feet. “ Kili can be his heir. I will have my thief!”

"Fili, come along," Thorin suddenly says sharply from beside them. "We leave at first light tomorrow, you need your rest."

"Nori too," Fili insists, and Nori refuses to meet Thorin's gaze. He prays that the King didn't hear anything that Fili was so foolishly saying.

"Yes, Nori as well," Thorin says patiently, and he exchanges an amused look with Nori. "I think you've had enough to drink, nephew."

"I haven't had more than a sip," Fili retorts, but he lets Thorin pull him to his feet, and he sways slightly. "Perhaps two sips," he amends. Nori has to bite back the smile that threatens to slip out, it’s endearing how drunk Fili is right now. 

"Come, little princeling," Nori says, but there's nothing malicious in his tone with the nickname. "Let us tuck you into bed."

Fili grins at that, and Nori takes a step back. For as brave as Fili is right now, it is simply the alcohol speaking, and Nori knows that he is not prepared to tell Thorin about Nori, and about their Marks. Their time might possibly come, if Fili truly is so inclined to be honest about it, but it shouldn't happen when Fili is drunk and capable of making a complete fool out of himself.

"I think I've got it," Thorin says dryly, nodding his head towards Nori. "I appreciate your efforts, though. Fili is right, however. You need to rest, for tomorrow we leave for Erebor, and I need every single member of this company prepared."

"Of course," Nori murmurs, and steps away from Fili, moving to find his brothers so that they might curl up and sleep. Before he finds them, though, he sees Dwalin sitting by the window, a drink in his hand as he stares morosely out at the midnight sky.

He watches him for a moment, unsure if he should approach him or not, before he makes up his mind and steps closer, clearing his throat to announce his presence. He's never had a good relationship with Dwalin; there's been too many times where Nori has evaded the law, and Dwalin has felt slighted and foolish over it. However, they're bound by something deeper than the law; they are the soul mates of the Durin heirs, and that bears acknowledgement.

"Dwalin," he says softly, reaching out to take the cup of wine away. Judging from the glassy look in the older dwarf's eyes, he would say that he has had enough to drink. "Are you all right?"

"I am fine," Dwalin says blankly, his gaze remaining steadfast out the window.

"You can speak to me honestly," Nori says quietly, glancing around to ensure that they are alone. He would not betray Dwalin's confidence, not in this matter. "I was in the same cell as him, you know."

"Then you heard him desire her," Dwalin says, finally looking up at Nori, and his eyes are red rimmed. "He had said so himself that he has resigned himself to our union."

Nori bites his lip, because he's the last person to pass judgement on Marks. He had not handled his own very well either. "I believe that he cares for you," he finally settles on saying. "I believe that he is young, and can become confused, but he does care for you, Dwalin."

"I have loved him for years," Dwalin huffs out a deep sigh, his broad shoulders curving in as his gaze drops to the floor. "And yet, I have lost him."

"You haven't lost him," Nori says firmly. "This is the drink confusing you, Dwalin. Resist, for you are stronger than that. Kili will not be so easily swept away by an Elf. He is a Durin prince, he knows his place."

"He knows, but he doesn't enjoy," Dwalin mutters, and he braces his hands on his thighs, pushing himself to his feet. "It was probably too much to ask of him, anyway. I am too old, too scarred to love. I cannot fault him."

"Let us get you to bed, for you will regret these words in the morning," Nori says, having enough of trying to bolster Dwalin's confidence. He's not cut out for such work. "You will sleep this wine off, and in the morning you will feel better about everything, trust me. Tomorrow we will see Erebor!"

"Tomorrow we will see Erebor," Dwalin confirms, stumbling as he attempts to walk, and Nori quickly scurries to his side to aid him. "And yet, I would give it all up again if it meant having his love."

"You will have it, Dwalin," Nori swears as he lowers Dwalin's bulky frame down on to the thin, narrow bed that shakes underneath the sudden weight. "If you look hard enough, I think you will find that you already do."

***

Fili wakes with a headache, and with a foul taste in his mouth. He cleans his mouth out the best he can, and wills the headache to go away as he packs up his few belongings. Kili is still limping, and so Fili packs his stuff up for him, trying to help as best as he can. He doesn't like the pale colour on his brother's face.

"Take it easy today, okay?" He whispers to Kili, glancing a look at Thorin to ensure that he hasn't overheard. He doesn't want to give Thorin any reason to doubt Kili's health.

"Leave it, I'm fine," Kili snaps, shouldering his way past.

A heated response jumps to Fili's lips, but he swallows it down. He doesn't want to argue with Kili, not today when they're about to finally lay their eyes on their homeland. It's too glorious of a day to ruin with arguing. Kili is always more sour when he's pained, Fili has learned not to take it personally over the years.

"Your brother is growing sicker, not better," Nori says quietly in his ear, his hand resting on the curve of Fili's hip. "I worry about him. He shouldn't be moving."

"I know," Fili admits, chewing on his bottom lip, his skin prickling with nerves. Perhaps also due to Nori's casual, yet possessive touch. “I dare not say anything, though. Thorin is already continually angry, and I wouldn’t incur his wrath further.”

“No matter, we are almost home,” Nori says soothingly, his free hand slipping into the back of Fili’s curls. There’s rustling, and then a slight pinch, before Nori is drawing his hand out, the look of innocence on his face.

“What have you done?” Fili demands, reaching behind himself to try and feel, but Nori slaps his hands down.

“It’s nothing,” he says, shrugging one shoulder carelessly, although Fili can tell by the set of his brows, that it’s important. “It’s just a clasp I put in your hair, that’s all.”

“A clasp?” Fili raises his eyebrows, and tries to reach for it again. Now he’s curious to what it looks like, what precious metal it’s made with, if it’s engraved with anything.

“Leave it,” Nori says, slapping his hands again. “You can look at it later, I promise. It’s just one of mine that I’ve had lying around.”

The curve of his cheeks are red, he’s embarrassed to have displayed such affection over Fili, and it makes Fili’s blood sing sweetly in his veins to know that finally, he is of one accord with his One. He wishes not for the first time that they were alone, that he could properly show his gratitude to Nori. He’d lay him down on the furs and lay him bare, take him slowly and tenderly, each thrust a promise that Nori is his One, that Fili loves Nori above all, even Erebor.

“Thank you,” he says instead, feeling his own cheeks heat up. His have more to do with the dangerous images in his mind, but he appears flustered, and it must give Nori bravery, for he leans forward to brush a quick kiss against Fili’s cheek.

"Fili!"

Fili jerks away from Nori, his face enflamed, but Thorin has simply barked for him without actually seeking him out, his eyes are trained out the window.

"Yes, Uncle?" Fili shoots Nori an apologetic look over his shoulder as he hurries to Thorin's side, brushing his hair back so the clasp Nori gave him is well out of view.

"I want your word that you will listen to me above all," Thorin says quietly, keeping his gaze focused out of the window. "We are entering the most perilous stretch of the quest, and I will need your loyalty."

Fili shifts uncomfortably, wondering if perhaps Thorin has realized more than Fili thinks he has. He wonders if Thorin doubts him, if Thorin is aware of his newfound allegiance to Nori. Thorin would not be wrong to doubt Fili, since everything has changed so drastically that Fili now even doubts himself. If Thorin told him to jump, and Nori told him to stay, Fili does not know how his body would respond, for his loyalty is now truly divided.

"Of course, as much as I can give, I will," he says, hoping that it will be enough to soothe the dragon in Thorin's chest.

Thorin nods his head sharply, and then wheels away, barking further instructions to the company. Fili sighs in relief, feeling like he's passed some test, and hurries to where Kili has gone, to see if he needs some help.

They're boarding the boat when it all comes crashing down upon their heads. Thorin forbids Kili to go to Erebor, claiming that he is too ill to travel, and will slow them down. Oin, being the healer that he is, jumps out of the boat and declares that he will stay behind with Kili, as it is his duty.

Fili hesitates for a brief moment, frozen in the boat, with Nori at his side. How can he not go to Erebor? They've worked so hard for this, they've sacrificed so much. Nori has changed who he is, changed for _Fili_. That deserves to be rewarded; they deserve to reclaim their homeland _together._

And yet, how can he do it without his brother at his side? All his life, for as long as he has memory, it's been Fili and Kili. Born a scant five years apart, they were more twins than siblings in the dwarven world, and many commented on how the house of Durin was blessed to have heirs born so close together. 

If Nori is his soul, then Kili is surely his heart, and he is torn between the two.

"Uncle," he says, stepping forward, and he can sense Nori move with him. "We grew up on tales of the mountain, tales you told us! You cannot take that away from him."

Thorin's face is as still as stone, though, and Fili knows that his efforts will be in vain. Thorin will not let Kili progress any further on this quest, which in all honesty, is probably best for his health, but devastating for his morale.

Kili's face is pale and pinched, but it's not Fili and Thorin that he's staring at. No, his gaze goes beyond them to Dwalin, who is frozen in the boat, his mouth dropped open, but no sound emerges.

"Fili," Thorin starts, and his tone carries the condescension it was always riddled with when Fili was younger, when Thorin believed that he knew better and Fili would always be his inferior.

"I will carry him if I must," Fili cuts in, his voice as hard as glass, and he glares at his uncle. Nori's fingers are pressed against his back, applying enough pressure that Fili can sense it. Fili sucks in a deep breath to calm himself, focusing on the feel of Nori's fingertips, allowing it to ground him.

"Fili," Kili mutters from the dock, his features now flushed with shame, or perhaps even a fever. He truly is unwell.

"One day you will be King, and you will understand," Thorin says, his tone gentling, but it does nothing to soothe the anger that is in Fili's heart. "I cannot risk the fate of this quest for the sake of one dwarf, not even my own kin."

"I said it's fine," Kili grumbles, shaking his head. His leg is trembling, and Fili can tell how much pain he's in. Thorin isn't wrong, Kili's wound will certainly slow them down, but surely Thorin can't imagine stepping into the halls of their fathers without his heirs.

"Go," Nori murmurs into the back of his hair, his voice dipped low for only Fili's ears to hear. "He needs you."

At the bolstering words from his One, Fili's decision is solidified, and he shoulders his way past Thorin as he leaps out of the boat to where Kili is waiting.

"Fili, don't be a fool," Thorin says incredulously, reaching out to grab him by the shoulder. "You belong with the company!"

"I belong with my brother," Fili says, wrenching free from Thorin's hold.

He wraps an arm around Kili's shoulder and turns him away from the boat so he doesn't have to watch their kin drift away without them, so Kili doesn't have to witness how his One just stood there and did absolutely nothing to keep him close. He doesn't need to mention how cruel Dwalin had been in this moment, remaining silent and still, he knows Kili is well aware of it. Speaking of it will only bring his brother further pain.

"You left Nori," Kili murmurs, leaning his weight against Fili.

Fili doesn't like how much his brother is trembling, and how quickly his face has lost its colour now that the boat is gone from their view. "My place is with you," he says steadily. "Nori understands this."

"There was a time he did not," Kili says dryly.

It's a testament to their love, Fili realizes. It is proof of how far they've come, how they are no longer two angry children that can't stop fighting, with Fili being a toy that Nori can't stand if anyone has. Instead, they've matured into something real, something tangible that Fili can put his faith into.

Without warning, Fili has fallen in love with Nori.

"There was a time," Fili agrees, shivering as he remembers how Nori had threatened to spill Kili's blood, for he couldn't stand the fact that there was someone so important in Fili's life. Now, he encourages Fili to stay behind, he has willingly separated them, because he trusts Fili so. Something warm blooms in his chest, chasing away the last of the icy chills in his bones, until everything is burning hot inside of him, and all he longs for is the heat of Nori's mouth against his own.

Kili collapses on the dock, and all thoughts of Nori are pushed from his mind.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

There is a pit in Dwalin's stomach, a stone that sits heavy in his gut. He feels like he's about to hurl all of his stomach's contents out on the open water. The palms of his hands feel sweaty, and he can't even look in Thorin’s direction. He understands that Thorin is doing what he believes to be best for Kili, but what is best for Dwalin? 

He is stupid, he is a very stupid dwarf to stand by and do absolutely nothing when his One was separated from him. From the pointed look Nori is sending his way, he is not alone in his thinking. His temper would rile, he would normally have Nori's braids for such a challenging glare, but he knows that he has shamed his One and the love they have been working so hard towards. He deserves every judgment that comes his way. 

Nori weaves his way through the dwarves, sidling up against Dwalin. He stares out against the water, where the reflection of the mountain ripples brightly. He's silent, his features pinched into a scowl, and Dwalin can feel the tension that is rolling off his shoulders. 

“Speak your peace, and be done with it,” he finally mutters, low enough that it's for Nori's ears alone. The closest dwarf to them is Bifur, and with the knowledge that Bofur has been left behind, he's even more apt than usual to misunderstand the conversation. 

“Why?” One word, and yet it cuts Dwalin deep. 

“I don't know,” he lies, because he does know. Resentment towards Kili has burned bright in his heart since he heard Kili flirting with the She-Elf. 

“I don't believe that,” Nori disagrees, although not unkindly. “Why, Dwalin?”

“Because he gave that She-Elf his trust and his flirtations in a day, when it took him almost eighty years to give it to me,” Dwalin replies tonelessly. “I am not wrong to be hurt, Nori. I won't have you judge me for it.”

“I won't judge you for it,” Nori says. “I understand, you know. If I was in your position, and if Fili had treated me the way Kili had done so, I would feel just as betrayed as you are now. I don't think I would have left him behind, though.”

“If I had chosen to stay behind, Thorin would realize that something is amiss,” Dwalin glances over to where Thorin is standing by the bow, his shoulders touching those of the hobbit. “Thorin is not aware that Kili and I are aligned in such a way.”

“You will have to tell him eventually,” Nori says, slipping an apple out of a pocket and he takes a bite, the crunch echoing in the air. “Kili is his second heir.”

“I know,” Dwalin says, thinking back to how easily Kili had laughed for her. “Perhaps in the end, it will not even matter. Kili might not even choose me, for all I know. He might choose to align himself with an elf.”

“He would never be permitted to do such a thing, even if he was tempted,” Nori dismisses. “You ought to have more faith in him than that.”

“You heard him!” Dwalin bellows, lunging closer towards Nori's face that radiates with disapproval. “Everyone heard him!”

“What's the matter back there?” Thorin demands, shouldering past Ori to glare at Nori. “Leave off, Nori.”

“He's fine,” Dwalin says, regretting his outburst already. It is in his nature to be furious, but he hates when he lets his wrath get the best of him. It's weak, as Fundin instructed him so long ago. “He did nothing.”

“Then lower your voice,” Thorin says, casting a suspicious gaze over Nori. “The rest of the company does not need to suffer through your quarrel.”

“Thorin,” Bilbo interrupts, gently touching Thorin's shoulder, and he immediately turns towards the Hobbit, his face softening in a way that Dwalin has so rarely seen before. 

“What is it?” Thorin murmurs, and they melt away back towards the bow of the ship. 

“That's a problem,” Nori says, narrowing his gaze at their retreating forms. “Forget the Elves, it would appear that our fearless leader has actually gone and fell in love with a Hobbit.”

“He wouldn't,” Dwalin says defensively, but it sounds weak even to his own ears. He knows Thorin the best out of the dwarves, save maybe Balin, and he can see what the rest of them see clearly – Thorin has formed a dangerous, unhealthy attachment to Bilbo. 

“He would, and I think he has,” Nori juts his chin out towards them, and Dwalin follows the direction. Thorin is curved towards Bilbo, his head tilted down to listen to him as Bilbo speaks, with a look of pure indulgence on his face. It's such an odd look to see on Thorin, that it throws Dwalin temporarily. 

“He's using him,” he finally settles on saying. It makes Thorin appear callous, but he would rather his King appear malicious than weak. 

“Believe what you will, but I know better,” Nori says before he brightens. “This might work to your benefit. If Thorin is lost to the world of love, he might possibly be more accepting towards your own union.”

“Thorin would never approve, regardless of how he feels towards Bilbo,” Dwalin sighs out a heavy breath, resting his hands against the edge of the ship, the wood rough against his skin. “Kili is a Prince, Thorin will not see him wasted on such a lowly soldier as myself.”

“Is that how terrible you think of yourself?” Nori raises an eyebrow. “You are no lowly soldier, Dwalin. You are one of the most renowned dwarves. You are Thorin Oakenshield's shield brother. You trained his heirs. You are of his Company. You will have a multitude of dwarves seeking you out once we have reclaimed Erebor.”

“I care not for others,” Dwalin admits, and his mind drifts back to the happier days with Kili. It tugs a smile on to his face, and something warm settles in his chest. Regardless of how Kili spoke to the She-Elf, he never gave her any of the love that he's given Dwalin. 

“You should speak to Thorin before we reclaim Erebor,” Nori says, his voice lowering and hardening. “Dwalin, are you listening to me? It's very important that you speak to Thorin about your union before we reclaim Erebor.”

“Kili is young,” Dwalin protests, for his One is not even a hundred yet. He is still so young, and there is no rush for anything. 

“That doesn't matter,” Nori insists. “You must listen to me!”

“Why would I listen to the word of a thief?” Dwalin snaps, frustrated at Nori's meddling on a matter he shouldn't even be aware of. “Leave off, Nori. I won't tell you again.”

“You can get angry at me, I don't care,” Nori hisses. “You _will_ listen to me, though. If you ever want a future with Kili, then you will speak to Thorin before we reach the mountain!”

“Speak to me about what?” Thorin's voice, heavy with suspicion, comes from behind Dwalin. 

“Nothing that can't wait until we land,” Dwalin says, for this small boat is not the place to speak. He doesn't know yet if he will even admit to Thorin the truth, but the lack of privacy should at least buy him some much needed time. 

“Very well,” Thorin grants, and Dwalin sighs in relief. Whatever he decides, at least he has managed to stave the matter off for a little longer.

***

Pride blooms warm in his chest, and he only wishes that Fili was here to see it. He would be so proud of Nori, of the fact that he alone can accomplish this for Thorin. Nori, son of Tori, will be the dwarf that will re-open Erebor for Thorin after the desolation of Smaug. He will go down in history as the dwarf that led the reclaiming of the Lonely Mountain.

He puffs up, just a bit, and narrows his eyes in concentration. The door is proving trickier than he thought it would be, but there’s never been a lock he hasn’t been able to pick before. Besides Thranduil’s prison, but that’s a whole separate matter. Elves, they’re unnatural, and so are their locks. This is the lock of a dwarf, though, and Nori has plenty of experience with _these_. 

In the end, though, they have to attempt to break the door down, and when that doesn’t work, hope fizzles out of them. It dries up in the air like dust, and it isn’t until they’re half-way down the mountain that Bilbo calls them back. There’s great shame in a hobbit accomplishing what Nori could not, and he gives a sour look to Oin when he dares to chuckle about it. Bilbo is a burglar, so he must have some sort of Hobbit skills that Nori is unaware of. 

Once they are settled inside, he will have to ask Bilbo his secrets.

The wait is long and cold outside the mountain. Nori hunches his back to the stone, and blows hotly on his hands, rubbing them together. He’s watching Thorin, who is pacing back and forth near the opening. He pauses, only to take a deep inhale of breath through his nostrils, before exhale heavily and resuming his pacing. Balin stands near him, talking lowly. 

“Shouldn’t you be calming him down?” He turns his head to ask as Dwalin lowers his bulky frame down beside him. 

“Thorin has not listened to my counsel in awhile,” Dwalin admits. “There used to be a gap between our friendship, just a small one, but this quest has seen it grow into a chasm, and I do not know how to regain what we have lost.”

“You should be honest with him,” Nori advises, because he recognizes that look in Thorin’s eye. 

It’s the look of a dwarf that has suddenly realized the world has opened back up to him once more, and he has _options_. He will use those options as far as he can, and Nori isn’t naïve enough to assume that Fili and Kili will not be included in that. It’s why he would see Dwalin settle with Kili, so Thorin cannot use him for any sort of kingdom business. 

They should have a chance at the happiness that Nori and Fili will be denied, once Thorin learns. 

“Aye, I will tell him,” Dwalin confirms. “When the time is right. He is too preoccupied with thoughts of Erebor right now. Once we are settled inside the mountain, I will tell him.”

“Good,” Nori says, his gaze going out to the horizon where he can see Laketown in the distance. His love is somewhere over there, and it makes Nori’s skin prickle uneasily. He would feel much more assured if Fili was sitting beside him, their arms pressed together. 

“What of you and Fili?” Dwalin asks, his voice a low rumble, much like a receding summer storm. “When will you tell Thorin of your bond?”

“I would sing it from the top of this mountain if I could,” Nori admits with a cheeky smile. He’s not ashamed of his One. He has been blessed beyond measure. It’s a direct insult to all those who dared to offend him in the previous years, calling him worthless. Mahal smiles down broadly upon Nori, for his other half is _Fili_. 

“So what’s stopping you?”

“It’s not my information to tell,” Nori says with a shrug of his shoulders. “Thorin may be my king, but he is not my kin. He is Fili’s uncle, and I will let Fili tell him when he feels comfortable.”

“He hated you there for awhile,” Dwalin notes. 

“Aye, and I hated him in return,” Nori says, forcing a smirk. The memories aren’t fond, though. They’re still a little too fresh, a little too recent. The scabs over the wound haven’t yet fully healed, and he will never treat Fili’s hurtful words like a joke. 

“And now?”

“And now I believe Thorin has grand plans for his heirs, plans that I would presume do not include the likes of me. It’s why I was so firm with you on the boat. You must tell Thorin of your bond before he decides on a future for Kili that is apart from you.”

“He wouldn’t,” Dwalin argues, but the doubt is evident in the inflection of his tone.

“Wouldn’t he?” Nori raises his bushy eyebrows. “The look in Thorin’s eyes tells me that this is a dwarf that will no longer bend his will to anyone. This is a dwarf that believes he is finally the strongest, and he will have his way.”

“I’ll speak to him,” Dwalin says hurriedly. “The moment we are settled inside, I will tell him.”

Nori opens his mouth to respond, but then Thorin is entering the mountain, and they all hurry to follow.

***

Fili stares down at the sleeping face of his brother, and feels the knot in his chest slowly loosen. It had been a very near thing, it had been almost certain that Kili was leaving this world, that Kili was going to Mahal's halls, leaving Fili behind. But then Tauriel had performed some Elven magic, she had done _something_ that had turned everything right again. Kili still breathes, although he is lost to his dreams now; dreams of starlight, Fili fears.

“You do not have to hold his hand so tightly,” the She-Elf admonishes, although her tone is gentle with him. “He will be all right, in the end. I trust my abilities.”

“I trust only the movement of his chest,” Fili confesses, although he does loosen his grip on Kili. “I was very afraid there, for a spell.”

“He is important to you,” she observes, and her eyes sweep over Fili briefly. “You are his kin, then?”

“Aye, I am his older brother,” Fili confirms, liking her even less. It wars with his instincts, because she has saved one of the most important people to Fili. He should be indebted to her, he should be showering her with gratitude and gems. However, he has seen the way that Kili stared of her, the way he spoke to her, and it goes against everything that Fili is. 

She is not Kili's One, and he should not care for her the way he does. 

“He is lucky to have someone who loves him so deeply that they would choose to remain behind,” she says, drying her hands on a dish towel. 

Fili uses the torn sleeve of his tunic to wipe off a splatter of Orc blood from his forehead. “He is my brother, and we are far from home,” he says firmly. “I would not leave him.”

“You are very close to home,” she says, with a wry smile. 

Of course. He is the heir of Erebor, and they have never been so close to the Lonely Mountain before. By all accounts, he is very close to home. However, when he thinks of home, he thinks of Ered Luin, and his mother's home, and the forge that he grew up in as Thorin worked. 

“Erebor is home,” he corrects himself, nodding his head. “At least, it will be, should we ever reach there.”

“You are the most interesting dwarves I have ever come across,” she says, and there is a tone to her voice that he doesn't like, he doesn't like it at all. “You are determined... and kind. You will see Erebor, I am sure.”

“It is surely of no matter to you whether we do or not,” Fili says. He is defensive of Kili, and even of Dwalin, although he had never thought the old warrior was a good match for his brother. However, in _this_ light, he will not see their bond disrespected by an Elf. 

“It matters,” she says, and her eyes return to gazing at Kili's face. 

“It should not,” Fili stresses, and he pushes himself up from his chair. He hates that she is taller than him, he hates the feeling of inferiority that she gives him.

“You seem angry,” she remarks lightly, although he doesn't miss the way her shoulders tighten. “Why are you angry, Fili?”

“My brother should not be your concern,” he says, controlling his voice so it is even and well tempered. A king cannot be shouting left and right, no matter how he feels. “My brother is spoken for, so you are wasting your time.”

Her eyebrows shoot up, he's taken her by surprise. “Your brother is spoken for?” she repeats, before her eyes narrow. “Who?”

“Again, something that is not your concern,” Fili says. While it would be satisfying to see her intimated of Dwalin, since he is so large and lethal, the identity of Kili's One is not Fili's information reveal. 

“Kili has not spoken of this to me,” she says softly, and her gaze finally drops away. 

“He has not told you because dwarves do not speak lightly of our Ones. We are given a Mark when we become of age, and it is something that is considered private. Kili would not speak of this to his nearest and dearest friend, let alone a She-Elf.”

She recoils like he has struck her, but before she can say anything, the other Elf suddenly leaps into the room. 

“The beast has awoken,” he says. 

Fili feels a shiver, deep within himself, and he has to grip the back of his chair to steady himself. Smaug was supposed to be dead. He has sent Nori off to the mountain, and the dreaded dragon is _alive_. 

Nori is there, and Fili is here, and this is not how it was ever supposed to be. He turns back to look at Kili, who still sleeps, and his chest clenches again. He has saved Kili, but has it been at the cost of Nori? 

What has he done? 

“We need to move,” the She-Elf says decisively, and Fili doesn't have time to argue that her concern for Kili isn't appropriate. The dragon is alive, and if he has any hope of returning back to his One, they need to move.

***

“This is absolute madness,” Dwalin says, pausing by a pillar to catch his breath. Smaug roars in the distance, and Nori shudders beside him. His braids are askew, and his eyes are wide, darting every direction.

“We have to kill him,” Nori pants out, a hand reaching up to push his hair back. “He can’t leave the mountain.”

“He won’t leave the mountain,” Dwalin assures him. “The gold is here, hidden in these walls. Smaug will not relinquish his grip on his treasure so easily.”

“I hope you’re right, because otherwise it is Fili and Kili that will greet him,” Nori says darkly, grabbing Dwalin’s sleeve and he tugs hard, propelling him into running again. 

By the time they bury Smaug in the molten gold, the band of fear that has constricted around Dwalin’s heart has eased. Surely this will finish off the old dragon for once and for all. 

“It is done,” he murmurs to Nori, leaning against him for support. “We are safe.”

The lake of gold on the floor shimmers brightly, rippling slightly and Dwalin stiffens, leaning forward for a closer look. The liquid erupts as Smaug bursts free, flying up high into the air, hot gold raining down from his scales. 

Nori ducks under an alcove, dragging Dwalin with him, so they are spared burns. 

“Revenge!” Smaug bellows, flapping his wings. “I will show you revenge!”

He charges forward, but not towards Thorin. No, he breaks free from the rubble that was Erebor’s front doors, and takes off into the night. Dwalin, along with Nori and the rest of the company, race out from where they’ve been hiding. Dwalin storms up to the balcony, staring out in horror as the dark lump in the sky flies towards Laketown. 

The band of fear is twisting around Dwalin’s heart again, and he feels like he is going to be sick. 

It was his cowardice that led Kili to be left in Laketown without Dwalin, and now there is a dragon flying towards his One. He is defenseless to stop Smaug, and he is helpless to aid. His time with Kili will come to an end, and rather than die an honorable death beside his love, he will be left to live out the remainder of his years knowing that he deserted him in his time of need. 

With a great shaking sob, Dwalin crumples to his knees in the light of the moon. Nori, pale faced and stiff, rests his hand against Dwalin’s shoulder as they both watch helplessly on. 

_“I am fire… I am death.”_


	19. Chapter 19

The world around him is encased in darkness, except for in the very middle of it, the heart burns brightly. Nori curls his fingers around Ori’s shoulder, trying to provide comfort to his brother, while trying to steady himself. Laketown is burning, and so is Nori. His legs feel weak, and so he stiffens them, locking his knees so he won’t crumple the way Dwalin has. 

“Thorin!” Bilbo shouts, grabbing Thorin’s sleeve, twisting to get his attention. “What have you done?”

“What have I done?” Thorin repeats incredulously. “I sought to destroy the dragon! I did more than any of you did!”

“This isn’t a competition!” Bilbo says, his voice rising higher and higher. He’s red in the face, his little hands shaking. “Your nephews are in that town, Thorin! Smaug is going to _kill_ your nephews!”

Thorin’s face softens for a moment, before he clenches his jaw and it hardens once more. He meets Nori’s gaze, and Nori quickly looks away. He doesn’t want to draw any attention to him, not when he’s so unsure on how stable Thorin is. 

“They will be fine,” Thorin finally says dismissively, tugging his sleeve free from Bilbo’s grip. “You concern yourself too greatly with matters that do not involve you.”

“The lives of your nephews concern me,” Bilbo says, two fat tears finally spilling over his eyelids and rolling down his cheeks that have lost their plumpness. “Your family matters to me, Thorin. You know this.”

“You dare presume that I do not care?” Thorin bellows, lifting the back of his hand, and Balin steps between Thorin and Bilbo, a hardness in his face that Nori has never seen before. 

“You would lift your hand against a member of this Company?” Balin asks quietly. The air around them is thick with tension, and Nori finds himself involuntarily holding his breath as he waits for Thorin to reply. 

“Despite what you think, you are not the leader of this Company,” Thorin says darkly, taking a step to the side, and Balin follows him. 

“I would never presume something like that, and the real Thorin would know that,” Balin says stubbornly, folding his arms across his chest. “You have changed.”

“The real Thorin?” He scoffs, and steps forward. Dwalin is on his feet in an instant, joining his brother’s side, and he glares at Thorin. 

“You are not true to yourself,” Dwalin says gruffly. “The friend of my youth would agree to that.”

“Thorin,” Bilbo says, stepping around Balin so he can lay his hand on Thorin’s sleeve. “Are you not worried for your boys at all?”

“We cannot help Laketown now,” Thorin says, his tone rich with insolence. “Come, we must attend to matters of consequence, such as finding the Arkenstone. The rest will arrive when they’re able to.”

“Thorin,” Bilbo tries again, but at the quelling look he receives, he falls silent and follows Thorin down the staircase of carved stone, a miserable slump to his shoulders. 

“Dwalin,” Nori finally speaks up, stepping forward. “There must be something we can do.”

“He is right, there is nothing, and I would not incur his wrath further,” Dwalin says bleakly.

“What about Kili?” Nori drops his voice into a whisper. “The life of your One hangs in the balance.”

“I cannot get to Laketown, and I cannot save him,” Dwalin shrugs his shoulders, his tone as deep as a miry pit. A single tear rolls down his cheek. “For all I know, _she_ is there.”

“Now is not the time to hate her!”

“It is always the time to hate her, for she has stolen what was mine,” Dwalin grits out, curling his large hands into formidable fists. “She has gone too far, Nori.”

“She is not even in Laketown, we have left her behind in Mirkwood,” Nori says reassuringly. “You need to put her from your mind and focus on how we can save Fili and Kili!”

“There is nothing we can do,” Dwalin says, his eyes wet. “Come, Nori. Let us look for this cursed stone.”

“You go ahead,” Nori says, turning his back to the retreating Company. He stands on the edge of the balcony, his eyes focused on the burning heart, and swears if he tries hard enough, he can still feel Fili’s presence in their Bond.

***

Fili is just wiping beads of sweat from Kili’s upper lip when Tauriel moves back into Bard’s tiny home. There’s a pinched look on her face, and despite everything that has happened since she has joined them, Fili has not yet seen her worried – not until now.

“What is it?” He demands, passing Kili a tin cup of tepid water, encouraging him to drink it. 

“We need to move immediately,” she says, gathering up the rest of her weapons and supplies. “The dragon is in the air.”

“What?” Fili stares at her, fear fissuring down his spine. “Smaug is in the air?”

“He’s headed this way, we need to get to a boat immediately,” he says, turning to Sigrid. “Your father, he must have a small vessel that we could use.”

“Of course,” she replies, grabbing a shawl and she wraps it around her younger sister, her features hardening in her determination. “I will show you the way.”

“Kili, you need to get up,” Fili says, reaching out to wrap a hand around Kili’s elbow to steady him. 

“Leave me, I’m fine,” Kili snaps at him, wrenching away from Fili’s hold. He’s shaky on his feet, unsure like a newborn colt, but Fili doesn’t press him. This isn’t the time to fight, not if Smaug is in the air and is headed their way. Every instinct in Fili’s bones are screaming for flight now, the desire to survive thrumming through his veins. 

They make their way to the boat, and Fili doesn’t miss the way that Tauriel hovers more over Kili than she does over the human children. It rankles his nerves, dwarves are made to be strong, to endure. They almost lost Kili, but now that he is on the mend, Fili knows that he can take care of himself. He does not need the She-Elf one step constantly behind him, not when there are more fragile lives to defend. 

They paddle their way down through the houses, weaving in and out. Kili huddles on the bottom of the boat, his dark eyes staring up at the sky. Fili still doesn’t like the colour of his face, but it’s brighter than it used to be, and so he will take it as a good sign. Smaug flies low above them, fire streaming from his mouth and igniting the wooden shacks that are built up tall upon each other. 

The entire settlement of Laketown will burn like kindling, and Fili is so thankful they are now on the way to open sea, where they at least have a chance of getting away. He doesn’t know if they will survive yet, but they have more now than they did before, and that’s hope. 

“We need to find Da,” Sigrid says to her two younger siblings, and they both nod, their faces pale and their lips pressed tight together. They’re afraid, but they’re trying to be brave. There is something admirable in that to Fili, and he respect them the more for it. He never thought he would trust Men, having grown up on Thorin’s tales. However, Bard and his kin have proven themselves ore and ore, and Fili will see them survive this, if he can. 

“There he is!” The youngest shouts, pointing a finger up into the sky, and they all follow the direction of the line until their eyes land on Bard’s form, up on the tower, a bow in his hand. 

“Da!” Sigrid shouts, her knuckles white against the edge of the boat where she’s clutching it. 

The boat jostles in the water and suddenly Bain is leaping from the safety of the vessel. He swings wildly in the air for a moment, gripping on to a massive hook, before he drops to a wooden dock and he takes off running. 

“Bain!” Both his sisters are screaming, and Fili lurches to his feet. He doesn’t know what the boy is thinking, but he will burn if they leave him, and what poor repayment they will have to offer Bard if they let his son die. 

“We have to go back!” Kili exclaims, trying to push himself into a better sitting position. 

“We can’t go back,” Tauriel says firmly, stroking the oar through the water, and the boat glides away even further. 

“He will _die_ ,” Kili argues, a hard look appearing in his eyes, and it makes Fili feel all the more relieved for he almost looks like his old self once more. 

“We will all die if we go back,” Tauriel retorts. “I will not see you dead for the sake of one. We have to leave him.”

Kili falls silent, but his lips press together in a firm, white line. There is a mulish look to his gaze, rather than the usual adoration that he had reserved for Tauriel. She has shot herself in the foot, for the quickest way to spurn his brother is to have little regard for other’s. The youngest girl drops to her knees in the boat and cries bitterly, turning her head away from Tauriel. She had also looked at the She-Elf with admiration, and how quickly respect can be lost. 

“Sigrid… Tilda… I’m sorry,” Tauriel murmurs, pausing in her rowing. Silence is the only response that she receives, and she quickly begins to paddle once more, Bofur taking the other side to aide her. 

“There!” Tilda suddenly shouts again, pointing back towards the tower. 

Fili whirls around to look, and he sees the tall form of Bard, standing beside a smaller frame, which could only be Bain. He sighs in relief, knowing that the boy has survived so far, long enough to rejoin his father. They watch with baited breath as the last arrow spins through the air, and Fili inhales sharply as Smaug jerks in the air. 

“He hit it!” Kili exclaims, his finger jabbing towards the sky. “I saw it!”

“Impossible,” Tauriel murmurs, squinting at the sky. “No Man could make such a shot.”

“He did,” Fili says, watching as Smaug flies higher and higher, before he seizes tight in the air and then he’s falling. Falling down and down, too close to where they are. Tauriel strokes hard, pushing them past the last of the burning houses and out on to the open waters. 

There’s no celebration in the boat, however. The air around them is still filled with the screams of the dying. Bodies float in the water around them, people push past them as they try to catch the back of any boat so they might be carried to shore. Fili tries to help where he can, but there is not much he can do. His heart is heavy as they head for land, and yet all he can think about is Nori and the mountain. 

Smaug awoke when they believed him to be dead, and if he left the mountain to attack Laketown, then the dwarves inside the mountain must be dead. No dragon would willingly leave their hoard, not if there were others lurking nearby. It means that Thorin is dead, the uncle who was more of a father to him. It means that Balin, his teacher from when he was small is dead. It means Dwalin is dead, and his brother will be heartbroken, despite everything that has transpired over the past little bit. 

But most importantly, it means that Nori is dead, and that Fili is facing a future without him now. It is grim and bleak, there’s a gaping void in his chest where his soul used to be. He stares out at the murky water, wishing he could throw himself over the edge of the boat and just end it now. 

He is now King Under the Mountain, and since Smaug is dead, Erebor will have to be rebuilt. He had settled in his heart to give up the throne, and yet he will have no justifiable reason now. Not will he only rule, but he will also rule alone, when he had always believed he would rule with someone by his side to aid and support him. Like every other corner of his life, his kingship will be lonely and empty. Responsibilities are beginning to build and build inside of him, and he lets out a pained groan. 

“Relax, lad,” Bofur says, clapping a reassuring hand on Fili’s shoulder. “We are almost to land.”

“If Smaug left Erebor, it must mean that everyone…” he trails off, unable to finish that sentence. 

“Everyone lives,” Bofur says confidently, but Fili sees how tightly he clenches the oar in his hand. “We shouldn’t doubt them, lad. They’re a strong Company. I firmly believe that we will have the happiest greeting party when we return!”

“You’ll go to the mountain, then?” Tauriel asks, one eyebrow arched. 

Fili feels irritation prickling at his skin, but it’s Kili that snaps a response before he can. “Of course we’ll go to the mountain,” he says. “We will need to learn the truth of our kin, and save those that we can.”

“I wish you two would listen to me, everyone is alive,” Bofur says. “I just know it.”

“I would know if Gloin is dead, and he is not,” Oin says loudly, his gaze focused out towards the mountain. “Rest easy, princes.”

The rest of the way is silent, and it’s finally morning by the time they are pulling the boat up on to the shore to regroup. Sigrid and Tilda both immediately begin scanning the shore for their brother and father, hoping they’ve survived. Fili, however, is given a few of the essentials from what others have brought, and loads the boat back up. They will take the boat across the lake once more to the mountain. 

“Kili, let’s go,” he calls as Kili stands too close to Tauriel. 

“Tauriel, come with us,” Kili suddenly says, and Fili whips around to stare at him. The fact that he would dare to bring a She-Elf to Erebor, before they’ve even had the chance to greet their homeland… 

“Absolutely not,” he cuts in, furious with his brother for being so thick-headed. 

“Tauriel is a great defender, and we do not know what other dangers lay in our path,” Kili replies, red blotches high on his cheeks. “It’s for no other reason than that.”

“No other reason?” She asks quietly. 

“No other reason,” Kili repeats, his voice softening but still firm. “I have an intended, one that I care for very greatly. You have been a good friend to me, but friendship is all I will ever have to offer.”

“I see,” she whispers, her gaze dropping to the pebbled sand. “I believe I will stay here, and help the girls find their father. They are too young to be left alone.”

“Of course,” Kili nods, and pride for his brother swells in Fili’s heart. “Thank you, Tauriel, for everything you have done for me. I owe you my life.”

“I would have done it for any of you,” she says, but Fili doesn’t miss the way her skin flushes, and he knows that isn’t true. 

Kili nods, and he turns, falling into step beside Fili as they make their way to the boat. They’re just about to climb in when Kili suddenly turns again, hurrying back towards Tauriel’s side. 

“Here,” he says, holding something out to her. From the angle, Fili can’t make out what it is. 

“Oh, Kili, I couldn’t accept this,” she says, her voice catching on his name.

“I’d like you to have it… as a promise,” he says, his voice lowering, and Fili loses the rest of what he’s said. 

He’s back in the boat within a moment, Tauriel smiling after him, and Fili immediately rounds about to his brother, keeping his voice lowered to a hiss so that Bofur doesn’t hear them. 

“What did you promise her?” He demands, thinking that if Dwalin still is alive, he will be very angry to hear of a promise between his One and a She-Elf. 

“Nothing,” Kili replies, turning away from Fili. “It was merely a promise between friends, nothing more.”

“You should hope not, for if Dwalin finds out…” Fili trails off meaningfully. 

“Should Dwalin be alive, we will be having a serious conversation, and I know that he will forgive me,” Kili says tightly. “I do not dream of a future with Tauriel.”

“I _heard_ you,” Fili whispers, glancing towards Bofur and Oin. “You were completely lost to delusions, and you dreamed of starlight.”

“I was almost dead, Fili, and now I am alive,” Kili says, and his voice hitches. “Shouldn’t you just be grateful for that? Disregard what I said as I was dying.”

“Of course I’m thankful you’re alive,” Fili says, leaning down to wrap his arms around his brother and he holds him close, savouring the warmth he provides. They have been together all their lives. This quest has tested them equally in ways Fili did not foresee, and if he could do it over again, he would side with his mother to keep Kili home and safe. 

“Then focus on that,” Kili says, dropping his head to rest against Fili’s shoulder. “Should Dwalin be alive, I will make it right with him. I swear, Fee.”

“I know you will,” Fili murmurs in reply, and begins to pray once more that they will not find more heartbreak at Erebor’s front doors.

***

They stumble through the rubble at Erebor and Kili sucks in a deep breath as he gazes around at the humungous cavern. Thorin’s stories cannot do this justice, for even despite Smaug’s damage, the front halls of Erebor are still grander than anything Kili has ever seen in his life. The others are shouting out for the rest of the Company, and Kili falls in line with them as they hurry forward.

He lags behind, limping slightly. His leg has shown a mass amount of improvement, but it still twitches if he extends it too far. It’s weak, and it will take him awhile to rebuild his strength. 

“Hello?”

“Bombur? Bifur!”

“You must leave!” 

The last voice comes from the left, and they all skid to a stop. Kili turns to see Bilbo hurrying towards them, wringing his hands in front of him. He looks even more worn, his cheeks sallow and his eyes hollow. He looks like he has lived three lifetimes, and has seen indescribable horror. 

“Bilbo!” Fili runs to hug him, wrapping his arms tightly around the small hobbit. The rest of them follow suit, but Bilbo pulls away sharply. 

“No, you must leave! It’s not safe here,” he exclaims, and he’s directing his words towards Fili and Kili. What has happened inside of this mountain?

“What’s going on?” Fili demands. 

“It’s not safe here,” Bilbo repeats, and he tries to even push Kili back towards the entrance. “You need to leave right now. Thorin is sick right now, Thorin is very sick.”

“Bilbo – ” Kili breaks off as something catches Fili’s attention, and he’s suddenly pressing past the rest of them, running down a hallway. They take off after him, down staircases and around corners. Finally, they come to a stop on a long arch made of pure jade, and stare down at the mound of gold. It stretches as far as Kili can see, it fills the entire hall. Down below them, wading through the treasure, is Thorin. 

He wears a new fur around his shoulders, and a thick crown made of twisted gold sits low on his brow. He doesn’t look like their uncle anymore, he looks like a King. He turns at the sound their footsteps made and once Kili is able to look at his face, he takes a step back. This quest has hardened Thorin in a way that Kili has never understood, but that was mild compared to the look of steel that is upon his face now. 

There is nothing recognizable in his gaze anymore as the uncle who used to let Kili sit on his knee and eat from the same plate. 

“Behold… the great treasure of Thror,” Thorin booms, his voice rising and falling in the echo of the hall. “Welcome, my sister-sons,” he says, sweeping his arms outwards, “to the kingdom of Erebor.”

A shudder of fear crawls down Kili’s spine.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dwarf turns fifty, a name is burned on their wrist. The name is a gift from Mahal, guiding two dwarves together who were made to complete each other. Dwalin has never cared about his One, his life is devoted to being a warrior. All his life, Kili has longed to join the secret society of dwarves who know their destiny. Neither is prepared for the future and what it means for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you promise there won't be any more delays and then there's nothing but delays. Ha. Ha ha ha. Anyway, here we go! Hang on, we're starting to wrap things up (even though it doesn't seem like it) and it's going to be a rough ride.

After they have exclaimed and admired the treasure enough for Thorin to be satisfied, he dismisses them to join the rest of the Company that are in the king’s armoury. Kili lags behind, an excuse about his leg ready on his lips if anyone asks, but no one does. They’re all too excited to greet the others, even Fili. The moment they enter the room, the other dwarves burst into excitement, and Fili weaves his way purposefully through the crowd until he is able to throw his arms around Nori’s neck, hugging him tightly. 

Something twists painfully in Kili’s chest, and he quickly looks away from the scene. He is glad for his brother, he is happy that he has found peace with his Bond, but he is envious as well. There was a time not that long ago that Kili had the peaceful moments with his One, while Fili and Nori sparred with words, threatening each other’s lives . 

A shadow falls over his face, and he looks up to see Dwalin standing there. His face is blank, and Kili’s gut sinks like a stone. 

“Dwalin,” he starts, and then falls silent. He takes a step back, because he needs to flee. He needs to get as far away as he possibly can, so he doesn’t have to face the realization that he has lost himself everything he worked so hard for. 

“Thank Mahal that you are alive,” Dwalin breathes out, and sweeps Kili into his arms. 

Instinctively, Kili pulls him even closer, pressing his face against the front of Dwalin’s furs. He had expected more terse words between them, he had expected Dwalin to push him away. Dwalin had stayed in the boat and had left him behind, he had not expected any sort of warm welcoming from him. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs once Dwalin has released him and stepped back, although he keeps one hand on Kili’s shoulder. 

“Come, let us talk in private,” Dwalin says, and he leads Kili out of the room and away from the rest of the Company. Kili doesn’t bother to watch any of them, he is just thankful that Dwalin has given him this chance once more. 

They end up in a deserted store room, and Dwalin firmly shuts the door behind them so they’ll have privacy. The moment they’re fully alone, he pulls Kili into his arms once more, holding him close. 

“I thought you dead,” he says, his voice muffled against Kili’s dark hair. 

“I thought myself to be dead, even before the dragon,” Kili admits, pulling away so he can look at Dwalin properly. It pains him, but he needs to be honest. It’s tempting to lie, to accept this warmth that Dwalin is offering, but he’ll never forgive himself if they base their future on deception. 

“Your leg, how is it?” Dwalin asks, hunkering down so he might run his hand down along Kili’s thigh. He stands back up after a moment, a look of concern etched on to his face. 

Shivers break out along his skin, and he pulls further back. “It’s better now, but there was a time when it was going to kill me. Tauriel though, she saved me. I was lost to delusions, but Fili told me that she performed Elven magic, and she saved my life. I know you don’t like her, and I don’t blame you. I was wrong, in how I behaved, but by doing so, I endeared myself enough to her that she came to save me.”

“I don’t like her, and I was hurt beyond measure,” Dwalin says slowly, his hands stretched out for Kili’s. “However, if she has saved you, then I owe her a world of gratitude. I wish no ill will against her, for I am thankful that she has saved the most entirely precious thing to me.”

“Thank you for understanding,” Kili grabs his hand and he hauls himself closer. He had been hurt when Dwalin had left him behind in Laketown, but he had hurt Dwalin as well. It wouldn’t do to dwell on past hurts, not when they both almost died. 

“We are of one accord then?” Dwalin asks hopefully. “You have resigned yourself to our union once more?”

Kili flinches, for those had been cruel words to say to Dwalin after everything they have been through. “I have not resigned myself to anything, for there is nothing to resign myself to,” he says. “I have been given a great honour, and Mahal has blessed me in ways that I cannot even explain.” 

The worn, gruff face of the soldier in front of him blooms into a beautiful smile, and Kili can’t resist from leaning even closer, standing up on the tips of his toes so he can lick his way into Dwalin’s mouth. 

Dwalin groans hungrily and slides an arm around Kili’s form, pressing their frames together. He kisses him in return, his other hand moving to slide into Kili’s hair, curling his fingers and tipping his head back. He nips hungrily at Kili’s bottom lip, and Kili groans, parting his lips to the entrance of Dwalin’s tongue. 

“I’ve missed this,” Kili admits once they have parted long enough to take a breath. He leans in and kisses him again, running his hands down Dwalin’s broad chest. He has lived through dragon fire, and compared to that, how could anything with Dwalin be considered frightful?

“I have missed you so much, my gem,” Dwalin rumbles, pressing Kili against the stone wall and he drops to his knees, fumbling with the lacings of Kili’s trousers. 

“Wait,” Kili pants out, carding his fingers through the coarse, wiry hair of Dwalin’s beard. “I want to tell Thorin about us.”

Dwalin immediately stills, and he drops his hands to rest against his own thighs. He tilts his head back so he can look up at Kili, and Kili has to smirk at the look on his face. He looks positively terrified. 

“You want to tell Thorin about us,” he repeats blankly. 

“We have reclaimed Erebor, and we have survived,” Kili says brightly , dropping to his own knees so they’re able to see eye to eye. “Soon, Thorin will send for the dwarves of Erebor, and they will all return home. When they do, I want us to have a Bonding Ceremony in front of the entire mountain, so that everyone will see our love. I want Thorin to know that I am not a bartering tool that he may use. I want him to know how richly Mahal has blessed me.”

“Thorin is unwell,” Dwalin says slowly. “I admire your determination, and it does this old dwarf’s heart well to hear you boast so proudly of our union. However, Thorin is not in his right mind right now. He is suffering from sickness. I don’t believe he would respond favourably.”

“He is my uncle, and despite everything, he loves me ,” Kili says confidently. Since seeing the veil of death and returning back to the world of the living, he has grown a lot more confident in certain areas of his life, and the love of his uncle is one of them. “He will be happy for us.”

“Heed my words, Kili,” Dwalin says firmly. “Now is not the time to speak of this to Thorin. Just a little while longer of silence, my gem, and then you may shout it from the top of the mountain.”

His words rankle Kili, for far too long Dwalin has suspected that he was not serious about their Bond. And for the longest time, Kili wasn’t. However, it took the brink of death to make him realize that he truly desired not an elf, as beautiful as she might be, but the strong hands of his One, the soul that Mahal crafted solely for Kili. 

“But Dwalin,” he begins to argue, but Dwalin cuts him off swiftly. 

“Heed my words, _please_.”

“But,” Kili says grudgingly, pushing himself to his feet, and he holds out his hand for Dwalin to take. 

“Not yet,” Dwalin says, ignoring Kili’s outstretched hand, and he rises to his knees again, nosing against the front of Kili’s pants. “Let me prove to you just how much I have missed you.”

Kili wants to argue that Dwalin doesn’t have to ever to prove himself to Kili again, it is Kili that has to do the proving, but all thoughts of argument go flying out of his head when Dwalin lowers his trousers and leans back in. 

It’s good to be alive!

***

The golden halo shines brightly as the lost members of the Company tumble into the room. Nori pushes himself to his feet, his breath caught in his throat. Fili lives! He had known, he had _known_ , that deep in his heart, Fili was still alive out there. Mahal had not cut their love short. He hangs back as the other dwarves swarm around them, but the golden halo pushes past them all, he breaks free from the rest and makes a bee-line towards Nori.

Nori swallows hard and opens his mouth to welcome Fili back, but his breath is knocked from his lungs as Fili collides against him, his arms tightening around Nori’s neck. 

“My love,” he murmurs into Nori’s ear, his breath warm and reassuring. “My love, oh, my love. I had such fear that I had lost you, and yet, we both live.”

“Fili,” Nori chokes out, and he ignores the gazes he can feel directed their way. He knows that Dori is for sure watching them, but what his older brother is thinking right now, Nori couldn’t begin to guess. Oh, he had his run-ins with the lion heart before, but surely even Dori should be able to see how that has all changed now. 

“Come, we need to go somewhere private,” Fili says, pulling back long enough to grab Nori’s hand and he tugs him from the room. “I don’t know where a single place is in this damned mountain, so I’m hoping you do.”

“The library has barely been touched, we can go there,” Nori says, slotting his fingers in between Fili’s, and he takes lead of their direction. “I’ve spent a couple of hours there, getting away from… it all.”

“It all?” Fili arches his eyebrows. “You don’t have to lie to me, or withhold information, Nori. What, or should I say whom, were you getting away from?”

“Thorin,” Nori says, exhaling heavily. He doesn’t expand further on that, and Fili remains silent as well. 

He turns left, and then right, up a flight of stairs, and then turns right again. Tall, marble doors that are free of scorch marks rise up suddenly, and Nori nudges one of the doors open so they can slip inside. Nori was correct in his earlier statement, the library is practically pristine , minus a pile of ash by one of the back doors. He catches Fili staring with a look of horror on his face, and he steers his One away from the sight. Books or dwarves, he could not say. 

He grabs a few musty cushions off of a chair and sets them on the floor, letting Fili lowers himself down first, before following down after. He makes sure that they sit close, their shoulders, hips, and knees brushing against each other. 

Fili curls their fingers together and swallows hard, his throat clicking, before he says, “What do you mean Thorin?”

“He’s changed,” Nori says bluntly. “He has become obsessive with the gold. He has us searching day and night for the bloody Arkenstone. We are barely allowed to stop and eat, let alone sleep.”

“He seems different,” Fili agrees, his free hand rubbing his forehead. “This quest has not been good for him.”

“This quest has been foolish from the start, and yet, it would appear that we have survived,” Nori says, and he’s unable to stop the sly little grin that steals over his face. “In fact, I am almost thankful for this quest, for without it, you and I would have never become One.”

“Oh, is that what we are?” Fili raises his eyebrows, and then leans in, giving Nori a brief and fleeting kiss. 

Nori makes a noise of protest in the back of his throat and reaches for him as he tries to pull away. He tugs Fili closer so he can kiss him deeper, his eyes fluttering shut. He had not known if he would ever get this again. He had had to face the possibility of a lifetime without his One, and it had been a bleak, desolate one at that. How fortunate Nori is that he has been spared that pain. 

All thoughts of Thorin and the Arkenstone are pushed to the back of his mind as Fili slowly lowers himself down on the floor, the cushions under his lower back and he looks up at Nori through his long, golden eyelashes. Nori swallows hard, and the tension in the room suddenly thickens. 

“What are you doing?” Nori whispers, leaning down over him so he can kiss Fili instead, not giving him any time to actually respond. 

Fili’s hand steals inside of Nori’s pocket, and when he makes a movement to grab Fili’s wrist, he’s already pulled himself free. The small tin of salve is in his hand, and he meets Nori’s gaze evenly. 

“I want you inside of me,” he says, his free hand moving down to adjust the sudden bulge in his pants. 

Nori swallows thickly again. He can still remember how it felt to lean against the bark of the tree as Fili thrust inside of him. Fili had stretched him thin, his hands careful around Nori’s hip. He had never felt more treasured, more loved, than he had in that moment of Fili’s weakness. They have come such a long way, the prince and the thief, and now Fili is giving Nori the ultimate gift – the trust of having Nori inside of his body. 

Words fail him, and so he simply leans down and brackets himself over Fili. He kisses him slowly and carefully, trying to tell Fili throughout every kiss just how precious he is, just how thankful he is for this opportunity. They were almost denied a life together, and now it feels like their life together is finally beginning. He pulls Fili’s shirt from his body, baring him so he’s able to cover his chest in small, biting kisses. 

Fili’s hands fumble as he yanks at Nori’s own shirt, trying to pull it up and over his head. Nori pulls back long enough to aid him, before he goes back to kissing him. He rolls his hips down against Fili’s, the heat between them growing. A low moan slips out of Nori’s mouth, and he pushes his hips down harder against Fili’s, seeking that hot friction. 

The moments stretch out like lazy days underneath a hot sun, Nori loses all sense of time as they roll together. At some point, they’ve each lost their boots and trousers, so they’re completely naked with each other for the first time. He worships Fili’s body like the treasure it is, as if it is more valuable to him than all the gold in Erebor. 

The Golden Prince is the only treasure that Nori has ever wanted to claim, and now he finally is. 

He’s three fingers deep before Fili is moaning impatiently, hitching himself even closer to Nori. “Please, Nori,” he says, his pupils blown wide. “Just do it already. I want to feel you.”

Nori has never been to deny his One anything before, and so he slicks his cock up and slowly pushes his way inside. Fili’s body is hot and tight, but yields to his demands. It’s not long until Nori is fully inside of him, and Fili’s eyes roll backwards in his head. 

“Mahal,” he pants out, shuddering so sweetly underneath Nori. 

“I love you,” Nori says, and then immediately flushes. He has never been the dwarf that is prone to saying whatever he is thinking, he’s always learned to have more sense than that. However, when he’s with Fili, all of his good senses leave him, and there’s nothing but the truth laid bare. 

“Nori,” Fili sighs, leaning up to kiss him again, panting against his mouth. “Oh, my sweet Nori. You complete me.”

What should be silly and would normally make Nori scoff, right now it burns so brightly in his soul that he can’t help but thrust deeper, tilting Fili’s hips up so he’s able to get a deeper angle. They move together in unison, time fading away until all he knows is Fili. 

“I love you, I love you so,” Nori says, and comes inside of him.

***

Kili knows he’s dragging as he walks from the treasure room to the throne, where Thorin will often sit and contemplate, but he can’t help himself. He doesn’t have the Arkenstone, it still hasn’t been found, and when he relays the news to Thorin, he will grow even angrier. He misses his uncle, if he’s being honest. They’ve gone through a lot together, throughout this quest, and Kili has spent many a time being angry at Thorin for treating him harshly, but he would take that Thorin over this new, and unimproved one , any day.

“Well?” Thorin rises out of the throne, the furs he has found in one of the undamaged royal apartments wrapped tightly around him. He looks every inch the king he desires to be, but Kili would leave it all if he could. 

“The Arkenstone has still not yet been found,” he says quietly, giving his uncle a quick, respectful bow. Since they have reclaimed Erebor, Thorin has insisted on bringing back old traditions, and has demanded they all bow and refer to him as Majesty. 

“Then you’re not looking hard enough,” Thorin snaps, striding towards Kili. 

Kili forces himself not to flinch as his uncle reaches out and grips his chin, turning Kili’s head first to the right, and then to the left. He lets go of him and returns back to the throne, his brows furrowed. Kili has no idea what any of that was about.

“I’m sorry, Uncle,” he says, swallowing hard. 

“It is not your fault,” Thorin surprises him by saying. “I know that you are looking to the best of your abilities. You know that the Arkenstone is the King’s jewel, and you have much love in your heart for your king, do you not?”

“Absolutely,” Kili responds, because Thorin has been a father to him throughout the majority of his life. There is much love and admiration for him, even in the dark times. 

“You have been a good lad to me, Kili,” Thorin continues, and he beckons Kili closer. Once Kili has moved to stand next to him, Thorin stands once more, and wraps an arm around Kili’s shoulders, turning him to look out over the vast halls of Erebor. “ This is your home now, son. See what we have reclaimed? This is your birthright.”

Kili feels the tension slowly bleed out of his shoulders and he leans gratefully against Thorin. “It is far more magnificent than your tales could ever describe,” he says truthfully. While Smaug had done his best to desolate the kingdom of Erebor, he was not successful, and there is much that remains in all its full glory. 

“You could ask almost anything of me, my son, and I would give it to you.”

Kili feels a warm shudder go down his spine, for Thorin has never called them ‘sons’ before in their lives. He has taken the role of father for both Fili and Kili alike, but he had never crossed over that final line and called them sons. They had always been his sister-sons. Finally, on this quest, Kili has proven himself to Thorin. 

Ignoring Dwalin’s caution, he takes this opportunity to finally ask for what he’s been desiring since the fever had left his body – a Bond with Dwalin. 

“There is something that only you can give me,” he says, turning to look up at Thorin. 

Thorin smiles indulgently down at him, his hand petting down Kili’s hair until he finds the clasp of Durin in his hair. “Ask me.”

“I have learned the identity of my One,” he starts slowly, his hand going to the band of cloth around his wrist, and he worries the material with his thumb. “We have grown close, although we have not yet entered a Courtship, for I would not do that without your approval.”

He looks back up to Thorin to gauge his response. Thorin has his dark eyebrows knitted in concentration, but there is still a look of kindness on his face. He’s _listening_ to Kili speak, and when was the last time that that happened?

“It’s happened on this quest,” he continues on, feeling more confident. “I have known of my One since I turned of age, of course, but it was not until this quest that I felt mature and comfortable enough to approach him – ”

“What do you mean your One is on this quest?” Thorin scowls heavily, and his grip around Kili’s shoulders tighten almost painfully. “A member of this Company has dared to violate my trust?”

“No, Uncle,” Kili protests quickly, unsure of when he lost control of the conversation . “Dwalin would _never_ betray your trust. He wanted me to wait to even tell you, but I want a Bonding Ceremony! When all the dwarves return home to Erebor, I want to Bond with Dwalin and finally be of one accord!”

Thorin is silent for a moment, and Kili fearfully looks up at him. In all of his years with Thorin growing upset with him, he has never once seen Thorin look so angry before. It sparks a fissure of fear inside of Kili, and he spins away from Thorin’s hold.

“Dwalin is loyal to a fault with you,” he says quickly. “He wanted to talk to you himself, and ask if he could court me, because he knows there is a protocol due to my stature.”

“Long have the members of this company filled my ears with lies, but this seems to be the greatest yet,” Thorin finally says quietly, darkly. “You are a fool, Kili, if you believe that Dwalin has your best interests in heart. He is using you to gain access to the crown. He is too stupid to think of such a plan himself… no, this is the work of Balin! He is the one who is trying to usurp my throne.”

“Balin would never do that to you,” Kili says softly. “He is loyal to you, we all are.”

“Dwalin cares not for you, even if you are his One,” Thorin drags the word out, twisting it into something ugly. “He is reaching high beyond what he deserves! He thinks he can battle a few enemies on my behalf and be handed one of my heirs as a reward?”

“I am no one’s reward,” Kili says dumbly, because in all the ways he imagined this conversation to go wrong, he had never thought that Thorin would go this low. “Dwalin loves me, Uncle. He has proven it to me.”

“You are a fool,” Thorin spits out, spittle flying from his lips. “I have no proof that you are even being honest with me! I have no reasons to believe you are, for you have always tried to deceive me. Born under a full moon, you have been full of deception since birth. I’d rather smash your brains upon rocks than listen to any more of your falsehoods !”

Something deep inside of Kili breaks and cracks open. He had never doubted his uncle’s love for him, not even when Thorin had slapped him across the face in Rivendell. He had always believed that even though Thorin had a temper, he loved Kili with an unconditional love. Such beliefs are gone now, torn apart and thrown to the wind like scraps of parchment. 

“You don’t mean this,” he whispers, taking a step away from Thorin. He’s scared of him. He doesn’t trust this form of his uncle, for he has grown unpredictable and cruel. How is Kili suddenly afraid to be with the dwarf that raised him as a father?

“You should have been born a girl,” Thorin scoffs. “At least you would have proved valuable to me. No, you will not Bond with Dwalin. Neither of you will be rewarded for your lies.”

Kili rips the black cloth off his wrist before he can stop himself, thrusting his arm out for Thorin to see. “I would never lie about my One,” he hisses. 

Thorin grabs his arm, his fingers digging painfully into Kili’s skin. He wrenches his arm up higher for a closer look before he suddenly shoves him away abruptly. 

“He goes too far!” He all but screams, more spittle landing on Kili’s left cheek. “You both go too far! I will never allow this! I will see you both dead before I allow this! Traitors! You are traitors to the crown of Erebor! I will see you cast out!”

Kili turns and runs, away from the dwarf he no longer knows, and runs straight for the dwarf that he _does_ know, the dwarf that loves him despite his flaws. Tears flow freely down his face, Thorin still hurling words at his retreating form. 

“Traitors! I will have your braids for this act of treason ! You are no heir of mine… you are no son of mine… you never have been! Bastard child! Bastard dwarf !”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back, back again. centuries' back, tell a friend.

Dwalin’s near the treasure hoard when he hears his name being called, and it’s Bilbo, standing by the archway to the throne. He’s twisting his hands nervously in front of him, which can only mean that he’s recently been speaking to Thorin. Everyone is on edge these days. 

“Thorin wishes to see you,” Bilbo says once Dwalin has moved into hearing distance. “He already has Balin there.”

“Should I be worried?” Dwalin asks, aiming for a teasing tone, but he knows that it falls flat. He wishes he had his axes with him. He would never harm Thorin, but the Thorin on the throne is not Dwalin’s friend.

“I don’t know,” Bilbo says, and his face crumbles. He rubs a handkerchief over his face, and sniffs back a few tears. “I don’t know anything anymore. He is not the dwarf that I love anymore.”

“Nor I,” Dwalin says grimly. It is a feat that Bilbo has admitted of his love for Thorin, but it is nothing to celebrate right now. Thorin has changed so much that everything has been tainted. “Well, I will be on my guard then,” he continues, and makes his way towards the throne. 

Bilbo falls in step behind him, and Dwalin remains silent. He doesn’t like the way that Thorin has incorporated the hobbit into all of his rulings, but it is pointless to argue with his old friend now. Thorin has grown to love the hobbit in a way that Dwalin will never understand, nor approve of. Thorin doesn’t have a One, though, for his Mark faded away years ago, and perhaps that makes all the difference. 

“You wanted to see me?” He asks, crossing the arch. Thorin is sitting on the throne, his back stiff and straight with his arms crossed over his chest. Balin stands beside him, his hands tucked behind his back, but Dwalin can tell by the way he is rocking on his heels that he’s nervous. If Balin is nervous, then this doesn’t bode well at all. 

“You should be on your knees, groveling,” Thorin says, his voice rasping low. “You owe me a magnitude of apologies.”

Dwalin breathes in slowly through his nostrils, forcing himself to remain calm. He has no idea what he has done to incur Thorin’s wrath currently, but he assumes it has something to do with the Arkenstone and the lack of it. He bows his head to Thorin with respect, leaning down into a slight bow before straightening back up. 

“What have I done?” He asks, keeping his hands loose and open at his sides, so Thorin doesn’t believe there to be a threat against him. “I cannot apologize for what I am unaware of.”

“You have been aware of this for years,” Thorin says, unfolding his arms and he braces the tips of his fingers against the arm rests of the throne, pressing hard so the tips of his fingers turn white. “For all of his life, you have been aware of your grave error.”

“My error?” Dwalin repeats, feeling horribly lost in the whole conversation. He glances to Balin for help, but his brother is studying Thorin with an inquisitive look on his face. Bilbo is also of no help; he is staring down at the marble rock, shivers running through his small body with intermittence. 

“You dared to believe that due to our friendship, you were worthy of my heir?” Thorin pushes himself to his feet, his brows set into a heavy scowl. “You thought that he could be bought with your loyalty?”

A sensation that is similar to cold water trickles down his back, stiffening his spine. He suddenly has an idea exactly what Thorin is referring to. Despite everything they have done to keep their Bond a secret, Thorin has somehow found out, and he is angry in a way that Dwalin always suspected he would be. 

“You know then,” he says, forcing himself not to tremble under the wrathful glare Thorin is sending him. He has nothing to be ashamed of. “I have nothing to apologize for.”

“You have everything to apologize for!” Thorin bellows at him, taking a step closer to him. Bilbo immediately reaches out and rests his hand against Thorin’s arm. It doesn’t take away the anger, but it does cause him to pause in his footsteps. 

“I should have told you sooner, I will apologize for that,” Dwalin says carefully. He has never been a wordsmith, that was always Balin’s talent. “I will not apologize for anything else, Thorin.”

“You’ve used him,” Thorin sneers. “You thought you deserved a reward for serving me!”

“Do not speak of him in that way,” Dwalin snaps, the leash on his own anger loosening. “Kili is not a reward, or a prize. He is a beautiful, remarkable dwarf that Mahal has seen blessed to fit me with. I have no apologies, Thorin, for I love him. I love him so.”

Thorin sucks in a deep breath, and his face turns red. “Traitor! Betrayer! You have fooled me!”

“It is my honor to know, not yours,” Dwalin argues. He knows that in any other situation, he would be doing whatever was in his power to calm Thorin, but he cannot betray his heart, and apologize for something he is not sorry for. “When Kili and I began to grow closer, I should have approached you for permission to court him. I am sorry for that, Thorin. However, he is my heart. It’s not something that I expect you to understand.”

“You go too far!” Thorin charges towards him, but stops short when Balin steps between them. 

“Thorin, please,” Balin says quietly. “The sons of Fundin have served the House of Durin as loyally as we possibly can. Dwalin’s bond with Kili was unexpected, and I know it bothered him. He would never do anything to hurt you, it is not in his nature.”

“It’s in his very nature,” Thorin sneers. 

“Nay, it is not,” Balin refutes firmly. “Did you not ever wonder why Dwalin stayed away for so many years when the boys were young?”

Dwalin flushes, he had not realized that his brother has known for so long. He thought he had been completely discreet about his struggles with the Bond, and yet as always, his older brother has always known Dwalin better than he expected. 

“He stayed away due to his own deception!” Thorin shouted, flinging an arm out. “He’s a coward!”

“I am not coward!” Dwalin bellows. He can withstand Thorin’s anger for so long, but he cannot handle being called a coward. He is a _warrior_. 

“Thorin, please,” Bilbo says, and he tugs Thorin back, wrapping an arm around his waist. “You have told me that Mahal blesses the dwarves with their Marks. It is not done by their own choosing, so please do not blame Dwalin for something he cannot help.”

“Are you saying that Mahal has not blessed me?” Thorin sneers, pulling away abruptly from Bilbo. “Are you saying that because I bear no Mark, I am not blessed? I am King Under the Mountain, and don’t you forget it, worthless halfing. Don’t act like you know anything about dwarves.”

“Of course, I’m sorry,” Bilbo murmurs, stepping back and he bows his head. 

“You cannot speak to him like that!” Balin exclaims. “Thorin, if he is your beloved, then speak kindly!”

“I want both of you to leave me,” Thorin says darkly, turning away from them and he strides back over to the throne. “I will think on your punishment.”

Dwalin takes an affronted step forward, but Balin is suddenly reaching out, squeezing his arm to the point of pain, and they retreat quickly. Dwalin sags to a stop the moment they have rounded the corner, and leans forward, bracing the width of his palms against his thighs. He sucks in a deep breath and exhales slowly, his breath shuddery in his chest. 

Balin rests a hand against his shoulder and remains silent for a moment, letting Dwalin compose himself before he finally speaks, saying, “That is not our friend. You must remember that, brother.”

“How does he know?” Dwalin breathes out, lifting one hand to wipe the dampness from his eyes. “I don’t understand how he knows. We have been so careful for so many years, and he finds out _now_?”

“I did not tell him, brother,” Balin says, tightening his grip against Dwalin’s shoulder. “I swear to you that I did not.”

“No, I know you would not,” Dwalin says, and straightens up. “What can we do?”

“Stay out of his way,” Balin says, and they begin to walk once more. “I will try to find a better answer for you as soon as I can.”

“I should return to Kili,” Dwalin says before he pauses again. “When did you know?”

“Shortly after his birth,” Balin says, and a quick grin tugs on his lips. “You became a different dwarf after that, and once I saw you in his presence, it was easy to pin-point the reason why.”

“Why did you never say anything?” Dwalin wonders, for Balin loves knowledge more than anything. 

“It was not my place,” Balin replies simply. “If you had wanted to discuss it, I knew you would have, in your own way. However, you stayed quiet and I have always loved you. I would not press you.”

“Thank you,” Dwalin says, and he doesn’t hesitate to hug his brother. They are two very different dwarves, but they have been cut from the same cloth, and they are both sons of Fundin. Save Kili, Balin is the most important person in the world to him. 

“Remain calm, brother,” Balin says once they have broken apart. “Remain strong. I will find some answers.”

Dwalin does not believe that Balin will be able to find some answers, not this time. Thorin is too far gone with dragon sickness, and he has yet to see a cure in his lifetime that was something else besides death. 

He does not wish that for his friend, and yet, if it’s the choice between that and Kili’s happiness, he will kill Thorin himself.

***

Fili wades through all the treasure that is scattered on the floor. It’s mid-thigh on him, and he half-heartedly searches for the Arkenstone. He doesn’t believe it will quench Thorin’s thirst once it’s returned to him, and so he is hesitant to see it found. He spots something exceptionally shiny and pauses in his search, leaning down. He brushes the gold coins off of it, and they cascade further down the room. It’s only an opal that is revealed, though, and he chucks it across the room in relief.

It ricochets off a stone pillar and falls on to a pile of golden goblets with a clatter. He turns, ready for a break even though he’s only been down here an hour, when a sharp sob catches his attention. Frowning, he hurries forward, rounding a pillar and hurrying down a small flight of stairs. There’s a small room down there, half filled with treasure that had slid down the stairs. 

In the corner, though, is his brother. He stands leaning against the wall, his head tucked low to his chin as muffled sobs wrack his frame. Fili immediately quickens his pace, the gold jangling as he moves abruptly through it. Kili sucks in a deep breath and lifts his head, but his sobs renew in earnest when he sees that it’s just Fili making his way towards him. He’s reaching out towards Fili and Fili clasps his hand, drawing him into an embrace. 

This quest hasn’t just changed Thorin, it has altered their friendship as well, but at the end of the day, Kili will always need Fili. 

“What’s wrong?” Fili demands, stroking his dark hair. “What did Dwalin do?”

Kili laugh at that, but it’s still wet and desperate in his throat. “Not Dwalin,” he says, shuddering out a breath. “It’s Thorin.”

“What did Thorin do?” Fili asks, a stone sinking in his gut. There is not much more he can do to defend his uncle, not when he’s driven Kili to tears. “What happened?”

“I told him of my mark,” Kili whispers, his hand going to his wrist, and he rubs the bare name. “I’m not ashamed of Dwalin, and I would see us Bonded. Thorin… he accused me of deceiving him. Said that Dwalin was reaching too far.”

“I’m not surprised he handled it poorly,” Fili says grimly. He reaches his hand into Kili’s pocket and pulls out his black cloth, gently winding it around his wrist and covering Dwalin’s name. “I am sorry he hurt you.”

“I’d rather him have struck me,” Kili says, pulling away from Fili, and he wipes the tears from his face. “He said I was no heir of his. He said I was a traitor… and a bastard, Fee,” his voice breaks, and his face becomes wet once more. “He called me a bastard and said he would cast me out.”

“Thorin is not in his right mind,” Fili says, trying his best to inject reassurance into his tone. Inside his gut, the stone has liquified into fire, and he’s _burning_ with anger towards Thorin. How dare he say such cruel words to Kili, how dare he forget so easily who helped him claim back this cursed mountain. 

“I know he isn’t, but what if he throws me out? I can’t wait for him to snap out of it, not when he has threatened me so!”

He sounds so young, and despite the issues they’ve had throughout the quest, Fili will always be protective of his brother. He hugs him tightly, sorely wishing that they had a way to communicate with their mother. Out of all of them, she knows Thorin best, and would know how to handle this abrupt change in character. 

“I won’t let him throw you out,” Fili vows, rubbing his hands briskly down Kili’s arms. “And neither will Dwalin. Thorin is strong, but even he could not win a battle against Dwalin and myself.”

“He is our uncle, and our king,” Kili says, his breath shuddering out of him. “I would not ask you to disobey him for my sake.”

“I have done it many times in my life,” Fili says with a rueful smile. “The latest being staying behind in a town that burned. Don’t think that I would ever leave you behind, Kili.”

“Dwalin’s going to be furious,” Kili says lowly, and his body shivers again. “He told me to stay silent about it, and I didn’t listen. He is going to hate me, and we have finally just become of one accord again.”

“He won’t hate you,” Fili says, trying to inject as much reassurance as he can into his voice. Truth be told, he’s not sure how Dwalin will react, but he knows that he better be kind towards Kili, or he’ll have Fili to answer to. 

“What am I going to do?” Kili asks bleakly, and he sags his weight against Fili. 

“For one, you are going to avoid Thorin as much as possible,” Fili tells him. “I don’t care what Thorin or Bilbo tell you, you are not to be without either Dwalin or myself by your side. Do you understand me?”

“I won’t go anywhere without you or Dwalin,” Kili repeats back, rolling his eyes. 

“Or Nori,” Fili says, and he meets Kili’s gaze evenly. “He is to be your marriage-brother. He is family, and will not see harm to you either.”

“That’s a change, considering he was once threatening to spill my blood,” Kili says, and a laugh slips out. “Do you remember that?”

“How could I forget?” Fili drawls. A low heat simmers in his belly at the memory, and how angry they used to be at each other. How brutal their first coupling was, and how it felt so _right_. Fili has dreamed of bloodshed for years now, and he’s been fortunate enough to be given a One that doesn’t shy away from violence. 

“There you are,” comes a voice from the doorway, and they both turn to see Dwalin’s form filling the space. 

“Hold your tongue, unless you come here in peace,” Fili says immediately, and steps in front of Kili. 

Dwalin scoffs, and steps around Fili so he can slide a hand down Kili’s back. He ignores Fili completely, tilting his head down low to murmur into Kili’s ear. “I’d speak with you in private, if I may,” he says. “I had a discussion with Thorin.”

Kili pulls back, and stares down at the floor. “Do you hate me?” He asks in a small voice. “I did the direct opposite of what you told me to do.”

“Of course you did,” Dwalin says, but he sounds more amused than anything. “My beloved, it will take more than the anger of a sick king to make me stop loving you. Come, speak with me in my chambers?”

“Yes,” Kili finally says, after he looks at Fili with a raised eyebrow. 

“That’s fine, but ensure that you stay by his side,” Fili says, stepping back. He’s mollified for the moment that Dwalin will treat his brother with fairness, and it’s time he went and found Nori, just to make sure he is doing fine. “I don’t want him to go anywhere without either you or I.”

“I’m not a child,” Kili protests, a mulish expression appearing on his face. 

“You aren’t, but Thorin is unwell, and I love you too much,” Fili says, cupping his brother’s face in his hand. “You can understand that, can’t you?”

“Of course,” Kili says, and there’s now a little pleased smile playing around his lips. “Thank you, Fee.”

“We’ll make it through this,” Fili promises, although he has no idea if he can ensure that or not. “This is just another obstacle in our way, and like the spiders, and the elves, and the Orcs, we will make it through this one as well.”

Kili smiles at him before he’s following Dwalin out of the room, and eventually their footsteps fade away. Fili allows himself a moment to be weak, exhaling a shaky breath as he hugs himself and rubs his arms. He doesn’t know what will happen with Thorin, he’s not sure of anything anymore, except that nothing will stand in his way of being with Nori. 

The rest will have to fall into place.

***

Dwalin is quiet as he leads Kili through the paths and stairways of Erebor. He wants to stay out of Thorin’s way, and so he takes Kili to the private chambers that he shares with Balin. He wants to be angry with his fool-hearted One for telling Thorin when he was specifically told not to, but the misery that is rolling off Kili in great waves is clearly punishment enough.

Balin is inside the sitting room when they enter, and he looks up at the noise. A myriad of expressions cross over his face, before concern settles and he hurries over to wrap Kili into a surprising hug. 

“Are you all right?” He asks, pulling back to smooth Kili’s wild, tangled hair back out of his eyes. “You poor thing.”

“Uh,” Kili says, shooting Dwalin a startled look. Balin has always been fond of Thorin’s boys, but he’s never been so openly affectionate with them before. 

“You are not only a former student of mine,” Balin says, a smirk tugging on his lips. “but also my brother’s One. You are very dear to me, Kili, and I am glad that I can now openly express just how much I care for you.”

“Thank you,” Kili says, a brief smile appearing before fading away. 

Dwalin remembers what has brought them here, and steps forward to slide his arm around Kili’s waist. “Forgive me, brother, but Kili and I must speak privately,” he says. 

“Of course,” Balin says, nodding his head. “I suppose I ought to go and appear useful, lest I turn Thorin’s tongue on myself.”

“Good luck,” Dwalin says, squeezing his brother’s shoulder before he departs. It sounds like he is being silly, or even flippant, but it has come to such a point where even a conversation with Thorin requires prayer. 

The moment they’re alone, Kili crosses the room to sit down on the long sofa, dust settling in the air under his sudden weight. He sags back against the material and stares at Dwalin with dark, soulful eyes. Oh, how those eyes have taunted Dwalin all his life. First mischievous and uncertain, nervousness that developed into bravery, and then suddenly slotted into place with love. 

“You’re not mad?” He asks, his voice still small. 

“I am angry, but not at you,” Dwalin says, following him across the room to sit down beside him, although he leaves space between their bodies. Despite their ups and downs, Kili’s body language is screaming space right now, and Dwalin is determined to respect him in all aspects. 

“He was cruel to me in a way that he has never been before,” Kili says. “He called me a bastard, and said I had been born under a full moon, which meant that I was full of deception. That’s not true, is it?”

“It’s an old wives tale, lad,” Dwalin says, silently cursing Thorin once more. “Your uncle isn’t in his right mind, and he will regret everything he has said to you. As hard as it is, you need to put them from your mind, and focus on better things.”

“How long will his madness last?” Kili demands, and he folds his arms over his chest. His eyes shine brightly, but he’s a strong Dwarf, and doesn’t let the tears fall. “I cannot stay here much longer, not if he has set his sights on me.”

“Truth be told,” Dwalin says slowly, because he has vowed to refrain from lying to Kili whenever possible. “The only cure I have ever heard of for such sickness is death.”

Kili swallows thickly, but juts his chin forward. “There must be another cure,” he insists. “I would not wish death upon my uncle, even if he is raving mad. Surely there is another way.”

“The sickness runs through your veins,” Dwalin says, a heavy sigh gusting out. He rubs a hand over his bald, tattooed head. “I had believed Thorin to be stronger than it, since he had seen the damage it had upon his grandfather and father. I don’t know what to tell you, lad. I have yet to see a cure.”

“Then we will find one,” Kili says, and he’s finally relenting and seeking comfort, curling up against Dwalin’s side. Dwalin tucks him in a bit closer, running a hand down his back gently. 

“We will do whatever you desire,” he says, even as his mind and gut churns. He’s worried for the future. Now that they have reclaimed Erebor, it’s threatened again, and this time due to a mad king. 

“Thank you,” Kili says, and he turns his face up for a brief kiss. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

“He was always bound to find out,” Dwalin says reassuringly. There’s no point harping on the matter, not when Kili is as distraught as he is. “Come, it has been a long morning for you. You should sleep in my chambers.”

“Will you stay?”

“I should not,” Dwalin says, regret colouring his tone darker. “If Thorin goes looking for either of us, and cannot find us, he is sure to be furious.”

“Then I don’t want to sleep,” Kili says stubbornly. “I will help you search for the Arkenstone. We need to stay close together.”

“Aye,” Dwalin confirms, pushing himself to his feet and he draws Kili from the couch as well. “Stay close to me. I will keep you safe.”


	22. Chapter 22

Fili quickly plaits his mustache braids by memory, not by sight. His tunic is rumpled, so he tucks it into his trousers and smooths his clothes down, trying to appear dignified. He had found Nori in a back store room, and their conversation had quickly spiraled out of control. Kili had brought so many memories back to the surface, and Fili could hardly resist taking Nori against the stone wall. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a flash of red disappear around the corner. Now that Thorin knows of Dwalin and Kili, Fili knows that it’s wise to take space from Nori and remain distant, but he misses him already. He finishes sliding his beads into his braids (since Nori loves to curl his fists into Fili’s naked hair), and steps out of the store room. 

His quest for the Arkenstone and staying out of Thorin’s way leads him deeper into the mountain than he’s ever gone. He’s careful to mark noteworthy designs, so he doesn’t end up lost. Thorin had told him all his life just how grand Erebor was, but he had never fully grasped it until now. Even throughout Smaug’s destruction, the grandeur still remains, and Fili knows this will be the most glorious kingdom once the restorations are complete. 

It’s a shame that he will not be around to see any of it. 

However, he will see more of Middle-Earth than he ever thought possible, and he will see it all with the dwarf that he loves at his side. There is more to their story than Erebor. Fili will not let this mountain be their ending, but simply their beginning. There is so much more for them to do. 

He kicks a helmet out of his way, and it rattles along the stone pathway until it rolls to a stop against a wooden chest. The noise echoes before it falls silent, and Fili heads towards the chest to inspect it further. He seems to be moving further into the mountain and away from the Royal Apartments. This must be the lower level, for the gems have ceased and the fine wrought iron has given away to wood and common steel. 

“Who’s down here?” A voice calls from ahead, and Fili abandons the chest in order to discover the identity of the dwarf that he’s apparently followed. 

He rounds the corner to find Balin standing in a doorway, a scroll in his hand. In the room behind him, there are piles of scrolls lined up on desks. Fili doesn’t know if they’re important or not, but he’s thankful they were spared dragon fire all the same. Who knows what information they may hold?

“Balin,” he says, surprise colouring his tone. “I had thought myself to be alone this far into the mountain.”

“I have had no luck finding the Arkenstone, but I knew these scrolls were here,” Balin says. “This use to be my classroom. I taught many a young dwarf here.”

Fili peers into the room with renewed interest, taking note of the desks and the chairs. It would appear that Balin could have had up to ten scholars. “So this is the room I would have avoided if I had been born in this mountain,” he says, a smirk tugging at the right corner of his lips. 

“This is the room you would have scarcely stepped into,” Balin agrees, a small smile on his face before it fades away. “You would have had a better education, if you had been raised in Erebor. I did the best I could, in Ered Luin, but I fear that I failed you, Fili.”

“You’ve done no such thing,” Fili argues, reaching for one of the scrolls on the desk. It feels brittle in his hands, and he carefully unrolls it to examine its contents. There are scribbles on there, a student noting his boredom and how time stands still once he enters this classroom. Fili grins and is careful to wind the scroll back up and set it down. 

“I worry I did not prepare you enough to be king,” Balin says, his worn face creased with worry. “I did not think Thorin would fall to the gold sickness, and now I worry that you will do the same.”

Fili shakes his emphatically. “I will never become sick,” he says, an overwhelming sense of relief flooding over him. Despite the fact that he will miss his kin, he will be relieved to be away from this mountain and breathe in the fresh air of the land once more. 

“Ah, lad, don’t be cocky,” Balin admonishes, clucking his tongue. “Thorin was overly confident in that regard and look at him now! When you become King, I hope you will have learned to respect the wealth of Erebor, but fear it as well.”

Fili swallows thickly and digs his thumbnail into a groove on the top of the wooden desk. He licks his dry lips and gives his head a slight shake. “Can you keep a secret, Balin?”

Balin blinks at him, clearly caught off guard. “What’s this about?” He asks, narrowing his eyes. “Is it Thorin?”

“In a way… and in a way, no,” Fili says, digging his thumb in harder. “I’m not going to be king.”

“Did Thorin tell you that?” Balin exclaims. “He goes too far! Of course you will be king, Fili! He can’t disinherit the pair of you! Dain would have to rule then.”

“Thorin hasn’t disinherited me, and he has no concept of what I’m planning,” Fili says, steadying himself. He raises his gaze to meet Balin’s evenly. “I’m stepping down as the Crown Prince of my own free will and choosing.”

“I don’t understand,” Balin says, setting the scroll down and he turns to face Fili completely, a grave expression written over his weathered face. “What has brought this rash decision upon you?”

“It’s not rash, I’ve been thinking about it for months,” Fili says. “You see, I want to bond with my One, and I cannot do that if I’m the Crown Prince.”

“You don’t believe your One would make a good Consort?” Balin chuckles, but there’s a jagged edge to it. “If we can have a hobbit sit to the right hand of the throne, there’s no reason why you can’t have your One, lad.”

“My One is Nori,” Fili says softly. He refuses to lower his gaze, for he will not show an ounce of weakness, not in this. He is not ashamed of Nori. “Nori cannot be Erebor’s Consort, he is a criminal. All this treasure would drive him mad.”

“Oh,” Balin says, reaching out to brace himself against a wooden desk edge. “Oh, lad, I am – ” 

“Don’t apologize,” Fili interrupts swiftly. “Never apologize, for I am not sorry, Balin. Mahal has crafted Nori solely for me, and I will never regret that. I am looking forward to a new life with him.”

“I suppose you mean for Kili to rule then, in your stead.”

“Aye, Kili shall become King.” Fili nods his head, the idea still foreign and slightly alarming to him. “He will be a good King… I think. He will need you, though.”

“You can still help him,” Balin says, stroking his dust-stained beard. “He will need all the guidance he can get, and you will be a great aid.”

“No, I shall be no help to my brother, for Nori and I are to leave Erebor,” Fili’s tone is firm and decisive. He will not yield on this. “Our only chance at having a fair life together means leaving Erebor.”

“Thorin would not like this, even if he was not succumbed to sickness,” Balin says quietly. “I fear that I cannot guarantee your safety in this decision, lad.”

“I know, which is why I have not said anything to my uncle just yet,” Fili replies. “He is not in his right mind. Perhaps, when he sorts himself out, I shall tell him the truth. If that time does not come, though, I will simply leave in the night with my beloved. I will not waste any more years without him.”

“You will miss your brother,” Balin says, and a strange expression that Fili has never seen before ripples over his face. “Distance changes brotherhood. You swear to stay as close as you were when you clung to your mother’s skirt, but the distance always evolves you in a way you never planned. You find each other once more and you’re no longer the dwarf they know.”

“Kili and I will be close until the day we die,” Fili says, for he is confident in this. “We will return to Erebor often to visit. However, I am able to leave for I know that I am leaving Kili in safe hands.”

“Dwalin,” Balin says, another smirk tugging at his lips. “You are to have my brother as Consort.”

“Dwalin will make a fine Consort,” Fili says, reaching out to rest his hand against Balin’s shoulder. “Your brother has done right by Kili. He is good for him, and will be good for the throne.”

“Thorin will not like it,” Balin says, shaking his head. “He already claims that Dwalin goes too far, reaches too high. If he learns that Dwalin will become Consort, I fear that he will cast him out… or worse, execute him.”

Fili swallows thickly, for he had not Thorin could ever stoop that low in his madness. Clearly, Balin has less faith in Thorin than Fili does, and that’s an alarming thought indeed. Despite what has been said about Dwalin before, Fili knows that he’s no idiot. He’s taken a blow or two to the head before, but Dwalin is more than just a soldier. He is a warrior, he is a son of Fundin, and he is Balin’s brother. He is smart, in his own way, and he is committed to keeping Kili safe. 

If there is a threat against him, even from Thorin, Fili knows that Dwalin will be smart enough to know when to run. 

“I hope it will not come to that,” he says instead, releasing the substantial sigh that has been sitting heavily in his lungs. “Surely Thorin will see reason soon.”

They are silent for a moment, each lost in their own individual thoughts before Balin finally claps Fili on the back, the force enough to stumble him a step forward. “I have not said it nearly enough, but I am proud of the dwarf you have become,” Balin says. “You are not the dwarf I envisioned. You are _better_.”

There’s the warm curl of pride and satisfaction in his belly, and he knocks his head gently against Balin’s. He would wish the words would come from Thorin’s mouth, but Balin is a fine replacement. 

“Kili despises the gold, for it has cost him his relationship with his uncle,” Fili says once he has pulled away. “He will not be tempted into the gold sickness like our kin before us.”

“I daresay you are correct,” Balin agrees. “There is little material in the world that Kili covets. He will make a good King.”

“He will make an excellent King,” Fili corrects, grinning widely. “And I shall make an excellent nomad in time.”

“Will you keep this quiet until we have established a hold on Erebor?” Balin asks, his smile fading. “Until we are sure what is going to happen with Thorin, will you stay and act as you always have?”

“Of course,” Fili readily agrees, because he had planned it this way all along. “I will remain the Crown Prince for now. It is the least I can do.”

“Thank you,” Balin says fervently. “And thank you for telling me, Fili. You are a remarkable dwarf. Your father would be most proud of you.”

“I daresay he would be,” Fili says, and there’s that flicker of warmth again. 

“Now come, let us return before we are missed, and set Thorin’s nasty eye upon ourselves,” Balin instructs. He gathers up a handful of scrolls, indicating for Fili to do the same, and they make their way back to the Company swiftly.

***

Dwalin takes deep, fortifying breath before he raps his knuckles roughly against the door to the bedroom that Thorin has claimed. There’s silence, before he hears a gruff voice beckoning him in. He trades an uneasy look with Balin before he pushes his way in. Thorin is sitting on the edge of the massive bed, the furs rumpled behind him. There’s a lump in the middle, and Dwalin is sure that if he was to pull away the covers he would find a certain missing hobbit. However, he keeps his face completely blank of any expression that could push Thorin’s anger further.

“I apologize, but survivors are streaming into Dale,” Dwalin says.

“Survivors?” Thorin repeats back, and lunges to his feet. He reaches for his own furs and drape them over his shoulders. The blasted gold crown he had found is lowered on to his brow and then once more, he’s transformed into a dwarf that Dwalin doesn’t know. 

“Aye, survivors,” Dwalin confirms. “There’s not much for them in Dale, and so I suspect they will continue their way here.”

Thorin is silent for a moment, staring off into the distance before his jaw tightens. “Call everyone to the front gate,” he says, striding past Dwalin. Their shoulders knock roughly against each other’s. “Do it now.”

He’s gone before Dwalin can say anything else. Balin remains silent beside him, wringing his hands nervously against his stomach. Dwalin glances once more toward the bed, but Balin gives a minute shake of his head, and so they leave the room, careful to shut the door quietly behind themselves as they do. 

They split up after that and track down each member of the Company, ensuring that they’re all headed for the front gate. Dwalin is the last to arrive, shepherding Bofur and Bifur in front of him. The Company stands there quietly, exchanging wary looks with each other as Thorin stares across the way to the destroyed city of Dale. 

Dwalin quickly counts the Company to make sure that everyone is present. His eyes meet Kili’s, and there’s a look of relief on the younger dwarf’s face. He remains by his brother’s side, though, and Dwalin doesn’t fault him. The last thing they need is for Thorin to bring their matter to attention in front of everyone. It’s not that Dwalin’s ashamed, not in the least, but he knows that Thorin will try to twist it into something ugly. 

“Look at them… pathetic,” Thorin sneers, jutting his chin forward at the survivors. 

“They’re fortunate to be alive,” Balin says, frowning and his eyes are pinched in the way they get when he’s truly bothered by something. “Poor souls.”

“They’re poor all right,” Thorin says, turning to face them. “That’s why the first thing they will do is come to Erebor. They seek our riches for their own.”

“They most likely want food and blankets,” Fili says, and there’s an edge to his tone that doesn’t bode well. “They don’t want our gold.”

“Everyone wants our gold. Don’t be deceived, my lad,” Thorin says firmly. His eyes settle on Kili, and he immediately scowls. “You’d be surprised at who seeks to destroy us, some even from within.”

Kili looks down at the stone floor beneath them, and Dwalin swallows the enraged snarl that threatens to slip out. 

“What can we do?” Gloin asks, distracting Thorin. “When they come, what shall we do with them?”

“Absolutely nothing!” Thorin shouts, and he waves his hand towards the piles of rubble. “We will build up our gate to keep them out.”

“Won’t they starve?” It’s Ori’s timid voice asking, and Dwalin braces himself for the harsh reply that is sure to be thrown his way. However, Thorin is gentle in his rebuke, more gentle towards a commoner than he is to his own sister-son. 

“Are we not close to starving ourselves? I understand your desire to help, Ori, for you are a good hearted dwarf. However, we must help ourselves first. We cannot let ourselves be deceived.”

Dwalin doesn’t like it, but he knows that Thorin’s reasoning is at least sound. Erebor has sat under the protection of a dragon for years. The majority of the food that was left behind has either rotted up or has been left to the rats. They’ve eaten with ease so far, but eventually they will have to ration themselves if they wish to see themselves through the harsh winter. 

He catches movement from the corner of his head and he peers around Bombur to see Bilbo sidling up to the Company, still tucking in his shirt. There’s a bruise on his cheek, and he keeps his gaze lowered. 

“Surely there is enough for everyone,” Fili says, his gaze narrowed at Thorin. “There’s no need to be greedy.”

There’s a murmur of assent that goes around the Company, and Thorin raises his voice to ensure that he’s heard. “This mountain was hard won. Think of what we have sacrificed in order to reclaim our homeland. We have left our families behind, we have risked our lives. I almost lost my sister-son to Orcs!”

There’s a chuff that does slip out, but Dwalin is able to disguise it as a cough. Thorin had scarcely cared that Kili had almost died. He had hardly wanted to take the time to allow Kili to bandage his leg, and then he had left him behind in Laketown to burn. And now, he hardly claims Kili as a sister-son at all. 

What Dwalin has found amusing has infuriated his One, for Kili is pushing forward to the front of the Company, his chest heaving. “Don’t speak for me,” he spits out. “The people of Laketown have nothing! Absolutely nothing, they have lost their entire lives due to _our_ actions! It is our duty to help them!”

“Build the gate up!” Thorin shouts, pointing once more towards the rubble. “Build it up now and prove that you are worthy of Erebor!”

“You are wrong,” Kili persists, even as the majority of the Company hurry over to the rubble to begin hauling it to the front gate. “We owe them our apologies.”

Thorin lifts his hand, and Dwalin is sure he is to strike Kili across the face. He’s moving before he’s even realized it, his hand shooting forward to clasp Thorin’s forearm in his fist. 

“Don’t you dare,” he hisses. “You will not touch him.”

Thorin wrenches his arm away, glaring at Dwalin and Kili. “Build the gate up, or you will find yourselves in Dale with the rest of them.”

He storms away from them, reaching out for Bilbo, tucking him against his side. Bilbo’s gaze remains lowered, even as Thorin’s large, bejeweled fingers run through his brown curls. He leans down and whispers something in Bilbo’s ear, who gives a short, jerky nod of his head. Dwalin wishes he could be close enough to hear what Thorin said to the halfing, but he forces himself to follow Kili over to the fallen stone. He reaches for the largest piece and grunts as he hefts it up into his arms. His knees nearly give out, but he grits his teeth and forges forward, building up the front gate. 

“What was that about?” Dori murmurs under his breath as he pauses beside Dwalin. “Is everything all right?”

“Mind your own,” Balin interrupts sharply, narrowing his eyes at Dori. “Return to work, unless you want to answer to Thorin.”

Dori flushes and hurries away, and Dwalin gives his brother a grateful nod of his head. “I’m not sure how much longer this can go,” he admits, dropping the stone on top of the stack. “I never thought I would miss that foolish wizard and yet…”

“I’m not sure I miss Gandalf, but he did keep Thorin in line when nothing else could,” Balin agrees, wiping a dusty hand on the front of his tunic. “Peace, brother. As long as you stay low and don’t challenge him, it will sort itself out.”

“How can I not challenge him when he threatens Kili?” Dwalin demands, lowering his voice so they’re afforded privacy from the rest of the Company. “I cannot stand idly by while he raises a hand in fury against my beloved.”

“I don’t expect you to, but Kili also needs to keep his mouth shut and stay out of the way. I don’t believe Thorin would seriously harm him. Despite his delusions, Kili is a son of Durin, and Thorin will not compromise his line. However, he will stamp out any disloyalty, so I beg for your sake, and for your neck, to remain quiet.”

“I will do my best,” Dwalin agrees. He watches as Kili leans against the wall and folds his arms across his chest, refusing to haul even the smallest of stones. His defiance would typically draw a wry smile to Dwalin’s lips, but all he feels is worry now. He fears for their future, for the future of Erebor, and he cannot find Kili’s childish antics amusing any longer. 

Before he has the chance to speak to Kili, though, Fili is in his space, whispering low in his ear. The scowl on Kili’s face intensifies, but he huffs out a breath and joins the rest of the Company in building up the wall. Dwalin lets out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding and moves to continue doing Thorin’s cursed work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me on tumblr @ viiiuniverse & twitter @ viiiuniverse3


	23. Chapter 23

Fili rubs at his forehead, the skin red and raw, feeling irritated. The sun beats hotly down on them as they stand on the balcony. Fili’s wearing a gold crown that Thorin had found somewhere, and insisted that Fili wear as Crown Prince. Not wanting to cause further trouble, Fili had jammed it on, despite the fact that it was tight and hurt. He leans against the side and studies an ant that’s crawling along the stone. He pokes it with the tip of his index finger and watches as it scurries faster away from the perceived threat. 

Thorin’s voice catches his attention, and Fili lazily turns to watch his uncle, who is leaning over the balcony to shout down at Bard, who sits upon a horse. After everything that Bard has done for them, Fili thought that perhaps Thorin would see reason and treat him with kindness. 

Wishful thinking, apparently. 

Bard yanks at the reins as he wheels the horse around and takes off for Dale in a cloud of dust. Thorin watches him go, a look of satisfaction upon his face, and it makes Fili want to roll his eyes. Instead, he fidgets with the crown again, because it’s damn itchy against his scalp. 

“What are we going to do?” Bilbo is the first to break the silence, and he’s staring at Thorin with a worried look on his hollowed face. “Thorin, we must appease them, surely.”

“I see no reason why I should bend to their childish whims,” Thorin retorts, his gaze still fixated on Dale. 

“Their childish whims?” Fili starts against the stone ledge, unable to believe that those words came from his uncle’s lips. “Thorin, they are seeking survival. They aren’t being greedy in the slightest.”

“They think they can sweep into my mountain and take my wealth and for what reason? _We_ are the ones that fought Smaug, Fili,” Thorin turns to him, his gaze solemn. “We are the ones who have risked everything, and I will not hand anything out for free.”

“You’ve changed.” The words slip from his mouth before he can catch them, but damn it, he doesn’t care anymore. He can’t stand the tension in this cursed mountain anymore. He hates the way Thorin treats Kili, and he hates the way that he has to keep Nori a secret. 

It’s not in his nature to be so two-faced. 

“Fili!” Bilbo admonishes him, shooting Thorin a quick look. “Don’t speak with such disrespect to your king.”

It rankles his nerves even more that a hobbit can speak to him in such a manner in front of the entire Company. He is the Crown Prince, and he doesn’t take advice from halflings. “Stay out of it, Bilbo. You are a part of this Company, but you are not a dwarf and your voice ought to be silent within this mountain.”

“Do not speak to Bilbo that way,” Thorin interrupts, his tone harsh and jagged. He glares at Fili, his hand going to the sword that hangs in a scabbard at his side. 

“You’ve changed,” Fili repeats. He’s not about to argue about the Bilbo matter. He’s bright enough to realize that he’s not going to get anywhere with that. Thorin has placed the hobbit high – too high, in Fili’s opinion – and there’s no chance of bringing him down just yet. It’s best to stick to matters that are undeniable, like Thorin’s sickness. 

“I have changed,” Thorin acknowledges, and he spreads his arms outstretched. He cuts an impressive figure on the balcony, but Fili isn’t impressed, not in the slightest. “I was once Thorin Oakenshield – a lost dwarf without a kingdom. I am no longer that dwarf. I am now King Under the Mountain, and you will treat me as such.”

“I am your sister-son before I am your subject. You are my Uncle before you are my King, and you will treat me with respect,” Fili retorts, swaggering forward. 

There’s movement from behind him, and in his peripheral view, he can see that the dwarves are slowly shuffling on to sides. Kili, Dwalin, Balin, Nori, and Ori are all behind him. Gloin and Oin stand fast with Thorin, as well as Bofur, Bifur, and Bombur. Dori remains in the middle, standing beside Bilbo as he looks back and forth between them. 

“I am your King _above all_ ,” Thorin corrects him. “What has gotten into your good senses, Fili? This is not how the Crown Prince of Erebor behaves.”

“The King Under the Mountain doesn’t also behave this way,” Fili snaps, gesturing an arm out towards Dale. “A true king would never see anyone suffering, not if there was something he could do to help. A true king would not hold himself up within the mountain and let the battle go on without him. You are not behaving like a true king, Thorin.”

“You dare to speak such insolence to me?” Thorin’s hand goes to the sword at his side once more, and Fili pulls out his own blade. 

“You dare to threaten me? I am your flesh and blood. I am the son of your dear sister, and you would raise a sword to me?”

“This is _quite_ enough!” Gloin exclaims emphatically. “Fili, put your sword away. You are proving to be a most disloyal heir! If your mother was here, she would be ashamed.”

“No, I don’t think she would be,” Fili says resolutely, holding his blade steady at his side. “In fact, I think she would agree with me. She also lost her kin because of gold sickness, and she would be horrified to know that her brother is going the same way.”

“Venomous serpent!” Gloin bellows, and he pushes past his brother to stand in front of Thorin. “You should apologize to your King for your disloyalty.”

“You will never be as loyal to Thorin as I am,” Fili snaps, sick of the whole conversation, of the whole disastrous way that this quest has gone. “I am his sister-son, and I am the Crown Prince of Erebor. I can love Thorin enough to admit that he has changed.”

“Of course I’ve changed,” Thorin rumbles, nudging Gloin back and stepping forward. “I was a dwarf of a lost kingdom before, and now I have come into my own. Of course I have changed, and I am disappointed in the fact that you see this as something false.”

“The Thorin I once knew would know that the people of Laketown are suffering, and would do whatever was in his power to help them,” Fili pleads. He can see Nori shaking his head, even Balin is staring down-cast at the stone below them. He is fighting a lost cause, he is trying to move an immovable mountain, and he might as well quit while he’s ahead, lest Thorin threaten to cast him out as well. “This is your kingdom, Uncle. I would just see you rule it wisely.”

“I need no counsel,” Thorin snorts, and he stretches out his arms, gesturing towards Dale. “The people of Laketown merely want us to believe that they are suffering. No, they are glad that the dragon Smaug destroyed their town, for it gave them the perfect excuse to come to our doors and demand our riches.”

“Oh for – ” Dwalin mutters before he turns and storms off the balcony, thudding down the steps and disappearing into the darkness of the mountain. 

“Should they approach us again, they will find us ready for war,” Thorin declares, laying his hands down on the balcony and staring out over Dale. “We have reclaimed Erebor, and now we must be prepared to defend it.”

“Thorin, please, we cannot go to _war_ ,” Bilbo says nervously, glancing at Fili. “It’s madness to even consider it.”

“Quiet, halfling,” Thorin says, and he reaches for Bilbo with one hand. He wraps his fist around the material of Bilbo’s shirt and jerks him closer against him, holding him up against the balcony so that Bilbo’s feet scarcely touch the ground. “Never under-estimate a dwarf.”

“Of course,” Bilbo murmurs, and he does nothing to prevent the bruising kiss Thorin gives him. 

Sickened by the sight, Fili turns and strides away, following Dwalin back down into the darkness to begin searching for the Arkenstone once more. He yanks the crown off of his head and shoves it away in his pocket. The less he has to be reminded of the throne, the better he is. 

He works half-heartedly for a bit before he spies a bit of red darting out of the room. He immediately drops the gems he’s holding and follows the spark of his heart down the hallway and into a private alcove. It’s there that he’s able to press him up against the stones and kiss him fervently, wrapping his arms around Nori. 

“I am blessed beyond measure,” Nori whispers against his mouth. “I thank Mahal every day that he has given you to me, and I to you, and that we are finally of one accord.”

Even in all of this madness, Nori is the one bright light in his life, shining and beaming, spilling out everywhere, chasing away all the darkness that Thorin inflicts. Somehow, along this journey, Fili has learned the identity of his One, learned how to hate him, and has now learned how to love and treasure him. 

All his life, Fili had grown up as the Crown Prince to a fallen kingdom, and has done his best to find his purpose in life. All along, though, his purpose has been Nori, and he knows that now. There is no question in his mind where he belongs anymore, and it’s not Erebor. Even if Thorin had not fallen to his madness, Fili would still believe the same, for it is an unshakeable truth in his heart that he cannot deny any longer. 

“Nori,” he says, pulling back so he can see the face that he loves so very much. His heart is pounding in his chest, and he’s afraid – he’s so afraid these days. “I know you thought I was drunk, but now I am sober and the truth remains the same. I will no longer be Thorin’s heir.”

Nori stills under his touch and he stares at him, his handsome face twisted into a mask of shock. “What? Fili, no!”

“I can’t do it, not any longer,” Fili says, and he’s beginning to tremble. He’s held this truth in for far too long, and he can’t do it any longer. He has been given a purpose in life, and it’s not Erebor. “Once Thorin is well, he will realize that Kili can be his heir. Dwalin will make a fine Consort. Erebor… will never accept you, they just won’t.”

“I would never ask you to Bond with me,” Nori says quietly, and his gaze drops away from Fili’s. He’s pulled back, his shoulders curling in shame. “I know that I have a law mark, and that I am not ideal. I would never ask you to give up your birthright for me.”

“I will not deny my heart any longer,” Fili says, and a wave of vicious protection washes over him. The dwarf in front of him – his welling is truly the most important thing, even more than Erebor. “You are my One, and I would give up my life for you.”

“Thorin – ”

“ – will have to understand,” Fili interrupts swiftly. 

He will not be swayed. Now that he has accepted the truth in his heart, and has realized just how _right_ it feels to know that he is more than Fili, Crown Prince, he can’t give that up. It would be a disservice to his Maker to deny Nori. When he had told Balin of his plans, it had still seemed a bit lofty of a goal – imagining walking away from the mountain into the sunset with Nori at his side. Now, it’s more tangible than ever, and Fili is determined to see it come true. 

“Fili…” Nori trails off, his mouth twisting unhappily. “I would never ask this of you.”

“I know, and that is why it is so easy to give it to you,” Fili says. “You are my One, and I will Bond with you. Kili and Dwalin will rule Erebor. When the time is right, you and I… we shall travel the seas and explore the lands, we will go where ever you please, and we will be together and happy.”

“I love you,” Nori says, and he’s surging forward to press their mouths together once more. “I love you freely so.”

***

There’s a tension here that sits uneasily in his belly, sloshing around until his head his buzzing and he fights every instinct that is screaming, _run – get out_! Nori has not lived this long by ignoring his instincts, but he can’t leave, not when he knows that Fili won’t go yet. Leaving without Fili isn’t even an option, so he keeps his hands busy picking through the treasure so he doesn’t pack his bags and steal out in the middle of the night.

“You’re twitchy,” a gruff voice says to him as majority of the dwarves are in the treasure room, painstakingly sorting through the gold to find the precious Arkenstone. 

Nori glances over at Dwalin, and then his eyes cut to the front to ensure Thorin is still where he was last time he looked. “Of course I am, this place is sick,” he says, swallowing hard. He truly feels sick from all the gold, all the wealth that is suddenly at his fingertips. 

Dori and Ori will never go hungry again as long as they live. Nori will never have to steal again, not if he doesn’t want to. They suddenly have chances, and opportunities, and yet Nori would throw is all away if it meant taking his family and taking Fili, and leaving.

“Thorin knows about Kili and myself,” Dwalin says, and Nori isn’t sure why he’s choosing to confide in him. They’ve never been particularly close, they’ve had too many run-ins together in the past with Nori always on the wrong side of the law. 

“How’d he take it?” He asks even though he already knows. Fili told him everything already. 

“I truly thought he was going to kill me,” Dwalin says, and he drops a gold goblet back down on to the pile. “I don’t know what to do. I have dedicated my entire life to Thorin, and I have risked not only my life, but Kili’s life for this mountain. And now, I don’t know what to do, for none of this is turning out like I planned.”

“That’s life,” Nori says, and then realizes how callous he sounds. He can only imagine how Thorin would react if he knew his heir, the Crown Prince of Erebor, was fated to a thief with a law mark. “I wish I had better advice to give you, Dwalin. This place is maddening, though, and I’m worried. I want to leave.”

“I’m surprised you’d want to go with all the wealth here,” Dwalin says, and he gives Nori’s right wrist a shrewd look. “You must be in your glory.”

“You know very little of me if you think all this sickness, all this anger and fear, makes me happy,” Nori says. He’s a bit hurt by the words, but he won’t let it show. He knows that all the dwarves think the same of him, because he’s never given them any reason to think anything else. “No, I’m not in my glory. I’m scared, and I want to leave.”

“So why haven’t you?”

“You know why,” Nori says, although he’s not entirely sure if Dwalin does. He doesn’t know how much Kili tells his intended, although he thinks it’s safe to assume that he probably tells him everything. 

“Your little princeling,” Dwalin says, cocking an eyebrow. “Am I right?”

“You know you are,” Nori says waspishly. “I will not leave him behind, nor will I leave my brothers here.”

“I don’t think Dori will leave, but perhaps you might convince Ori,” Dwalin says, and he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “I never thought I would wish for the days of Ered Luin and yet…”

“I would sit in a thousand prisons before I would sit in Erebor again,” Nori admits. 

The conversation falls silent after that, and within time, Dwalin moves further away from him. He combs through the treasure steadily, ignoring the trembling of his hands. He’s so focused on his work that he doesn’t even hear the footsteps behind him, and is startled by the gentle touch to his shoulder. 

“It’s just us,” Dori says, rubbing a circle on Nori’s back. “It’s all right, little one. It’s just us.”

Nori’s thankful to see his brothers. He wishes to keep them close, but he’s spent more time in Erebor with Fili than he has with either of his brothers. He turns to give them both brief hugs, and then they slowly pick their way out of the treasure room and to the Library where they can have privacy. 

“You knew this would happen,” Nori says once the door is closed and they’re blissfully alone. 

“I didn’t know,” Dori denies, but he shifts uncomfortably under the weight of Nori’s gaze. “I certainly suspected that it would, though.”

“What can we do?” Ori asks, and he goes to sit huddled on a large, overstuffed chair. He looks smaller than usual, and Nori hates that they brought him here when they should have kept him safe in Ered Luin. 

“There’s nothing we can do,” Nori says, because he knows as well as the next dwarf that the only cure for gold sickness is death. He’s yet to see a dwarf strong enough to overcome it on his own. “Erebor will still flourish, I am confident of that. The dwarves of Erebor will still come home, and Thorin is not so far gone that he won’t rule. However, I cannot flourish here.”

Dori and Ori exchange looks before Dori’s frowning, moving closer to lay his hand gently on Nori’s shoulder. “What are you saying? After all these years apart, you will leave us again?”

“I will leave,” Nori confirms, because he can’t stay here. He cannot live in fear, not anymore. He deserves better than that, and his relationship with Fili will stutter and die in the mountain. Thorin will never allow them to Bond, and their tentative peace together will be snuffed out within weeks, if that. 

“You can’t leave,” Dori says, and he glances towards Ori. “What about… your obligation?”

Nori smiles, slow and furtive. “It’s all right, you can speak of it in front of Ori. I will have no secrets between our family, not any longer,” he says. “Ori, my little gem, Mahal has blessed me with the mark of Fili. He is my One.”

Ori’s mouth drops open and he stares at Nori in wide-eyed wonder. “You hate Fili!”

“I did, once upon a time,” Nori says, and his smile widens. “Those days are behind us, now, and we have a bright future ahead of us – providing we can get there. Fili has told me that he will not remain here in Erebor.”

“Fili is the Crown Prince,” Dori says dumbly. “Surely he cannot think that he can give that up…”

“He will, and he can,” Nori say, irritation lacing his voice tight. He needs to get Fili out of this cursed mountain before he falls so the same sickness as Thorin, and Nori is left to the wayside. “He is my One, and I am his, and we will not suffer needlessly so.”

“I will not come with you,” Dori warns, but his voice has softened, and the hand on Nori’s shoulder has begun to rub his back again. “I want to live out the remainder of my life in Erebor.”

“And I will not fault you for that,” Nori says, and he leans his weight against his older brother, letting him carry them for a little bit. He never feels safer than when he’s with Dori. “I want you both to stay and make something of yourselves here. I’ll visit often, I promise. Fili will not stay away from his brother for long.”

Ori starts at the mention of Kili, like it has suddenly dawned on him what that means. “So Kili… he’ll have to be King, then. Thorin hasn’t got any extra heirs laying around.”

“Kili will make a good King,” Nori says, and it still feels a bit odd to be nice about the dwarf. However, he is Fili’s brother, and therefore, he is Nori’s as well. “He and… anyway, he’s got a good One, and he’ll make a good Consort.”

Dori looks at him shrewdly, and he knows that his brother is piecing together the puzzle pieces in his mind. It’s impossible to hide anything from Dori, he’s far too clever. Nori stares back at him with a blank face, though, because it’s not his right to tell his brothers about Dwalin. He has to start learning Kili’s trust, and blabbing his secret won’t do him any favors. 

And with the temper Thorin’s often in, it would not do at all to speak about it. 

“Bloody hell,” Ori says, and he’s scrambling off his chair so he can throw his arms around Nori. “I’m going to miss you so much!”

“I will be back plenty, little gem,” Nori promises, because he knows that neither him or Fili will stay away for long. Perhaps they’ll even come back to Erebor for extended times, once everything has settled down. 

That’s the beauty of their future – they can do whatever they please. Their future can be whatever they please – all they have to do is decide it – _together._


	24. Chapter 24

It’s late at night when Thorin finally declares they can cease searching for the Arkenstone and find some rest. He grabs a bottle of wine from the stores and drags Bilbo into the large bedroom that he has claimed for his own . It’s silent as he goes, and everyone breathes a little bit easier once the door is shut and Thorin is gone. 

Kili is feeling bone weary, and he’s relieved when all the dwarves begin to dissipate. He leans against Dwalin, tangling their fingers together, and breathes in deeply. Dwalin smells like sweat and stone, he smells like home, and Kili never wants to leave his side again. He also wants to eat though, so it would be nice if Dwalin could rummage them up some food. 

“We need to speak.” It’s Fili appearing at his elbow, with Nori close behind him. Fili doesn’t look upset, but he does look serious. “The four of us, can we meet?”

It’s a testament to their personal growth, Kili thinks as he follows Dwalin down the hallway. A year ago they were on the quest, and Nori was threatening to kill him and Fili hated Nori violently. Kili had been terrified of Dwalin, and had avoided him at all costs. Now, they go to Dwalin’s rooms that he shares with Balin for privacy, the two brothers and their marriage-brothers. 

They’ve made themselves a family. 

“What have we here?” Balin says as they all enter. He’s standing by the fire, a scroll in his hands, and he’s turned to face them. 

He looks older to Kili, more worn in the face. It makes something in his chest clench tightly, because he doesn’t want to think about a world without Balin. He’s been there his entire life, instructing and guiding Kili with a kind, loving manner. Now Kili knows that Balin has always known who Kili is to the sons of Fundin, and has always treated him with respect, because he _did_ respect him, not just as a prince, but as a brother. Kili would see Balin settled nicely in Erebor, enjoying years of wealth and knowledge before it’s his turn to return to the stone. 

“I am sorry to ask you of it, Balin, but the four of us need to speak privately,” Fili says, and he moves over to the older dwarf. He whispers something in his ear, and Balin nods his head before rubbing their foreheads briefly together. Clearly whatever Fili has to share, Balin already knows about. 

“There’s wine in the cupboard,” Balin says before he slips from the room. 

Nori immediately goes to the cupboard and pulls out the wine, along with four tumblers. He pours them each a generous amount and passes them out before they all take up places on the long couches. Kili doesn’t hesitate in sitting beside Dwalin, twisting so he can sit sideways on the couch and recline against Dwalin’s broad chest. Dwalin slides an arm around him, his hand splayed protectively over Kili’s chest. Fili and Nori sit a little more respectably, but his brother keeps jingling his knee, and that’s when Kili realizes that he’s nervous and that perhaps Kili should be nervous too.

“What’s wrong?” He demands, staring at Fili. “Did Thorin tell you something?”

“This has nothing to do with Thorin,” Fili says, and then amends, “Well, not directly, at any rate.”

“Be out with it then, you’re making me nervous,” Dwalin rumbles, and Kili can feel the vibrations against his back. 

“All right, here’s what’s going to happen,” Fili says, clearing his throat. “I’m not happy here in Erebor, and neither is Nori. There is too much gold here for him, and it’s not healthy for him.”

It’s because he’s a thief, and Kili eyes him a little more nervously. It seems unfair that he’s not happy in Erebor, not now when he would never have to steal again in his life. 

“We’ll spend some of the gold,” Kili says. “Eventually Thorin will see reason, and he will part with some of it. We will have to give some to Bard and the Men, and buy food from them. We will part with some of the gold, and the rest will ensure that we will all live comfortably for the rest of our lives.”

Nori shakes his head, his face pinched. “It’s more than that. Not only does the overwhelming amount of gold make me feel ill, but if I stay in Erebor, I will never Bond with Fili. Even if Thorin was in his right mind he would never allow me to become Royal Consort. The dwarves of Erebor would never allow it – I’ve done too much in my life.”

“That’s not true,” Kili says, even if he has no idea. 

“Kili, I have a law mark,” Nori says quietly, pulling back the sleeve of his tunic to show him the brand. “The dwarves of Erebor will not accept a criminal as a respectful spouse to the Crown Prince.”

“No, they wouldn’t,” Fili says, and his eyes cut over to Dwalin. “But they would accept a warrior, Thorin’s own shield brother. He they would gladly accept.”

Dwalin stiffens behind him, and Kili feels an overwhelming sense of jealousy wash over him. There is no denying how close Kili is to his brother, but this is too far. Fili presumes too much to ever think that Kili would be in agreement to such a thing. 

“Absolutely not,” he hisses, leaning forward. His hands have begun to shake, and he balls them at his side. “You are as daft as Bifur if you think I will let you Bond with _my_ One , just for the sake of appearances! I am furious that you would even think to suggest such a thing.”

There’s silence, and then suddenly Nori lets out a little snort, and Fili’s mouth begins quivering like he’s about to _laugh_. It only makes Kili even angrier, and he surges to his feet, only to be pulled back down into Dwalin’s lap. 

“Peace, my little raven,” Dwalin says, and there’s even humor in his voice. “I don’t think that’s what Fili had in mind.”

Fili does start laughing then, doubling over on the couch as he chuckles. He eventually lifts his head and wipes his eyes. “Thank you, Keels, because that is truly the first good laugh I’ve had in a while. No, you great idiot , that’s not what I’m suggesting at all.”

“Oh,” Kili says, and then begins to feel slightly foolish, which only annoys him further. “Well! You can see how I would come to such a conclusion!”

“Only you could,” Fili says, and he’s still laughing. 

Git.

“Well, what did you mean then?” Kili demands. “If you want Dwalin to be Royal Consort, but won’t marry him yourself – ” he cuts off as it hits him, and a sensation of icy water fresh from the mountain springs trickles down his spine. He stares at Fili, his mouth suddenly dry and his lungs have seized tight within his chest. “No.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask,” Fili says, and he’s leaning forward now, all humor wiped from his face. Instead, he looks anxious and nervous, unfamiliar features on his cool-headed brother’s face. 

“Yes, I do,” Kili says, and the room is growing smaller while he stretches bigger, and he fears that he’s going to outgrow his skin. Everything feels itchy. “You mean for me…”

“Yes,” Fili says, and he reaches forward to take Kili’s hand in his own. “I cannot stay here without Nori, and Nori cannot stay here in Erebor. I will not be separated from him, Kili. Not when I feel the way I do, and want the future I know I can have. I’m going to renounce my claim as Crown Prince.” 

“That’s not fair,” Kili says, because he grew up all his life content in the knowledge that he was the spare, that Fili was healthy and strong. He’s never had a head for matters of the kingdom, mostly because Thorin never made him do it. Everyone knew between the pair of them, it was Mahal’s blessing that Fili was born first. 

Kili would make a terrible king. 

“I know,” Fili says, his face softening. “I know I am asking a difficult matter of you, brother.”

“I don’t want Erebor,” Kili says, swallowing hard. It feels disloyal to say aloud, but he trusts those in the room with him. “This wasn’t to be my life.”

“No, it was to be mine, but Mahal has greater plans for me,” Fili says, and he turns to look at Nori. Kili’s not an idiot, and he can see the look of pure adoration and love on his brother’s face. “I have already wasted too long hating him. I will not spend another day apart from him, for he makes me whole.”

Ugh, gross. Kili sincerely hopes he doesn’t come across as pathetic when he talks about Dwalin. 

“I think it would be wise to know that nothing can be decided today,” Dwalin says, and his hand is warm against Kili’s back. “This is a large task that you ask of not only your brother, but myself as well.”

“You will make a wonderful Consort,” Fili says. “I hope you know that I have thought long and hard about this, for I would not leave my kingdom to chance. I am confident in the pair of you, though.”

“King Kili,” he says softly, more to himself just to hear what it sounds like. He can tell by the smirk on his brother’s face, though, that he’s been overheard. “It sounds weird.”

Growing up, any time that Fili had gotten into trouble or done something stupid, Kili would run around the house, crowing, “King Kili!”, only to have his mother swat him on the back of the head and Thorin to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. It had always been something of a lark, certainly nothing that was going to come _true_. 

“It has a nice ring to it,” Nori says, and the smile he gives is genuine enough that Kili finds himself returning it. 

The smile fades though as his uncle’s bitter words come rushing back to the front of his mind, and he shakes his head and looks down. “Thorin will never allow it,” he says quietly. “He has called me a bastard dwarf, born under a full moon and full of deception. He will not allow me to become his heir.”

“He will have no choice,” Fili says, and his tone twists into an apology. “I will leave Erebor soon, and Nori will come with me. He will have little say in the matter, unless he wishes for Dain to rule the mountain. You are the last in the line of Durin, brother.”

The thought being the last of his line, of being alone without Fili, makes his heart clench in his chest and he swallows thickly. He had assumed they would live out the rest of their lives in Erebor together. He had never imagined a future without Fili before. 

“What do you make of this?” Fili asks, and he’s turned his attention to Dwalin. “You’ve been around long enough to know I speak the truth regarding Nori. Will you accept the role of Consort for Kili’s sake?”

“It’s not ideal, but I would like to believe that I have proved myself over and over,” Dwalin replies, his warm, rich voice vibrating against Kili’s back. “I would do anything for him, even the position of Royal Consort.”

“Good,” Fili says, and he looks pleased. 

“When are you planning on leaving?” Dwalin asks. “I hope that you will consider waiting a bit.”

“Of course,” Fili confirms. “We won’t leave just yet, not when we’ve just claimed back the mountain. However, if Thorin continues to grow angry, then we might go. I will not leave Nori vulnerable.”

“He watches me,” Nori says quietly, staring down at the floor. “Whenever I am searching for the Arkenstone, I can feel his eyes on me. In his madness, he believes that the thief would take it.”

“You wouldn’t,” Fili says, too confidently in Kili’s opinion. “I know you wouldn’t.”

“Never,” Nori says, shaking his head. “It’s all cursed, and I want no part of it. But yes, if Thorin turns his anger to me, then I will leave, and Fili will come with me.”

“I wish I could say that Thorin would never doubt a member of his Company, but that certainty has already been shattered beyond belief,” Dwalin says. “So if you must leave for your own safety, then please do so. However, if you’re able to stay and give Kili and I time to discuss this, then that would be preferable.”

“There’s nothing to discuss,” Kili says, because there really isn’t. He understands what his brother is saying, and Fili’s completely right. There’s no way Fili can be Crown Prince _and_ Nori’s One. The dwarves of Erebor are accepting of Marks to a degree, but even they would refuse a criminal as Consort. If his brother has any shot of happiness, then he must leave Erebor with Nori. 

Kili doesn’t want to be King, but he doesn’t want his brother to be unhappy either, and so the choice is clear to him. 

“Kili…” Fili trails off, but he can hear the rising hope in his brother’s voice. 

“I will do this for you,” Kili says, even though it makes his chest hurt and he feels a bit cornered. He’s never desired the throne, and yet it has come to him anyway. “I will have Dwalin at my side, and I trust that he will be able to provide me with all the happiness I need. He will make the throne worth it.”

“Thank you,” Fili says, and he’s lunging forward, tackling Kili into a hug. “Thank you, brother.”

The idea still doesn’t sit well with him, but when he wraps his arms around his brother, he can’t bring himself to feel regret. Fili has done so much for Kili in his life, and now it’s time that he does something for him. And besides, he’ll have Dwalin at his side, and with that knowledge, he doesn’t think he can ever be unhappy again.

***

He can’t sleep in this mountain, and he certainly can’t sleep alone. He had been intending to curl up with Fili for the night, but Fili had promised to join him momentarily, and that was hours ago and it’s now the middle of the night. Nori is no fool, he knows that Fili isn’t coming to bed with him, same as he knows that it’s not Fili’s choice. Thorin would have cornered him somewhere, and is probably forcing him to dig further and further into the mountain to find the damned Arkenstone.

Huffing out a breath, Nori slips his trousers and shirt back on, as well as his soft soled shoes, and leaves the apartment they had claimed for themselves. He’ll go and curl up with his brothers, rather than lay alone in the dark, wondering if Thorin will come for him next. Like he said, Nori is no fool. He knows the longer it takes to find the king’s jewel, the quicker Thorin’s eye will turn to the thief. 

There’s a figure at the end of the long hallway when he rounds it, and he pauses, trying to squint in the distance to see if it’s Thorin or not. The closer he walks, though, the easier to see that it’s small in stature, and that can only mean one thing – the halfing. However, wherever Bilbo is sure to be found, Thorin is usually not far behind. 

Nori glances uneasily behind himself, but the hallway remains clear. He moves closer to Bilbo, who is standing still, one hand balanced on the wall, his head turned down as hitching sobs shaking his small shoulders. Nori eyes the distance between Bilbo and the wall to see if there is a way he can slide between them undetected, since tears make him awfully uncomfortable, but that seems cruel in nature, and Mahal knows that Bilbo has seen enough cruelness at the hands of a dwarf lately. 

“Bilbo, my friend,” he says, speaking softly so he doesn’t startle him. “You seem unwell. Is everything all right?”

“Nothing is all right,” Bilbo says, sucking back a shuddering breath. “I don’t think things have been fine since Laketown, or perhaps it was Mirkwood, or before the trolls, or perhaps I should have never come on this cursed quest.”

“The times have not all been so bad,” Nori says, thinking to a time where a tree scratched up his pale skin as Fili had moved so roughly inside of him. “There will be good times again.”

“How?” Bilbo asks, turning wondering eyes to Nori. “Don’t think I haven’t heard the mumblings, because I certainly have. The only cure for gold sickness is death. That’s what the lot of you are saying, that’s what you’re saying about Thorin.”

“Yes, that is what we are saying,” Nori says gently, and he reaches out to rest his fingertips against Bilbo’s soft shoulder. “I know you care for him, but perhaps you would be better off in Bag End, putting this grand adventure behind you.”

Bilbo stiffens, and Nori immediately knows that he’s struck a nerve. “You think that I would turn tail and run the moment it got difficult?” Bilbo hisses, pulling out of Nori’s reach. “Absolutely not, that is not what hobbits do. We endure the rough times, and enjoy the good times. I will not abandon Thorin, not now when he needs me the most. The rest of you may write him off, but that is exactly why the love of a hobbit is what Mahal desired for him, and not a dwarf. I am the only one worthy of him .”

Nori fights the urge to roll his eyes. “Of course,” he says, because he can hear Thorin in the words Bilbo is saying, and he knows that Bilbo forces himself to believe it, or else he’d have to accept the hard truth the rest of them have – Thorin is sick, and abusive, and only death can cure him. 

“You should not doubt my courage,” Bilbo says darkly, and he squares his shoulders. 

“I would never,” Nori assures him. There’s noises moving closer, and tension clenches his spine. “I think there’s someone coming.”

“It’ll be Thorin,” Bilbo says, and his eyes have widened in panic. “He’ll have noticed I was missing. Nori – please – you must tell him that I have been with you.”

“You have been with me,” Nori says, and every instinct is telling him to run. 

“Exactly,” Bilbo says, just as Thorin rounds the corner, with Fili trailing behind him. Nori fights the urge to look at Fili, and keeps his gaze on Thorin. 

He immediately bends in a proper bow, to the full amount to give Thorin no cause for anger, before he straightens. “Your Majesty,” he says, and then nods his head respectfully to Fili. “Your Highness. It is late, is there anything I may assist you with?”

“Quiet,” Thorin growls, slashing the air with his fist. His attention isn’t on Nori, but focused instead on Bilbo. “Where have you been? I have searched this mountain high and low for you, and you have been gone for hours, little halfling.”

“I’m sorry,” Bilbo says, and he’s quivering so hard that Nori can practically feel it. 

He exchanges an uneasy glance with Fili before he speaks up. “I apologize, Your Majesty, but it’s my fault. Bilbo wanted to search deeper into the mountain for the Arkenstone, and I accompanied him to make sure he didn’t get lost or have any harm befall him.”

Thorin looks back over at Bilbo, his eyes narrowing. “Is this true, Bilbo?”

“Of course it is,” Bilbo is quick to agree, nearly tripping over his words in his haste. “Absolutely, Thorin.”

Thorin’s face softens, and he reaches out to slide a hand along Bilbo’s jaw. “You would go deeper under the ground, away from the sun you love, for the dwarf you love?”

“I’d do anything for you, Thorin,” Bilbo says, and his voice has hardened. “I would do _anything_ to keep you, Thorin.” 

“Come, let me show you just how much I approve of this,” Thorin says, reaching for Bilbo’s hand and he begins to tug him down the jade hallway. He pauses and turns to face them, his gaze resting on Fili. “Get some rest. We have work to do tomorrow.”

“Yes, Uncle,” Fili says, and gives Thorin a proper bow. Nori follows in suit, just to be sure. 

They’re silent until Thorin and Bilbo have disappeared around the corner, and then Fili is sagging against the wall, sweat on his upper lip. His shoulders lose their tension, and he suddenly looks exhausted. Nori feels an overwhelming urge to tuck him into bed, to pull the covers up to his chin and brush his hair back, treat him like how Dori used to treat him when he was a small dwarfling. 

“Are you all right?” He asks quietly, a hand trailing up Fili’s forearm to rest on his shoulder, his thumb pressing into the muscle gently. “Can I do anything?”

“Take me to bed,” Fili says, and his voice catches. He pushes away from the wall and slides their fingers together, pulling Nori towards the room they’ve claimed as their own. “Take me to bed, and help me forget everything for at least an hour.”

“With pleasure,” Nori promises, and it’s as honest as a thief can be.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're picking up steam and coming towards the end! I have a week off work, and I plan to write the final five chapters. After four years, it's hard to believe that I'll finally be writing the ending that I've always envisioned for this story. Thank you to everyone who has stayed with me, hang on - we're getting there!

At first, Fili thinks that he’s spent too much time in the wretched treasure hall, combing through it all for the Arkenstone. Then he worries that perhaps the gold sickness has stretched beyond Thorin, and has ensnared the little good sense that Fili has left. These thoughts run through his mind rapid-quick as he stares beyond the wall where a massive, golden army of… coins seem to gather. It’s only once he narrows his eyes that he realizes it’s not coins, but helmets from an army. 

Now that he’s properly looking, he can see Thranduil in the distance, and it must be his army that he’s brought against the Lonely Mountain. Combined with the survivors of Laketown, and Fili knows that the dwarves of Erebor are in a very poor position, indeed. Cursing, he abandons his watch to go find Thorin, and relays the information to him. Thorin immediately narrows his eyes and draws himself up taller. With a loud, booming voice, he commands the Company to meet in the armoury, and once they do so, he demands that they prepare for battle. 

Prepare for a battle that a company of fourteen against hundreds have no chance of winning. 

Overwhelmed by not only the amount of armoury to choose from, but by the knowledge of their impending doom, Fili stays close to his brother and to his One. While he’s sorry that Kili and Dwalin have to avoid each other, Thorin has yet to realize the identity of Fili’s One, and therefore has never grumbled about the time Fili spends in Nori’s presence. Kili’s scowling down at the floor as Dwalin works over him, which normally never fails to amuse Fili. However, today he finds it hard to muster a smile.

“It’s madness,” Dwalin grumbles as he fits a chest plate on Kili, slipping a finger between the armour and his clothes to ensure that it’s not too loose. “He’s absolutely mad, and we’re all going to pay for it.”

Fili, who thinks they’ve already been paying for it for a while, remains silent while Kili merely nods his head. Fili focuses on his own chest plate, tightening it firmly as he tries not to eavesdrop on the pair of them, but he can’t help it when they’re in such close quarters. 

“I hate this armour,” Kili mutters, rolling his shoulders. “It’s a hard adjustment. This whole time I’ve only fought with the clothes on my back, and I felt light and comfortable. Now I feel weighted and sluggish, too slow to duck from a fatal blow.”

“Don’t speak like that, my beloved,” Dwalin says softly, brushing his fingers down the curve of Kili’s jaw, and Fili looks away from the intimate gesture. 

Thorin is busy dressing Bilbo in mithril, which is the only reason why Dwalin and Kili have been able to spare a moment together, and Fili would not intrude on it if he can help it. Kili has listened to Fili’s order, and has not gone anywhere in the mountain without his brother, Nori, or Dwalin by his side. However, since the latter stokes the simmering rage in Thorin’s chest, Fili has done his best to stay with Kili at all times. Any time Thorin has seen them even near Dwalin, his mouth twists in a nasty expression, and Fili is quick to spirit his brother away. 

He knows that Kili doesn’t see much of Dwalin except for a night when they escape to their chambers. He knows his brother misses his One, but the wrath of Thorin currently isn’t worth it, not until Fili is sure that Thorin wouldn’t do something as rash as executing Dwalin. It also means that Fili doesn’t get the spend the same amount of time with Nori that he’s used to, and he misses his thief more than he’s willing to admit. 

“I should go before he finishes with the halfing,” Dwalin says. 

“Sod it,” Kili snaps, and his voice is less than a whisper. Fili immediately whips his head to Thorin, but his uncle is still occupied with Bilbo. “We’re going to be entering battle soon, a battle of fourteen against an army. We can’t win, Dwalin, and there are worse things than Thorin’s temper… such as dying without you.”

“You’re not going to die,” Dwalin says firmly, and Fili wishes he could borrow some of his confidence. Beside him, he feels Nori brush against him for support. 

“Thorin…” it’s Gloin calling them from the top of the staircase, his heavy features drawn into a worried frown. “It’s Bard and the Elven King… they’re riding to the gates.”

“Come, we will meet them,” Thorin says, finally stepping away from Bilbo. His gaze sweeps over the Company, and his mouth twists as it settles on Dwalin and Kili. Dwalin wisely takes a step away, and busies himself with his weaponry. 

“To the gates,” Fili calls firmly, trying to distract Thorin from Kili and Dwalin. It works, Thorin’s gaze swinging to him, and he gives Fili a rare, proud smile. It makes Fili’s chest ache, because it feels hollow and empty. Thorin’s praise is worthless right now, while he’s lost to the sickness. 

They all fall in line behind Thorin as they traipse up to the gates. The ash that still clings to the earth surrounding the mountain is kicked up as Bard’s horse and Thranduil’s beast ride closer. Fili’s got a bad feeling in his gut, and he quickly looks around the Company to calculate where all his loved ones are. 

He nudges Kili to Thorin’s left, and although his brother frowns, he readily goes. Thorin glances at Kili, surprise written on his face, before it disappears and his usual stern look appears. He nods his head to Kili, and then turns his attention to Fili, as Fili steps to his right. It’s only appropriate that the sons of Durin are united against the Men and Elves, even if they’re divided amongst themselves. 

Fili stares down at the mass of souls in front of them, and spots Gandalf. It makes his heart ache that even the wizard is against them, that even the wizard knows they have trodden down a path of madness. An arrow goes flying out, skidding across the dirt in front of Thranduil and his beast, who steps back skittishly. Fili whips around to admonish his brother, but it’s then that he sees Thorin holding the bow, and his heart sinks even more. 

“I will put the next one between your eyes,” Thorin sneers, calling out. The dwarves around them raise a cheer, but Fili keeps his lips clamped firmly shut. He will not speak against his kinsmen, but he cannot support this madness. 

This is not how it was supposed to be. 

The entire elf army retaliates by raising their bows in return, and Fili hits the ground before he can stop himself. He’s relieved to see he’s at least in good company, as everyone else except Thorin had the good sense to duck. Of course, everyone _but_ Thorin is still holding on to their good senses. He accepts the hand up that Nori offers him, and glares at him. 

“Not a word,” he mutters, ignoring the smirk that tugs on Nori’s lips. 

He wants to kiss it away, kiss them away until they are worlds’ away from Erebor, and nothing can ever harm them. 

“I wasn’t going to,” Nori replies with a cheeky grin. 

“Silence,” Thorin barks, snapping his fingers and pointing to the left of Kili. Nori throws Fili one last look before he hurries to where Thorin has instructed him to stand. 

“Oh Thorin,” Thranduil calls up, his tone as smug as ever. “We’ve come to tell you that payment of your debt has been offered… and accepted.”

Fili starts against the stone wall, glancing uneasily around at the Company. Who would have paid Thranduil their debt, when Thorin had made it so clear that they were to give them nothing? His gaze goes next to his uncle, who is staring down, his features stormy. 

“What payment?” Thorin bellows. “I gave you nothing. You have _nothing_!”

Bard and Thranduil exchange a look, and the uneasy feeling grows in Fili’s chest. They are fighting against something they have no chance over, and Fili fears that whatever ground they currently hold, they’re about to lose it. Bard reaches into the inner pocket of his fur jacket, and pulls out a stone so bright that Fili immediately squints his eyes. 

Even from this distance, it’s easy to see that Bard is holding the cursed Arkenstone, and the Company bursts into murmured whispers. 

“They have the Arkenstone,” Kili breathes, and Fili is relieved to hear his brother confirm it. He doesn’t want to go down the same path Thorin’s chosen, and see something that isn’t there. Thorin’s staring in shock, but now Kili has rallied. He plants his palms against the edge of the balcony and leans over, shouting, “Thieves! How came you by this heirloom of _our_ home? That stone belongs to the King, to the King Under the Mountain, which is Thorin!”

“And the King may have it, with our good will!” Bard replies, and he tucks the stone back away. “But first he must honor his word.”

“They are taking us for fools,” Thorin finally says, and his voice is too calm. It sends shivers down Fili’s spine, and he takes a step back, nearly backing up into Dwalin, who has turned as white as a ghost spirit. “It is a ruse, my lad, a filthy lie,” Thorin continues, placing his hand against Kili’s shoulder, and he squeezes it gently. “But I appreciate your concern for your King.”

“Always,” Kili murmurs, and Fili resists the urge to pull his brother away from the two-faced snake. 

“The Arkenstone is in this mountain!” Thorin turns his attention back to the Man and Elf, and his voice drips with derision. “It is a trick, and a poor one indeed!”

“It… it’s no trick,” comes a small voice from Fili’s side, and he turns to see Bilbo stepping forward, the mithril armor still gleaming under his collar. “I gave it to them.”

The entire Company goes silent, and Thorin turns so slowly towards Bilbo, his face completely blank. “You?”

Bilbo nods, and his face crumples briefly before he steadies himself. “I took it as my fourteenth share. You promised me that I could have anything I desired in this mountain, and so I took the Arkenstone.”

“You would steal from me?” There’s definite hurt in Thorin’s voice, and Fili steps closer. Despite his madness, it shows that Thorin truly does love Bilbo, and this can be salvaged yet. 

“Steal from you?” Bilbo’s mouth drops open, and he shakes his head emphatically. “No, no, absolutely not, Thorin! I may be a burglar to you lot, but I’d like to think that I’m an honest one. I’m willing to let it stand against my claim, my love.”

“Against your claim?” Thorin repeats, but the storm clouds are beginning to converge on his face once more. “ _Your claim_? You have _no_ claim over _me_ , you miserable rat!” He throws his bow down, where it clatters against the stone, and takes a step closer to Bilbo. 

“I was going to give it to you!” Bilbo argues, his face growing paler. Fili glances at Balin, and then back at the hobbit. He doesn’t know how to fix this, how to make this better. Thorin’s angry, perhaps angrier than he’s ever been before, which is saying quite a lot, considering everything that has transpired. “Many times I wanted to, but…” Bilbo breaks off, his breathing jagged and rough. 

“But what, _thief_?” Thorin says scornfully, and his eyes land on Nori briefly before returning to Bilbo. “Here I thought I knew the thief amongst us, and yet it would seem there is more than just the one.”

“You are changed, Thorin Oakenshield!” Bilbo snaps, and there’s a steel in his voice that Fili has never heard before. “The Dwarf that I met in Bag End would never have gone back on his word!” Bilbo moves to rest his hand against Kili’s shoulder, which draws Thorin’s gaze like a moth to the flickering flames. “The Dwarf I fell in love with would have never doubted the loyalty of his own kin!”

“Do not speak to me of loyalty with your hand on the arm of a _bastard_ ,” Thorin spits out, and then wheels around to face the rest of the Company, who are all now staring at him in pure shock. Fili wishes he was surprised to hear Thorin speak so cruelly of Kili, and yet, nothing will surprise him anymore when it comes to Thorin. 

Or so he should think. 

“Throw him from the rampart!” Thorin bellows, and Fili stares at him. He had assumed Thorin’s anger, and he had assumed that Thorin would cast Bilbo out, but to throw the halfing to his _death_? “Did you not hear me? I said throw him! As my heir, you will obey me!”

He grabs Fili by the sleeve of his jacket and yanks him towards Bilbo, whose mouth has dropped open in a wordless cry. Fili may not necessarily approve of Thorin’s relationship with the hobbit, and he believes that he’s been placed too high where he doesn’t belong, but he will not aid Thorin in this. There was a time when Thorin loved Bilbo, would have moved the heavens and earth for him, and Fili will not stand by in his sickness and allow harm come to the hobbit that has proven himself ore and ore to the Company. 

“Absolutely not,” he shouts furiously, wrenching himself away from Thorin’s grasp and he moves to stand beside his brother, clenching his hand tightly. “We will not aid you in your sickness any longer! If you wish to spill the blood of your beloved, then you will have to do it yourself! None of this Company shall shame themselves so.”

“So that’s how it is, then,” Thorin says, his eyes cutting to where Fili holds Kili’s hand. “You would choose the life of a halfling, and the life of a bastard, over your homeland.”

“Again and again,” Fili says, jutting his chin out. 

“Fine, I will do it myself then,” Thorin mutters, and he reaches past Fili, laying his hands roughly on Bilbo. “I will do it myself, for I will not be deceived as such ever again!” He lifts Bilbo up so his bare feet scrape against the stone floor, and shakes him angrily. “Curse you!”

“No!” Fili shouts, lunging forward, and he’s relieved to see that he’s not alone, that the rest of the Company is surging forward. 

Dwalin grabs Thorin, and wrenches him away, shoving him against the wall. His hands go to the axe that is strapped on his back, and Thorin hesitates as he realizes that he is standing alone on a wall with no allies. Fili smooths Bilbo’s shirt down, and brushes his hair back from his teary eyes. 

“There, there,” he murmurs, wishing that he had been born with a nurturing spirit. “You’re all right. We won’t let him hurt you, Bilbo.”

“Betrayed once more by my own kin,” Thorin says, spitting to the floor. “What a disappointment you have turned out to be. What a disappointment this entire Company has turned out to be, but especially you, my _sister-sons_ ,” his mouth twists on the word, making it ugly and deformed, “and you, halfling. Cursed be the wizard that forced you on this dreaded Company.”

“If you don’t like my burglar, then please, don’t damage him. Return him to me,” Gandalf calls from where he has strode forward. “You’re not making a very splendid figure as King Under the Mountain, are you, Thorin… son of Thrain?”

Thorin blanches, and slowly steps back, his hands up. “Never again will I have dealings with wizards,” he mutters, and Fili rolls his eyes. If it hadn’t been for Gandalf, they would have died back in the hands of the trolls long ago. “Nor shall I ever deal with Shire rats again!” Thorin shouts as Bilbo throws a rope over the edge of the stone wall and scampers down, tears streaming down his face. 

Fili uses the opportunity of Thorin continuing to argue with Gandalf to duck around him and hurry to Nori’s side. They’re going to go to war, he can feel it in his bones, and he doesn’t believe that they will be given a moment to rest. Their time in Erebor is finished, and Fili is almost tempted to grab his beloved, scale down the wall, and leave now. 

“We can’t,” Nori says before Fili even opens his mouth. “I won’t leave Dori and Ori to Thorin’s madness, and I know you will not leave Kili either.”

“No, I would not,” Fili agrees, his mouth twisting in displeasure. “I hate this, though.”

“Aye, I hate this, but I love you,” Nori says solemnly, leaning his forehead against Fili’s. “I love you, so.”

With a heavy heart, Fili turns back around to watch the chaos unfolding below them. He leans against the stone wall, and then jumps back as a large black raven suddenly lands beside him. The bird squawks, tilting its head as it stares at Thorin with beady eyes. A brief smile ripples over Thorin’s features, and then the raven is taking off into the air, and there’s a thudding from over a crest of a hill. 

“It’s Dain!” Kili shouts with a roar, leaning over the balcony and waving his arms. “It’s Uncle Dain, the army from the Iron Hills have arrived!”

“As I knew they would,” Thorin says, his mouth twisted into a half-smirk. 

“Surely there is no need for war,” Balin says tightly, stepping forward into Thorin’s gaze. “There is no need to needlessly spill the blood of your kin, Thorin. Tell Dain to stand down.”

“Absolutely not,” Thorin says, waving his hand to dismiss Balin altogether. “We will let Dain show the Elves and the Men alike the price of trifling with dwarves.”

“If we could just – ”

Thorin cuts Balin off with a sharp wave of his hand. “I’ve heard enough,” he says as the sound of steel clashing together meets their ears. His mouth tightens into a flat line as the screaming starts and commands, “Stand down. We will not leave this mountain.”

“Stand down?” Fili starts. “Why would you dress us in armour, and then deny us the opportunity to defend the homeland we have won back? We can not sit back and let the Iron Hill dwarves battle without us, that isn’t right. We should be down there.”

“Dain can handle it.”

“I’m going down,” Fili says, starting towards the rope that Bilbo had left behind. He’s still the heir to Erebor, and he cannot be a coward. He refuses to sit back and watch his own kin be slaughtered, not while there is still breath left in his breast. 

“Fili,” Thorin says, and there’s something so off to his tone that Fili immediately turns to see him. He stills, for Thorin is standing beside Kili, one hand clamped firmly on his shoulder, and the coldest expression upon his face. “For the life of your brother, you will stand down. Do you understand me?”

“Yes,” Fili says numbly, dropping the rope of his hands. Kili looks absolutely terrified, and Dwalin looks like he’s moments away from slaying Thorin on the spot. To avoid bloodshed between his actual kin, he’ll have to sacrifice the Iron Hill dwarves. “I’ll stand down.”

“We all will,” Thorin says, and he shoves Kili towards the stairs. “Come, we will begin our search for the Arkenstone anew again. They are trying to trick us, and we will not be taken for fools. Find the King’s jewel!”

He releases Kili with a shove, and then strides forward, disappearing deep into the King’s Great Hall. Kili sags, and Fili surges forward to catch him, wrapping him into a tight hug.   
“I won’t let him hurt you,” he promises, and Dwalin is suddenly there, wrapping his arms around the pair of them. 

“Come, we need to move deeper into the mountain and away from his watchful eye,” Dwalin says. “I will take him now, Fili.”

It rankles him to know that Dwalin has superseded the position of priority. All of their lives, Kili had depended on Fili to protect him, but now he relies on Dwalin. It’s the way it should be, and Fili would not stand between them, but in this moment where he’s actually afraid of Thorin, he wishes he could still be the one to keep his brother safe. 

However, now is not the time for childish games, so he merely nods his head and steps back. “Be sure that you stay with him.”

“I’m not a dwarfling,” Kili grumbles, but he grabs Dwalin by the hand, and drags him out of sight. 

Fili watches them go, the stone still tight in his chest. He has a feeling of unease that he just can’t shake. He stiffens as he feels a hand on his hip, and then relaxes into the embrace that Nori so freely offers him. He leans against him, soaking up the strength that he gives, and turns his head so he can press his lips against Nori’s. 

“Come away with me,” he murmurs against his mouth. 

“In time,” Nori promises, his hands on Fili’s hips tightening. “It won’t be long now, my love.”

“Come,” Fili says, deciding that they’re going to be more productive than search for a stone that doesn’t exist. He grabs Nori by the hand, and pulls him towards the bedroom they’ve claimed. “Come with me.”

“I would follow you anywhere,” Nori says, his eyes bright with desire, and they break into a run – away from the politics of war, from the madness of a king, and towards the haven they’ve created for themselves.

***

The door has hardly slammed shut behind them before Fili is against him, his fingers tugging on the fine armor that Nori has loaded himself up with. He’s never had a chance to wear such fine iron and steel before, and perhaps he took it a bit too far, as now Fili can hardly even get him undressed.

“Curse it, Nori!” Fili shouts, wrenching one of his vambraces free, and he tosses it over his shoulder. 

“I couldn’t help it,” Nori admits, and he catches his reflection in the tall mirror that sits by the bed. He can’t help but preen at his reflection, and ignores the snort from Fili. “I look like a proper dwarf now, almost like I could be Consort.”

Fili stills beside him, and then his thumb brushes over the law mark on Nori’s newly revealed wrist. “Almost, my love,” he says, his tone gentle. 

Shame colours Nori’s face, and he wishes not for the first time that he could go back and rewrite the past. He should have chosen differently, even if he had felt like he had no other choice back then. He should have figured out a life that wouldn’t have damned him from Bonding with his One. He had been selfish, or perhaps just desperate, and now he’s currently paying the price for it. 

“Peace,” Fili says, and he’s beginning to work Nori free of more armor. “We have a future together that is greater than Erebor.”

“Do you truly believe so?” Nori pauses, pulling away so he can look at Fili. He has accepted him at his word for so long, but perhaps he shouldn’t have. He shouldn’t be so quick to let Fili destroy his future. “I’m not going anywhere, Fili. Whether you are King or not, I will stay by your side. If it means living in the shadows, then I will gladly do so.”

“I would never ask that of you,” Fili says, glaring at him. “Don’t ever presume that I would.”

“I know, but I am offering it all the same,” Nori says, even though the thought makes his skin crawl. He could learn to be a dirty secret, if it meant Fili was happy. “You could take a Queen, and I would not stand in your way. I understand your duty, and I would support you through it all.”

Hurt twists Fili’s features into something ugly, and he pulls away from Nori altogether. “You are saying that you would be fine if I wed another, if I slept with another, if I loved another?”

“ _No_ ,” Nori says harshly, taking a step forward. “I am saying that you need not sacrifice Erebor in order to keep me. I would choose a thousand unhappy endings for myself if it meant joy for you, Fili. I would die inside every single day, but I would stay by your side and let you have it all.”

“I don’t want it all,” Fili says, and his face has settled into something that almost looks bemused. “My beloved, I just want you.”

Relief pours over Nori like a cooling rain, and he lunges forward so he can kiss the promise straight from Fili’s lips. Their hands work in unison as they pull the armour and clothes from each other, and they finally fall down onto the furs of Fili’s bed completely naked. 

Nori spreads his legs, allowing Fili to settle in between them. Nori can hardly remember a time where Fili wasn’t moving between his legs. He tips his head back, groaning as Fili works a second finger in. Perhaps the middle of a battle is the wrong time to have sex, but the bloodlust pumps through their veins, and it heightens the pleasure. 

“I would give up a thousand mountains to be with you,” Fili says, grabbing the tin of salve and recoating his fingers, gently working them back inside of Nori’s body. His fingertips must be made of pure lightening, Nori distantly thinks, for it feels like pure energy is crackling inside of him, lighting him up and turning him inside out. 

They fall together with ease after that, and it feels like a bit like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr @ viiiuniverse


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